Secret Mate: Night Circus Series

Never Ending Love 6

Thana

“You have not washed.”

Caradoch's voice was loud in the quiet, but I didn’t move from my place on the bed.

“Have you even eaten?” There was a soft sound as the door clicked shut behind him. When he wasn’t in the room, I couldn’t even find the door. It just disappeared. It didn’t matter how many times I ran my hand across the bricks, I could not find it.

More magic, no doubt.

“You told me to stay where I was when you ran away.” I shrugged. “So that’s what I did.” My voice was nonchalant, just like I wanted it to be. I’d had a long time to figure out how I was going to act when he came back and I had decided on difficult.

I couldn’t escape, and I couldn’t fight him. Even if he had been a human man, I doubt I could have bested him, but I could make it difficult to keep me locked up. I would do everything he asked me to do. Literally. If that meant staying on the bed because he told me not to move, then that’s what I would do. Even if it felt like my bladder was going to explode.

“I see.” The bed dipped as he sat down. “I missed you today.”

His words took me by surprise, forgetting my vow not to move. I scooted away from him.

“Did you miss me even a little?” His eyes searched my face. The sigh that left his lips was quiet and sad. “You aren’t there yet, are you? It was wrong of me to ask you that…” Kicking off his shoes, he laid down, facing me. “I would like to hold you.”

“Why?” Out of all the things he could have asked me, I hadn’t been expecting that.

“The Daughters of Cain…” He breathed in and his eyes closed for a second. “I’m sorry. You do not know who they are, do you?” His hand crept over the rumpled blankets, edging inch by inch towards me. And there was nowhere else for me to go. The wall was already pressed against my back.

“They are in town and they are not very happy with me. Or my coven, it would seem. It will make things dangerous for us.” His eyes found mine, and it suddenly felt like I was falling. Warmth spread through my chest, and my heart stopped for a split second before it slammed back to life. I swallowed hard as my stomach lurched.

“What the hell was that?” I swore. “You said you couldn’t bespell me?”

Had he lied? He must have, because something had just happened when I looked into his eyes.

“I didn’t do anything to you, Thana.” His hand crawled across my hip and my body reacted instantly.

Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself. “You are just…”

He squeezed, and my mouth fell open. My eyes were open, but I couldn’t see what was right in front of my face. My reality ceased to exist.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I whispered with my eyes closed, but I didn’t make any move to move his hand from my hip.

“We aren’t doing anything wrong, Thana.” Caradoch's whispered words seemed to blow away with the wind that was coming off the ocean. “We are just talking.”

I knew we were just talking, but even with the bundles of material between his hand and my skin, it felt intimate. Like he was touching me and not my clothes.

“We’ve lain here and talked for hours before. What makes this time different?”

I didn’t know why it was different. It just was. Maybe because the last time we had done this, we had been kids. Neither one of us was a child anymore.

We didn’t have childish feelings.

“It just feels different,” I whispered.

Caradoch shifted his position, hovering above me, so I had to look up at him. Even with the grey clouds above his head, he looked like an angel. A beautiful dark angel. All the girls thought so. They all had eyes for him.

And he only had eyes for me.

It had been that way since I was seven years old and he had told me that one day he would marry me and then pushed me into the pigpen and made me cry. I had never seen Caradoch look at another girl in the village.

“Caradoch…” Something deep inside of me clenched. I didn’t know what it was, but it felt nice. A warmth that made me squirm against the sand. Above me, his eyes narrowed. “Close your eyes, Thana.”

“Why?”

“Just do what I ask.” He chuckled. “I want to try something. Don’t worry.” He smiled. “It’s not going to be bad. You do trust me, don't you?”

I didn’t even hesitate. “Of course I do. You are my best friend.” I closed my eyes and forced myself to relax.

It happened slowly. Something soft brushed against my mouth once. And then again, harder. Caradoch's breath washed over my face.

“I do not want to be your friend, Thana.” Finally, his lips left mine, and I opened my eyes. “I want to be your husband. Your lover.” His beautiful face came closer to mine, his eyes seemed so impossibly huge that it felt like I was sinking into them. Caradoch's lips brushed against mine and this time I saw them coming and I was ready for them.

These were my first kisses.

My lips parted in a sigh, and his tongue tentatively brushed against my bottom lip. “Is this ok, Thana?” Over and over again, he kissed me, and after a few seconds of hesitation, I returned each press of his lips. Electricity flowed through me the moment I let my tongue tangle with his.

