Hardwired For Love

Chapter 1 Gladys stood on her front porch, demurely smiling up at Ray. “I really enjoyed myself tonight. I hope you did,” she murmured. Ray did his best to return the smile without offering her encouragement, yet avoiding being rude. The fact was, it had been another of those awkward evenings. “Um…maybe we can see each other again sometime?” she asked in a timid voice. Not wanting to commit to anything, Ray swallowed and nodded his head slightly, Why did he have to go through this—again? “Well, I guess I’ll say good night, then,” Gladys said in a tone that clearly indicated she was hoping that good night would come much later in the evening or maybe not until morning. “Yes, well, good night,” Ray said clumsily. Gladys raised her head and closed her eyes. Clearly she expected at least a good night kiss. Ray awkwardly bent down, gave her a peck on the cheek, turned quickly, and made his way briskly down the walkway to his car. He glanced at the porch as he backed out of the drive just in time to see Gladys’ front door close. He drove a half block, pulled over, and parked. He laid his head on the steering wheel and took a deep breath. Why do they feel they have to do this? he thought. Why do they think it’s up to them to find me a…a…mate! He sighed again. Raymond Cunningham had been widowed for almost two years. His wife, Penny, had passed away after a long struggle with breast cancer. The good folk of his church had waited what he was sure they felt was an appropriate length of time before deciding it was their personal responsibility to find Ray a suitable partner. Thus began the series of invitations to dinner and other social events which just happened to include one of the hosts’ single female friends. Ray wasn’t exactly chopped liver when it came to good looks. He was charmingly handsome. His salt and pepper hair and short beard accentuated the fact all the more. In addition, he had always taken good care of his body, working out and jogging regularly. If he did say so himself, he was more than acceptable for a man in his early fifties. No, Ray Cunningham was perfectly capable of attracting almost any woman he might want on his own. But Ray was not ready. Besides that, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. For a long time Ray had struggled with his attraction to men. It had started his sophomore year in college. He and his roommate had gotten more than a little buzzed on beer and pot. They decided it might be interesting to find out just what gay guys saw in s*x with other men. They spent the evening experimenting with blowjobs and ass banging. That seemed enough to satisfy Ray’s roommate’s curiosity. But for Ray it had opened a whole new perspective on his sexuality. He’d never questioned his orientation before. He’d been quite sexually active in high school, dating and having s*x with his girlfriends on a regular basis. But after that night in his dorm room he couldn’t deny his enjoyment of s*x had now expanded to s*x with men. The experiment was never repeated with his roommate or anyone else. However, his masturbatory practices often were now stimulated by viewing gay porn on his laptop. The thought that he might be gay had frightened him. It hadn’t fit into his long range plans. He’d always pictured himself marrying, getting a job, and raising a family. How could he fulfill that dream as a gay man? And what would his family think? While Ray was not especially religious, his family certainly was. They never had expressed any negative opinions regarding gays. However, they did have a firm Bible oriented faith. Ray didn’t want to take any chances on being rejected by his parents or siblings. No, Ray decided. Being gay just didn’t cut it. He had always enjoyed s*x with his girlfriends, so he had no doubt that when the right woman came he would have no trouble putting these feelings aside and living a perfectly normal life. That woman did come into his life in the person of Penny Carpenter. They met through mutual friends at church shortly after Ray had graduated from college. Penny was a pretty, vivacious, young woman and it didn’t take her long to capture Ray’s heart. Once Penny came into his life, Ray’s feelings of attraction to men seemed to dull. However, shortly after her death, Ray realized they hadn’t gone away, but were merely being held in check by his love for Penny and their idyllic relationship. They’d been happily married for over twenty-five years, had a daughter who was now in college, and Ray worked for Penny’s father in his family-owned business. Ray couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone the way he had loved Penny. Even the thought of casual s*x with another woman was not appealing. However, these feelings didn’t seem to extend to s*x with men. This both confused and concerned him. However, he was a young enough man that his s****l needs soon outweighed any reluctance on his part, and he decided to explore his long dormant same-s*x attraction. That decided, now came the question of just how to go about it. The thought of picking up someone at a gay bar or meeting someone on a website for casual s*x seemed unappealing. He didn’t want to get to know his would-be partner, form a friendship, and he certainly didn’t want to get emotionally attached. He didn’t intend to have a romantic involvement with another man. He just wanted to have s*x. He just hadn’t the faintest notion of how this was accomplished in the gay world. How did a guy find someone with whom to get your rocks off without some degree of personal interaction? Then, too, there was the fact that he still worked for Penny’s father’s business: a conservative Christian publishing company at which Ray was editor-in-chief and destined to become its CEO when Penny’s father retired. His foray into man to man s*x, if it ever happened, would have to be done very discretely, and in such a way that it was understood it was just for s*x, no strings attached, with no chance of emotional involvement, not even friendship, and as anonymously as possible. But where could Ray find such an arrangement?