Numinous

Fourteen

Benj was grateful that work was a complete s**t show tonight and he had been moved to the emergency wing to help out at the front desk. He hadn’t wanted to come to work at all, knowing that he and Jessica would eventually have to see each other and talk about what had happened a few nights ago. He had been able to get out of it by skipping class, but he couldn’t skip work if he intended to stay employed for much longer.

He was mortified by his actions and wanted to crawl into a hole and die because of them. He in no way had the right words to explain why he kissed her. He could tell her that he was lonely, but he hadn’t just gotten there—he was literally always lonely and she knew that better than anyone. They kept each other company almost every day for six years. There was no way that she didn’t know him by now.

He just couldn’t stop thinking about losing his only friend because he was horny and desperate. Because he gave his heart way too soon to a woman he barely knew who decided to disappear off the face of the earth the moment he decided that he might actually be a decent partner for her. He didn’t want to feel resentment toward Avery, but what else did he have? Nothing made sense to him anymore.

She was just so genuine and real when he was with her, he didn’t know how anyone could fake that. Not to mention that she could have had anything she wanted from him if she had just asked. She hadn’t asked him for anything though. This entire time. It made him crazy. He knew she wasn’t just using him. Especially since all that she had gotten from him were a few free meals—she didn’t get anything substantial out of that, did she?

“Benj, are you listening to me?” Stacy was calling to him from her chair across the nurse’s station from where he sat in his own chair, zoned out and miserable. He turned to her and shook his head. “You know I wasn’t, Stace.” He muttered. She made a face at him. “Well, I was saying; you look down. Want to talk about it?” Stacy was nice enough.

She was a nosy middle aged chain smoking medical assistant with curly brown hair that was slowly graying at the roots and dimples in her cheeks. She always wore colorful scrubs with matching colorful clogs to go with them. She had three children all under the age of twelve and she was severely overworked—not unlike everyone else.

The hospital was terribly understaffed as it was, and Benj ended up spending a lot more time chatting with her than he would like to. He didn’t like telling all of his business to people who pried the information out of you just to have something to talk about at the end of their day.

“I’m not down. Aren’t you charting?” He asked her, and he realized too late that it came out harsh. He was just in a bad mood and didn't mean to project it, but by the way Stacy’s nostrils flared, he knew that there was no taking it back. “I can multitask, young man. Unlike you—you’ve been sitting there twiddling your thumbs like a jackass all night. Why don’t you go do some rounds and answer some call lights or something?”

Benj’s cheeks burned as she put him in his place.

She was right—he hadn’t done a single thing tonight. They didn’t need him getting in the way of all the new patients they were now housing. His only job was to check them in as they came and seat them. The rush had long died down since it was the middle of the night. Now there was a waiting room full of people waiting to be seen by a doctor and he was useless once more.

Benj stood from his chair without speaking and began to make his way to the back of the station and out into the hall when he heard a commotion from the far end of the hall. The ambulance sirens were loud in his ears as he watched the double doors open and three paramedics rushed a gurney in through them. They seemed to float down the hall, guided by a nurse who was staring troublingly down at the person who lay motionless on the gurney.

As they neared his position—stood at the end of the long hall, he noticed a familiar head of curls and felt panic enter his heart. He began to follow them through the halls until they made it to the room they were assigned. He didn’t even really know what possessed him to do it, but he followed them into the room and watched helplessly as they began to turn on machines and hook her up to them in an attempt to quickly figure out her status. He knew what was happening, but seeing these actions being performed on Avery—a woman he had only ever imagined smiling, happy and healthy. This was different from being inside of the classroom or on the floor as an aid. Benj could tell Avery was hurt pretty badly by the way everyone was moving with urgency and complete focus.

“Avery?” He called out, unwittingly and worried as he finally caught a glimpse of her face. She was bloodied and bruised, her lips a light blue color, her skin paler than he’d ever seen it. Her eyes were swollen shut, her hair matted and tangled. He noticed she was naked underneath the thin blanket they put over top of her, dark purplish bruises encircled her throat. Tears welled up in his eyes as he noticed the cut just below her cheekbone that looked deep and painful. He could hardly believe that what he was seeing was real. Benj had seen Avery only a few days ago and she was fine.

She was safe.

And now she lay on a gurney in the hospital and Benj felt like the biggest piece of s**t in the world for all the resentment he felt toward her because she hadn’t shown up for their date. It looked like she had been beaten within an inch of her life and he had been concerned that she didn’t like him back the way he liked her. She could have died and he’d been upset that she didn’t show up to a stupid date.

Benj had made a huge mistake and kissed Jessica all because he convinced himself that if Avery hadn’t shown up to their date, that it obviously meant that she didn’t want him anymore. He was an i***t. He was a shallow, self-centered i***t and she deserved better. She deserved better than to be where she was now.

“Are you supposed to be in here?” A female nurse stood in front of him, her eyebrows knitted together as she took in his tears and scrubs. He knew he looked ridiculous and he was slowing down the process they were in of trying to save her life, but he felt frozen to his spot. His brain didn’t want to work at what it would take to properly process the information his eyes were receiving.