It was such a new feeling to me, this wanton need. But it didn’t feel wrong.

With a groan, he rolled fully on top of me. His mouth devoured mine. One strong hand drew my leg up over his hip, baring my thigh.

“Tell me this is…”

Above us, the grey clouds parted. Lightning lit up the sky.

“I want you. Tell me you want me.”

I did want him. And I knew it was wrong, even though my body was telling me it was right. I shouldn’t have been kissing him or letting him lay half on top of me like he was. If anyone saw us, I would be ruined, and my father would be…

It didn’t matter that my father would be furious. It didn’t even matter what Caradoch wanted. I knew what I wanted, and it was him.

Need blossomed in my chest as fierce and bright as the sun, and I reached for him, pulling him down on top of me more firmly. This time it was me who kissed him. Me, who thrust my tongue into his mouth.

Caradoch's moan was swept away by a gust of wind, but I felt it. Just like I felt his hand slide down my leg to pull my knee up and over his hip.

Tearing my lips away from his, I moaned as his fingers swept across the bare skin of my thigh for the first time. He pushed himself more firmly between my legs, his hips rocking. And I was assaulted by new sensations.

A heat spread through me. Pleasure tinged with nerves.

“Caradoch.” I tried to reach for his wrist, to stop his wandering hand from climbing further. He was already touching me too much. If anyone saw us, then I wouldn’t just be ruined, I would bring shame to my whole family.

“Please.”

The tips of his fingers stilled at the very edge of my s*x.

“It’s ok, Thana.” There was a note of disappointment in his voice. Like somehow I had let him down. I never wanted to let him down. Caradoch had been the love of my life since I was a child. We were meant to be together.

“I don’t want to do anything you aren’t ready for. You’re still young and inexperienced compared to the other girls in the village.”

His words were meant to be reassuring, but instead, I felt humiliated. Humiliated and jealous. Had Caradoch been with the other girls in the village? All of this time, I had always presumed that I was the only one he had eyes for.

“I’m not too damn young, Caradoch,” I swore. “And I’m better than any of the girls in the village.”

“Yes, you are, Thana. That’s why I want you to be my wife and not any of them.” He cupped my face tenderly between his hands and kissed me. “You liked it when I kissed you, didn’t you?”

Staring up at him, I nodded. “Of course I liked it, but—”

He pressed his lips to mine, silencing me for a second. “Then close your eyes again because I want to kiss you somewhere else.”

Something in the way he said it made my cheeks heat up. “Where?”

His smile was beautiful, angelic. It didn’t match the darkness clouding his eyes. “Trust me and close your eyes, Thana. I promise it won’t hurt.”

I closed my eyes because I did trust him. I trusted him as much as I loved him.

Caradoch's weight lifted off me for a second and then I felt his hands on my thighs, drawing them wider apart. Cold Welsh air flowed up my skirts, my eyes flew open in a panic as he bared my most intimate area to the elements.

“Caradoch…” I shivered as his hot breath blew over me. His face was between my thighs and his lips so close to me that he would only have to move slightly and he would bring them to…

He licked straight into me.

My head fell back, and a moan escaped my lips.

“W–what in a–all…?” I couldn’t get any words out. All I could do was lay there and try to make sense of what he had just done. “We shouldn’t.”

“It’s just a kiss, Thana.” He did it again and then again. His tongue was a stiff point as it explored me. “The same as I kiss your lips, I can kiss you here. Do you like it?”

“Yes.” I did like it. It felt strange, and I had a weird sense that I shouldn’t like it, but I did. “But…”

“No buts. Close your eyes. Let me do this for you. I promise you it will feel even nicer soon.”

“Ok.” Settling back on the sand, I lost myself in what he was doing. Even when I didn’t quite know what he was doing.

All I knew was that it felt nice.

“Mmm, Thana, you taste amazing.” Strong hands tightened around my thighs, pulling me more firmly to his face, and I didn’t fight against him.

“Do you like it when I do this?”

My body stiffened like a bolt of lightning had just zapped through my body from the storm clouds gathering above us. But it wasn’t any lightning. It was the tip of his tongue swirling around a part of my body that I had been told I should never touch.

But then again, Caradoch shouldn’t be touching it. It was a thing that should only be shared when a girl was married.

