Bound To you

Chapter 22

ELI’s Point of View

On the next day, ELI woke up with a huge grin on her face. She couldn't believe she had said, ‘I love you" to Rika and the teacher had said it back! She couldn't feel happier! She even woke up earlier to have breakfast with Granny and make it up with her.

“Morning, Granny!”

“Morning, darling! Wow, you’re shining. Did you talk to a blue bird?”

“Yes. This blue bird made me very happy,” ELI confessed with a foolish smile.

“Hmmm, who is this blue bird? I want to meet him.”

ELI laughed awkwardly. “Patience, Granny. Patience.”

“I’m very patient, darling. I’m just happy to see you happy.”

“Thank you.”

ELI started eating her breakfast while her mind was being filled with love declarations to say to her girlfriend. She then grabbed her phone and decided to text Rika:

I miss you.

And pressed send it. But not content with only one, she sent another and another:

I want you.

Can’t wait to see you.

I love you.

It appeared to ELI that the texts were seen, but there was no reply from Rika. Her smile faded as she realized this was very weird.

You there?

She sent it and once again, but was ignored; Rika visualized but there was no response. Despite a nagging feeling in her chest, ELI just shrugged and let it go. Maybe Rika was busy with something and couldn't answer at the moment. Instead of dwelling on it, ELI focused on her breakfast again as Granny started telling her a few shenanigans that happened at the restaurant, which made a smile plaster on her face again.

Once at school, ELI still felt very happy, but she knew on the inside that something wasn't right. Rika hadn't replied to her texts until now, and the blonde couldn't wait for history class to come. She needed to see her girlfriend.

At lunchtime, ELI tried to stop thinking about Rika’s weird behaviour and started talking to Ruby.

“I said I love you.”

“Pardon?” Ruby asked, feeling confused.

“I said, ‘I love you’ to Rika and she said it back.”

Ruby’s eyes immediately widened. “Oh, my God! That’s so awesome, ELI!”

“I know, right? She loves me,” she said with a stupid smile on her face.

“That’s so good to hear, Emms. I’m very happy for you.”

“Thanks. But I’m worried that Granny wants to meet ‘him’.”

“Oh f**k, she thinks it’s a him!”

“Yeah… Imagine how crazy it’s going to be when she finds out I’m dating a woman… and that woman is my teacher.”

“She’s probably gonna freak out.”

“Damn, I hope that’s not true.”

When it was time for history class, ELI entered the room looking for Rika, but the teacher was writing something on the board and didn't notice her coming in. When ELI was seated in her place, she waited for Rika to turn and look at her. When the brunette turned around, she basically started speaking to the class and didn't make eye contact with ELI at all. Besides, Rika didn’t look fine today; her eyes were a little bit red, and it seemed she had been crying during the night. That nagging feeling in her chest from before only increased, leaving her worried.

As the long hours of the class went by, ELI kept observing her teacher the whole time. Rika didn't ask questions to anyone that day. She only told the students to open their books and read some pages and then do some exercises. Obviously, ELI couldn't concentrate at all. Something was wrong with Rika and she needed to discover it as soon as possible.

When the lesson was over, ELI didn't even move to stand up and go. She simply waited for every student to leave until she was alone with Rika in the room. After they all left, she closed the door and rested her back on it, taking a deep breath before walking over to her teacher.

“Rika, are you okay?”

“Yes, Miss Swan. Why wouldn't I be?” She answered with a fake smile, turning to look at ELI.

“Because you’re acting weird. And you didn't answer my texts this morning.”

“I was… busy.”

“Is that true?”

Rika smiled while walking towards her, but ELI could see that her smile wasn't reaching her eyes. “Yes. I-” The teacher grabbed her hand and caressed it with her thumb.

“What?”

“Nothing…” She pulled the blonde’s face closer by the chin and gave her a quick peck on the lips. When she was pulling away, ELI held her close by the waist.

“I’ve missed you.”

“It has been only a few hours since you saw me, ELI.”

“I know, but I still miss you… and love you.”

Rika suddenly embraced ELI tightly, their bodies pressing strongly against the other. ELI hugged her back, loving the way she was being embraced. When they pulled away a few inches, ELI kept Rika in her arms, holding her close. Losing herself in the immensity of sad, watery, brown eyes that she wasn't recognizing right now, she connected their lips. The teacher kissed her back eagerly, holding the blonde’s face with two hands. Maybe Rika was feeling emotional because ELI had said I love you? It could be.

