Special ka sa Puso ko ☄Bad Girl Series3 ☄

'Dream Girl'

'CANUMAY, VALENZUELA' .. kung saan una tayong nagkita at nagkakilala. TAYO yung PINAGTAGPO pero hindi TINADHANA.

Ikaw ang unang taong nagpatanto sa akin nito at siguro gusto ko itong isulat para hindi ko makalimutan, na tingin ko naman hindi, pero sige..

Dati ngitian mo lang ako, o madaplisan lang ng kaunti ng kamay mo ang kamay ko, sobrang hirap na agad magpigil ng ngiti na minsan pa nga ay di ko maikubli at tila parang abot hanggang tenga ‘yong dagundong ng t***k ng puso ko na halos ay nakakabingi. 'yong paghuhuramentado ng dibdib ko na kahit hanggang sa pagtulog ay damang dama pa rin habang binabalikan ang mga nangyari sa araw na 'yon na kasama ka. at huwag na nating isama 'yong mga unang pagkakataong dinampian ng mga labi mo ang mga labi ko, nung lango sa alak ang sestema mo. kasi misteryo pa rin sa akin kung paanong sa liit ng puso ko ay nakayanan nitong tanggapin lahat ang mga samu’t saring emosyon na pinaramdam mo. Siguro iyon na 'yong kilig na parang mga bayolenteng alon o di kaya mararahas na kulog, Sobrang lakas na hindi mo kayang pigilan, hindi pwedeng ipagkaila. sa nagdaang panahon, 'yong hawak kamay natin, halik, mga yakap, o kahit sa pinaka simpleng mga bagay kagaya ng pagtatanong mo sa akin kung anong gusto kong gawin, kasi pagbibigyan mo 'ko, o di kaya 'yong otomatiko mong pagyakap sa akin sa tuwing tinatabihan kita, kahit na himbing ang tulog mo kapag nalalasing kana. O 'yong walang pasubaling pagsuporta mo sa mga gusto kong gawin, nagpapangiti pa rin sa akin, nagpapakilig pa rin pero wala na 'yong paghuhuramentado, wala na 'yong abot hanggang tengang pagtibok ng puso. Siguro ito na 'yong kilig na banayad, na kalmado, alam mong nandyan kahit hindi masyadong litaw. hindi nagbago 'yong pakikitungo mo sa akin pero nagbago 'yong pakiramdam ko. 'yong dating dayuhan ngayo’y naging pamilyar. 'yong dating bayolente ngayo’y naging payapa. 'yong dating hindi pa sigurado kung saan ang tungo, ngayo’y panatag ang loob, kasi alam kong sa pag gising ko kinabukasan ay sigurado ako sa puso kong andyan kapa rin.. walang pagmamahal na magbabago.

Siguro kung naging matapang lang akong ipaglaban ang aking tunay na nararamdaman para sayo, siguro nagkaroon ng chance na maging tayo. Pero, alam kong kahit na anong effort ko para sayo kulang pa rin ito. Bakit kaya? Laging tanong ng isip at puso ko... Dahil ba sa agwat ng edad natin? Pero di nga ba't may kasabihan na 'age doesn't matter'? O' ang masakit na katotohanang hindi talaga ako ang mahal mo kundi ang pinsan kong si Derrick? Na ang turing mo lang sakin ay nakababatang kapatid.. Na isang kaibigan mo lang na palaging nasa 'yong tabi at hindi ka iniiwan?

Ano nga bang tunay na dahilan mo sa lahat ng ipinapakita at ipinaparamdam mo sakin? Para kang weather pabago bago... Sala sa lamig at sala sa init. Parang pusa kung maglambing at parang aso kapag galit na gusto akong sagpangin. Minsan naman daig mo pang manggang hinog sa katamisan kung ngumiti at kasing asim naman ng sampalok ang mukha mo kapag nakasimangot at naiinis sakin.

