The One I Dare Not Love

9 • Mary •

The sunlight came through, at last, bathing the room I shared with Chiara. She is still fast asleep in her bed but my case is so different. I couldn't sleep any wick since last night, nor would the thought about him go away from my mind.

The last statement he had made to me last night had kept me unmoving while the fact that Emily has spent the night with him is so unsettling for me. Why? This question felt like a heavyweight, stealing my breath away.

It's morning now. My third day in the Italian Mafia Fort. I was supposed to be energetic but I'm not. All I wanted was to stay in my room and sulk away, angry at someone I shouldn't. Jealous too. Why? Goodness, why?

I was so lost in the world of my own, sinking in it when I suddenly overheard the jubilation going on outside. At once I sit up to listen.

" Oh my goodness, Emily. Is that true? You... Did you spend the night with Boss? " I overheard the maids asking all at once. From there, I know she is back from The room beside the Jaw. Instinctively, I rolled my eyes and looked away.

" Don't tell me you are still sulking about what happened last night " Chiara's voice came through, distracting me. " Emily just go to pour him a drink, Mary "

I turn slowly to see her sitting up, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes. She had seen me walk in last night, and she didn't know the whole story, but somehow, she seem to understand.

" Emily has returned from the Jaws, " I informed her, but she shook her head in the negative.

" The room beside the Jaws. Remember I told you no one goes into the Jaws. Come on, we got things to do this morning "

I was reluctant, but I obeyed anyway. Gently, I got up to my feet and headed out, but Chiara was quick to ask me about my whereabouts.

" Uh... I wanna take my bath in the lake outside, "

She stare at me for a while before nodding.

" I will go with you "

Together, we step out of the apartment and emerge into the bright garden. That morning, it appears like a paradise, sunlight bathing the flowers, the birds chirping lovingly. It seems to bring peace to my soul, and my heavy heart weighs less now.

I was already feeling better when my eyes moved about to land on Emily again. This time I overheard her laughing out happily while the maids continued to beg her to share the experience she had with Malva.

" Tell us what happened. Oh my goodness. I wish it was me. Did Boss... speak to you? Did he lay hands on you or... "

I waited too, my heart thudding crazily against my chest as Emily parted her lips to speak.

" He did," She mutters at last, just as she turns to settle her eyes on me. " He even made love to me and cuddles me close till this morning "

She is taunting me. I can feel it. She is playing the mind games and somehow I felt it. I am a lady who never holds a grudge against anyone, no matter their sins. Nor did I loathe anyone who have wronged me in so many ways. The feelings of jealousy are never my priority because I have no one to call, only mine, but that morning, I felt my heart steer.

I realized I am different now. The fact that Emily spent the night with Malva makes me want to lash out. The thought of her with Malva alone made me wish she'd drop dead. The intensive made me so scared. It made me want to flee and never return. What is this darkness that fills my heart whenever Malva is concerned? I questioned myself, but instead of an answer, Martina arrived in the garden with that same stern look on her face that was enough to restore order.

" This morning, we Roses will be serving breakfast at the dining hall, where the godfather will pass the verdict on our Boss for what took place last night. So Chiara gets ready and Emily. You both will be serving our Boss "

My heart fell abruptly at her words. Wait a second. I have forgotten totally about the punishment Malva will be given today because of me. How... How could I?

I look frantically around all of a sudden, wondering why on earth I allowed my jealousy to cloud the sense of danger ahead. Why?

" I would like to go too, Ma'am " I suddenly volunteer. " I ... I want to be there when the godfather passes his judgment "

" Judgement? " Martina repeated as she approached me carefully. " You can't be there. The Roses take turns for their work. Today you are assigned to clear the rooms "

" But I have to be there. I beg you. I can work extra. I put the boss into this loophole... I want to know what he'd face because of me "

Martina didn't want to comply with my request, but she must have seen the desperation in my eyes that she couldn't ignore.

" Fine. You will only stay back to refill their glass cups while Chiara and Emily will serve the dish. Get to work. It's already late "

We make haste without wasting any more seconds. I took my bath in the lake with Chiara and Emily. It's awkward staring at Emily's body with the thought of it enveloped in Malva's arms the previous night.

I quickly made haste and left the lake to get dressed. In no time, we are out to the dining hall, Martina leading the way ahead as we join the Italian Mafia Family at their breakfast table.

As I emerged into the large hall, I saw the godfather first. He is sitting comfortably on the wooden chair. Across him is his wife, Viola, while Nero sits across Malva. He is there already.

His premise somehow, that morning makes me feel better. And when he looked up towards me, I felt my breath caught up in my throat at his blue sea gaze upon me.

Oh, Lord. He is so handsome. Can anyone be more attractive than him?

Martina stood aside while Emily and Chiara served the table. It didn't take long before the breakfast started at once. We, the Roses, stood quiet while I did the job I was assigned to. I refill the glass cups of the Italian Mafia family while they eat, my focus on Malva.

Given the fact that he is an illegitimate son, he seems out of place, and he barely eats from his plate. The atmosphere gradually grows tense until, at last, the godfather speaks up.

" Geoffrey was admitted to the hospital last night, Malva and he needed surgery "

Without being told, I know right away the man whom Malva had attacked last night was called Geoffrey, and yes, he needed surgery. I began to panic. Slowly I look up to Malva to see he isn't in any least startled. He appears still calm and collected, this very act making me wonder who he is exactly.

" He sent a message this dawn. He said he wouldn't go for the surgery if you didn't come alone to check on him "

" Alone? That's a trap! " I lost my senses, my composure and I blurted out in fright, without thinking twice.

I broke a rule, and I felt like sinking into the earth at that moment when Malva slowly looked up at me. His eyes spoke the order what his mouth couldn't.

' Stay still ' I almost could hear it out loud. I almost could hear that order from him and I gulped down while bowing apologetically.

" I apologize. I must have lost it for a moment, " I whisper, and in response, the godmother holds up her teacup to be refilled.

The godfather, on the other hand, grunted gently and continued to his illegitimate son.

" After this breakfast, Malva you will have to leave the fort alone. The hospital he is admitted to is one of mine. Go there and check on him. Make sure he made the surgery and lived. Okay ? "

I stop for a few seconds, my heart thudding now. All I wanted from Malva was to say no. It is a trap, and I am very sure he is aware of this fact, too.

" Yes, Father. I will go "

I stood stunned and perplexed by his effortless handling of the situation, but my distraction came with a cost. My hand trembled, and the warm water I was pouring for the godmother splashed down on her palm, a careless mistake that felt like a grave offense.

She suddenly yelped, attracting everyone's attention and I stood transfixed. There and there the words of Malva came echoing in my head.

' With this attitude of yours, you won't last long here.' I didn't believe him then, but now I certainly do.