ELI loved the way Rika kissed her. But this kiss felt different, somehow. The brunette seemed desperate, but not in a naughty way. She was kissing every inch of ELI’s lips as if they wouldn't have the opportunity to kiss tomorrow. It felt like Rika was scared of losing ELI or something… It felt like she was making memories with that kiss…

“Oh, ELI,” the teacher murmured when they parted away. She hugged ELI tightly again, putting her face between blonde curls.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” ELI asked again, causing Rika to pull away from the hug and look somewhere else than her face.

“I said I’m fine.” She walked to her table and started tidying up some papers. “You should go. You can’t stay here. Anyone could walk in.”

“But I want to make sure that you are oka-”

“I am okay, ELI. Just go.”

Rika wasn't looking at her like she used to. Like yesterday, when she said I love you back and grinned beautifully. Her eyes were lost and watery and that was worrying ELI so f*****g much. But she knew she had to go. They had stayed here for too long already, and anyone could literally walk in.

Taking a deep breath, ELI walked towards Rika and hugged her firmly from behind. She kissed the warm neck and tried to look into the brunette’s eyes, but her head was facing the other side.

“I’m going now,” ELI murmured low, and then hesitantly let go of Rika.

Something was happening with her teacher, but apparently, she didn't want to tell ELI. Maybe Rika just needed some space. ELI would definitely give her that. She knew how to respect boundaries.

 xXx

After school was over, ELI realized she had a lot of homework to do. f**k, she just wanted to see Rika again, or talk to her and see if she was okay… but right now was not the moment, unfortunately.

One hour later, when she finished all her homework, she went down to the kitchen to have dinner with her family. Luckily, they made her forget about Rika’s weird behaviour.

After she had helped Granny and Ruby with the dishes, she went to her room and laid in bed. Maybe now it was a good time to talk to Rika. Maybe now she’d answer her texts if she wasn't asleep.

She grabbed her phone to call the teacher when it suddenly vibrated in her hand, showing that she was receiving a call from Rika. Oh wow, such a coincidence!

“Hey, babe! Can you believe I was about to text you just now?” ELI greeted happily.

“ELI,” Rika’s voice seemed low and sad.

She immediately got worried again and asked, “Are you okay?”

“No, ELI. I-”

“What? Are you hurt or something? Should I come over?” She asked quickly, already standing up.

“No, ELI. No, I’m not hurt… at least not physically, but I- I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” The blonde chuckled, feeling a little bit less worried now. “Why are you sorry, Rika?”

“Because- I’m sorry because of what I have to do.”

ELI took long thirty-seconds to respond because her head was full of possibilities of something very bad happening. Her heart started beating faster than normal and she shook her head to try to focus on the conversation. “You’re scaring me now, Rika. What do you have to do?”

“We can't be together anymore,” the brunette said as if that was the simplest sentence in the world.

The blonde chuckled nervously. “What? You’re joking, right?”

“ELI, what we have is wrong and illegal. It will never work. We can’t be together.”

“No, Rika,” she protested, sitting straight on the bed. “Don’t think about these things. You have to be hopeful. Soon, I’ll graduate and we can be together without any of these problems. Just don’t think about it. Everything is going to be okay.”

“ELI-”

“You know that my feelings for you are real. You know I’m not playing with you. You know that I love you. Please, just forget about these things.” There was a pause on the other side until ELI — feeling her heart about to jump out of her chest — asked, “Okay?” And waited patiently for her teacher to say, ‘yes’.

“No, I can’t. This has to be over. It’s wrong. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no. Please, don’t say that. Rika, I-”

“Stop talking, ELI. You’re just making this harder for both of us.”

“I’m making it harder? Rika, listen to yourself!” ELI stood up and started pacing in the room, back and forth. “After everything we’ve been through, you want to break up with me now? Why are you doing this?” She stared at herself in the mirror and realized how tense she looked.

“Because I have to. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Hurting me is the right thing to do? Really, Rika? I thought you were more considerate!” ELI snapped and then she heard Rika crying on the other side of the phone. “Are you crying?” She asked calmer now, feeling her heart clench in her chest to the sound of Rika crying.

“Goodbye, ELI.” 

“No, Rika, n-”

It was Rika’s last words before the line went dead.

Shaking her head from side to side, ELI pressed the call button again. No, this wasn’t right. Rika must be joking. This must be a very cruel joke.

No response.

