Dreaming Deeper

A Regular Morning

My eyes peel open at the sound of the alarm. The rhythmic beeping knocks at my head like a woodpecker on a old tree. Squinty eyes search for the 'Off' button, my hands clambering around in hopes of silencing it. Nick stirs beside me, but never wakes. The alarm ceases, and I flop back onto my pillow.

I wake Nick up every morning. It started off as something I didn't enjoy much, but after a while I recognized the necessity of it. Nick never wakes up to alarms. I've tried everything, but still, no matter how long I let the alarm run, he stays asleep. Sometimes I wonder how he ever kept a job before me, but it doesn't really matter. This is how it's been for four years, and this is how it will be for the rest of them.

I force myself upward, fighting the urge to grumble and moan. Nick doesn't have to be awake for another thirty minutes, and will be less-than-joyous if he does not utilize those thirty minutes.

I sneak out of our bedroom, and enter the kitchen to prepare his breakfast.

He likes bacon, specifically six slices, three breakfast sausage patties, and four eggs. It takes more than thirty minutes to prepare everything, but he spends a while in the bathroom when he first wakes up anyway.

The meats sizzle and pop on the cook-top while I drift off in thought.

I hadn't dreamed about the boy with blue eyes in so long.

And I had never dreamt of us together. Only ever of him. His smile. His laugh.

He looked so different this time. So much… older.

He has a scar on his face now. My heart aches thinking about the pain that must have caused it. It aches to hold him.

It aches for a man that doesn't exist.

I let out a deep sigh. The food is getting close now, and Nick needs to wake up.

Nick is not a morning person. I'm not sure he prefers any time of day, really. He's in a mood around the clock.

I push the door open slowly and carefully, the light from the hallway gradually pouring in.

His face scrunches up as the bright lights flood the room. He shifts his body to face away from me.

"Nick, honey. It's time to get up. Your breakfast is getting close."

No movement.

"Nick, c'mon. You're going to be late."

A groan.

"It's already six, Nick. Please."

The blanket flies upward, exposing the rest of his face and upper body.

"Fine! God. I'm awake. Go back to the kitchen."

Relief replaces anxiety in my chest. He will be on time today.

I finish up the eggs, and start plating his food. I have to wait until I hear him close the bathroom door, or his food will be cold. I place his plate down as he's exiting the bathroom and moving towards me. I take a brief moment to admire my work, smiling down at the silly little face I've arranged with the different foods.

Nick plops down and unceremoniously begins devouring his bacon. I sit across from him silently, and drink my coffee.

Nick prefers I eat my breakfast after him. He says he worries about me when he sees what I eat. I try not to stress him out too much.

"The sausage was chewy. Did you do something different today?"

My face gets hot.

"Oh, uh, no. I guess I just got a little lost in thought while I was cooking."

He stares at me, making uncomfortable eye contact.

"About that dream last night?" he questions.

I shake my head.

"No, actually. Just the whole chicken egg debate. You know, which comes first. I think it had to have been the chicken."

He stares longer.

"What was that dream about anyway?"

I shrug.

"I don't really remember it anymore."

He gives me a dismissive nod.

Without another word, he gets up and goes to dress himself for work.

Nick got a job with his dad when he graduated high school. I think his father runs an accounting firm, but Nick never talks to me about it enough to be sure. All I really know is that his knowledge of the whole matter allowed him to create a successful crypto portfolio. That's why I don't work, I don't have to. He says he'd rather I stay home and take care of things here, that I'm more useful that way. I like it just for the time to read by myself. Nick leaves early and gets home late, so I have endless time to just clean and read. Our house stays spotless, and I finish a book every day.

I do get lonely sometimes, but I think that's just me. I feel lonely even when Nick is just beside me on the couch.

Sometimes I fantasize about how my life would have been had I been a Luna, rather than being mated to an omega. Sure, my life is busy now, but can you imagine how much I'd have to do every day as a Luna? Hosting benefits, maintaining political ally-ships, tending to my busy powerful husband, caring for our children, caring for our people. I get lost in the daydream sometimes, wishing I had more to do than cleaning Nick's dirty laundry and wiping his beard hair off our sink. But, like my mom always said, that's just how things are for a mated female werewolf. "It's our lot in life," she always said with a smile. I really don't know how she did it. I helped around the house a lot as a kid, feeding my sisters, doing laundry, mopping, yard work. My mom always wanted me to be ready for when I became a wife, but taking care of Nick? Whole different ball game.

The sounds of morning cease in the bathroom, and the door opens. Nick emerges, fiddling with his tie.

"Are you off, then?" I ask.

He looks up at me, annoyed.

"I don't answer stupid questions. Pick up that contract from the post office today. Do not forget."

I nod. He snatches his lunchbox from our fridge, and leaves.

I sigh, and lift myself from the table to make my own breakfast.

Ever since I moved in with Nick, I go out less. I really only leave the house when he has an errand for me. Usually it's returning an article of clothing he didn't like, or stopping by the bank to pick up more checks for his father. The post office will be a new one. I'm excited to see new faces and places.

Nick and I live outside of our pack. We're still part of it, but his dad's business caters to regular humans, so we have to live closer to society than most do.

I really miss pack grounds, sometimes. I miss running freely, shifting to hunt, playing with other wolves. I don't think I've ever seen Nick shift. He seems like he likes life as a person more than as a wolf. I couldn't agree less. The human world is so much. They have so many weird rules, and their conflict is so much more complicated. In the wolf world, if you piss someone off, you'll know it. You're either duking it out, or they've at least given you a growl. With humans, you have to pay such close attention to every little thing. If you offend someone, they might look at you weird, or maybe even scoff. You have to play Sherlock Holmes and try to solve the mystery of why they stopped returning your calls. I hate it. When I moved I hoped I would make friends, but every time I tried I failed. They'd either stop replying, or Nick would realize they weren't a good match for me and I'd block them. I always appreciated that about him, he's much better at reading people than me. He can always spot the red flags. I usually only see the best in people, but I trust him to know who isn't safe.

I finish up my simple meal, just corned beef hash with a single egg cracked on top, and sit at the table to eat. Alone. In silence.

Just a regular morning.

A regular, lonely morning.