Capture Me: The Complete Trilogy

Chapter 19

19Lucas

Yulia stills underneath me, her slim body wracked by violent tremors, and I know she’s no longer there, in that old place of her terrors.

She’s back here with me.

It should feel good, this victory. Her former trainer’s name and the agency’s initials are a solid lead. Our hackers will scour the net, and it’s only a matter of time before they locate Yulia’s bosses and her lover.

I’ve fulfilled the task I set out to complete.

Except for some reason, it doesn’t feel like a victory. My chest aches dully as I withdraw my fingers from Yulia’s body, and there’s an emptiness inside me, a void where rage and jealousy used to live.

I hurt her. Not much—maybe not at all, in the physical sense. She hadn’t been totally dry, and I was careful not to injure her. But I hurt her nonetheless.

I took the horror of her past and used it to break her. Knowing her fear of s****l violence, I let her get scared enough to attack, and then I retaliated in the way she dreads most.

I recreated the conditions of her nightmare to bring back that terrified fifteen-year-old girl.

“Yulia.” I move off her and sit up, the ache in my chest intensifying when she just lies there, trembling. Extending my hand, I gently stroke her back, unable to find the right words. Her skin is cold and clammy under my fingertips, her breathing unsteady. “Sweetheart…”

She twists away, her body contorting into a small ball of naked limbs. Her shorts are still around her knees, but she doesn’t seem aware of that. She’s just rolling up tighter and tighter, as if trying to make herself disappear.

“Come here, baby.” I can’t help reaching for her. She’s stiff as I draw her into my lap, every muscle in her body rigid with tension. I know my touch is the last thing she wants right now, but I can’t let her deal with this on her own.

Even knowing about her love for another man, I can’t leave Yulia alone.

Her face is wet against my shoulder as I hold her, stroking her back, her hair, the sleek muscles of her calves. The peach scent of her skin teases my nostrils, but my lust for her is muted for the moment, leaving me free to focus on her comfort. With her knees drawn up to her chest, Yulia seems no bigger than a child, her entire body fitting on my lap. Her fragility weighs on me, adding to the heavy pressure around my heart. I don’t know what to do, so I just hold her, letting my warmth soothe her chilled flesh. She doesn’t pull away, doesn’t fight me, and it’s enough for now.

It has to be enough.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur when her shaking begins to ease. The words probably sound as hollow to her as they do to me, but I persist, needing her to understand. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but we had to move past this standoff. You would’ve never trusted me enough to tell me about UUR. And now it’s over. It’s done. I promised I wouldn’t harm you if you talked, and I won’t. It’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Once her lover is dead, she’s going to be mine and mine alone.

Yulia doesn’t say anything, but after a few more minutes, her breathing normalizes and her shaking stops. Even her skin feels warmer, though her body is still rigid in my embrace.

“Are you tired, baby?” I whisper, moving my hand over her back in small, soothing circles. “Do you want to go to sleep?”

She doesn’t answer, but I feel her stiffening even more.

“Don’t worry, I won’t touch you,” I say, guessing at the source of her tension. “We’ll just go to sleep, okay?”

Still no response, but I’m not expecting any at this point. Cradling her against my chest, I get up and carry her to her side of the bed, then gently place her on top of the sheets. Yulia immediately rolls away from me, wrapping herself in the blanket, and I let her be while I take off my clothes and get the handcuffs.

Lying down beside her, I pull away the blanket and reach for her left wrist. “Come here, sweetheart. You know the drill.”

She doesn’t resist when I snap the handcuffs around her wrist and mine. It should’ve been uncomfortable to sleep like this, with our left wrists locked together, but I’ve gotten so used to it that it feels entirely natural.

As soon as I have Yulia secured, I pull her against my chest, holding her from the back. When my groin presses against her ass, I feel rough material against my bare c**k and realize she managed to pull up her shorts while I was undressing. I consider letting her sleep like this, but after shifting a few times in search of a better position, I reach for the shorts’ zipper.

“I’m just going to hold you,” I promise, tugging the shorts down her legs while she lies rigid and unresisting. “You’ll be more comfortable as well.”

Kicking the shorts away, I pull her back into the spooning position, marveling at the perfect way her naked body fits into my arms. Before I met Yulia, I didn’t get the appeal of cuddling with a woman, but now I can’t imagine not holding her as I fall asleep.

Of course, normally I hold Yulia after s*x, I realize as my c**k stiffens against her ass. Sleeping is a lot easier after I’ve f****d her a couple of times.

Oh, well. I take a deep breath and picture myself crawling through the mud in the mountains of Afghanistan, with icy sleet soaking through my clothes. When that doesn’t work, I think of my parents and the way they never touched or smiled at each other, substituting politeness for caring and mutual ambition for a family bond.

The latter memory does the trick, and my erection subsides enough for me to relax. As I sink into the soothing darkness of sleep, I dream of peach pies, angels with long blond hair, and a smile.

Yulia’s bright, genuine smile.