The One I Dare Not Love

4 • Mary •

The sunlight didn't pour into the cell, but somehow, I knew it was already morning. I have woken up by the sound of multiple cars cruising into the fort. Even the echoes of laughter could be heard. It was as though a party was going on in the fort.

I have slept only a little and cried a lot. Thanks to this my eyes had swollen. That morning, I curled up in the corner of my cell, waiting for what would become of me. Somehow I have given up hope that my family would ever come for me because I believe now, truly, my father had sold me out.

To deal with the truth is, however, unbearable, so I allow myself to believe in the false fact.

' They will come for me ' I have concluded, hoping. ' I am sure they will '.

The sudden sound of footsteps approaching cuts through my thoughts and makes me swallow hard. It is Rizio, the thug who had brought me into the Fort.

" Come out. The godfather will attend to you now " He said after opening the door wide for me.

After some hesitation, I get up to my feet and slowly head out, following Rizio from behind. At last, we both emerge into the same rectangular hall where everything has taken place the day before. This time, there were more people than I had expected.

As I walk further, I see Sal Conti on his chair as the godfather, and now he has a lady beside him. No doubt his wife. A lady so Classic and very beautiful. Carefully I shifted my eyes to see other powerful men in fine Italian tailored suits, too. They must be very important and it seems they have all come to witness something big. What is it? I asked myself but couldn't make an answer.

Suddenly, I whirled around in search of that one person, and when my eyes fell on him, meeting and locking into his own blue sea eyes, I felt a wave of relief rushing over me. Malva is also there. The man who had done me a great favor by covering my body.

Gently, I turn towards the godfather only to see he is quietly assessing the situation between Malva and me. He could see the way I had stared at him.

" We are having a party tonight " The godfather finally begins. " Tonight makes it Fifty-five years since we have built this impenetrable Fort that we call the underworld, so let's say I am in a good mood today. You are such a lucky lass "

Upon hearing this I suddenly got my hopes all high.

Will he let me go? I thought to myself. Will he put me on a plane going back to America?

" No. I won't " The godfather replied as though he had read my thoughts. " I can't send you back home because, according to the contract, it is forbidden, but instead, I can allow you to make a choice. As the Italian Mafia Organization plaything you will have to serve us for the rest of your life. Now, you will choose who you'd want to serve till death takes you away. Choose between my sons. Either Malva here or Nero "

What! My head suddenly screams. Malva is ... The godfather's son too? Really?

I nearly fell at the godfather's revelation now. For some moment, I look away to blink back tears. It seems as though I am running around in a maze. No matter how hard I think about it now, there would never be a way out for me.

Malva, whom I thought might be my salvation, turns out to share in the godfather's bad blood.

Malva! My heart suddenly skipped a beat at the thought of his name. Swiftly I jerked up to look at the men before me. Everyone was silent as they waited for me to make a choice. Everyone awaiting my reply. But it was such a hard, impossible choice. It seems as though I am given a chance to choose Between a rock and a hard place. How will I survive?

" If I were you, I'd go with the legitimate son of the godfather and not his dog, "

The advice of that beautiful lady who sat beside the godfather suddenly came through, stunning me again. This time, in a way, I never expected. Does that mean Malva is the illegitimate son?

" Don't think too hard my dear. Give your virginity, your body, and your life to the one who deserves it. Nero, " The godfather's wife, who is Nero's mother,r, finished, and I nearly scoffed.

No. I was quick to respond inwardly. She failed. I wasn't thinking hard about it. I was supposed to become a nun, but since this is where my father's greed had brought me, then fine. I'd go with the one who is more powerful, more dominant, and more... Well, more handsome.

Malva might be the dog but his presence is terror itself. He might appear as an emotionless and dangerous man, but there is more to him. I could tell.

Slowly, I took the first step that would define the rest of my entire life. And so I reached out to that one person whom I thought was my only salvation. My Fingers wrap around Malva's T-shirt sleeve tightly as I make my decision.

However, my choice came as a shock to everyone. Whispers came from different angles.

' Oh no. How could she make such a poor choice? ' They all lamented but nothing at all would change my mind. I stood so close to that man who didn't pay attention to me at all.

" Bullshit! " Nero, who must have thought I'd choose him, suddenly blurted out as he whirled around to glare at me. " Do you know who he is? He is a murderer! A dog. An illegitimate bastard. He will never be able to protect you. He will only use you and disperse you like others. Trust me. He will "

After these words, Nero left the hall angrily. His words, however, left a bitter taste in my mouth.

" Uhm... Malva will you attend tonight's Party? I will understand if you don't want to come. " The godfather's voice came at last, pulling everyone, including me, back to reality and presence.

" I will attend, Father, " The deep voice came through, tantalizing me who stood behind him.

" Fine. Then go on ahead and prepare "

I watched Malva nod in response, and he left the hall as well. However, he didn't leave alone. I followed immediately, planning never to let him disappear from my sight.

At last, We both take a turn and emerge into a new quarter entirely. This one is very different from the other places I have been in the fort. The interiors are bright, covered in a blue setting and white to blend in. Surprisingly it made me feel at home.

All of a sudden I saw some men ahead, keeping guards while some ladies in the same attires troop out from nowhere as well as some men. I was confused, but I kept close to Malva.

When the man walked past the men who were keeping guards, I was pulled away from him.

" Let me go! " I demanded fiercely. " I have to go with him "

" Go with him to The Jaws? Bullshit. No, you can't. " One of the men chuckled, but I turned deaf ears to his scornful words. I tried fighting my way toward Malva who didn't bother to turn around.

At that moment I felt so frightened. I felt once he disappeared from my sight, my whole world would fall apart, so I tried more intensely to claw my way to him, but all my efforts hit the brick wall. Then, I began to give up as I had done the previous night. In no time, I flop on the ground, breathing out in defeat.

' Maybe I have chosen wrong after all,' I thought. ' Maybe I have '.

In sorrow, I bowed my head while doing nothing but shed tears. My state was pathetic and I felt like trash. No one gives a heck about me. Is that not the case?

" Get up " The firm order came through, dragging me back to reality.

I turned swiftly to see the leather boots first before looking up to Malva's face. He seems angry at me.

" I said get up right this minute! " He raises his voice, compelling me to my feet immediately. " I won't come to your rescue Every time, do you know that? "

Tears clouded my eyes at his question. It is such a bitter truth that I found it difficult to digest.

" I'm so scared "

" Pathetic " He mutters coldly to me. " You will never last long enough with this attitude of yours. This is not a holy ground as your Parish but another world entirely. If you want to survive you learn how to fight until your last breath. You got that? "

" But ... "

" You should join the other ladies. Don't come nearer to me again "

After issuing this bitter warning he turn around and leave, and in me to tears. I could sense his anger, but I couldn't pinpoint why. It wasn't my fault my future turned bleak. It wasn't my fault my mother brought and left me in the wicked world, and it was not my fault now that my heart was racing before a man I dared not love.