She tried again, her fingers shaking as she typed on the bright screen of her phone.

No response again, but then, there was a text:

ELI, stop calling me. It’s over.

ELI quickly typed back a response:

Why are you doing this?

I told you I have to.

No, Rika! You don’t have to do this. We’ve talked about this before. Everything is going to be okay.

It’s over, ELI. Forget about me.

Those words felt like a knife penetrating her heart as she read them over and over again.

Trying to control the incessant tears, she typed a series of messages:

You lied to me. 

You said you wouldn't leave me and you’re doing that now. 

You said you love me yesterday and now you’re breaking up with me. 

You lied. You’re a hypocrite.

When there was no response, ELI threw her phone on the floor as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“This can’t be true,” she murmured, her eyes still closed, imagining that all of this wasn't real. “She can’t do this to me. No, no, no. She can’t, she can’t!”

ELI stared at her hands and realized she was shaking. She put them over her mouth, sobbing compulsively as she felt the pain of reality quickly hitting her: Rika just broke up with her.

Rika’s Point of View

One day ago

Groaning to herself, Rika rolled her eyes for the tenth time that day. Oh, she was somad right now. She couldn't believe ELI had to leave just after their consequence was over. She was feeling immensely sexually frustrated and now she’d have to take a cold shower to take care of this.

While in the shower, Rika was laughing at herself because she was certainly smiling like a teenager. She was smiling stupidly like her beautiful student, ELI Swan — the student that said she loved her only thirty minutes ago. That felt beyond good to know, actually. After all of those unsure thoughts, Rika now simply decided to believe in her student and let everything happen calmly.

Thirty minutes later, she put on a robe and checked the weather outside. It was still early, so she decided to go outside and get her mailbox. She was sure that she had a huge amount of bills to pay at the beginning of this month.

She sat on the couch, all the documents in her hands as she took a good look at them. Most were just bills and announcements of new products to be bought. But one simple black envelope called her attention. That didn't seem like a bill or an announcement. She realized that there was nothing written in front neither in the back of this black paper. Feeling slightly curious, she quickly opened the envelope and found two more inside it. She opened the first and found a folded letter written in a printed font:

Hello, Miss Mills. Hope you are doing good. Well, I assume so, since you have so much fun with your favourite student, ELI Swan, am I right? How does it feel to date a student? Do you like it? I guess you do. Too bad for both of you that this HAS to be OVER!

You’re probably freaking out by now, right, Miss Mills? Yeah, if you’re not crying yet, you’re about to. Open the other envelope attached to this letter. You are going to find the photos that are going to destroy your career… if you DON’T do what as I say.

You MUST break up with ELI Swan as soon as possible and you MUST NOT tell her about this letter. If I see that you two are still together, you can say goodbye to your career and say hello to jail. I’m not joking. This is not a prank. I swear I won’t think twice about showing to the whole school that you two have been banging for months, now!

You better obey me, Rika Mills. Things are about to get very ugly for you and your precious girlfriend.

See you soon,

Xoxo

She dropped the letter to the floor as her shaking hands tried to grab the other envelope where the photos would probably be. Rika’s mouth opened in shock when she saw what was inside:

A picture of her and ELI in Harvard Square, on their first date.

A picture of her and ELI on her porch, kissing after their first date.

A picture of her and ELI beaming at each other while standing on her porch.

A picture of her and ELI kissing in front of her house about to enter the car for the road trip.

Her hands covered her mouth as her soaked eyes tried to focus on the photos. This couldn't be real… No, it had to be some very cruel joke. 

How did this person have pictures of her and ELI? How did someone discover it? Why did this feel so unbelievable and painful at the same time? And why did it seem like the world was ending right now and she was dying?

Her heart was hurting so much she could barely breathe. A salty fluid dripped over her plump, cracked lips; her knees buckled as the marble tiles collided with them. She feels weak as her noisy sobs echoed through the empty house.

Rika suddenly felt the weight of the mess she had gotten into. She felt the pain of reality. The tears burst forth like water from a river, spilling down her face. The muscles of her chin trembled like a small child; she looked toward the window as if the light could soothe her somehow. A hard pounding in her head started, clearly the side effect of this constant fear of what could happen from now on.

They were discovered. Someone knows about their relationship.

Nausea swirled unrestrained in her empty stomach. Her head swam with half-formed regrets as she wondered how this had happened. Her eyes were burning and her chest felt heavy. She could no longer see clearly. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. Her previous happy heart became a hole of sadness; sadness like death by a thousand paper cuts from this letter.

