One Shot Stories

My Greatest What If

He was my best friend and my first love. We've known each other since preschool. We were so close that no one could ever separate us—no one, not even our parents.

He was my confidant, my knight in shining armor. Everything seemed so perfect until that one fateful night...

"I love you, Bes, always remember that," he said while kissing me on the lips. Yes, kissing each other is just a normal thing to us. We even made love.

I know what you're thinking, but no, we're not in a relationship. We love each other, and yet we have no label. And I’m cool with it. I'd rather have it this way because I'm afraid that if I asked for more than what he could offer, I'd end up losing not only my best friend but my as well as my first love. I’m too scared to take the risk.

"I know you love me, Bes, and you know I love you too," I answered while caressing his face. We are currently here in his condo unit. We just shared another passionate time with each other. He hugged me so tight and later did I know he had already fallen asleep.

I smiled. I can still remember the time we first made love. We were invited to a birthday party by one of our classmates. Did I mention that we are both Civil Engineering students? So yeah, it was a great party. I remember how those ladies drool over my best friend. They were so jealous of me. Who wouldn't be? My best friend is such a hot guy. He has tantalizing blue eyes that make every woman lost as he stares at them, his adorable pointed nose, his thin pink lips, his cute dimples that show every time he smiles, and his chiseled muscles. He is like a God who came down on earth - oh wait, I know it's exaggerated, but oh geez.

He's not only about good looks, but he is also exemplary towards his studies.

I was like a proud "girl friend" during that time. No one dares to go near him because of me, and that's truly what I wanted. So, we ended up getting drunk, and we decided that I just sleep in his condo unit. I immediately agreed because I've been in and out of his condo. No malice, though deep inside, I have.

When we arrived, I immediately went to his bedroom. Feeling so familiar with the place, I took off my clothes–leaving only my undergarments and went directly to his king-sized bed. I didn't even bother getting the blanket to cover my almost naked self. I felt so hot at that time when suddenly I felt my best friend's presence behind me. He lay down beside me and hugged me from behind. I faced him and gave him a peck on the lips while hugging him tightly.

It was supposed to be a good night kiss, but then, it seemed like we were both waiting for a cue to do more than a kiss. It’s like we’ve been both holding our feelings for a long time, and that kiss opened a new door for us to explore. A wild, steamy night not meant to be endured.

I lost my virginity that night, but I didn't regret it. In fact, I was happy. Finally, one of my dreams came true. However, that magical moment last night was replaced with awkwardness when we woke up the very next day.

"s**t, I'm so sorry," he said while hurriedly getting out of the bed and picking up his clothes on the floor. Panic was visible in his voice.

I couldn’t speak. It seemed like the cat got my tongue. I slowly sat up and leaned my back on the headboard while staring at him. He put his clothes on and started to pace back and forth.

"Sorry? For what?" I asked while covering my naked chest. I was so hurt that I could almost hear my heart broken into pieces. This is not the reaction I expected. I thought everything would be different the moment we woke up. But I was wrong.

"Geez, Keanne! This should never happen! God, I'm so sorry. This is so wrong!"

I almost screamed when he suddenly punched the wall non-stop. I could tell how much he despised what happened to us. I immediately went to him and hugged him from behind. I don't care if I'm all naked. I just want him to stop punching the wall. "Stop it, Gian!" I'm crying so hard.

He froze the moment he heard me crying. His shirtless back was already wet with my tears. I heard him sob. I felt like my heart was crushed again into pieces. It’s too painful for me to hear his cry.For the first time, I regretted what had happened.

"Gian, please. Talk to me," I begged.

He faced me and hugged me so tight. We were both crying as we held each other.

"I love you, Keanne, and I'm so sorry for what had happened. I don't want to lose you."

I looked at him. I cupped his face with my two hands and wiped his tears away.

"Shhh... I will not leave you. Why should I? You know that I love you too. I always tell you that, and I don't want to lose you either. You're the most important person in my life. You should have already known that," I told him as my tears continued to stream down my face.

Gian sighed in relief. His eyes were twinkling with happiness. "Same here. Oh, God, hearing those things from you! I feel so relieved. I love you so much, Keanne." And before I could say anything, he kissed me on the lips. It was a long and passionate one.

I'm so happy! The person I love feels the same way.

"I love you so much,” he whispered, "best friend," he said, smiling.

"Y-yes, best friend. Same here."

And just like that, my world shattered. My first heartbreak. I don’t understand. How can a person make you whole but at the same time break you into pieces all at the same time?

After that night, we always ensured that none of us would get drunk whenever we got into a party. Our friendship is still the same. We even agreed not to be too close to each other just to be on the safe side. We both know that the chemistry between us after that night is too strong. Even a single touch could ignite the fire and we both know where it will both end us. But as they always said, 'expect the unexpected’. No matter how much we tried, we still end up together on a bed–naked.

