LOVE TAP

Chapter 4. Chloe

When Monday arrived, the fantasy of Saturday night's game had faded away and we were thrust back into reality.

"Mommy I can't find any socks!" My daughter Jessie yelled from the other side of the house.

I was in the middle of making their breakfast quickly before we had to run out the door to get to the school.

I took a deep breath to ground myself, reminding myself that Jessie is only five years old, and even though her socks are sitting in the basket that they are always in, I need to be patient with my little munchkin...

"Okay, sweetie I will get them for you! Come and eat your breakfast!" I hollered back to her.

I had always dreamed about being that incredible mom who goes the extra mile in the morning to make her kids pancakes, bacon, and eggs before school. I didn't know how those moms did it... My own mother was never like that, but Kyle's mom was the perfect mom through and through. Growing up, the moment we woke up when I would sleep over as a young child she would have a delicious, hot breakfast on the table ready to be eaten before the farm chores started... I always said it must have been because her job was to take care of Kyle and the household while Kyle's dad took care of the farm. As I got older, when I thought of the mother I wanted to be someday, I wanted to be just like her... Unfortunately, I have not lived up to my dreams and expectations...

As a grade two teacher, I was so busy preparing my lessons for the day, and fulfilling all of my farm duties before we had to leave, that my kids had to settle for yogurt mixed with berries and granola this morning... Which was a common occurrence at breakfast time...

"Dax! Hurry up and come eat your breakfast!" I yelled up the stairs praying that he hadn't fallen back to sleep.

"I'm right here Mom, and ready to go. I can't wait to tell all my friends about what happened at the game on the weekend and that I got to meet Ryan Collins!" Dax sat down at the breakfast table, his body vibrating as he was filled with excitement. His blonde hair was standing straight up in the air as if he had just rolled out of bed... He most likely had... And he was wearing socks that didn't match... All I could think of was how my son was Exhibit A of my lack of being a perfect mom...

"I am sure everyone will want to hear about your spectacular weekend when you get to school baby... But right now the two of you need to hurry up and eat so that we can get going, I need to get there a few minutes early so that I can get some copies made before the day starts." My kids started shoveling back their yogurt parfaits while I quickly made myself a coffee to go.

Sometimes I felt guilty about the fact that my kids had to arrive at school early and stay a bit late most days. But I was also so grateful that Kyle had helped me get my college degree so that I could fulfill my dream of being a teacher. Not only did I love my job, but one of my favorite parts was that I could see my kids on and off throughout the day.

My kids finished their breakfast and quickly brushed their teeth and then we were off to start our day of responsibilities.

Our farm was about a twenty-minute drive from the school where I taught and the kids attended. It was the perfect setup, and I was so grateful for my mother-in-law who moved in with me and the kids as soon as Kyle passed away.

She originally had plans to do some traveling a year after her husband had passed, but when she unexpectedly and suddenly lost her son too, the grief was too much to bear. She decided that she needed to be close to family, and since I was pregnant when Kyle died, my mother-in-law, Susan knew I needed help with the kids, my job, and the farm. It was all too much for just me, and I was still so young and trying to navigate motherhood and this new life of mine...

Unfortunately, a good portion of the farm work seemed to fall on my mother-in-law since I was busy teaching until the end of June. Once summer started that was my time to take over the farm duties and give Susan a break since she was close to retirement age.

When we arrived at the school Dax and Jessie came to my class with me to make some crafts while they waited for school to start. I was so grateful to the Principle for allowing my kids to hang out in my classroom when class wasn't in session, and my kids loved all of the craft supplies my classroom had to offer. And it put me at ease having them with me, and knowing they are safe.

"Mom look what I made," Dax approached my desk holding up a paper-sized picture that was being held in place by a homemade, glitter-covered popsicle picture frame. The drawing was of a grown-up hockey player and a little boy hockey player side by side. Although Dax is only seven years old, his artistic talents were fairly good, a lot more advanced than the stick figures I usually get handed in for art projects...

"What a wonderful picture Dax, I love it. Is it for me?" Even though both walls behind my desk were completely covered in artwork from my students and my children, every time a kid made me a drawing it melted my heart.

"Sorry Mom, this one isn't for you. I made it for Ryan Collins! It is me and him when I took my big shot and won the contest. I am going to give it to him when we go for that locker room tour I won." Dax had a big smile on his face. I couldn't help my cheeks from turning rosy the moment my son mentioned Ryan's name... It was so sweet that Dax had made him something, I only hoped that Ryan Collins would be just as excited as I was about Dax's hard work, and not break his heart.

As the day went on, I found it difficult to focus on the lesson plan I had laid out, instead my mind kept drifting off to the thought of seeing Ryan again at this weekend's game... I didn't know why I was so infatuated with the idea of getting to speak to him again. It's not like he would have any interest in a single mother of two when he could get any woman he wanted. Plus, I wasn't ready for a relationship anyways... I didn't know if I would ever be ready to move on from Kyle... His loss was still too fresh, and the thought of bringing another man into my life only made me feel guilty. Like I was betraying Kyle and my children by ever thinking of doing something in my life that wasn't for them. I was a mom now... A mom and a teacher, and that's what I needed to devote my life to. Giving my children the best life possible, and helping my students learn about the wonders this world has to offer.

"Knock, knock." I was just about to tell my class to put their pencils down and grab their water bottles for gym class when our PE teacher Chris showed up in my classroom doorway.

"Hey Chris, I was just about to get them lined up and bring them down to the gym for you." I was a bit confused as to why he had shown up at my classroom when all of the teachers usually bring their classes to him...

"I had a few extra minutes on my hands and I thought I would come to grab them from you and give you a little break." Chris smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back at his kind gesture. Chris was handsome with his light brown hair and typical sporty boy features. He had been a good friend since I first started working at this school, and I quite enjoyed spending time with him on our teacher development days.

"That is very kind of you, Chris," I told my students to line up for the gym, once Chris and the rest of my class were gone for their gym class, I decided to have my lunch early and get some work done... But instead of getting any work done, I found my mind consumed by the image of Ryan's smile when Dax made the winning shot...