Numinous

Twenty

Avery beamed up at Benj as he approached her, sweat gluing his curls to his forehead, dimples in his flushed cheeks and a smile adorning his lips. The way his eyes were trained on hers made it hard to breathe. They were surrounded by a bunch of people, some working backstage, some watching the set, many trying to get Benj's attention to congratulate him on the turn out, but he was only focused on one person. The only person who showed up that he really cared about.

His heart beat wildly, eyes lighting up as her smile spread across her face. She didn't smile very often, but it seemed like she was always smiling at him. It made his heart happy. He couldn't deny she had a hold on him. He reached her, reaching out to hold her hands in his, electricity flowing through her when he did, like he was transferring the built up energy he had over to her, and she could feel it in her toes. "Hi," he said over the chatter, brilliant gaze on her. She smiled back at him, heart fluttering inside her chest. "Hi," she repeated, lacing her fingers through his.

She hadn’t seen him for a week. He got more and more handsome every time she saw him. Plus, he was always so happy to see her, always had something new to tell her, always wanted to hear about her week, always told her she was beautiful, and she didn't hear that a lot. It made her feel good.

"Did you—did you like the set?" He asked her, face flushed. He always got so damn nervous. She nodded her head vigorously, brown eyes warm and genuine, a grin plastered on her make-up free face. "It was amazing, Benji, you looked so good up there, it sounded amazing, everyone in the crowd loved it, you were smiling the whole time, I could feel your energy from where I stood; you captured the entire room,"

"Did you? Love it, I mean?" He asked, interrupting her. She nodded again, a laugh escaping her lips. He was adorable when he was this excited over something, this excited over being able to share something that brought him joy with her. She cherished him for that. She always would. Besides, she found herself loving his music. It just spoke to her and reminded her a lot of what it felt like just being around someone like him. With his charisma and charm; with his absolute magnetic energy that made her want to cling to him.

"Yes, I loved it." She told him happily. He pulled her into a bone crushing hug, and it shocked her at first, but she hugged him back fiercely. "I'm so glad you're here. Having you with me made the performance anxiety just melt away."

"I'm glad I could help," she told him. He hummed in response, holding her still. She enjoyed being in his arms, sighing in content. It felt like it was just the two of them in a room alone, like this. "So," he began, "I was thinking we could grab a bite to eat before I drop you back home," the thought of having to go home tonight made dread sink into her belly and sit there like a rock.

They pulled away from each other, and before she could answer him, his name was being called, and she turned her head to see a beautiful woman coming toward them, arms wide open for Benj, a wide bright smile plastered on her flawless face. She had long wavy brown hair, bright green eyes and thick eyebrows that added an exotic twist to her features. She barreled into Benj at full speed, knocking him backward a bit.

"You did so good tonight, Benj!" He pulled away from her. "Thank you!" He said, holding her at arm’s length for a moment before letting his arms drop. Avery's heart didn't like seeing him hug other women, she felt herself becoming a little upset at the way the woman was looking at Benj, although she knew she had no right to.

Benj wasn’t hers just because she wanted him to be.

She knew that he was free to do whatever he pleased. But she was hoping that he only had eyes for her. He turned back to Avery, who was awkwardly standing with her arms at her sides behind him. She was glad he turned his attention back to her. She felt selfish and guilty for it, as well, but it was hard feeling bad when he looked at her like that.

"Av, this is Jessica, my coworker and personal friend, and Jess, this is Avery, she is very special to me." Avery was just glad he didn't call her a friend. Avery smiled politely at Jessica who flashed her a smile as well, but it was anything but friendly. "It’s so nice to finally meet you," she said. Avery flushed, as did Benj. “Benj has told me so much about you,”

"I talk about you all the time," he told her, and she tried to hide her smile. "Shut up, no you don't," she told him playfully.

"Benj," a voice boomed from across the room. There was a tall gentleman with another much shorter man next to him approaching the three of them. Once they reached the group, the taller man introduced himself as Josh, Benj's manager—to which Benj shook his head and rolled his eyes, explaining Josh wasn't his manager, but a close friend.

"This is that dude I've been telling you about, his name is David and he flew in from Florida to see you preform, man. Want to check out some of his s**t?" Benj's eyes lit up. "Hell yeah," he began to follow the other two, but turned back to Avery. "I'm going to be right back, why don't you two chat a little?" Avery wanted to ask him to please not leave her alone with his supermodel friend, but he was too excited.

She looked over at Jessica, who held a look of distaste in her expression. "So," she began, taking Avery in once more. Avery felt self-conscious in her leggings and the big baggy sweatshirt Benj bought her from the hospital gift shop when Jessica had worn a dress and heels. "Aren't you just adorable? Where did he find you?" Avery cleared her throat before responding to her. She knew when she was being patronized.