“We mustn’t.” The word came out in a ragged moan. “It’s wrong.”

“No, it’s not Thana. Nothing that feels this good could ever be wrong. It does feel good, doesn't it?” One rough finger replaced his tongue and circled. My back arched.

“Ohh.” My fingers scrambled to move his hand away from me. This wasn’t a kiss, this was…this was…

His mouth smashed back against me; his tongue and fingers worked in unison.

This was wrong.

This was heaven.

“Relax, Thana. Just relax and let it happen.”

My body stiffened under his, every muscle tensed like I was waiting for something, but I didn’t know what.

It happened like a wave crashing on the shore, violently and all at once. The tenseness in my body disappeared. My body seemed to turn into liquid fire. Throwing back my head, I screamed.

Caradoch's moan was almost as loud.

“Kiss me, Thana.” Suddenly he was above me, holding himself from crushing me under him with one arm. The other was fumbling between our bodies. “Taste how sweet you are.”

Something thick and hot pressed against me and I stiffened. Pushing at his shoulders, I shook my head. “Caradoch, we mustn’t.”

I didn’t know much, but I knew that was wrong.

“I’m not going to.” Caradoch kissed me hard. “I won’t put it inside of you, Thana. I wouldn’t until you were ready…I just need...”

He moved, sliding his thick, hot shaft against me. And it felt good.

“I’m not going to put it inside of you, Thana. I just need to feel your body against mine.”

“You…” I shivered under him. “Oh, oh, oh.” Screwing my eyes shut, I clung to his shoulders as our bodies merged. Having his kisses between my legs had been glorious, but this was different. It felt more dangerous. Like one wrong move and I would be ruined.

So why did I want to be ruined?

“God, I want you.” Caradoch stilled. The head of his manhood was pressed against me, testing the resistance of my body under his. “It would only hurt for a second. And then you would be mine. A moment of pain for a lifetime of pleasure.”

The first icy rain drop hit my face, and then others.

Groaning, Caradoch rolled off me into the sand. He settled my dress back over my legs before standing.

“Go, Thana, before I lose control of myself totally. Your father will be suspicious if you come home soaked and sandy.” Reaching out, he caught my wrist before I could fully scramble to my feet. “But tell him that I will be visiting this evening. I want you to be my wife.” He smiled. Not just his lips, but his eyes as well. “And I want you to be my wife soon, so tell him to expect me.”

Blushing, I ducked my head, blinking rain out of my face as it lashed down in a grey sheet. Pelting me in the face. And half blinding me. “I will, Caradoch.”

“I love you, Thana. I will love you for all eternity, this I swear.”

His words warmed me from the inside out. It didn’t matter that my clothes were wet or that my hair was dripping rain water into my eyes. To me, it felt like the sun was shining down on us. Blessing us. Nothing else in my life was as important as those words because they would set me free.

Caradoch loved me. He would love me forever.

I blinked, and it all went away. I was back in my prison. On a narrow bunk bed with a vampire.

A vampire that was looking at me with tears in his beautiful eyes. “You remember?” He asked in a whisper. “You went back, didn’t you?”

I didn’t want to nod, but my head moved up and down. I could see it all so clearly still. More than a dream, it felt like a memory.

A memory of a past life.

“Did that really happen?”

Leaning into me, Caradoch rubbed his fingers under my eyes. They came away wet. And it was only then that I realised I was crying. Not great racking sobs, but tears were falling thick and fast down my cheeks. My eyes streamed, my lashes soaked like they had been all those years ago on the beach in the rain.

“Yes.” Sadly, he smiled. “What do you remember?”

Pausing, I took a deep, cleansing breath. The air in the room was salty, the breeze refreshing. I could almost feel the sea spray on my face.

“I think it was our first kiss, our first time together. You said that you would love me forever.”

“And I have.”

Closing my eyes, I tried to make sense of this new wave of affection I felt for him. I didn’t know him, but I loved him. I never wanted to leave him, even when it scared me. “Did we…?” I gulped and cleared my throat. “Did we end up getting married?”

The bed creaked as he moved away from me. He sat there on the edge of the bed, his shoulders hunched. “No.”

I waited for him to continue. But I didn’t want to know why not. Something deep inside of me was telling me to run away. Whatever he was about to say, I didn’t want to hear it.

I didn’t.

“I killed you instead.”