Starting Over

Chapter 19

Chapter 19Janet and Nate arrived at the Ahwahnee Lodge five days ago for her photo shoot. The cabin they'd rented was neat and clean. Draperies, towels and quilts of Aztec design scattered themselves on rustic wood furniture reminiscent of the pioneering days. All of this was part of the charm of the legendary national treasure.

But getting her son to join her had been a herculean task. Okay, she'd played the guilt card on him. So be it! She was scared for him. Especially after she'd dropped by his apartment and found him sitting on the roof parapet three stories up.

Apparently getting him a job at Andy's store hasn't helped.

She tied her hair into a ponytail as she heard the shower turn off in the bathroom. The door opened and he hobbled out bare to his waist, his dog tags hanging around his neck. He dug a T-shirt out of the dresser drawer and pulling it over his head, stepped to the window and parted the curtains. A warm buttery light of the porch lantern trickled into the room.

“Looks like we got some more white stuff out there.”

“Yes, a couple inches,” she said, eyeing the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was 4:03 AM. “Should make for some nice shots today. You hungry?”

He shrugged. “I could eat.”

His faraway look wasn't lost on her nor was his tossing and turning during the night. She refrained from asking him if he was okay. He would only nod anyway. How was she going to reach him if he wouldn't talk? It was like he'd locked himself away and hid the key. She threw a couple of lenses along with the filters into her daypack and zipped the camera case back up. Planting a kiss on his cheek, she got up. “We'll grab a to-go breakfast taco on the way to Glacier Point. Okay, hurry up dressing. I don't want to lose the morning light.”

The snow danced in the chill drafts strafing Glacier Point. Janet parked and she and Nate got out under an oatmeal sky. They pulled the sable collars of their parkas snug around their necks and stood behind a broad stone rampart wall looking north toward Half Dome. On the other side was a thirty-two hundred foot drop to an undulating evergreen forest. Currently, it was swathed with a thin, white, lacey veil. Nestled within it stood the Ahwahnee Lodge. She leaned over the broad stone terrace wall and looked down. From where she stood, the great American lodge was no larger than a postage stamp.

To her right, Half Dome's massive upthrust of granite loomed over the valley floor like a God. She inhaled the resinous scent of the towering evergreen spires around her and brought her camera up to her critical eye. Although these were cliché touristy shots, she couldn't help herself. The view of Half Dome was so damned pretty. She aimed her camera lens west, framed a shot of North Dome and snapped a few more. Maybe she'd get something decent to add to her great room walls at home. Next she turned the camera southward for a shot of El-Capitan.

Her heart came to an abrupt halt.

Frozen, she stood terrified as Nate sat on the rampart wall kicking his braced leg back and forth against the sheer granite face on the other side. He turned and looked at her, holding her in a suffocating gaze. For a moment, the world stopped revolving. Finally, he smiled, turned and gazed across the chasm. “Hell of a view, isn't it?”

She swallowed the breath she'd been holding and struggled to master herself. “Yes, it is,” she said as her heart pounded. “And would you do your mother a small favor?”

“What's that?”

“Could you please come down from there,” she said as calmly as she could. “You're scaring me.”

He turned back to her. When she saw his naked pain bleeding out from his beautiful brown eyes, she knew what he was thinking. Oh, my God…No Nate, don't…don't do it…please!

He studied her, penetrating her with a haunting look of a beaten child. She'd seen that look before: saw it in the mirror when she was thirteen after her uncle had raped her. There was no pain worse than the one that cut at your very soul, leaving it to bleed out into the dark abyss of a hopeless future. She stared back at him, holding him there by sheer will until at last, he swung his legs around and hopped down to the terrace floor.

From the time they left Yosemite until their final approach at Salem's Airport, Nate said little if anything. What bothered Janet most though were his actions at Glacier Point. They terrified her. Obviously she needed to talk to someone about them. But who? If Nate found out, he'd shut her down. She gazed out the window at the approaching runway, and thought of what to do.

The plane landed and they picked up their baggage. After throwing it in the back of the car, they drove to his apartment in silence. She dropped him off and headed for home. First thing she did when she arrived was go to her room. There she stripped out of her clothes and put on a soft pair of pajamas.

She wanted to lie down and take a nap, but she knew Megan would never stand for it. How much should she tell her? She didn't know. Maybe she should talk to Andy. Since that night at Sal's, they'd been swapping emails about Nate…and to be truthful, sharing things about each other's lives. Maybe that was a bad idea, but she couldn't help it. Andy was so easy to talk to.

As she padded into the Great Room, the memory of Glacier Point replayed itself in her mind's eye. It had been trapped in her head: a horrifying vision of Nate sitting on the rampart wall, his feet dangling 3,200 feet above the valley floor. His wretched gaze looking back was burnished into memory. She knew deep down, had she not been there, he would've slipped away. The unthinkable was devouring her from the inside out. Somehow, she had to reconnect with him.

She sighed and went to the kitchen and found Megan talking on the phone.

“Yeah, she's home,” Megan said, looking out the patio door. “Haven't had the chance to talk with her yet…I hope so, too. She's really worried about Nate, and so am I…Yeah, I hear ya. I don't know if she'd be interested. I could ask.”

“Ask me what,” Janet said.

