Class Acts Volume 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Even though Shay and Dwayne had professed their love for one another, after the performance of the play, opportunities for the two of them to be together dwindled. Occasionally Shay would give Dwayne a ride home after school, and they would spend time together. But even that became more difficult when spring baseball practice started and rehearsals for the spring theater production began.

“We’re doing Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” Dwayne announced one afternoon as he and Lilly met Shay in the student parking lot. “Why don’t you try out? You’d make a great Lysander. Lilly’s going to try out for Hermia.”

Dwayne raised an eyebrow and winked. Shay didn’t know what that meant.

“I’m going to try out for Oberon,” Dwayne declared.

If Dwayne thought Shay would know about the play, he was mistaken. Not wanting to appear uninformed, Shay said, “Sounds great. Hope you guys get the parts you want.”

“What about you? It’d be fun—like this winter when we did You Can’t Take It With You.” Dwayne looked at Shay expectantly. “It’d give us lots more time to be together.”

“Wish I could, but with baseball starting, I wouldn’t have the time,” Shay replied.

Dwayne seemed disappointed, but he let the subject drop.

If it worked out for them, Dwayne and Lilly still came to meet Shay after baseball practice when they were done with their play rehearsals. When they did, Shay would give them both a lift home, dropping Lilly off before continuing to Dwayne’s house for some clandestine time together.

“I wish there was some way we could see each other more often, like when we were rehearsing for the winter play. We were together every day,” Dwayne said one time when Shay had driven him home, and they lay together on the couch in Dwayne’s basement after making love.

Shay sighed, and ran a hand through Dwayne’s thick, curly, blond hair and rubbed his knuckles against the scruffy beard on Dwayne’s cheek. “Me, too. But I don’t see how. We can’t take a chance on getting caught. We don’t have an excuse for being together at school anymore.”

“I don’t mean making out at school or nothing. I mean just hanging out. You know, going for a Coke, catching a movie—that kind of stuff. Two guys who are friends can be seen hanging out together, can’t they? I hang with Jimmy a lot and you’re with—what’s his name—Stewart and that other guy?”

“Randy?” Shay offered.

“Yeah, him. Nobody thinks anything of that.”

“Yeah, but they’re jocks like me. And you and Jimmy are…well…part of the drama group. Our two groups, well, we just don’t mix much. Jocks don’t think too much of drama geeks. They gave me a rough time when I was in the play.”

“Oh.”

Shay could tell he’d hit a nerve. “I’m sorry,” he quickly added. “Hey, look, screw ‘em. There’s no reason we can’t be friends, too. Everybody knows we were in the play together.”

Dwayne smiled and pulled Shay into a kiss.

After that they started spending considerably more time together, sometimes with Lilly, sometimes just the two of them. They’d go out for pizza, catch a show, go bowling, or play mini-golf. Shay began picking Dwayne up in the morning for a ride to school. They even studied together in the library. But it was when Dwayne started showing up to eat lunch with Shay and his jock friends that things took a turn.

One afternoon in the locker room after a baseball game, Stewart and Randy asked Shay to come with them for a pizza to celebrate the victory.

“That’d be great,” Shay responded to the invite, “but I told Dwayne I’d give him a lift home.”

“What’s goin’ on with you and him anyway?” Stewart asked. “You two are spending a lot a time together.”

Immediately defensive, Shay replied, “What do you mean, what’s going on?”

“Well, you two seem to be pretty tight.”

“That a crime? We did that play and got to be friends.”

“I’d be careful about who you pick for a friend,” Randy said, giving Shay a pointed look.

Shay felt a surge of anger mixed with apprehension. “f**k off. I don’t tell you who to be friends with.”

“Suit yourself. Just trying to look out for you, man. You gotta protect your reputation,” Randy said with a shrug.

“How’s being friends with Dwayne going to hurt my reputation?”

“You live in a cave or something?” Randy asked with a laugh. “The whole school knows what he is.”