"It happened again,” he stated as we both stared at the ceiling.

"Yeah, are you going to punch the wall again?" I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Do you want me to?" he asked, and then facing me. He put my head on his right arm while his left hand caressed my hair.

"Nah, I don't want you to hurt yourself," I said while playing my fingers on his chest. I heard him sigh.

"I don't want us to be like this. I love you, Keanne. I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I want to do. But honestly, I love this thing that happened to us. However, I don't want you to think that I'm just taking advantage of you. That's why..."

I looked at him when he suddenly stopped talking. It was as if he was still contemplating what to say. I nodded, permitting him to continue.

"That's why... I'm asking you to be my girlfriend. Will you be my girlfriend?" His blue eyes were unsure. And I don’t know if he was just forced to say it just to make me feel better. And that hurts me.

"I-i-i-i..." I started crying.

"Shhhh... Please understand, Keanne. I don't want others to say that I'm taking advantage of you. I want to put a label of what we have aside from being friends."

I knew it! So, that's what this is all about. He cared more about what others will say. And as much as I want to be his girlfriend, I have so many doubts. My insecurities are eating me. What if he gets tired of me? What if he realized that there’s nothing special about me? What if we lose everything if we break up? No, I don't want our friendship to be ruined. I can't afford to lose that. It's better if we'll be friends–just friends, no more than that.

"No, Gian. Let's continue to be this way. I don't want us to be more than friends." Though I love the thought of that, and that's what I’ve always dreamed of. "Let's just be friends. I don't want to lose you too. But, being friends is what we are for, and that's what we ought to be..."

He didn’t say anything. He just hugged me so tight as my tears streamed down my face. Heaven knows that I want us to be more than friends but, I'm so afraid. I know that if we continue our friendship, he will never leave me. I'm sure of that. But if we become lovers, we will ruin everything, our love and, most importantly, our friendship. Nothing will be left. At least for now, I know I will always be his best friend, and I am to him.

"Let's just be friends and enjoy what we have right now, Bes," I whispered.

He sighed. "I don't understand you. We love each other, but you don't want us to be more than friends," he grumbled."Yes, we both love each other as FRIENDS. Friends, Gian not more than that."

"Is that what you think? I just love you as a friend? Keanne ---"

"Enough, Gian. Please just be contented on what we have right now," I cut him off. I have an idea of what he is about to say, but I'm not ready yet. Not now, please...

He kept his mouth shut. He didn't utter any word. He just hugged me tighter and kissed me on my forehead.

"I know you're not ready yet, but I know how to wait... and I will," he promised.

I smiled. I'm lucky. I know Gian understands why I don't want to, and I'm so glad he did. One day, I will have the courage to be with him–not just a friend but way more than that.

Years passed, and our friendship was much stronger than before. We're inseparable. We are more vocal about our feelings. We no longer had inhibitions. We finally admitted that we love each other but still no label. But we loved it. We enjoyed everything together. At least, that's what I thought...

It's our graduation ball. I saw Gian lurking, and that was the first time I saw him looking like that. I couldn't help but worry. It seemed like he's in big trouble. I went to him and hugged him from behind.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked him, worriedly.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked. He’s a bit teary-eyed.

"Of course!" I'm quite confused about his behavior but I just shrugged the thought.

"I want to spend my life with you, Keanne. Ever since I've been in love with you, but I understand why you don't want to commit. And I totally respect your decision. That is why I don't care even if it takes forever before you finally have the courage to take a chance on me. I love you, Keanne. Can you please grab this opportunity to love me without any what-ifs? Can you please give me the chance I've been asking for? I can't imagine my life living with someone who's not you. I just love you so much that it hurts. I wanted to be with you so badly. So please, will you elope with me?"

I'm stunned. I don't know what to say. His sudden confession confused the hell out of me! Should I believe him? Why so sudden?

I love Gian, and that's for sure. But can I risk it? I don't want to. I'm still afraid. This will be a whole new story. I can't, I don't have the courage. I think it's too early.

We don't have jobs.

Why would he want to runaway with me?

Doubts are starting to eat me up.

So even if I love my best friend so much, I preferred to tell him, "We're both too young for that."

He looked so devastated by my answer. He freed himself from my embrace and kissed me on my lips like it'll be the last kiss that we will be sharing. He didn’t say anything after that. I can still remember how he sadly smiled at me before walking away. And I didn’t even stop him! I just stood there while looking at him as he walked away from me.

After that night, I haven’t seen Gian anymore. His phone can no longer be reached. He's not in his condo and he's nowhere to be found.

I was so devastated that I didn't even show in any of my review classes. Pain and regret are eating me up. It's been months, and still no word from him! Our other friends started to ask me questions and I don't know how to answer them.

