Starting Over

Chapter 18

Chapter 18Andy stepped up to the doorway of his office and looked in on Nate. The kid had holed himself up behind the computer for the last three hours. Hadn't said a word to anyone. Crossing his arms, he watched Nate's fingers fly over the keyboard. As he did so, he thought of Janet. In his mind's eye, he saw her looking up at him as they danced the other night. He could almost feel the warmth of her body against him and the softness of her delicate hand on his shoulder. She had unwittingly hooked him and there was nothing he could do about it. He hadn't thought of anything else but her for the last two days. At length, he went over and viewed Nate's progress on the home page of his web site. A picture of the storefront with the name McNAMARA'S was pasted across the top in big block letters.

He walked in and leaned over Nate's shoulder for a closer look. “Look's great. Can you liven up the text a bit on the name?”

Nate sipped his coffee. “It's a rough draft right now, but yeah, sure.” He switched to another screen and scrolled down. “You know, your system's ready to get waxed here, right? You should raise a firewall before you get a case of the crabs.”

Andy sat beside him. “That bad, huh?”

Nate tilted his head and raised a brow. “Wide open.”

Wonderful, one more thing for Panda to nail me on. His sister's unhappy face flashed before him. He sighed. “Okay, do it. You need my card again?”

“Nah, that's all right. I have all I need to clean you out,” Nate said with a knowing glint in his eye.

Andy laughed. “I'm sure you do. Just remember, I know where you live.” He paused. Felt his stomach rumble. Looked at his watch. “Say, it's getting around lunch. You hungry? I can throw something together or I could order out.”

Nate shrugged. “Whatever.” He closed out of the 'preference window' and hopped on the web. Pages flashed across the screen. Andy got up and started for the door. Nate called after him. “Pizza wouldn't be bad.”

“Pepperoni?”

“That works,” Nate said, looking up over the computer screen. “Extra cheese, thin crust, if you don't mind.”

Andy smiled. Of course you do…“And to drink?”

“I suppose a beer would be out of the question.”

Right, how'd I know that was coming next? “Yes, it would. We have soda, juice, ice tea or water.”

Nate ducked back behind the screen. “Root beer works.”

Andy turned and joined Amanda and Jonah. They were working the café counter. Presently, Jonah was waiting on a young woman and her small boy. Amanda was tending the cash register. Tyler was bussing tables. Jonah set a mug of hot chocolate in front of the boy and winked companionably. The dark haired, freckle-faced child ogled the steaming mug. Glanced up with a shy smile.

“Looks yummy, doesn't it?” Amanda said to the boy as she handed the woman her change. The boy pressed his lips together. Dimples punctuated his round, cherubic face. Amanda laughed. “You want whipped cream on that?”

When he nodded, Amanda added a dollop of frothy, white topping on top. A smidgeon of chocolate sprinkles was added for good measure.

“Say, thank you, Mathew,” the woman said as she grabbed a napkin from the dispenser. She picked their mugs up and stood back to watch her son.

Mathew's gaze on Amanda darted back to Jonah. At last, he said, “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” Amanda replied.

Andy watched mother and child find a seat in the café then turned to Amanda who was wiping the counter down. She threw the rag in the service sink below the counter and slipped past him without a passing glance.

She removed the filter basket from the coffee machine. “So, how's he working out?”

“Great,” Andy said, trying to gauge his sister's mood. She hadn't said but a dozen words to him since he summarily dismissed her yesterday. Maybe he deserved the silence, but still. 'Having it out' about Tyler in front of Nate yesterday wasn't appropriate. She needed to get over it. He cleared his throat. “Say, I'm gonna order a pie. Pepperoni with extra cheese. You want in?”

She dumped the coffee grounds in the trash and set a new filter in the machine. Refilling the water reservoir, she flipped the switch and started the coffee maker to brewing. “No, thanks.” Her tone was flat and abrupt.

Okay. But it wasn't okay. She might be his sister and his accountant, but it was his store and he didn't like the feeling of walking on eggshells. He called over to Jonah, who was busy restocking a napkin holder. “Hey, what about you. You interested?”

Jonah looked up. “Yeah…sure, why not?”

Andy dragged his cell phone out, dialed 'Pizza-Man' and ordered. Ending the call, he slid over next to Jonah and dropped his voice. “She say anything to you?”

“About what?”

“About me.”

Jonah snapped the napkin holder shut. “Nope. What'd you say to her, anyway?”

Andy glanced over at his sister. She was loading mugs in the dishwasher. “Nothing.”

“Must'a been something. She's pretty pissed,” Jonah said, keeping his voice low. He shot Andy a lop-sided grin. Clicked his tongue and slapped him on the arm. “Gonna empty trash now. Give a shout out when chow arrives.”