Rika didn’t know how or when she started walking properly and headed upstairs. She was vegetating like a zombie. Her body wasn't exactly being controlled by herself… She just kept moving and moving, until she was naked inside the bathtub; her whole body diving into the water; the unstoppable tears making it difficult to realize which was water and which were tears.

She reached her bed a while later, finally able to rest her tired body. She had been staring at the ceiling for hours now; she could barely close her eyes. Her mind was betraying her with thoughts she couldn't stop thinking about. Blonde hair, pink lips, sweet smile… It was all in her memory forever, regardless of what she decided to do next.

It was 3 a.m. when she finally was able to close her eyes and block those thoughts from her mind.

When she woke up in the morning, the first thing she saw was her reflection in the mirror. There were dark, deep circles under her eyes and she hated immediately what she was seeing. She looked like the live version of pain herself.

She then went to the bathroom and took a long shower, trying to relax a little bit. Later, she put on some clothes as well as makeup on her face. She had to hide those dark circles under her eyes.

Trying to forget everything at the moment, Rika went downstairs to prepare something to eat, because she couldn't spend another second on an empty stomach. Eating in silence, she heard the beep of her phone telling her she had received a new message. She unlocked it and the first thing she saw was ELI’s name and her sweet words:

I miss you.

She fought the urge to cry because she also missed ELI so much already.

I want you.

Can’t wait to see you.

I love you.

More lovely messages and her heart felt the pain of that forbidden love she was never supposed to fall into.

You there?

She had to ignore ELI. She wasn't capable of saying anything. She had no idea what she would do or what could be done to deal with this new reality. Someone knew about them. Everything could fall apart in seconds now.

When she arrived at the school, she could see the sun illuminating the whole place, but no matter how bright it was, she could feel no sun and hear no bird song. The world was lost to her and she knew of nothing that would bring it back to focus.

Her first class of the day was with ELI. She didn't know how she was going to face her student without crying or just breaking apart in front of her. It was a hard task, but she had to hold herself.

Rika tried to focus on what she had to do for this class and started writing the number of pages the students were supposed to read. When she saw a glimpse of blonde hair entering the room, she kept focused on the board and waited for everyone else to arrive before she turned to look at them.

She couldn't make eye contact with ELI, though. It was too hard for her. She just kept staring at the other students as if the blonde didn't exist.

Rika decided to not ask questions that day. Her voice would probably fail and tears would roll on her cheeks like a river if she put herself in the spotlight like that. Instead, she asked the students to open their books, read some pages and then do some exercises. Sincerely, she was not able to speak at all today.

When the lesson was over, as the students were leaving, Rika could sense a presence in the room. A presence that she knew all too well. ELI.

“Rika, are you okay?” She heard the soft, angelic voice which made her heart clench inside her chest.

“Yes, Miss Swan. Why wouldn't I be?” She answered with a fake smile, turning to look at her student.

“Because you’re acting weird. And you didn't answer my texts this morning.”

“I was… busy,” she lied.

“Is that true?”

Rika tried to smile as she took a few steps towards ELI. “Yes. I-” She grasped the soft hands and caressed them with her thumb.

“What?”

“Nothing…” She pulled the blonde’s face closer by the chin and gave her a quick peck on the lips. When she started to pull away, ELI held her close by the waist.

“I’ve missed you.”

“It has been only a few hours since you saw me, ELI.”

“I know, but I still miss you… and love you.”

Fighting back tears, she suddenly hugged ELI tightly in her arms; their bodies pressing strongly against the other. ELI hugged her back and, for a very brief moment, Rika felt safe in those strong arms. Safe as if nothing bad would happen; safe as if nothing would change if they just stayed together.

When they pulled apart a few inches, ELI kept Rika in her arms, holding her close. The blonde connected their lips and Rika kissed her back eagerly, cupping ELI’s face with her hands.

A thousand thoughts were tormenting her as she kissed her student. She wanted to be able to never stop kissing this amazing girl. But, deep down she knew; she felt that this was going to be their last kiss. That’s why she wanted to make the most of it; to remember every single inch of this soft mouth in her memories.

“Oh, ELI,” she murmured when they parted away. She embraced ELI tightly again, putting her face between blonde curls, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” ELI asked again, causing Rika to pull away from the hug and look somewhere else than the angelic face so close to her own.