“I…That’s…I need to know what happened to her. What happened to her?” His voice didn’t sound like his voice. It sounded distant and unfamiliar, his mouth had gone dry and he felt faint as he spoke. The energy it took to speak was astounding.

“You need to get out of here and let us do our jobs, sir. We will know more soon.” The nurse said, placing her hands on his shoulders and guiding him out of the room with force. “Avery! Avery?” He called anyway, despite the looks he got. The door was shut in his face and then he was just left standing there, staring at it like he could suddenly develop powers and burn a hole through it.

He felt tears streaming down his face, but didn’t move to wipe at them. Instead, he stepped to the side of the door and sat on the floor. He didn’t know what else to do. His body was refusing to let him move until he knew that Avery was going to be okay.

He didn’t know how long he sat on the floor. He sat there as he heard voices inside the room and people coming in and out with various machines and tools. He only looked up when they wheeled her down the hall in her bed to get x-rays and a CT scan done. His heart pounded heavily as he thought of what that meant. CT scans weren’t just routinely performed. They were assuming the worst. He was assuming the worst.

He thought that perhaps it was just his luck. It was his luck that the woman that he liked, who finally felt within his reach would be so unobtainable. She was fighting for her life and all he could think about was how it made him feel and he knew that was wrong, but he didn’t know how to stop that from happening. He knew he was only this upset because of how it affected him, but he was also concerned for Avery’s well-being.

“What are you doing on the floor?” He looked up as Stacy approached him apprehensively. Her tone was softer than it had been earlier. “I didn’t mean to upset you, kid. Just wanted to maybe cheer you up a little. You don’t seem like yourself.” Benj sighed as another tear fell from his eye and he wiped at it angrily.

“I—I don’t…m-my friend w-was j-j-just rushed i-in.” He stuttered. He saw her eyes flick to the door he was sat in front of and her eyes softened as she approached him and kneeled down in front of him. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. You…you just gonna sit here? You’re still on shift for the next hour.” Benj shuddered. “I don’t w-want to l-leave her. I d-don’t want h-her t-to be a-alone.”

“Benj, I don’t think you’re doing anyone any favors by sitting on the floor like this and crying. Come on. Let’s go find the nurse practitioner and explain to her why you need to clock off early and go out for some fresh air while we wait for them to finish, okay?” He began to shake his head, but she took his hands and pulled him up to his feet with surprising strength.

“Come on, honey. Let’s go.”

***

“Okay, I got her file.” Benj looked up from his untouched cup of coffee as Stacy came back, climbing back into her car and shutting the door. Benj sighed. “This is illegal.” He told her. “I want to help you, Benj. They won’t tell you what’s going on.” He looked over at her appreciatively.

“Hey, thanks. For…for not being mad at me earlier. And smoking me out. And breaking like ten HIPPA laws for me.” Stacy laughed. “Sure, kid. Tell anyone I smoke with you and you’re done-zo, got it?” He nodded while taking the papers she held in her hand from her. “Understood.”

“Are you sure you want to read that? I could read it for you and just tell you what it says. Some things just don’t—”

“I need to do this, Stacey. I don’t even know if she would forgive me for invading her privacy like this, but I’d rather it be me than you, I’m sorry.” She shrugged.

He took a deep breath and started to read the file. She had a concussion that resulted in brain swelling, but there was no bleeding present. They noted abdominal bruising and a fractured mandible. Her bottom two left ribs were broken, and pieces were lodged into her spleen causing internal bleeding. The doctor had attempted to save her spleen during surgery, but noticed upon entry that the wound was too deep and ordered for a splenectomy. They administered her a blood transfusion after the operation, but quickly needed another as she went into shock. There was bruising around her eyes and neck as well as swelling and evidence of strangulation. She was found in a state of severe hypothermia and had been treated with fluids, humidified oxygen, and finally they induced a coma while the swelling in her brain went down and her body temperature came back to a normal range so there wouldn’t be any further damage after her injuries.

The injuries were consistent with those of domestic violence cases. Benj knew them well—he had been studying injuries to the body for almost a full decade. He balled the paper up in his hand, knowing he wanted to read more, but not wanting to find out what else she had gone through. “What kind of monster would do this to another person? She lost her spleen, Stacy, what the f**k? How could this have happened?” Stacy felt for the man in her passenger seat as she reached out to steady his hands with hers.

“I’m not sure, Benj. Not anyone who deserves to be walking around free while she’s in there—that’s for sure. Do you think she could have been mugged?” Benj shook his head to shake free the image of her getting mugged on her way to meet him at the restaurant. He regretted not insisting on picking her up from her apartment. He regretted not protecting her like he should have. He regretted it a lot.

“She was naked, but they didn’t say if there was evidence of s****l assault, do you think they just decided to take her clothes after they beat her for good measure?”

“Stacy, please. I don’t want to think about her like that.”

“I’m sorry,” she sounded sincere. “I don’t mean to make it worse.” Benj was getting anxious. “I think I’m going to go see if they’ll let me sit with her. I can’t fathom the thought of her waking up alone and scared after going through what she did.” He started to open the door.

“Hey,” Stacy called. He turned to her. “You’re a good man, Benj. I’m glad she had someone like you in her life.”