Hardwired For Love

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ray sat in front of his computer. His right leg bounced up and down, betraying his nervousness. He took a deep breath and typed in the words: Male escort services for men. He pressed search and was immediately rewarded with a list of links such as Rent Men, Gay Rent Boys, Hot Sexy Men for Hire, Gay Erotic Massage.

His first reaction was one of distaste. The links all seemed so crass. But as he stared down the list his response moderated. After all, what had he expected?

Taking another steadying breath, he returned his gaze to the top of the list and opened the first site. As he was about to find out, most of the sites were blatantly offering prostitution. On others the solicitations were thinly veiling this under the guise of massage.

Yes, he was looking for a way to investigate his s****l attraction to men without strings attached. That would involve paying for anonymous s*x with a stranger. Technically that was prostitution. However, he felt the need to somehow be more subtle about it.

He continued to scroll down until he found something that he felt reflected just what he was hoping to find. It read: Looking for a quiet evening with a friend? Dinner? A movie? Maybe more? Let Antonio’s fill the lonely space in your life. Our escorts are discrete. They respect your need for privacy and to protect your reputation. They will adapt to your needs and give you the time and attention you desire.

This is it, Ray thought. s*x isn’t the immediate goal. Implied, yes, but not as priority #1. This I can handle. And I’m not paying a prostitute, I’m hiring an escort.

He knew this was a rationalization on his part, meant to ease his guilt. However, if he were to proceed with this venture, that was the way he needed it to be.

However, a half-hour later, Ray was still pacing the floor, trying to get up the fortitude to make up his mind. Finally, he decided it was now or never. He squared his shoulders and sat down at his computer. The application for escort services from Antonio’s was still on the screen. He’d attempted to fill it out several times but had always gotten cold feet. Just as he seriously started to fill out the form his telephone rang.

The caller ID came up. It was his daughter, Adrienne.

Crap, Ray thought. He took a deep breath, poked the flash button, and, in a tone of forced casualness, said, “Hi, honey.”

“Hi, Daddy. Whatcha doing?”

The question caught him off guard. It was as if he’d been caught watching porn and m**********g. She couldn’t possibly know that he was trying to hire a gay escort, of course, but he felt as if she did.

He stammered, “Oh…uh…nothing much. Just watching a little TV.” He walked over and sat down on the sofa, picked up the remote, and switched on the television.

“I hope you’re not just sitting around doing that every night.”

“No,” Ray replied rather defensively.

“Well, what have you been doing then?” Adrienne persisted.

“Uh…let’s see. The Petersens asked me out to dinner. We ate at the Sweet Onion Bistro. And Mark and Mary Hurley had me over last weekend. We cooked out and played cards.” He omitted the fact that in both instances there just happened to be a single female friend in attendance as well.

“That’s nice but, I’m worried about you. I think it’s time you got out and met some new friends. The Petersens and the Hurleys are friends you and Mom had together. You need to get some friends of your own, expand your circle, have some new experiences.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Ray admitted, although just what kind of new friends and experiences he wasn’t about to share with his daughter.

“Good! You’ll have to tell me all about it.”

Yeah, right, Ray thought as he considered the as yet uncompleted escort request form. He redirected the conversation, and they went on to talk about how Adrienne was doing in school.

When they finally hung up, Ray sat on the couch for a long time. He got up and went to the computer, logged off the Internet, and shut the computer down. Even though he’d been interrupted merely in the process of contacting the escort site, his conversation with his daughter had shaken him. What if Adrienne—or anyone for that matter, friends, family, work—discovered what he was up to? He had too much to lose. He decided to forget this whole stupid idea. He didn’t need to explore his s****l needs that badly. He’d lived this much of his life as a straight man; he could live out the rest of it that way as well. The alternative was too big a risk.