Who Knows I’ll Be Keeping You

Chapter 34: Broken

That morning, Josh is already outside the house when I went out. Pagod pa ako dahil matagal akong nakatulog kagabi kakaisip sa isang bagay na bumabagabag sa akin.

I got inside his car and smiled at him. But, all that he gave to me is a forced smile. Bakit ganito ang pakikitungo niya sa akin? Hindi niya pinapaandar ang sasakyan at ilang ulit din siyang bumuntong-hininga habang nakatingin sa labas ng sasakyan.

“Do you have a problem Josh?” tanong ko sa kanya para kunin din ang atensiyon niya.

Hindi siya sumagot sa tanong ko. And instead of answering it, pinaandar niya ang kotse at walang imik na nagmamaneho.

“Josh?” I tried calling out his name but to no avail, hindi siya tumingin sa direksiyon ko o sagutin man lang ang pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya.

Why is he acting so weird today? Okay pa naman kami kahapon. Oo, nag-away kami pero nagbati naman kami noong tumawag siya sa akin. May problema ba siyang hindi niya sinasabi sa akin?

Narating naman ang parking area ng campus ng hindi nag-iimikan. I am still not late at my class dahil sa schedule ni Josh ako nag a-adjust kaya maaga akong umaalis ng bahay. His wish is for me to enter the school together at ayaw na niya na nag mo-motor ako. I was hesitant at first and I told him that I am an expert when it comes to motorcycles, but he did not really allow me. He said that as long as I am with him, then he should drive me anywhere I need and want.

He parked his car and when I saw the car in front of us, it was Connor’s car.

“Familiar, isn’t it?” he asked while staring at the car parked in front of his.

“What?” tanong ko kasi naguluhan ako sa mga pinagsasabi niya.

Narinig ko naman ang buntong-hininga niya at ang pagsuntok niya sa manubela. Malapit na talaga akong magalit sa mga ginawa niya. Bakit ba siya ganito? What is he trying to say na hindi niya masabi-sabi?

“Ano bang problema mo Josh? O ano bang problema nating dalaa? May problema ba tayo? Kasi sa pagkakaalam ko wala naman.” I said to him. I am totally pissed. Galit ang mukha niya pero hindi siya makaharap sa akin.

“Ano ba Josh?!” sigaw ko. “Ano nga sabi ang problema m—“ but then, hecut me off. And what he said to me triggered again the hate that I have been keeping since yesterday.

“BIANCA TOLD ME!” he shouted and then looked at me. What is it this time? Ano na naman ba ang sinabi niya kay Josh para magalit siya sa akin ng ganito? At ano ang ipinakain niya sa boyfriend ko para mas pagkatiwalaan siya kesa sa akin? Huh?!

“She told you what?!” irotado kong tanong sa kanya. Hindi ko maiwasang sigawan siya dahil sa sinabi niya. Ano na naman ba?

“She told me that you even hug that idiot when you went to the clinic together. Bakit kailangan mo siyang yakapin? Is that really your way of saying thank you? Because. . .”

“Because what? Now tell me. . . what did your “best friend” told you.” I said emphasizing the word “best friend”.

“She told me the truth about you and Connor.”

“How can you trust her that what she said to you is true?” panghahamon ko sa kanya.

“She’s my best friend for years Asher! Of course I know her!” sinigawan niya ako at hindi ko mapigilan na maiyak. So she choose her over me?

“What if I tell you what the truth really is?” I tried to wipe my tears pero hindi pa rin ito tumitigil.

“I already know what the truth is Asher.” tumingin siya sa akin at nakita kong napahinto siya ng makitang umiiyak ako. He then looked away and close his eyes. “Do you even love me?” tanong niya.

I smiled bitterly because of his question? Nagdududa ba siya sa akin?

“Yes. I love you.”

“This is the first time that I heard you saying that to me.” mahina niyang sabi na rinig na rinig ko naman. Iyan ba ang basehan niya ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya? I love you?

“Do you want me to say that phrase to you every minute? Do you want me to say the words I love you and nothing else? Napakababaw naman ng dahilan mo Josh!” I shouted at him.

“Now sabihin mo sa akin kung bakit ayaw mong halikan kita, ayaw mong sabihin sa akin ang mga katagang iyon? At bakit hindi ko naramdaman na mahal mo ako?”

“Because I am not really sure about everything yet. . .” mahina kong sabi at tumingin sa labas ng sasakyan niya.

“Bullsh*t! You’re impossible!” saad niya at lumabas ng sasakyan. Lumabas din ako at hinarap si Josh.

