Lawrence, the Hotelier (FREE to READ)

ELEVEN: Baka Sakali

We parted again to gasp some air. He was looking at me intently that I blushed. “You have the sweetest lips I have ever tasted in my whole life. I can’t get enough.” He uttered while looking at my lips. He didn’t notice how I frowned by his words.

He dipped down and kissed me again, but the excitement within me was slowly fading away. Stupid Emerald! Hindi mo ba nakuha ang ibig niyang sabihin? Sa lahat daw nang nakahalikan niya, sa’yo ang pinakamatamis! Nangangahulugan lang iyon na marami ng babae ang dumaan sa buhay niya at hindi ka naiiba sa mga babaeng yun!

My eyes grew big when realization hit me on the head. I pushed him hard away from me.

“What the......!” He cursed, surprised by my sudden behaviour. Bakas ang pagtataka sa kanyang mukha.

“I think I have to go now.” Ang sabi ko at bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga. I viewed myself from the mirror and started fixing my crumpled gown, trying to brush away the shaking of my hands. I combed my hair with my fingers and then grabbed my purse that I absentmindedly dropped on the floor a moment ago. Sa gilid ng mata ko ay ay nakamasid lamang ito sa akin. His face was expressionless again. I sighed and I started walking towards the door but his arms fastly snaked around my waist. He hugged me from behind as he buried his face on the side of my neck. Napasinghap ako sa ginawa niya.

“Baby, did I do something wrong? Please tell me. Don't leave me hanging like this. Tell me…Tell me please.” Hinalikan nito ng banayad ang pisngi ko and I suddenly wanted to turn around to kiss him. But I have to take this s**t out of my chest.

“I forgot that you are off-limits, Lawrence. Nakalimutan kong may girlfriend ka pala. Nakalimutan kong ang layo ng estado natin sa buhay. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ginagawa mo sa akin ito. Please, I beg you, let me go.” Nasabi ko rin sa wakas. Pero hindi pa rin humuhupa ang abnormal na tempo ng aking puso.

Tumahimik ito sandali at naramdaman ko na lang ang pag alon ng kanyang mga balikat. Then his chuckle turned into laughter.

I felt so little. His sarcastic laughs were humiliating me. He finds this whole thing amusing. This jerk! May nakakatawa kaya sa sinabi ko? May nakakatawa ba sa pagsabi ko sa kanya ng nararamdaman ko? Is he mocking me?

Namalayan ko na lang na tumutulo na pala ang aking mga luha. Sinapo ko agad ang mga ito at baka mapansin pa niya. I tried to swallow the hiccups, but I guess it was too late. He stopped laughing and faced me. He suddenly pulled me to his embrace.

“Hush now, my baby...oh, Emerald....where did you get those kinds of crazy ideas? I never had a girlfriend. Flings, yes. But never a girlfriend. At ano yung sinabi mo na malayo ang estado natin sa buhya? Are we talking about life status here? Coz I'm telling you, even if you are just a mere street sweeper, I don't fuckin care. I am more than willing to be your man because you simply swept me off my feet.” He said in a soothing voice as he kissed me on my forehead. Umiling ako sa kanya. May gusto pa akong sabihin, Lawrence.

“But I saw you in the bar, you were French-kissing a girl there.” Hindi ko mapigilang lakipan ng pait sa boses ko. Masakit alalahanin ang tagpong iyon. To think, doon palang, nakuha na nito ang aking atensyon.

“Huh? When was that? I didn’t know, Emerald. Pero maniwala ka sa akin na wala akong seryosong relasyon.” He said with conviction, but I could tell that he’s not sincere just by looking at his eyes. He couldn’t look straight at me.

Napalunok ako. “Do you consider me as fling as well?” 

Umawang ang labi nito at hindi agad nakapagsalita. Umiling ito. “Ofcourse not.” He looked away. I smirked and couldn't hide my disappointment. It broke my heart. He couldn't even tell it straight to my face.

Umiiling ako. He wants to bed me. That's the only reason why he brought me into this room. What he's feeling for me is just pure lust.

Kabaligtaran ng nararamdaman ko sa kanya. The feelings we have for each other is definitely not mutual. Hindi kaya ginagawa lang akong libangan nito? Hindi kaya he just finds me challenging that's why he's telling me all of this?

“Baby.......” He held my chin up para magpantay ang aming tingin. “Tell me what's bothering you?”

