Loveland Vol.2

Chapter 3 con...

Logan

I was angry. Furious. My body has betrayed me yet again. I wanna slam my fists into the wall, I wanna tear it down. I hate this. I hate not knowing what the f**k was wrong with me. Once more I hated that it was affecting my family. 

I had just made love to Autumn and I don't remember any of it. 

I remember sitting down at the dinner table. She had made lasagna. I was starving, but when the plate was set down in front of me I suddenly felt like I wanted to throw up. The smell alone was enough to turn my stomach. Usually it was my favorite meal she made us, but this time I just couldn't stomach it. I pushed my food around for a while, waiting for dinner to be over with. But as I sat there, everything went foggy. 

 As I sat at the dinner table with my family, my mind took me elsewhere...

The room was almost empty. It was cold. With only a couple of chairs and a small desk in the corner. I could hear the ticking again. This time it sounded closer. I could hear a voice calling my name. 

"Logan. Can you hear me?" The voice said. This was the same thing that happened the other day in the garage. I wanted to see who it was talking to me. I wanted this to be over with. Just as that damn ticking got louder the voice spoke again. 

"Logan. I'm only here to help you. But you've got to help me first." I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I didn't like it. Almost instantly everything went black. I couldn't recollect anything after that, until I opened my eyes and saw Autumn laying naked on our bed, with tears staining her beautiful face. I looked into her eyes and for the first time, truly hated myself. I had hurt her again. 

"That's the last straw. Im not doing this anymore." I said to myself as I left the house and headed towards my truck. I needed help. There's no f*****g way I was going to a doctor. I always hated them. There had to be someone who had something that could help me. Sleeping pills maybe? Where would I even go for something like that? One name instantly popped into my mind. But if Autumn was to find out, then she would truly hate me too. Hell at least we'd be on the same page....

I was pretty sure she worked at the same hair salon that she use to. Not that I was going out of my way to keep track of her. As I drove my brain felt fuzzy. Like I was wearing thick socks around it. But somehow I found it. Platinum hair. I parked in front and sat there for a moment. Staring out the window trying to think of any other way of getting help. 

"This isn't just for me. I've got to do this if I'm going to keep my family." I said as I opened to door and got out. I just hoped she had what I needed. 

With my hood over my head, to brace the cold and to hide my face as best as I could, I walked in the salon. The air inside was warm and sticky. The strong smell of chemical and hairspray filled my lungs and actually made me cough. The walls were hot pink. Everything about this place screamed her name. I hated that I was here looking for her. But I figured she would have something, anything that could help me. I saw a cute receptionist, with way too much cleavage approaching me. Probably wondering what the hell I was doing here. I leaned in and tried to quietly ask for help. 

"Excuse me, I'm not here for a haircut. I'm actually looking for someone." Before I could finish I saw her in the corner. Fake platinum blonde hair bouncing as she laughed at a coworker. She looked in my direction, and suddenly straightened her posture, pushing her small chest as far up and out as possible. Walking over to me she had a big yet confused smile on her face. 

"Logan Marshall. Never in a million years did I expect to see you here. What can I do for you." She seemed awfully eager to help me. I knew if Autumn saw me here she'd never let me forget it. But I was doing this for her. 

"Hey Samantha. I kinda need your help with something. It's kinda private."

We sat behind the building at a picnic table used for the employees smoking area. It was empty except for us. Which I was thankful for. I didn't know how to approach this with Sam. I had never liked her and pretty much told her, on more than one occasion that me and her would never happen. But today I needed her. 

"Listen. I'm sorry to come at you like this at work, but I'm really all out of options at this point." She didn't say anything. Just studied my face while I talked. Surprisingly enough she was a decent listener. 

"I don't know why or what caused it, but I haven't been sleeping at night. At all. I'm exhausted, but my brain won't shut off. And here enters the weirdness, every time I do sleep, everytime I close my eyes I see this... This thing. This big ugly black mass with these big bright headlight eyes. AND TEETH. Sharp yellow teeth. The longer I stay asleep the closer it gets to me. I think it, I think it wants to kill me. God I know I sound insane. But now it's crossed the line. I've been seeing during the day, when I'm awake. Or I think I'm awake." I paused to take a breath and look at her face. She didn't seem freaked or anything. She just listened. I took another deep breath before speaking again.

"I've screamed at my kids. Scared them. I've hurt Autumn. I can't... I can't keep doing this. I'm losing my mind Sam. I need help." She seemed to take a deep breath herself as if she was trying to come up with something to say. What the hell could she say? She laughed in her throat a little before saying, " Logan your a mess. A total mess. But who isn't nowadays? Can I ask though? Why did you come to me with this? Why not Autumn? Or a doctor?" As soon as the words left her mouth my body went into a panic. I hated hospitals and doctors always freaked me out. 

"No! No doctors. I... They can't help me." I was standing up now. With my hands in my hair. I just needed to know if she could help me or not. "okay and what about Autumn, Logan?" My heart ached at the sound of her name. "please don't Samantha. Please don't say her name." She stood up to walk over to me. Her hands both up in surrender. "okay okay. What about your fiance, Logan? Why come to me with this instead of her. I mean you don't even like me." She was right. I didn't really. But maybe that was it. 

"Sam... Don't take this the wrong way, but I think that's why it's easier. I don't like you, so I'm not afraid to upset you. I also don't care what you think about me. Sorry but that's the truth. I just need help. Please help me." She could have told me to f**k off, get lost or anything. But instead she placed a kind hand on my shoulder. Seeing that I was truly falling apart, she took pity on me. "It's okay Logan. I'm gonna help you." 

On the way back home I thought about what Sam had told me. With 6 pills in a small baggy in my pocket, I had to admit I was a little nervous. I had smoked weed probably a dozen times and I've enjoyed my E in my early 20's with Kat but that was then. And what I had on me was a lot stronger. I thought back to Sam's words of caution. 

" Take half of one about 30 minutes before you plan on laying down. This s**t is potent and will out you on your ass. Make sure you've got something on your stomach. Trust me you don't want what comes if you don't. Think of the worst hangover of your life and double it. And NO alcohol. Can't mix it." I looked at the handful of tiny yellowish pills. They had something etched on them but I couldn't make it out. "what are these Sam?" I asked. She gave me a sheepish grin before saying. "are you sure you wanna know?" I decided I didn't. 

"Just take them exactly how I said and you should be fine. Maybe after you catch up on your sleep all the other stuff will go away? Oh and hey Logan? I don't think I need to tell you but-" I cut her off knowing already what she was going to say. 

"Sam, I don't want another living soul to know I'm here buying drugs from you. So don't worry. I won't say a word." I started to walk away but turned around to add "thank you Sam. Really" 

 Now I was almost home. I just wanted to see Autumn. To apologize for my behavior. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and our kids and tell them I loved them. I had so much hope in my heart that this would work. I had to try. For them.