“Look, please hear me out Jo—“

“JOSH!” sabay naman kaming napatingin ni Josh sa babaeng paparating sa aming dalawa. Niyakap niya si Josh sa harapan ko habang ngumiti siya sa akin.

“Hi!” masiglang bati niya at hindi man lang niya nabasa ang atmosphere namin ni Josh. Bulag na siya o nagbubulag-bulagan lang?

“You came so early Byang.” he said in a low voice na parang hindi kami nag-aaway kani-kanina lang.

“I still have things to finish. Are you in the middle of something?” dahil sa tanong niya ay nagkakatitigan kaming dalawa ni Josh.

And guess what he did next?

“No. We just said goodbye to each other.” tumalikod siya sa akin at nagsimulang maglakad. Nakatingin pa si Bianca sa akin at mas mabilis pa sa kidlat ang pagbago ng mukha niya. Nakangisi siya sa akin and I think she is mocking me.

“I know and I pity you.” the only thing that she said before she turned her back from me and run to walk with Josh.

I could not believe what Josh did and what Bianca said to me. Bigla na lang nagbago ang pananalita niya sa akin dahil sa ano? Dahil sinabi ni Bianca? What the hell did she do to make Josh believe in every lie that she said?

Nawala na sa paningin ko ang pigura nilang dalawa. I sighed and then turned to walk on the opposite direction. Baka kasi hindi pa sila nakakalayo at magkatagpo kami.

*thud*

“Aray naman!” sigaw ko dahil tumama ang ulo ko sa taong nasa likod ko pala.

“Tsk.” tanging narinig ko bago niya ako nilampasan at naglakad papalayo sa akin. Nakasalubong ko naman si Marco at napangiti siya ng makita ako.

“Sorry Keren. Medyo high blood ngayon si Connor. Baka napasukan ng ipis ang utak. Say hi to Mira for me!” at nag jog siya papunta kay Connor na mabilis na naglakad.

Wait, what did just happen? In just a snap, I saw Connor and Marco. Wait— what?

“HOY’ napapitlag naman ako ng biglang may yumugyog sa akin.

“Ano ba?!” mahina ko siyang tinulak at galit na tiningnan siya.

“Kain tayo beb!” sigaw niya at inakbayan ako. Nagsimulang maglakad si Mira at hatak-hatak niya ako hanggang sa makarating kami sa cafeteria.

“What do you want?” tanong niya pero hindi ko siya sinagot. Instead of answering her question, I decided to put on my buds and fill my ears with music. That way, I can’t hear anyone’s voice and forget what just happened.

Dala-dala ni Mira ang isang tray ng pagkain niya. Bumalik naman siya sa akin at kinuha naman ang isa pang tray at inilatag ito sa harapan ko. Sumensyas siyang dapat daw ako kumain through invisibly putting a spoon in her mouth.

“No. I’m good.” I said at tumahimik na si Mira.

Habang nakikinig sa music, iniisip ko kung ano ang pwede kong sabihin kay Josh mamaya. Should I say sorry because I shouted at him or make him apologize to me because he only believes what Bianca said to him.

Buong araw kong inisip ang sitwasyon na iyon. The last subject in the afternoon went like a sudden flash. I did not even know that it’s already six in the evening. I did not take my breakfast in the morning at nawala din ang gana ko sa tanghalian dahil nakita kong magkasama si Josh at Bianca sa cafeteria. They are not eating on the table but they ordered a lot of foods. It gave me the idea that maybe, they will eat at their office. Kaya hindi na ako tumuloy at sinabihan na lang si Mira na nawalan ako ng gana.

I called manong Oscar to pick me up but mom had an emergency. Nasira daw ang kotse niya kaya nagpapakuha siya kay manong. Dad is still at work kaya si manong lang talaga ang maaasahan niya. Kung hindi lang sana kami nag-away ni Josh, siya mismo ang maghahatid sa akin sa bahay. Hindi ko nga alam kung ano na kami ngayon. I mean, hello? Monthsary namin kahapon pero wala kaming nagawa dahil nag-away kami at ngayon naman ay nag-away na naman ulit kami.

I can’t think of anything who should be blame because of all of these. Everything started when I bumped with Bianca the other day, I guess? Or was it yesterday? I mean, simula noon, nag-aaway na kami ni Josh at bukambibig niya ang babaeng iyon dahilan para magselos ako. Siya naman ay nagseselos kay Connor nang walang dahilan.

I was the last student who got out from the room. Paglabas ko, may iilan pang mga estudyante ang naglalakad dahil hanggang gabi din ang klase nila. May mga classrooms naman na wala nang tao sa loob.