Umiiling ako at tinitigan siyang mabuti. You, Lawrence. You bother me. Pero kahit alam ko ang intensiyon niya, I would still give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Can you give me some time? I hope you understand that this is not easy for me. These are all new to me. Gusto ko ng kasiguraduhan, gusto kong makatiyak kung tama nga ba na pagkatiwalaan kita. I'm not like any other girls that you used to know. Hindi ako pang one-night stand lang. Maybe we should know each other more before we do things, uhm, intimate things like this.” ang sabi ko sa kanya. I really do hope he gets my point.

Bumitaw siya at umatras. Tila ang sinabi ko ay nagbibigay sa kanya ng masamang pakiramdam.

“Emerald, I don't do romance. I'm not the hearts and flowers type of a man. I don't even know if I am capable of loving. All I know is that you are special, very special to me and this is the first time I feel something like this towards a girl. This is the relationship that I know. I am not capable of chasing and wooing. It's not my thing and never will be.” He said exasperatingly and his eyes became tender. Namulsa siya habang naglalakad paroon at parito.

Tumango ako. Tama nga ako. Perhaps being with him would be the last thing that might happen in this earth. Yes, somehow, I want him to woo me just like how a real man faithfully pursue the girl he likes. But yeah, he is Lawrence dela Vega and chasing and courting a girl isn't his cup of tea. Because he can get a girl in just one look. Just like the way he gets me. But I want him to understand that I don't give in easily. No matter how much I like or love him. But since he can't take this, he doesn’t want this, we might as well end this affair that has never been started yet.

Ang totoo, natatakot kasi ako. Natatakot akong sumugal. Natatakot ako sa mga mangyayari. I am the type of a girl na laging nag-iisip sa kung ano ang bukas. I want to have control in everything that I do. But now I'm scared. Scared that I might just end up letting him control me. Dahil alam ko, hindi ako tututol sa kung ano pa man ang gusto niya. I love him and it scares the hell out me. The fact na hinayaan ko siyang halikan at yakapin ako. He's crossing the line, but I let him in. At natatakot akong maibigay ko lahat.

Alam kong pareho kami ni Lawrence. He loves to control everything. And I don't want to be under his spell. Yes, I want to be with him. But I don't think kaya kong gampanan ang lahat ng nanaisin niya mula sa akin. s*x? Is that what a relationship is all about? Does s*x define relationship? Does s*x represent the feelings of two people?

Gusto ko lang naman ng oras. Para magkaintindihan kami sa mga gusto namin. Para maunawaan namin ang isa't isa. I barely know him just like he barely knows me. Ayoko ng pabigla bigla. Dahil ayokong masaktan. I don't even know what I am going to do if he hurts me in the process. Gusto ko maging handa. Because I'm sure I'll never be whole again, once he breaks me.

Mainam na rin siguro ito. Pigilan na lamang ang dapat pigilan. Ihinto ang dapat ihinto. He doesn't capable of loving. He doesn't know love at all. His words not mine.

“I understand. Can you do me a favor? Please, from now on, leave me alone. I hope this is the last time that you’re going to talk to me, unless it’s works matters, SIR Lawrence. Muuuna na ako sa’yo. My friends are probably looking for me right now.” I need to get out of here. Nagbabadya na naman ang luha sa aking mga mata. I don't want to be look helpless.

Akala ko magiging maayos na. Dahil andito na siya at napansin ako. Hinahalikan ako. Niyayakap ako. Then all of a sudden, biglang kabig ang lahat. Napalitan ng lungkot at sakit ang naramdaman kong kaligayan kanina lang.

Pinihit ko ang doorknob para bumukas.

“Emerald......please.” He called me. Hindi ako lumingon.

“Sir, I am sorry if I wasn’t the girl you thought I was. Pasensya na kung hindi ko maibigay ang gusto mong makuha sa akin. I deserve better.” I glanced at the bed and smiled blankly. “Iba nalang, huwag ako.” Ang huli kong sinabi bago lumabas ng pinto.

Goodbye Lawrence........

I went back to the party and saw my friends having a good time talking and drinking.

“Hey, where have you been? Are you alright? Namumugto mata mo…” Nahalata ko sa boses ni Mary ang pag-alala.

“May nangyari ba? Saan ka ba nagpunta, Emz? Pinuntahan ka namin sa powder room wala ka naman doon. Umiyak ka ba? What happened?” Si Aireen.

“May umaway ba sayo? Sino at nang makalbo!” ang reaksyon ni Jaze.

"Emz?" sambit ni Lizette.

“Nothing guys. Can we just go home? I am tired and sleepy.” Ang tangi ko nalang nasagot sa kanila.

Baka sakali bukas mawala na tong sakit sa puso na nararamdaman ko. Maybe, just maybe.....

(THIS CHAPTER HAS LAWRENCE'S POV BUT CAN ONLY BE READ IN THE PHYSICAL BOOK)