Kahit na anupa yatang hitsura mo, na kahit bugnutin ka't pikon sa kakulitan ko.. Gustong gusto parin kita... Ay! Hindi lang pala kita gusto, kundi mahal na mahal kita. Na kahit rebound lang ako sa relasyon nyu ng pinsan ko, labis labis ng kaligayahan ang naidulot mo sa buhay ko. Na kahit hindi man naging tayo, masaya pa rin ako, dahil naranasan kong magmahal sa murang edad ko.

Alam mo bang ikaw ang 'first love' ko? Na kahit saan man ako makarating at mapadpad kasa kasama kong alaala mo?.. Alaala nating dalawa.. Nanatili ka sa isip ko at nanahan ka dito sa aking puso..

Dahil...

Cindy, Special ka sa puso ko!

Magmula pa noon at hanggang ngayon... Ikaw at ikaw lang ang aking 'Dream Girl'..

Napatingala ako't napapikit habang binabalikan saking alaala ang aking nakaraan.. Kung saan na sa paglipas ng mga araw, buwan at taon.. ang masasayang naranasan ay naging malungkot, may kirot at paninibugho akong nararamdaman..

"Closing your eyes isn't going to change anything. Nothing's going to disappear just because you can't see what's going on. In fact, things will even be worse the next time you open your eyes. That's the kind of world we live in. Keep your eyes wide open. Only a coward closes his eyes. Closing your eyes and plugging up your ears won't make time stand still."

Napatuwid ako ng upo saking study table ng marinig ang boses ni Tita Roan, my Stepmother. Hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang kanyang presensya. Mula ng mamatay ang Mama kong Pilipina, after 3 years nag asawa ulit ang aking Romanian na Papa. Ikinasal sila ni Tita Roan dito sa Barcelona Spain, ang hometown nito at magmula noon dito na kami nanirahan ni Papa.

"Baby, take a deep breath... and try to calm yourself down. it's okay. whatever is troubling your mind right now - it will be okay. Life has throw a challenge at you and it seems almost impossible to get through it right now but believe me when I tell you that you can do it. with a little patience, a little bravery and some belief in yourself, you can do anything and be anyone you wish to be. Do not lose hope. Please believe there are a thousand beautiful things waiting for you. Pain doesn’t just show up in our lives for no reason. It’s a sign that something in our life needs to change."

Huminga ako ng malalim saka pasimpleng tinapik tapik ang aking dibdib. Kinakapos na naman ako ng aking paghinga.. Ewan ko nga ba? Kung bakit pagdating sa kanya nag iiba ng aking pakiramdam?..

"Everyone thinks I’m moving on, and that I’m ok. That I’m happy, and excited about this. But I’m not. I’m not ready to leave yet, and I’m not ok. I want everyone to stop pushing me into these things. She were rare, it took me eight years to find Her and I’m willing to wait more years until I find another Her. Because Cindy, She were the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and l don’t just move on from something like that. Tita Roan."

Naramdaman kong masuyong paghawak ni Tita Roan saking balikat. Bahagyang narelax ang tensyonado kong katawan.

"Baby, Being yourself is rewarding, being yourself means staying true to your thoughts. if you think a certain way, then be sure to put that into your actions and words. make sure you don't hurt anyone intentionally while trying to be yourself though. when you are true to yourself and your beliefs, it can be a pleasant life experience for you. things seem to happen easily and more in favor of you. you are one with your true self and there's nothing more beautiful than that. "

Inabot kong kanyang kamay na nakahawak saking magkabilang balikat saka pinisil.

"I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it."

Napangiti na lang ako sa kanyang sinabi. Thankful ako kasi, kahit wala na si Mama hindi ako nakaramdam ng pangungulila sa isang Ina. Dahil kagaya ni Mama, mapagmahal at napaka maunawain din ni Tita Roan. Gustong gusto ko kapag nag aadvise na sya sakin ng ganito.. Gumagaan kahit na papano ang bigat na nararamdaman ko saking sarili.