As I got out from the law building, biglang hinigit ng taong nakaabang sa akin ang kamay ko. I looked at that man and it was Josh. What does he need this time? Will he get jealous and tell me about the nonsense things that I did, in his mind?

We stopped at the garden and he then looked at me with a serious look.

“Ano na naman ang kailangan mo ngayon? Kakagaling ko lang sa klase Josh at aawayin mo na naman ako. You know wh—“

“We’re done.” he said and looked at me in the eyes.

Napatigil ako sa kanya at inisip kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin. We’re done as in we are okay and he forgot about the problem that we just talked about this morning. We’re done meaning tapos na ang klase naming dalawa? Or we’re done means breaking up with me?

“W. . .h—what?” I asked in a low voice. Dahil sa hina ng boses ko, kahit ako’y hindi narinig ang sarili kong boses.

“I am breaking up with you. We’re done Asher.” seryoso niyang sabi ay wala man lang bahid ng pag-aalala ang mukha niya. Ganun na lang?

“Why are you doing this? Is it because of what Bianca told you? Then let me tell you the truth. I can say everything that you want to he—“

“I was outside last night.” sabi niya matapos putulin ang mga salita ko.

“What?”

“Last night, tinawagan kita kasi gusto kong sabihin sa iyo na pupunta ako sa bahay niyo. I even called manang to asked if you are still awake and she said yes.” naging malungkot ang mukha ni Josh at mapait siyang tumingin sa akin. “I was so happy while driving to your house. I got you the books that you have been wishing to have. I prepared the car to be filled with white roses, the one that you love. And I even got you the limited edition paint materials that you have always checked on the website.”

“How do you know about that?”

“Because I love you!” sigaw niya at hindi na niya mapigilan ang ipalabas ang galit niya. “I have been observing you ever since you became my girlfriend because I wanted to surprise you with the things that you did not tell me. I saw you once asking your teacher something so I approached that teacher of yours to ask about your conversation. He know that I am your boyfriend so he told me about it right away. You asked him about the prices of the books right? That’s the reason why I got it for you. I also talked with Mira and she told me that you wished to have the limited edition art materials that was released three weeks ago.”

“What are you saying?” hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong sa kanya. Bakit ginagawa niya ang mga iyon ng hindi ko alam?

“I wanted to know you that’s why I was always asking things about you.”

“But you can’t even listen to me. If you love me then hear me out!”

“I already know the truth, I told you. There’s no need for you to say it over and over again.”

“No Josh! BIANCA IS LYING!” sigaw ko na naging dahilan para mapahinto siya at tumitig sa akin. He then looked down ang slightly smiled.

“Are you putting all the blame on my best friend right now, who only has the intention of taking care of you?” tanong niya.

I ran out of words because I know I can’t compete with Bianca.

“At least hear me out.”

“No. I’m done with everything. I loved you for so long but I know you like someone else. I don’t want to compete with him and I don’t want to look pity beside you.”

“You are the one who asked for a chance from me and I started to fall in love with you.” naluha ako pero agad ko din itong pinunasan para hindi niya makitang mahina ako. “Because I know how much you love me. You even said that you will wait until when I can say the phrase I love you. I said it to you this morning and that’s actually true. Why are you breaking up with me this time?” tanong ko at tuluyan na talagang umiyak. I covered my face with both of my hands and cried.

“I saw Connor’s car outside your house last night. You lied to me by saying that you are busy reading.” nilampasan ako ni Josh at nakatalikod kami sa isa’t-isa nang maramdaman kong huminto siya sa paglalakad. “Kung hindi ka lang nagsinungaling sa akin kagabi, tayo pa sana ngayon. You said that you are trying to fall in live with me. How are you going to do that completely if your mind is filled with Connor? Alam kong gusto mo siya simula noong una pa lang pero gusto kong subukan na mahalin mo din ako kaya humingi ako ng chance mula sa’yo. And you did gave me Asher. You gave me that f*cking chance just to be fooled by you! Almost a month of courting you and a month of being a couple! How can you still not move on with him!”

“YES! I LIKE HIM! I LIKE CONNOR! But. . .” hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kanya dahil mas lalo lang akong nasasaktan.

“But what?”

“Last night, I felt guilty lying to you. And I swear, Connor and I talked about you. He even told me to call you because he saw how many times you tried to call. I do like him but I love you. I do.”

“You don’t Asher. You don’t love me. You just used to seeing me. You don’t want to loose me not because you love me but because you wanted someone to replace Connor in you heart. And I am tired of being use.” Josh started walking away from me again but before he totally vanished from me, I heard his voice again.

“You are my first and I’ll make sure that you will not be my last.”