The Girl

Chapter 4: Jason Burrow - Are you happy, Claire?

We were sitting on the field bench, Rae, and me. The weather couldn’t be so perfect today; it’s not too cold for September’s fall, whereas the wind blew effortlessly. I could smell her perfume scent every time the wind passed by me, it’s a sweet fruity fragrance - quite a mouth-watering.

The school had ended hours ago. Reinn joined the drama club and was rehearsing a play in the auditorium as we speak now. Rae decided to wait for her and I – of my own accord - accompanied her, another hour with her wouldn’t hurt, it just an excuse I seek.

It had been a daily routine for me to pick her up in the morning and spent most of my time with her at school. I could do this forever - as forever such a strong word to use - but I knew that I could.

I played the curl of her hair with my finger - she looked at me and smiled. She’d been reading that book for an hour since we sat here, I liked watching her that way. If you could see her facial expressions, it’s like you’re reading the book yourself. She’d smile on the funny part, her gaze turned warm on the heart touching part, or her forehead would wrinkle on the intense thrilling part. 

Her side face also looked so perfect, her cheeks were rosy pink due to the cool wind and her lower lip was plump, so inviting. I haven’t found something that I didn’t like about her, physically nor personality-wise. She’s just perfect, didn’t I say that before and yet it’s the truth although it’s surreal.

“Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh!” I heard Alex yelling. I looked everywhere – despite all the effort I still couldn’t see him. I noticed that Rae’s eyes fixed in one direction, to the bench three rows from where we’re sitting.

“What is he doing?” I asked.

“He’s trying to reach for that bottle.” she pointed to a bottle that stood on the bench. “He’s been doing that for hours.”

I’m still not used to how ghosts behave, even though I have one that followed me everywhere. I knew from the movie that they could walk through walls, but the rest are still mysteries.

“Any luck Alex?” I yelled.

“No…” he replied, his voice sounded from my side. I guessed he’d given up. “I just don’t get it? Ghosts can touch things, just like in the movie we watched last night Jazz.”

So I wasn’t alone last night, he watched the movie with me – I thought.

“I know some ghosts who can touch or move things, but I know that not all ghosts can,” Rae said.

“How can they do that?” Alex asked.

“I don’t know,” she said, thinking. “I guess it’s all about focusing your energy.”

“I’m focused but still couldn’t do that.” Here came the whining. Alex was one hell of a whiner.

“Then I don’t know Alex,” she said, irritated. “Maybe I’m still left behind in the ghost research thing,” she sneered.

“Don’t hurt yourself Alex - you might end up dying…” I stopped talking, realizing that it’s a wrong metaphorical statement. I heard Rae laughing at my words, couldn’t help myself but laugh along with her.

“Very funny Jazz…very, very funny,” Alex said, sarcastically. “Maybe you’ve forgotten but I'm already dead.”

Rae washed the tears from her eyes, she laughed so hard it made her cry.  “Have you remembered anything? How can we start investigating if we don’t know where to start?” Rae asked Alex.

“I’ve been roaming around the town, thinking and searching for a place or someone that may intrigue my memory,” Alex said.

“Did you find it?” I asked.

“I have no memory at all. All I can remember was my name Alex, and now…I didn’t even sure that’s even my real name.”

I might not know what he looked like but I could sense the loneliness from his tone.

When everything from this world perishes, the memories you have are the only things you have to keep you going ahead. It’s the only thing that keeps you knowing yourself. You held it tight so you wouldn’t lose yourself. That’s my take about memories and how you live your life.

“We’ll help you find out who you are Alex,” I said. I might not understand how he felt but hearing his words it sounded like that it’d be agonizing to almost completely forget who you were, not knowing that there might be someone out there missing you and thinking of you.

“I don’t know if we could make it, it’s just…I feel…” It's hard for Alex to continue his sentence.

“It’s not an empty wish until you give it up,” I said to Alex. I didn’t know what made me wise today, but I genuinely didn’t want him to give up. Ever.

“We’ll figure it out Alex,” Rae said, gazing at the outstretched blue sky. “The world isn’t that big, we’ll find one clue and with that one clue we’ll find the rest,” she glanced at an empty space beside me – she glanced at Alex. “You’re not just a ghost for us, you’re our friend and friends help each other.”

It felt like she had spoken out what I felt, undressing my feelings with her thoughts. I fell even more for her, I let myself to fall and I didn’t regret it.

“Spoken like a true footballer,” I teased her.

“I learn from the best,” she winked at me.

She suddenly looked very thoughtful, staring down on the floor. “I think it’s time for us to ask my Mom,” she said.

“Is it okay for her to know?” Alex asked.

“For all the people in the world, she’ll be the one who understands this problem more than us,” she said, smiling. “She’s the older and much more experienced Sameera I know.”

“Thank you, guys. I truly am grateful to have you guys as my friends.”