Andy watched Jonah walk away then turned to see Amanda cleaning up. He nibbled his lip. The pizza won't be here for another twenty minutes. We're alone, well sort of, there's a few customers milling around. He eyed Tyler, who was straightening chairs. Can I iron this out before lunch arrives? It's worth a shot. “Hey Ty, take care of things up here for a minute.” He turned to Amanda. “Got a minute?”

She stopped what she was doing and crossed her arms. “Yeah, sure.”

He led her to a secluded corner and looked into her expectant blue eyes. “I'm sorry I cut you off yesterday. I just didn't want to hash things out in front of Nate.”

“You don't get it, Bruddy!” She bowed her head then looked up. “That's not it. I keep telling you we have to be careful with money, but you don't listen.”

“You said we have a grant, so what's the problem?”

She waved her hands in front of her. “I don't know how much or when.” She grabbed his wrist and eyed him sternly. “I'm doing everything I can to keep us from sinking and you're hiring people, left and right, behind my back. You can't keep doing that!”

“Yeah, but–”

“But, nothing! You need to stop this or you won't be in business long. As it is, we're in for a hell of a ride for the rest of this year.”

“You mean, the trial?”

“I didn't say that. But yes, it might come into play. Look, I'm sure it'll turn out all right. You didn't do anything wrong. But as far as the store's concerned, you've got to start acting like a businessman or you're going to end up broke. You've poured your life savings into this store. Don't lose it on foolish whims.”

Her words slammed into him. It was more than just acting like a businessman though. He suddenly realized he'd gone soft over the last couple of years and lost control, floundering in the 'should haves' and 'could haves' of his past. Where had his confidence and determination gone? Maybe the accident had something to do with it or maybe it was losing Brenda or maybe it was both. He didn't know, but his sense of direction, his self-assuredness had abandoned him. He had to get it back, had to start fighting again, man up and take control of his life if he was ever going to be happy because that was the bottom line.

“You're right, Panda,” he said at last. “I've been wallowing in self-pity, minding everyone else's business but my own.”

“You've been through a lot. You're still going through some tough stuff. But you're not alone…Don't give me that disparaging look. McNamaras stick together!” She paused. “Look, I'm not saying you have to be cruel and uncaring, but you have to look after this store. That means making hard decisions. Think of it this way: Jonah, Tyler and now Nate, they're your troops. If you're going to take care of them, you need to take care of this store, otherwise you'll lose it and they'll be out on the streets. I know you don't want that. I don't want that.

“Tell you the truth; despite my reluctance in throwing in with you on this little adventure, I like working here now. And it wouldn't hurt to pull a small paycheck now and then.” There was a hint of a smile on her face. She reached out. Took his hand. “Things are going to work out. The trial will be what it will be and we'll go from there. The good Lord looks out for people who do good things. Remember that. We're McNamaras, Bruddy, and we love fiercely. We just have to balance our feelings with reality sometimes.”

Andy nodded. “McNamaras to the end!”

“Exactly!”

After the pizza arrived, Andy dug out plates and silverware and threw slices of pizza on the plates. Licking a bead of sauce off his thumb, he poured himself a glass of soda as Amanda shut the storage room door. She trudged over to him and opened the cabinet carrying an armful of paper cups and plastic ware. He glanced over at Tyler, who was parking the media cart in front of the book stack and tapped Amanda on the shoulder. “You sure you don't want a slice? There's plenty here.”

She looked up. “Well, maybe just one.”

“That's my Panda.” He scooped up a plate and handed it to her. “You want a soda?” To Tyler, he said, “What about you?”

The kid nodded.

Amanda stood and snatched a knife and fork from the counter. “Yeah, a diet cola would be nice.” She leaned in close to him. “So, umm…you never said how your dinner with Nate's mother went.”

The comment caught him off guard. He waited while Tyler grabbed his plate. When the kid took it to a table, he said, “It went good. She's great company.”

“So, where'd you go?”

“This place called Sal's Bistro.” Andy popped the lid off his soda. He took a swig and cranked his head toward the back of the store. “Hey, Nate, Jonah…chow's here!”

“Sal's?” Amanda c****d a brow. “You really went all out.”

“Actually, she picked,” he said as Jonah and Nate shuffled up to the counter. He motioned to the plates with the slices piled on them. “Hurry up and get it while it's still hot.”

Jonah grabbed a plate. “We're getting low on toilet paper. Better order some.”

“Ouch,” Nate said sliding another piece of pizza on his plate. He grabbed a soda and said to Andy, “When we're done here, come on back and I'll show you what I've done.”

“You want to take a peek?” Andy said to Amanda as Tyler came shuffling back.

“Maybe later,” she said. “I have to drop by home and switch cars with Tom. He's taking it into the shop for its 30,000 mile checkup,” A customer came to the cash register counter with a couple of books. She set her plate down and went to take care of him.

After she left, the guys fell into an easy conversation about the upcoming NCAA basketball tournament. “UCLA looks like a tough out this year,” Tyler said.