“No, I don’t live in a cave!” Shay retorted, angrier still. “So, Mr. All-knowing, why don’t you enlighten me, and tell me what you and the whole school think he is?”

“A fag.”

Shay’s face drained of color. He knew Dwayne and the other guys in drama were thought of as dorks but…fags? Defensively he murmured, “You’re whacked.”

“Don’t tell me he hasn’t offered to take care of you,” Randy said with a sneer.

“Take care of me?”

“Yeah, you know, give you a little s****l relief, get your rocks off.”

“No!” was Shay’s emphatic reply, but inside he felt his panic rising as images of the things he and Dwayne did during their private times together flashed across his mind. “Why would you think he’d offer to take care of me?”

“Because he takes care of jocks,” Randy said.

“That’s not true! He’d never do that,” Shay spat out, building a defense of denial.

Randy smirked. “Oh yeah? Well, I know for a fact he has.”

Shay’s heart was racing. What did Randy know? How could he know anything about the secret part of Shay’s relationship with Dwayne?

“What makes you think that?” Shay asked, his panic rising further.

“Cuz he’s serviced me a few times, and some of the other guys as well,” Randy answered with an infuriating smugness.

“Whoa! Really? He really got down on his knees for you?” Stewart asked.

Randy nodded.

Although relieved Randy wasn’t referring to Shay’s relationship with Dwayne, Shay’s mind still reeled. “You’re making that up!”

Randy shrugged. “Ask him yourself if you don’t believe me.”

“I don’t have to ask him, because I know it’s not true,” Shay declared and turned to walk away.

“It’s up to you, but people are starting to talk, saying Shay’s got himself a boyfriend and stuff,” Randy called after him.

Shay froze. He turned back. His fists were clenched. “I won’t insult him by asking him. And he’s not my boyfriend, he’s my friend. That’s all. Lilly’s…Lilly’s my girlfriend.”

“Like I said, it’s up to you. All I know is Dwayne stopped showin’ up around the locker room to offer his services when you two started hangin’ out.”

Anger and confusion surging through him, Shay walked out of the locker room and down the hall. When he’d gone a good distance, he stopped and leaned against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. He was trembling. His mind was spinning.

It can’t be true. It can’t be true, Shay thought over and over. God, what am I gonna do? I can’t let people think I’m a queer. But I care about Dwayne. I can’t hurt him. I don’t know what to do.

After some time, Shay straightened up, took a deep breath, and walked down the hall to his locker. He got his book bag and went out to the student parking lot. Dwayne and Lilly were waiting by Shay’s car. Shay hesitated, then composed himself, and walked over to them.

“How was the game?” Dwayne asked as Shay approached.

“Good. We won.”

“That’s great,” Lilly called out.

“Thanks. Uh—how was rehearsal?”

Both commented that it was going well.

When he reached the car, Lilly gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek. Shay looked over her shoulder at Dwayne. He was smiling and gave Shay a wink. Shay knew what that meant. Dwayne would be expecting their usual post-game celebration when Shay drove him home.

As they got in the car, Dwayne commented, “You should really be playing Lysander.”

“Why’s that?” Shay asked.

“The guy who’s playing the part is terrible. He doesn’t seem to get the fact that he’s the romantic lead. And he’s playing opposite Lilly.”

“He’s really okay,” Lilly said. “But it would be so much more fun if it were you.” She leaned over and gave Shay a kiss on the cheek.

As they drove along, Dwayne and Lilly went on to talk about how things were going with the play. Shay was only half-listening. His mind kept going back to the conversation with Randy and Stewart.

It can’t be true what Randy said about Dwayne. It just can’t be. They’re just messin’ with me. But I need to find out if it is. And if it is…

Shay didn’t want to finish that thought.

They dropped Lilly off as usual and drove to Dwayne’s house.

“You’re awfully quiet. What’s wrong?” Dwayne asked when they’d pulled up to the curb and stopped.

Shay turned away. “Nothing,” he lied.

Dwayne shrugged and started to get out of the car, but Shay stayed seated.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

Shay took a deep breath. “I need to ask you something.”