"We met at my job," she said nervously. Jessica nodded. "I met him six years ago, in medical school. We've been great friends for years." The way she said it was snarky and matter-of-factly. Avery didn’t like the edge she had to her voice, as if they were in competition for Benj’s affection and Avery was losing.

"He's a really good man," Avery said, watching him from across the room with headphones on, smiling as he moved his head to the beat playing in his ears, nodding to David, who was nervously waiting to hear his opinion.

"Too good, if you ask me," she said snidely. Avery gulped and decided maybe talking wasn't the move. She desperately hoped Benj would hurry. She wasn't good at mingling or talking to people. She was strictly good with speaking when being spoken to.

"So where do you work?" Jessica asked, twirling a chunk of hair around her finger. Avery felt like dying. "I work at a diner. A-Al's Diner up on sixth street." Jessica raised her eyebrows.

"Well, that’s nice. Benj has always had a soft spot for that part of town. God knows why, no offense." Avery pursed her lips, but couldn't keep the disdain off of her face. "Why would I be offended?" She asked. Jessica raised her eyebrows and gestured mildly towards her.

"Oh, I just assumed you were...how do I say this, from the projects." Avery laughed shortly. It was hilarious, that this woman cared so much about class, as if it mattered. As if their clothing told the world who they were. Even if Avery had all the riches in the world, she wouldn't dress the way Jessica did, and she was sure if Jessica were in Avery's place, she would find ways to dress up. They were the same, but also so different from each other. Both women, both controlled by things which they couldn't understand. Avery by Allen and Jessica by her own ignorance.

What Avery wouldn't give just to be from the projects. To have a family, to live somewhere other than alone, in that disgusting one room apartment. Where she was from was a lot worse than some neighborhood in a rough part of town.

"That's cute," Avery commended, "but I'm not threatened by you, so you've got to try a little harder than that to offend me." It was a complete lie, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say. She smiled at the other girl sweetly, although her heart was hammering in her chest, her palms sweaty.

"I hope you know this is just temporary. Benj doesn't know what's good for him, but when he realizes that this is just infatuation, and that you're just a gold digging w***e, you'll be sorry you ever opened your mouth, you dumb trailer park bitch." She said it quietly, off-handedly, and Avery felt tears prickling behind her eyes, but she couldn't cry.

That was probably the last thing anyone expected.

Jessica probably expected her to try and fight her, but Avery didn't want to have a violent bone in her body, she was getting away from all of that. She never gave into her anger—anger is what got her into her current predicament. She just wanted to break down and cry and ask Jessica why she had to be mean to her when this was the first taste of happiness she'd ever had and she wasn't ready to say goodbye.

But as she saw Benj heading back toward them, his face held in an apologetic smirk, she shook the feeling off. As he approached them, he slid his hand into hers at her side, his fingers squeezing hers tightly. "Sorry about that, I got way too excited, that guy wants to collaborate with me!" Jessica smiled at him sweetly. "Oh my goodness, that's great news! You've been following him for a while now, right?" Avery looked up at Benj as he nodded animatedly.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess hard work pays off."

"You deserve it, especially after today, you'll probably blow up overnight." He rolled his eyes at Jessica's words. "I'm not too sure about all of that, but I am excited for what's to come," he said humbly. Avery smiled at him and he grinned back down at her.

"So were you just here to watch me or are you staying for the rest of the show?" He asked. Jessica tucked her hair behind her ear. "Oh, don't flatter yourself," she laughed. "I'm also here meeting some friends for ladies’ night. God knows I need a night out."

Relief washed over Avery.

She didn't want Jessica to intrude on their dinner. She was excited to have Benj all to herself. She involuntarily moved closer to him. He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, seemingly without a thought. She wasn't complaining, even as she saw Jessica’s eyebrow tick up.

"I just came to watch you play, it was absolutely amazing!" Avery wanted to point out she'd already said that, but kept her mouth shut, busying herself with messing with the lanyard sticking out of Benj's pocket.

"Thank you, that means so much to me, Jess, really. You've always been a big supporter." Avery wanted to chime in with a laugh, maybe a snide comment, but swallowed that feeling down. Benj didn't need to see that ugly side of her, and she didn't need to bring it out, either.

"So I guess I'll let you two get to it!" She said, hugging Benj briefly with one arm, waving once more and leaving. Benj brought his other arm up to wrap around the woman in his arms, dropping a quick kiss on the top of her head, butterflies erupting in her stomach.