Shades of Love

Chapter 6

6

Ireland

Saturday, December 17, 1988

11:00 a.m.

Eva watched as the next couple stepped before the registrar, giving him their names so that he could write them down in his big black book and insert them into the generic ceremony that was about to take place.

It had been a long and horrible trip. First, they’d gone to the bank, to withdraw her money before her father could find out. After finding out that most of it was locked in a trust and they could only withdraw a small amount of her personal savings, they’d had to take a long ride in a ferry across the Irish Sea, where her stomach had roiled the entire time. It had been so terrible, she could even see her fiancé, who was always calm, starting to lose his patience. He’d even barked at the ferryman when he’d dropped their baggage, and it was a sound that she’d never heard him made.

Later that afternoon, they finally arrived at the courthouse where their wedding was to take place.

It wasn’t exactly what she’d envisioned.

The room was old with dingy stained-glass windows casting a colorful pattern on the wooden floors, and the smell of cigarette smoke hanging heavily in the air. While the surroundings weren’t completely awful, it was the thought that neither Eva’s family nor her friends were here to witness the event that cast a shadow on this day.

She was stuck in a white long-sleeved gown that was the only one big enough to cover her baby bump, the material itchy against her hyper-sensitive skin, and no family in sight.

Not only that, they were herded to the registrar desk like cattle…merely couple number twenty-one. Nothing about this day was special…nothing at all.

And she wasn’t even getting a religious wedding. Well, she was—a special celebration would be held to join their souls when they joined his people in Ireland—but not in a traditional ceremony, or in a traditional chapel, or anything similar. It’s going to be a very special celebration with his people—my new people.

Willing the tears away, Eva leaned over to him, her voice soft and hollow. “I—I don’t want to do this today.”

He looked over at her, his eyes lit with surprise—and something more Eva couldn’t understand. “What?” he asked, his voice a bit too harsh.

She bit her lower lip. “I don’t want us to get married like this.” She wanted to make things right with her father, make this entire pregnancy something to be celebrated. “A wedding should be happy, and with family, not like this. Can’t we just hold off a few more months until my father gets used to the idea?”

He frowned and pointed at her protruding belly. “You don’t have a few months, Eva. Do you want a bastard child? Is that what you want?”

He was right. She didn’t, but no one said they couldn’t have a wedding after the baby arrived. Though that’d possibly make her family criticize her even more… having a baby out of wedlock. Wrapping her arm around his waist, she laid her head on his shoulder. “I just—this doesn’t feel right.”

Instead of threading a comforting arm around her and pulling him to her, he moved away. His breath came out in a rush, and for the first time, she realized she’d disappointed him.

“What do you mean this doesn’t feel right?” He tensed, and hands clawed, he ran them through his tar-black hair. “We planned this, remember? Wedding first, and then the party.”

Eva swallowed. She had never seen him mad before, at least not toward her. “I-I mean, I just think we should wait, that’s all. What’s the hurry?” Her words came out softer, and more tentative now. “Maybe if we do, my father will warm up to the idea and everyone would be happy again?”

He sighed loudly and shook his head, a bitter chuckle escaping him. “They never would. You have to see that, Eva May. How many times have we been over this? Your father, the hard-headed old bastard, will never accept me.”

“But…” That wasn’t what they’d said. Not at all. There was always the hope that once she had the baby, her father would come around. But was that true? Was marrying her fiancé the final nail in the coffin that would bury her relationship with her father?

No.

Next to her, her fiancé stiffened. “I knew you’d get cold feet. I knew you didn’t love me enough to go through with this and leave your uptight family behind.” His voice was flat, and filled with pain and doubt. She’d never heard him sound so defeated.

Her heart broke when she realized she’d wounded him. “I do love you,” she insisted, wrapping her arms around him again. Loving him wasn’t the problem at all. Their love was the strong thread tying everything in her life together, but all of those pieces felt as flimsy as tissue paper. She pressed into his side. “So much. I-I’m sorry. I-I am—was just having bridal jitters.”

“There’s my girl,” he said, some of the anger leaving his expression. “This is the right thing to do, Eva. And after we’re married, we’ll do what we can to claim your money. It’s yours, after all.”

She nodded, though in her heart, she was beginning to have doubts. Why was he constantly going on and on about her money? At one time, he’d staunchly defended her father, and yet just now, he’d called him the old bastard. She didn’t want to lose Blue and wanted to trust that he was marrying her because he loved her.

Hugging him tighter, she hoped he was right and this was the right thing to do.

Because I have no other choice.

“Couple twenty-one?”

“That’s us,” he responded.

Eva let him go, standing up as he did. She swallowed her fears, and though they went down her throat like a brick, she followed him to the registrar, attempting to smile as the dour faced man looked at them, his eyes flickering to her barely concealed bump.

Her cheeks flushed. She could only imagine what he thought. Yes, she had experienced s*x outside of wedlock. Yes, she had enjoyed it immensely. And yes, she was pregnant.

But this was different.

Their case was not like the rest.

She loved her fiancé and he loved her. Their child would be born into a united household, with the two of them sharing affection and tenderness not only for themselves but for this baby and their many future children they planned on having. They were making this official so the baby could have two parents, two caring people who clearly loved each other as well.

“Please join hands,” the registrar said, clearing his throat as he opened the book before him.

Eva’s hands trembled as she turned toward her fiancé and took his hands, forcing a smile as he looked at her.

She refused to let lingering doubts stand in the way. After all, they were only cold feet, and every bride had them on their wedding day.

But she couldn’t stop the ice from traveling through her veins and skimming along her spine when she looked into her future husband’s dark blue eyes.