Regret. That’s all that I’ve been feeling. I should've taken a chance on him. I just realized that I can’t live without him now that he’s gone.

I realized that I love him so much to the point that I don't care what the future brings. What matters to me is him holding me; him saying sweet things to me; him making me feel loved and adored.

What matters to me now is my love for Gian.

I'm now ready to take a risk.

I know he will be happy. We've been waiting for this—I for him and him for me.

And because I was too occupied with Gian, I didn't even notice that my younger sister was busy preparing for her wedding next month.

I don't know who the guy is... But I know that he is so damn lucky to be with my sister.

I didn't meet the guy yet, but I know he's superb to make my sister fall in love with him. Besides, the proof is in my sister's tummy. Yes, she's pregnant.

I'm happy for my sister. Happiness is all over her face.And I can't help but hope that someday I can be as happy as her. If only I'm not afraid of risks...

I set aside finding Gian for a while since I have to help with my sister's wedding. Besides, I'm going to be her maid of honor. One week left for the wedding day and I still haven't met my sister's groom. I'm curious, but I thoughtthat maybe her groom is also busy with the preparations.

And even if I’m busy with my sister’s wedding, I still couldn’t help but think about Gian. I thought that maybe if I had eloped with him, I might also be carrying his child now. Perhaps we are also preparing for our wedding. I smiled at the thought. When he's back, I'll shower him with the love he deserves.

We were in the hotel for my sister's preparation. We were working on the souvenirs when I decided to take a break. One more week is left, and all are very busy. I decided to go to the hotel's garden to get some fresh air.

And it seemed like destiny used its power because the guy I’m looking for is in the same place as I am.

"Bes..." I called.

I know it's him. My heart told me so.

He faced me, and a surprised look was evident on his face.I ran to him and hugged him.

"Oh, God!!! I missed you so much! Where have you been? I've been looking for you!"

He embraced me and kissed my forehead.

He smiled—a fake one.

"You did?"

My heart started to beat so fast. I felt like something was wrong, but I couldn't tell what. But I ignored that feeling. What matters most is he's here.

"Of course! I have to tell you something. When you left, I realized something--"

"I have something to tell you too," he said, cutting me off.I smiled. I know this is it. Gian will ask me once again, and this time, I will definitely agree. I don't care about risking it all.I couldn't contain my excitement while waiting for what he was about to say.

"What is it?"

He smiled and caressed my hair. "I'm getting married."

My excitement skyrocketed. Oh my god! He's about to marry me!!!

"Of course, of course! I'm happy!" I squealed.

"I know you are. You really didn't love me as I do."

My smile froze as my eyebrows furrowed. What does he mean?

"You're the only one that I want to marry, but things happened. And I guess we’re really not meant for each other. Maybe just what you've said before, we are friends, and that’s all we will ever be. But despite what happened, I love you, Keanne. I will always do. But I, too, have to face my responsibility. Remember that I will always love you and, just as you always said, as a friend."

I can feel my heart shattered into pieces. This is not what I expected it to be. This is not what I planned...

"Gian..."

I want to say I love him more than he thought I did—more than a friend. I tried to open my mouth, but no words were coming out. His words caught me off guard. The pain was so overwhelming. I want to explain, but it seems I’m in quicksand. The pain is slowly eating me alive. We were just there staring at each other's sad eyes.

"W-what happened?" I asked when I finally got the courage.

"I got a girl pregnant. I was so devastated when you turned me down. I tried to elope with you, but you turned me down again. So, the thing happened. I bedded a girl because of my frustration with you. But damn! Fvck those responsibilities. Just say the word, Keanne, and I won't give a second thought of choosing you."

I know I have to confess. I know I still have to tell him what I feel. This is my chance to be happy. I just need to be selfish. For once, I want to choose my happiness...

"Gian, I lov---"

"Babe! You're here!"

I was stunned. That voice is too familiar to me. I looked at the person who was calling him, and all my hopes went down. It was my sister.

She was running towards Gian and kissed him fully on the lips. The lips whom I used to kiss.

"So you met my fiancé, Sis?"

I forced a smile and nodded. "I have to go..." I softly excused myself.

I have to get away from here...

Away from the pain...

Away from the happiness that keeps me suffering...

I turned their back on them and walked away. I didn’t even give them the chance to respond or stop me.

No matter how selfish I wanted to be, I still couldn't take my sister's happiness or my nephew or niece's dad. I couldn't be the reason for someone else's sadness. It's better to be hurt than hurt my loved ones.

I cried silently. My whole world is shattered once again. And there’s no one else to blame, but me...

"How do you know my sister?" I heard her say.

"She's my best friend..."

Yes, and that’s all I’ll ever be...

One lesson that I learned. Never be afraid of taking chances or taking risks. It's better to say "nice try" when we fail than to drown ourselves with "what ifs"...

The End