Dwayne slid back into the seat. He was smiling. “Shoot.”

Shay stared down at his hands folded in his lap. “After the game, I was talking with Stewart and Randy, and Randy…um…Randy said some stuff about you.”

“What did he say?”

Shay turned and looked at Dwayne. Seeing the guarded look on Dwayne’s face, Shay hastily added, “I told him I didn’t believe him.”

“What did he say?” Dwayne repeated.

“Well, he said…” Shay took another deep breath. “He said you gave him a blowjob.”

“That shithead. He made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone, and he blabs it to you,” Dwayne said angrily.

Shay was shocked. “Then it is true!”

“Yeah, but it was a long time ago and not since we’ve been together.”

“He said you did it with other guys, too.”

“Well, yeah. I’m gay.”

Dwayne said this in such a casual manner, it unnerved Shay even further.

“But it didn’t mean anything. I never felt for any of them like I feel for you.” Then Dwayne added, “I never went all the way with anyone but you.”

“Oh my God!” Shay said and put his hands over his face, his heart sinking.

“I don’t get it. Didn’t you think I’d had s*x?” Dwayne asked.

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve had s*x with other people, right?”

“Yeah, but only girls. And girls don’t tell the world. I don’t want people to think I’m…gay.”

Dwayne sighed. “I don’t much like it either, but that’s what can happen when you are. Even if you keep it among other gay guys, somehow people figure it out or at least they suspect.”

“But you didn’t keep it with just other gay guys, you gave a straight jock a blowjob! And he said he wasn’t the only one.”

“What can I say? They’re hot, and I’m weak.”

Again Dwayne’s nonchalant manner caused Shay to wince. Dwayne put his hand on Shay’s leg. Shay pulled away.

Dwayne looked at him, his expression questioning. “Do you want to stop seeing me?”

Shay didn’t answer immediately. His mind said yes, his heart—no. Finally he mumbled, “I don’t know.”

Dwayne sighed. “I know it was sort of pie-in the-sky that I thought we could do other stuff together. I just hoped our relationship could have more to it than just s*x. I’ve had enough of that kind of thing. But it’d be okay with me if we went back to seeing each other in secret again. I really do love you, and I don’t want our friendship to end,” Dwayne said, a note of pleading in his voice.

Shay turned to look at Dwayne. He was looking back at Shay with such a look of sadness, Shay thought Dwayne might cry.

Shay’s heart ached. He did love Dwayne. But he couldn’t be thought of as a queer, even if that was what he really was. After a long time of wrestling with himself, Shay said, “Okay, but there’s got to be rules.”

“Okay,” Dwayne said, smiling tentatively.

“I won’t drive you to school in the morning anymore, since I don’t pick up Lilly.”

Dwayne nodded.

“No more meeting me in the hallway and walking with me to classes—even physics that we have together with Mr. Southworth.”

Dwayne nodded again. “Okay.”

“No studying together in the library, don’t sit near me at lunch, and no more doing stuff together on weekends—like movies and things.”

Dwayne sighed resignedly. “Sure.”

“And I can only give you a ride home if Lilly is with us. Can you do all that?”

“Yes.”

Shay let out a deep breath. He turned and began to start the car. “Okay then. I’ll see you around.”

“Can’t you come in with me now? We’re already here and…and I kind of need to be with you. We don’t need to do anything, if you don’t want to. Just need to be with you for a little while.”

Shay hesitated. Then his teenage libido took over. “Sure, but just for a little while.”

The little while turned into an hour or more of intense lovemaking. As they lay there after it was over, Shay’s mind was a mass of confused thoughts. How can I keep doing this? How can I not? I do love Dwayne, and he loves me. But is this the way love is supposed to work—keeping it a secret—sneaking around? It’d be easier if we didn’t love each other, if it was just for s*x. But we do love each other.

After a time, Shay couldn’t stand his merry-go-round of confused thoughts any longer. He got up and dressed. At the front door, he kissed Dwayne. “See ya,” he said and left.