“Yeah, but look out for Butler,” Jonah said.

Andy wasn't much of a basketball fan, but he enjoyed listening to the lively back and forth between Nate, Tyler and Jonah. Finally, he said, “Okay guys, back to work.”

Nate grabbed another slice and took it into Andy's office. Andy followed and pulled a chair up next to him at the desk. Nate opened McNamara's web page. “I've changed the title text and added several links to your new social media accounts.”

“New accounts?”

“Yeah, like Goodreads and MySpace,” Nate said. “Right now, you have zero presence out there. Can't sell stuff if no one knows you're there.”

“So…these are free accounts,” Andy said hesitantly. In his mind's eye, he saw lightning bolts racing at him from Amanda's skull.

Nate nodded as he flipped through the website pages, showing Andy options he could add to enhance a shoppers experience. When he was done, he sat back, looked away and was quiet. At last, he said, “You ever do something you weren't proud of?”

Andy nodded, took a sip of soda. “A time or two. Why?”

“Just wondered.” Nate bit into his slice of pizza, chewed and studied Andy intently. Finally, he said, “My mom and I got into it before Christmas and I…well, I said some things; things I knew would hurt her.”

“Okay,” Andy said. He crossed his legs and waited to see if Nate would say more.

Nate took another bite of pizza and darted his glance around the room. “It was about my Dad. He had this fear of ending up in a home. Something about grandma being in one, I guess. Anyway, near the end, he got dementia and it got too hard for mom to handle, so she ended up putting him in one. I knew it killed her to do it. She tried real hard to take care of him for as long as she could.”

“I'm sure she did.”

“Anyway, my step brother, Trevor, he found this box of letters and stuff my Dad buried in their back yard. They were written before I was born. I wanted to look through 'em, you know, see what my dad wrote. But she wouldn't let me. Said it was private! Anyway, I got pissed. I said she didn't care about anyone but herself.”

Andy crossed his arms. “Which is untrue.”

“Yeah, but I still don't see why I can't see 'em. I mean he's my father.”

“I'm sure she has her reasons, Nate.”

“Maybe.” Nate knotted his brow, picked a piece of pepperoni off his pizza and popped it in his mouth. “Doesn't matter, it's her call. She's gonna do what she's gonna do, and I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do.”

“And that is?” Andy said, wondering what Nate meant.

Nate blinked, obviously not expecting the question. Andy saw him scrambling for a passing answer that would hide the truth buried behind the brooding expression. “I was just saying, was all.” He paused. Took another bite of pizza.

“So, you're still mad at her?”

Nate narrowed his gaze. “Some, yeah.” The flash of irritation in his eyes melted into a shrug. “She gave me this book. It's a family tree thing with pictures and letters and stuff she'd been working on, like forever. Hard to stay pissed at that.”

“Yeah, mothers are like that…doing the unexpected,” Andy said, looking off. He thought of his foster mother, Mrs. Adams. She'd always been kind to him. But there had never been the love he craved. She reserved that for her children. Growing up in the Adams' household meant receding into the background when the family opened birthday or Christmas presents. Although there were gifts for Amanda and him, it was the smile on his foster mother's face as she watched her boys rip through the wrapping paper that he wanted. How he yearned for just half of that smile to be shined upon him.

At least that's what he thought until five years ago before she passed on. He gazed off into the memory of her giving him a box of photos. They were of him and his sister along with cards he'd hand made for her. She'd kept everything he ever gave her, even dried leaves and dandelions preserved in wax paper.

The phone rang outside the office, stirring him from his musing. He collected his thoughts and remembered Nate's last words. “So, did you apologize?”

“Not yet. It's not like I don't want to,” Nate said. “But she's always in my face begging me to talk to her about what's wrong. I don't want to talk about it. It's all over and done. There's nothing to say. But she just can't stop. Maybe you could talk to her. You know, clue her in about the situation.”

Andy eyed him. That Janet had begged him to talk to Nate, only to have Nate turn the tables was almost laughable. He suppressed a smile. “I can try. But you need to give her a break. She's worried.”

“I know, but she doesn't need to be. I'll be fine if people leave me alone.”

“People?”

“Yeah, the AEA is hounding the s**t out of me.”

“Ah, the Army Engineers Association. I've heard about them. Bugging you about your medal?”

“They're calling every day. I guess I have to go in for some kind of interview or something.”

“They're just dotting their 'I's and crossing their 'T's,” Andy said. He sat back in his chair and drank in Nate's plaintive expression. Finally, he said, “As far as your mom's concerned, don't ever wish for her to leave you alone. There will come a time when she'll be gone and you'll be wanting to talk to her.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Nate paused. “I take it your mother's gone?”

“Yeah.”

Nate polished off the last of his pizza. “What was she like?”

Andy looked off, wondering if he should go there. Then again, maybe the kid needed to hear it and get some perspective. “I never knew her. She died when I was a baby.”