“Let me call her to make a brief explanation,” she pulled her mobile phone and started dialing. I listened to her conversation with her mom.

“She’s a rare kind of a girl, Jazz,” Alex whispered to me as if he didn’t want Rae to hear that.

“I know,” I looked at her. I do know that of course, for me she’s precious, a person that I’ll give all my heart to and I already gave that.

“You have to tell her how you feel.”

My heart sunk. “What if she didn’t feel the way I do? What if…”

“Enough with your ‘what ifs’,” Alex said strongly, cutting my unfinished sentences. “What if will always be there…what if she likes somebody else, what if her Mom doesn’t like you. There’s so many ‘what ifs’ it’ll never end.”

He was right – I thought.

“You see, kid! If I’m still alive – since I don’t know when I died – I’ll be much older than you, and let me give you words of wisdom: You’ll never know until you confide.”

Rae was running towards me, looking happy. “My Mom said that we could talk to her about it tomorrow, she’ll come home late today, but tomorrow she’ll stay home all day.”

I bet that Alex was smiling again, at least that could consider this as a spark of hope for him.

We went to the parking lot - Reinn had been waiting for us there. We told her about tomorrow’s plan, of us, meeting their Mom, she agreed but a little disturbed on how to cancel her date with Oliver tomorrow after school – her relationship was getting steady, I see, contrary to mine.

I gave some thought to Alex’s words. How can I expect things between me and Rae to be more than what we have now if I keep it unknown from her?

I laughed at myself. Me, the playmaker, the next football captain – unofficially. The straight A’s student. A boy that has a bright future – Mr. Dottier firmly said to me, and yet here I am, a coward when facing a girl matters. Especially, when it involves a girl that I really fall in to. A girl likes Rae.

                                                                                          ******

“Are we still going to meet your Mom?” I asked her again, the next day. She’s waiting for me in front of my locker.

“Yep, after school,” she said, she was looking gorgeous like always. “Today is her day off, it's not like she’s working anyway.”

“Hi Rae,” Jean made a stop. Since that day at the diner, she’d been friendly with Rae. I saw them sometimes chatting in class or the hallway in between the class.

Despite that I’m happy to see her making friends; I was a little bit jealous. I wanted her for myself. I’m such a greedy man when it involves Rae.

“Are you going to the cafeteria?” Jean asked. I nodded.

“Let’s go together,” she took Rae’s hand. Again, jealousy was striking me from inside. Not as much as I wanted to, but I never do that. As natural as Jean did now - holding her white slim hand.

“Jazz!” Oli’s voice echoed through the hallway.

I looked up to him.

“The coach wanted to say something to us, come on!”

I looked at her, and she said, “Go! I’ll wait for you at our table.”

Our table - ah, how sweet that sounded in my ear. We have our own table. Just me and Rae. And Alex. And not to mention that we shared it with my other teammates.

I turned back and joined Oliver to see our coach.

It’s just a routine briefing before this Friday’s night game. A reminder of our strategies, defending, and scoring points for our team. 

The brief went short, we all headed to the cafeteria to have our delayed lunch when I heard Alex talking to me. 

“Something happened in the cafeteria…Claire was…” Alex urgently said.

Before he finished his sentences, I was already running, leaving my teammate behind. Then I saw it.

Claire was spilling the tomato soup all over Rae and Jean was shoving her away from her, yelling to Claire.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Jean yelled at Claire.

Even how small, petite, and pretty she was. Claire was such a mean girl. This reminded me again why we broke up.

“You didn’t foresee that one coming witch?” She mockingly said, laughing at Rae, who stood there, looking so shocked.

“This wasn’t funny Claire! You’re way out of the line now!” Jean echoed.

“Being friends with the witch I see,” Claire said to Jean. “I guess she had put her spell on you too.”

Jean almost jumped and pulled off Claire’s hair if Rae didn’t stop her. Claire jumped back, surprised to see Jean’s reaction.

My teammate was already standing behind me.

“You’re so off our group, Jean.”

“I don’t care! You’re not a good friend anyway.”

Claire was furious; I could see that in her face. “You’re so off the team!”

“Says who?!” Jean was looking furiously at Claire.

“Says me!” Claire stepped forward.

“You’re not the captain but I am,” Jean’s voice tone was showing her superiority. Steady yet assured. “You can’t take me off the team, and go to all of you!” she was pointing to the rest of her cheerleading squad.

“Don’t waste your breath on her,” Rae said. “She’s not even worth a breath.”

My feisty girl – I thought. She’s such a sassy girl.

Claire raised her hand, ready to slap Rae on the face.

I instinctively moved my body between them. On-time. Claire slapped me instead of Rae.

The cafeteria suddenly grew quiet. People stopped eating and chatting, they were looking at me - waiting for my reaction.

“Are you happy, Claire?” I calmly said and gave her a cold stare. 

She gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

Before she said anything, I turned around to see Rae. “Are you all right?” I asked her.

“I’m okay but you…” She touched my cheek. My cheek was fine now when she touched me like that.

“She’s not okay,” Jean said, pulling her hand off me. “I have a clean outfit in my locker, let’s go change that.”

“I’m okay you guys,” Rae said, smiling, ensuring me and Jean.

“You’re standing like you’ve bled out, come one! Let’s go change.”

“Rae!” Reinn called her sister, combing her way forward to us. Her eyes were widened when she saw Rae’s clothes covered in red sticky liquids.

“Come on help her change,” Jean pulled Rae away.

To my surprise, Reinn turned back to see Claire and pointed her middle finger up in the air. I pulled my head back and laughed. She’s as feisty as her sister.

“Did she just?” Oli was mimicking Reinn's finger to me, looking as shocked as I was to see what his girlfriend just did.

We’ve sat at our new table for lunch – me and my teammate. They were still talking about what happened earlier, wondering what had triggered Claire to do something nasty like that.

In my experience, all things could trigger that behavior from her. She’s mean from the start. It made me wonder why I even dated her in the first place. I guessed it’s hormone things, not feelings.

“That’s Jean,” Cody waived at her. Oh yeah, news flash, Cody is Jean’s boyfriend, going one year now. “And that…” he fell silent, his jaw dropped, and looked so awed. Not just him but my entire teammates did, including Oli.

“She’s…” Alex said, and added, “Undescribable…” That’s not even a word. The correct word was indescribable.

I turned around to see what’s going on. What made my full-of-hormones mates speechless? Then I saw her. An angel fell from the sky.

She was indescribable. Even with all her boast that she’s not pretty, she’s just ordinary, she’s just this invisible girl back in middle school, and in her sophomore year, she never realized how beautiful she was. How charming her stubborn eyes could be when they were looking at me, or how beautiful her face when she’s concentrating on the subject, even though it’s boring. I could go on forever to describe everything about her that I like because I like everything about her. Yet, there she was. Looking gorgeous not just to me, but to everyone to see.

She changed her black shirt to an off-shoulder soft pink shirt - showing her white slim shoulders – and her long dark blue skirt to a frilled – quite short - blue denim skirt. No wonder they’re speechless. Me too.

As she passed the cafeteria, all the boys were staring at her like a hungry lion crouching over its prey. I guessed the competition is on now, neck to neck to win her attention.

I bet all of them will offer to pick her up in the morning now or to be her lab partner or…My paranoia was attacking my head, filling my brain with lots and lots of unsettling images.

“She’s hot…” Tony said, accidentally.

I gave him a sharp look. He stared down at his tray, knowing that he’s saying the wrong comment.

We’re still staring at her, as she’s approaching. She stood there looking angelic, gazing at us – full of hormones boys.

“I told you I look stupid in this outfit,” she desperately almost screamed to Jean and Reinn, who’s shaking their head, convincing her that she’s not.

“You’re not…Cody please say that to her.” Jean just realized the expression her boyfriend had. “Cody shut your jaw!”

“I’m sorry baby,” Cody said and gave her his apologetic eyes. “You look great, Rae,” his eyes fell on me. “Not that I’m commenting on your lady, Jazz.”

“I’m nobody’s lady,” she said. Her cute little full lips curled.

Yes, you are! you’re my lady, and damned anyone in this place who thinks otherwise – I shouted it in my thought.

I scooted away, making a place for her to sit – next to me. She sat down, still with those cute curled lips.

“Say something! She’s upset…” Alex said to me.

“You look wonderful,” I was going to say, ‘you look hot,’ but I realized that a girl didn’t like that, so I changed the hot word to wonderful.

“I do?” she looked at me with those beautiful green eyes of hers – it works! I held myself not to jump and kiss her lips and managed to say, “Yes you are.”

“I told her that she was gorgeous, but she never believed me,” Reinn said from Oli’s side. “She has great legs and she’s tall, what’s not gorgeous about that?”

My gaze accidentally fell on her – like Reinn said – great legs. The other boys too. This was getting on my nerves. I took off my jacket and handed it over to her.

“Why?” she was puzzled.

“They are looking at you,” I looked around and found my statement was true. All boys have their eyes on her now. Locked like a rifle to a target.

“What? You’re jealous?” She tried to tease me.

“Yes,” I said, firmly. I’m not going to lie now. I looked deep into her green big eyes, hoping that she understands that I’m not joking this time. 

She’s a bit surprised to hear me say that. She placed it on her lap and said, “Happy?”

“No,” I answered. “The competition is on now.”

“There’s no competition and never will be,” she said, looking at me shyly and throwing her eyes off me, blushing away.

I wondered what it meant. Was it a signal that she feels the same as I am?

I don’t know, but I would like to find it out.