Dreaming Deeper

Errand

"Does that feel okay, sweetheart? I don't want to hurt you before it even gets fun."

The blue-eyed dream man's words echo in my mind as I stand in line to pick up Nick's priority mail package.

My first time with Nick hurt. A lot. I'd heard that it does, but it was so much worse than I was expecting. He tried to give me foreplay, but his kinks were... Intense. I tried to go with it for him, but it all made me so much more tense and nervous. I felt like I was putting on a show rather than having an intimate moment with my soulmate. My mom had always warned me it was more fun for the man, but I think she was over-selling it. It is only fun for the man.

The experience I had in my dream has left me wondering if maybe it's supposed to be better than this. If it's supposed to be more fun and less painful. But it is just a dream. Maybe I'm being silly. After all, my mom said this is just how it is.

"Artemisia?" a familiar voice calls out from behind me.

"Addie?"

My beloved oldest sister.

"What are you doing here, Artie? We haven't seen you in so long. Are you okay?"

I meet her with confusion. As I'm thinking of a response, the person between us politely steps to the side and allows my sister in front of him in line.

"Thank you! You are so kind," she beams.

I add a grateful smile.

"Yes, I'm completely fine. Why?"

She stares at me with wide eyes.

"We've been trying to see you for months, honey. Nick said you've been too busy and tired."

My eyebrows scrunch.

"I've literally just been at home. I mean, I clean a lot, and I'm pretty busy, but.. I don't understand why he'd say that."

She bites her lip anxiously, as if she's holding back.

"Yeah, that's weird," she pauses. "Well, uh. How are you? How's the house?"

"I'm alright, the house is nice. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to keep it clean," I smile.

She laughs, "Yeah I relate, I wanted to tell you back when it happened but, I found my mate around New Years."

Five whole months ago.

"Wow! That's amazing! I'm so happy for you, Addie! Tell me about him!"

Her face flushes.

"God. He's so wonderful. The night we met, I was at this New Year's party, and people were getting so rowdy. I mean, I was afraid, honestly. Can you believe that? Me!"

We both giggle.

"Anyway, as things were getting really crazy, I tripped and fell straight to the ground. I really truly thought I would be trampled, but in the nick of time, Marcus roared through the crowd and everyone stopped dead in their tracks. He rushed over to help me up before he pulled me into him and purred 'Mine.' It was the most romantic thing I have ever seen. We've been basically inseparable ever since!"

My cheeks sting from the broad grin plastered across my face. I love her so much.

"I am so happy for you, Aedesia. That sounds so wonderful!"

Her smile brightens the dimly lit room.

"I just can't believe I found you here! I've been missing you," her voice shakes softly.

I fight a tear before my memory jogs.

"This is perfect timing! You'll never guess what happened last night!" I stamp my feet gently in excitement.

She raises an eyebrow.

"I dreamt about the boy with ocean eyes!"

Her mouth gapes.

"How long has it been?" she nearly whispers.

"Over a decade at least."

Her hand raises to her cheek.

"That's so crazy. Was it just the one or is it recurring like before?"

"Just one. But it was different this time."

She tilts her head.

"Different?"

I nod.

"It was both of us. We were, um," I hesitate, "You know..."

Her eyes widen, and her lips retreat into her mouth.

"I didn't even know you had s*x dreams."

I didn't either.

"One. One s*x dream."

She rolls her eyes.

"I'm really glad I got to see you, Artie. We really miss you, the whole family does, honestly. None of us really expected Nick to whisk you away like that."

I nod uncomfortably.

"Are we going to see you again?"

"Uh, I- I'm really not sure. Nick is so busy, and I do have a lot to do around the house. I'll call sometime, okay? I'm really glad I got to see you, too."

As she begins to protest, the clerk at the counter calls me to her.

________

Nick's Priority Mail sits beside me in the passenger seat.

The sound of the road passing beneath me hums throughout the car.

My drive home is quiet and lonely.

I begin reflecting on car rides as a child, the sheer volume of four little girls in one car. My mother trying desperately to teach us to be polite little ladies, and all of us showing her the opposite. Even as I got older, and my sisters could drive, the rides were still so loud. Thumping music, off-key karaoke, fits of giggles.

Seeing Aedesia reminded me of how alone I am now.

How quiet my life is.

Thirteen hours every day, it is just me.

Me, alone.

In the deafening silence of a house, not a home.

A house that I spend all day cleaning.

A house that is just me.

I roll my car window down to let in some noise. The wind whipping at the door frame drowns out my thoughts and the rest of the ride passes peacefully.

Trees dance by, New England-styled homes marching on.

My mind clears to find my car facing the house, engine off.

Aedesia's words toss around in my mind like dirty clothes in a washing machine.

Why didn't he tell me about their calls?

What about when my sisters get married? Will he tell me then?

I don't understand why we only have one phone. He makes perfectly good money.

Every time I ask, he always says the same thing, "It just doesn't make sense. You'll just break it. And besides, you don't do anything, anyway."

No phone, no computer, no television.

So I read the books he brings me. And I clean.

My tear ducts start to burn. Tears skip down my face.

Four years.

At the beginning it was as I expected. I went out all the time. My sisters visited. We hosted for holidays.

And then time passed.

And I had more chores.

And he didn't want anyone in our house.

And he was too busy for events.

And he needed to work late.

Now I don't see my family for months at a time.

Now I have no connections outside of him.

Now I'm lucky if I even see him before bed.

Now I do everything for him.

Now I'm completely alone.

I yearn for the days I had an event to be excited for.

As a teen I loathed going to things, being the daughter of an Alpha. I felt like a show pony.

Now I feel like a workhorse.

And I miss being a pony.