The Stripper's Firsts

Loss

Hestia sighed as she gets inside her personal dressing room. She just finished performing. Today was Saturday and even if she doesn’t want to admit it, she did try to find Avery in the crowd but always end with the same result. Avery is not there and probably will never come back. That ‘Let’s meet again next time’ is only bullshit that Avery created without any intention to fulfill and Hestia is stupid to believe that that next time will ever come.

“Can I guess who's the reason for your sigh just now?”

Hestia looked back at the person who just speaks and saw Karla sitting in the chair in front of her mirror. Karla is now in casual clothes and only has light makeup on her face.

Hestia ignored her best friend, locked the door, and reached out for her plain shirt and jeans.

“No special service for tonight?”

Hestia didn’t bother to make her friend turned her back on her, what’s the harm? A bunch of people has already seen her body so why would she even hide her body from her own best friend? Seeing each other naked is pretty normal for them now.

"No. I'm not in the mood for it."

"Is it because of her?"

Hestia stopped for a moment but soon continue changing clothes, realizing that there’s no reason for her to stop.

"No, I'm just not in the mood."

"And that's because of her?"

Hestia gets her hair out of her shirt that covered her long hair on her back and placed most strands at the front, behind her ears. Hestia looked back at her best friend, she's done changing and now in clean and decent clothes.

"No Karla. I’m just really not in a great mood."

“If you say so.”

Karla said, shrugging her shoulders.

Hestia just ignores her and proceeds with shoving her things in her bag.

“Then how about we went out for a drink? I think it’s been a year since we had fun.”

Karla expected already that her friend will reject the invitation since Hestia is really not a fan of having fun but Hestia unexpectedly agreed.

“Okay but it must be your treat since you’re the one who made plans.”

Karla hissed after hearing her friend’s statement. She wants to argue since compared to her, Hestia is making a real good amount but she also knows that if she insisted on Hestia to pay, Hestia will back out and just go home.

Karla, with a sulking face, walked out of the club with Hestia and went to an open bar just 10 minutes of walking away from the club where they are working.

When they arrived there, the band was already playing a song.

Karla ordered a few bottles of beers that weren’t strong enough to take them down and 2 plates of Nachos and one plate of fries. When their order arrived, Hestia didn’t waste any more time and get one bottle of beer, chugging down the 1/3 of its contents.

“Oh want to get wasted?”

Karla mockingly asked while munching down Nachos.

Hestia looked back at her, raising one of her perfectly sculpted brows.

“As if this will be enough to get me wasted. I doubt if this is even enough to make me tipsy. I felt like I’m only chugging down a fruity juice.”

Hestia said, staring at the beer then put it down to get some Nachos.

“For someone who’s not fond of any alcoholic drinks, you have a great tolerance over them.”

Hestia just shrugged her shoulders and looked around the place. This is not their first time on the place but they are not also regulars. They rarely went there because they don’t have that much time and Hestia is not the one who will be willing to spend money on things that aren’t necessary. And Karla can’t always treat her because she also has a family to take care of.

The place was well lit. People are minding their own businesses, chatting with friends or colleagues, or just listening to the band.

The band which consisted of 4 individuals is playing a familiar song to Hestia, it was Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. Despite her girly appearance, she’s in love to rock band songs, for her their songs hold too many feelings, real feelings. Their songs understand her feelings the most. Their songs expressed words that she can’t utter. 

Hestia bit her lower lip unconsciously as she heard the chorus part of the song.

I don't mean to be a bother

But have you seen this girl?

She's been running through my dreams

And it's driving me crazy, it seems

She can’t relate to the whole song but the chorus really hit her hard.

Hestia gritted her teeth, doesn’t want Karla to notice that Avery is still affecting her in some ways.

“So, how about we talk about her? Are-”

“Don’t even bother.”

Hestia interrupted and glared at her friend.

“So you’re still in love with her.”

Karla said amusingly and grabbed one bottle of beer.

“I told you, I don’t want to talk about her and no I’m not in love with her. Never did.”

“I don’t understand why you can’t just admit you’re obviously in love with her.”

Hestia rolled her eyes in irritation and emptied the bottle, want to slam it down on the table but she doesn’t want to pay for casualties if ever she managed to break it.

“I’m not. How can I fell in love with her if I barely know her? I’m not someone like a teenager that will be dumb to fall on those circumstances.”

“Then why are you still waiting for her?”

“I’m not. When did-”

“Admitting won’t hurt you, you know?”

Karla interrupted and stared directly at Hestia’s eyes.

Hestia didn’t say any more words and just looked down at the new bottle of beer that she’s holding.

“I saw how much you looked forward to every Saturday. I saw how your eyes scanned the whole room, trying to find her. And I also see, how disappointed, exhausted, and hurt are you every time Saturday night will end without you finding her.”

Hestia didn't speak for a moment and just stare at the bottle in her hand.

“Do I look stupid? Believing her words and waiting for her?”

“Yes.”

Karla answered, not even hesitating to tell the truth or thinking if her words will hurt her friend.

“Do I look stupid? For loving someone I barely know?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

Hestia just chuckled at Karla’s answer, grateful that her best friend is telling her the truth because that’s what she really needs now. But that chuckle sounds bitter and sharp that can possibly hurt human ears.