"I pray that you’ll have the courage to forgive those who hurt you even without hearing an apology from them. I pray that you’ll realize that forgiveness isn’t something you do for them, I pray that you’ll learn to forgive them not because they deserve it but because you deserve peace. it’s time to finally free yourself, Yury. and start to heal. forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re losing, it is learning to surrender your battle to the One who handles it well better than you do. Baby, no matter what happens in life, be good to people. Being good to others is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.."

Napayuko na lang ako dahil sa lungkot na aking nararamdaman. Huminga ng malalim, tinapik tapik ulit ang dibdib bago nakapagsalita at tuwid na tumingin kay Tita Roan.

"You know, it just happened that one day I woke up with the thought that it is better not to be with anyone, that it is better not to make friends anymore. That being alone brings me peace and suddenly, I just stopped hoping for someone who will never leave me because I am tired of people leaving me behind. I do not want to blame myself again for the things I never wanted to happen. I got tired being surrounded with people I never really knew. I got tired talking to people. I can not even go out to have fun thinking I never really deserved to be happy knowing all of the things that I have done. I just got tired. Feels like breathing will always be the hardest part. I can not even laugh the same way I do before. I can not even smile to people, like I lost my emotions, I can not feel anything anymore. I am living but they do not know I can barely make it. My tires are flat and I am still stuck in the past and I do not know how to move forward."

"Oh! My Son... If you feel like you cannot move on from whatever you are going through at the moment, remember this: six months ago, or twelve months ago, or eight years ago, you thought the same. You were in a position that threatened all that was hopeful within you; you did not think you would survive. But six months ago, or twelve months ago, or eight years ago - you did. You did. You pushed through the mess, you dug yourself out of the hurt. You held on to whatever light you found within your days, you pressed it into yourself whenever you could, reminding yourself that goodness still existed, that softness was still there. Six months ago, or twelve months ago, or eight years ago, you fought your way out of the dark. You fought to be here. You have the strength to save yourself. You always have. Please, don’t ever forget that. Never let pain make you forget how to love."

"Tita Roan... I failed!" Nanlulumong napayuko na naman ako.

"You’ll never be brave if you don’t get hurt. You’ll never learn if you don’t make mistakes. You’ll never be successful if you don’t encounter failure. We have to take away lessons not only from our victories, but from every single one of our defeats as well. If a person is willing to take away something from each mistake, each failure and each loss, then a person has not lost at all. We all have to take defeats in life, because life would be meaningless if we never failed at anything. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to emerge from our failures as better than ever. Choose not to lose the only possible way, take a lesson out of every single loss you experience in your life. Never continue to fear losing again, because you now know what it takes to achieve victory and to avoid defeat. Remember that sometimes making mistakes are sometimes the best way to be taught a lesson, so be confident in your experience, you will not lose!"

Napatayo akong bigla saka niyakap ng mahigpit ang aking Madrasta. Bakit ba sa lahat ng mga payo nya sakin ngayon lang ako higit na tinablan? Ngayon lang ako nagising mula sa ilang taon kong pagkakakulong saking nakaraan.

"Thank you so much Tita Roan.."

"Son, l think it's time for you to go.. Take a vacation... Accept Paolo's invitation."

Napabitaw ako mula saming pagkakayakap saka kunot nuo ko syang tiningnan, na para bang tinatanong ko kung panu nya nalaman ang tungkol sa invitation na yun.

"I heard you and Paolo talking on the messenger."

"Oookay..." Natatawang naiiling na lang ako ng maalalang mga bago kong kaibigan sa Facebook.. Well, dina masama.. Ilang buwan ko na ring kausap ang adik na si Paolo Viena Andrade at chickboy na si Reighn Almonte Sebastian.

"When are you going to the Philippines?"

"Soon... Tita Roan, soon.." Malapad ang pagkakangiti kong sagot sa butihin kong Stepmom..

?MahikaNiAyana