Megan turned around and slid the phone away from her ear. “Oh, I didn't hear you. Jean and Bob invited us over for dinner tomorrow night. You interested?”

A dinner party was the last thing Janet was interested in. She shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

“Great,” Megan said. “Yeah Jean, we're in. What time?” She paused. “Six?” She eyed Janet with a look of, 'Is that all right?' When Janet nodded, she confirmed and hung up. “So, how'd it go?”

Janet knew she was asking about Nate. “It went well. I think Mick'll love the shots.”

Megan put her hands on her hips. “I meant with Nate. Did he open up to you?”

Janet went over and pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge. “No, and I really don't want to talk about it. I'm exhausted.”

Janet pulled into Bob and Jean's driveway and parked next to their white Escalade. Ben's olive green Jeep was in the turnaround. As she got out of her car, the front door of the large contemporary home opened and a Great Dane came loping up to her. Janet patted the massive dog that was busy sniffing her pant leg.

“Brandy! Behave yourself,” Jean said, wrapping a thick cardigan sweater around herself as she walked up to Janet.

“It's all right, Jean.” Janet reached back into her car and brought out a magnum of Merlot. She handed it to Jean. “Something to get the party started.”

Jean held it up. “Anam Cara Vineyards, Bob's favorite. He'll like this.” She nodded toward the front door. “Let's get inside.”

Janet shut her car door and followed Jean and Brandy along the snow dusted walkway. When they went inside, Jean took her jacket and closed the door, shutting out the cold. “Something smells good,” Janet said as Jean led her through the airy lobby. They walked down the hall lined with photos of family and friends. When they came around the corner, Bob looked up from setting dishes out on a long granite topped island.

“Janet!”

“Hey Bob,” Janet said, falling into a warm enveloping embrace. She pulled back and looked at the rugged, muscular man. He was in his trademark dark green khaki shirt and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He was Tom Selleck and Russell Crowe rolled into one.

Tending a broad stainless steel stove was Ben. Athletically lean with sandy brown hair and green eyes, he projected a Johnny Depp appearance. A black apron covered a white button down shirt. Megan was setting out crackers and cheese on a plate.

Jean held up the magnum of wine. “Look what Janet brought.”

Bob's eyes lit. “I think I love you, Janet!” He took the bottle, reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. Holding it up to the ceiling pendant light, he perused the label. He turned to Ben. “My favorite. Wait until you have a taste of this nectar. You'll never think of Merlot the same.” He grabbed a corkscrew from the kitchen drawer.

Jean slid over to the liquor cabinet by the sliding patio doors and brought out four wine glasses as Bob popped the cork off the bottle. “So, tell us how your shoot went. Inquiring minds want to know.”

Janet fixed a gaze on Megan, letting her know the topic of Nate was off limits. Shrugging, she said, “It went all right.”

“It must have been beautiful up there,” Bob said, pouring the wine. “I've seen pics of the valley in winter. They always blow me away.” He turned to Jean. “We really need to get there next year and do some hiking. Maybe you guys could join us. It'd be a blast.”

“I'll stick with hiking the malls,” Megan said.

“So what are we having for dinner, exactly?” Janet said.

“Skillet spaghetti with a twist,” Ben said. “Jean, hand me the oregano would ya?” He stirred a handful of pasta into the basin of boiling water and another dose of olive oil went into a large searing pan.

But Janet barely heard the answer because of what she suddenly noticed glinting back at her on Megan's hand. She stared at the bright silver ring on a finger where none had been for quite some time. “Megan?”

“Yeah.”

“What's that on your finger?”

Megan flashed a coy smile and bit her lip. “An engagement ring.”

Janet got up and went to her. “Oh my God! How wonderful for you. Have you set a date yet?”

“Not yet,” Megan said. “Probably next fall. We don't want to steal the kid's thunder.”

Ben said, “So, Janet… I hear you have a new man in your life.”

Janet coughed. Megan, you are so dead! “Don't know where you're getting your news from Ben, but I'd check your source.” She stared back at Megan who was averting her gaze to the ceiling.

“Uh oh, I stepped in doo-doo, didn't I?” Ben said.

“It's all right,” Janet said. “Someone just got a little too enthusiastic about a dinner out.”

“Getting home past midnight is more than just dinner out,” Megan said, giving Jean an insider look. She tossed an evil grin at Janet. “He took her to Sal's. On a Friday night, no less.”

“Will you stop?!” Janet cried.

“What's his name? Jean said.

Megan grinned. “Andy McNamara.”

Janet sighed. “Okay, okay. I had dinner with him, that's all.”

“He volunteers down at the VA,” Megan put in, “works with the physical therapist helping Nate.”

“I heard he saved a man's life a little while ago,” Ben said. “Apparently, he's getting a Good Samaritan Award from the mayor.”

“The guy deserves it, too. He's been through a lot,” Bob put in.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he was involved in an accident in Lincoln City a while back,” Bob added. He earned a frown from his wife. “Something about a child dying. Very tragic. Apparently he was at the wheel when it happened.”

Janet widened her eyes.

“I think we should change the subject,” Jean said. “It's really not our business to talk about stuff we know nothing about.”

Agreed, Janet mused. Oh my God, Andy, I'm so sorry.