“I said I’m fine.” She walked to her desk and started to fuss with some random papers to pretend she was busy with something. ELI had to leave now. Rika couldn't hold her tears any longer. “You should go. You can’t stay here. Anyone could walk in.”

“But I want to make sure that you are oka-”

“I am okay, ELI. Just go.”

She heard the light steps of the blonde behind her and then she was being embraced firmly from behind. She received a kiss on the neck and then, ELI said, “I’m going now.”

xXx

The last conversation with ELI haunted her, replaying like an echo in her head. Her appetite had dwindled to nothing. She kept the curtains closed so that she wouldn't have to witness life going on as usual. How could it when her world had crumbled?

Laying in her bed, Rika kept staring at the ceiling as if a solution would fall from there. Her head was spinning and her heart breaking in tiny little pieces every second she thought about ELI Swan. What would she do? Obey to the person that was threatening her? Or let it go and follow love?

No, she couldn't possibly let it go. Her career, her whole life was at stake. She had to end everything with ELI. She couldn’t risk anything else. She must obey the letter.

Picking up her phone, she felt courageous to call ELI right now and end this for once and for all. There was no other option. She must break up with ELI Swan.

She pressed the call button and a few minutes later, the blonde’s happy voice sounded in her ear, “Hey, babe! Can you believe I was about to text you just now?”

“ELI,” she murmured, noticing that her voice was low and sad.

“Are you okay?” ELI asked, and Rika could hear the worry in her voice.

“No, ELI. I-”

“What? Are you hurt or something? Should I come over?” The blonde asked quickly, seeming desperate already.

“No, ELI. No, I’m not hurt… at least not physically, but I- I’m sorry.” Rika didn't know how to say the words. She wished she never had to say them. She didn’t want to break up with ELI. She didn’t want to leave her… but everything was at stake. She had to do this. She must be strong.

“Sorry?” She heard the blonde’s chuckle on the other side, seeming a little bit less worried now. “Why are you sorry, Rika?”

“Because- I’m sorry because of what I have to do,” she stuttered, feeling her heart beating insanely fast inside her chest.

The blonde took long thirty-seconds to respond, and Rika wondered what she was thinking right now.

“You’re scaring me now, Rika. What do you have to do?”

“We can't be together anymore,” Rika blurted out quickly and it felt like ripping a band-aid off.

She heard ELI laughing nervously. “What? You’re joking, right?”

“ELI, what we have is wrong and illegal. It will never work. We can’t be together,” she managed to say, hating the sound of those words in her mouth.

“No, Rika,” she heard muffled sounds on the other side and imagined ELI had stood up from wherever she had been seating. “Don’t think about these things. You have to be hopeful. Soon, I’ll be out of school and we can be together without any of these problems. Just don’t think about it. Everything is going to be okay.”

“ELI-”

“You know that my feelings for you are real. You know I’m not playing with you. You know that I love you. Please, just forget about these things.” There was a pause on the other side until ELI asked again, “Okay?”

Rika waited a few seconds, wiping the bitter tears off of her face. “No, I can’t. This has to be over. It’s wrong. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no. Please, don’t say that. Rika, I-”

“Stop talking, ELI. You’re just making this harder for both of us.”

“I’m making it harder? Rika, listen to yourself! After everything we’ve been through, you want to break up with me now? Why are you doing this?”

“Because I have to. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Hurting me is the right thing to do? Really, Rika? I thought you were more considerate!” ELI snapped and Rika couldn't hold her sobs anymore. It was too much for her to bear. This was surely the hardest thing she had to do in her entire life. “Are you crying?” ELI asked in a calmer voice.

“Goodbye, ELI.”

She hung up, feeling the horrible ugly truth of reality consuming her heart. Her phone rang again and she ignored ELI, who was calling her repeatedly. It was the third time already when she decided to text the blonde:

ELI, stop calling me. It’s over.

Why are you doing this? 

I told you I have to. 

No, Rika! You don’t have to do this. We’ve talked about it before. Everything is going to be okay. 

It’s over, ELI. Forget about me.

Her own words hurt even herself. Rika knew that she wasn't capable of forgetting ELI, like ever. What they have done together, all those months were definitely the best of her life.

After a few minutes, Rika received a series of messages from the blonde:

You lied to me. 

You said you wouldn't leave me and you’re doing that now. 

You said you love me yesterday and now you’re breaking up with me. 

You lied. You’re a hypocrite.