"I-I never plan to fall in love with her. Heck, I don't even know how did I ever fell in love with her. You know me, I’m not interested in those kinds of stuff. And yet- it just- everything happened.. so fast. One day, when I woke up I can no longer get her out of my mind. "

Hestia made a staring contest with the tip of the bottle. Thinking of something, nothing, and everything.

Karla didn't say any more words and just emptied her first bottle for tonight just like Hestia earlier and just let Hestia go on. But Hestia is someone who's not fond of any dramatic things so she just shook her head, refusing to say any more words, and just emptied her second bottle then shoved some Nachos and fries on her mouth. 

The next day, Sunday night, Hestia doesn't have any work on the club neither in the convenience store. Hestia is just reading some random book that she bought a few days ago. After reading the very last word, Hestia closed the book and sighed in contentment. Her butt hurts from sitting for hours and just reading a book. Hestia looked back at her mother and found the older woman so engrossed in whatever drama playing on the television that tears are even threatening to fall in her eyes.

"Seriously Ma?"

Hestia asked with one of her brows raised, can’t understand why someone can be that affected in a drama.

Her mother didn’t even bother to look at her daughter because she knows that her daughter will just bash her and the drama she’s watching, her daughter is a basher of almost everything. 

Hestia sighed and stood up from her seat to approach her mother. 

“Come on Mama. It’s already past 8:30, you should rest now.”

“Don’t be such a party pooper, Hestia. It’s still too early and I’ve been waiting for this scene for Uvo (the guy in the drama) to go back to Via’s arms (the girl in the story). They finally met again after 3 years!”

Hestia flinched at what she just heard. Of all the scenes that can possibly happen to the drama, it was the scene that she can relate at some part. 

Hestia looked back at the TV and there she saw how happy the two are after seeing each other again after 3 years. The protagonists shared a tight hug and cried in each other arms. Then after that, the two get out of the hug, stared at each other in the eyes, and soon make their lips met.”

Hestia averted her eyes and release a low groan which still reached her mother’s ears.

Sally looked back at her daughter and saw the annoyed face of her daughter. Hestia doesn’t need to say something for her mother to understand the reason behind that annoyed expression. Sally was aware that the reason is the girl that her daughter met three years ago which she’s been waiting for 3 years already.

Hestia is maybe annoyed at the drama because she and the girl in the drama had a similar situation, but the difference is the guy went back for the girl, while Avery is still nowhere to be found.

“I feel so tired. Turn off the TV now Hestia.”

The voice of her mother slightly startled Hestia then gladly granted her mother’s request. Hestia kissed the top of her mother’s head and tucked her mother on the comforter. Hestia was about to go back to the sofa to just play on her phone since she had run out of books, but Sally stopped her from doing it by tugging at the hem of her shirt.

“Sleep next to me, Hestia.”

Hestia removed her mother’s hand on the hem of her shirt and slightly squeeze it.

“Mama your bed is too small for the both of us.”

Sally didn’t say any more words and just look pleadingly at her daughter. Sally succeeds as Hestia sighed and positioned herself next to her mother, snuggling closer to her mother.

Sally caressed Hestia’s hair while humming a song. Hestia missed this feeling, the feeling of being this close to her mother and hearing her hum again while caressing her hair. There's nothing, no one that can make her this comfortable in just lying down. 

“Sweetie, no matter what, always find a reason to live.”

“Mama.”

Hestia cut her out, she knows that her mother will start those speeches again which she hates the most to hear especially because it was coming from the most important person in her life. 

Sally just elicited soft giggles and continued caressing her daughter’s hair while humming a song again. Feeling her mother kissed the top of her head, Hestia fell asleep with a satisfied smile on her lips and so her mother.

Hestia was the first to wake up, it’s only 5:30 in the morning but because she fell asleep early last night she can no longer fall asleep. Despite wanting to snuggle more on her mother, Hestia decided to get up already, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. Seeing her mother still asleep, Hestia decided to go out and eat breakfast in a coffee house nearby. It’s already near 7:30 when she came back to the hospital but her mother is still sleeping in the bed. She needs to go home soon to get some clothes but she can’t leave her mother without informing her so she decided to wake up the older woman. 

Hestia sat at the edge, calling her mom but the older woman still has her eyes shut. Hestia slightly tapped her mother’s arm, but still no use. No batting eyes or even a slight movement coming from her mother. 

Hestia doesn’t know why but she has this heavy feeling inside her heart. She felt a lump in her throat that she can’t gulp down.

Hestia, with her slightly shaking hands, reached out for her mother’s cheeks and felt the skin that was once so warm but it is now cold like it was put in a freezer. Hestia felt tears streaming down her face due to a conclusion that she doesn't want to cross her mind but still do. Hestia get her hands on her mother’s shoulders and shook her mother’s body violently while calling her mother and tears streaming down her eyes fast, desperate to get her mother to wake up but still no use. 

Hestia suddenly remembers to call nurses and doctors, she got out of the room in haste and brought nurses and a doctor. They check her mother’s body, pulse, and eyes while Hestia is just standing at the foot of the bed whispering her prayers to God. Her whole body is shaking in fear and tears just keep streaming down her face like there’s no way they will be exhausted. After minutes, the doctor walked towards Hestia with that expression that Hestia will never forget, especially the words he said.

“I’m really sorry Ms. Reece but your mother has been dead hours ago and we can no longer do something to save her. We’re very sorry for your loss.”

And just like that, Hestia lost her reason to live.