The Search

Chapter 10

MARGOT SARBIEN

I'd been staying at Tita Yadora's house for almost a week since we knew about what had happened in the prison. She was worried about me, so she didn't let me stay at the house for some days because it was still dangerous for me.

"Are you sure you wanna go home na after school?" Tita asked me.

We were at the dining area, taking breakfast with Psalm.

"Yes, Tita," I answered. "I missed the house already. Sinabi na rin naman po ng mga pulis na nag-surrender na po 'yong Marcus, so no worries po."

"Hindi sa pangingialam sa desisyon mo, ha? But I think it's still dangerous there, Hija."

"Mom's right," Psalm said. "Kahit ako nag-aalangan pa sa safety mo. Hindi natin alam isang araw baka magloko na naman 'yang Marcus na 'yan. Akalain mo ba naman, tumalon daw sa building pero buhay pa rin? Isn't he unbelievable?"

I bit my lip. The issue about Marcus had been told to us by the cops. Isa pa, kalat din sa buong bansa ang ginawa nito. Sikat na ito noong ibinalita itong pinatay si Mommy, pero mas lalo pang sumikat nang mapag-alamang kinain nito ang kaniyang mga kasamahan.

I was about to open up the topic, but I realized it was a sensitive matter, lalo na't nasa harap pa kami ng hapag-kainan. Actually, I really wanted to open up this thing, but I was shy to give my opinion. What was the reason he ate his companions? Dahil lang ba sa gutom? Ganoon na ba siya ginugutom sa kulungan para kainin pati laman ng tao?

"That man is really unbelievable," Tita Yadora said. "Kaya dapat hindi tayo basta na lang makampante." She looked at me. "Hija, don't you have plans of moving to another house?"

"Actually, I thought of that once, Tita. But then I realized the house is a treasure to me. Marami po akong memories sa bahay na 'yon kaya hindi po madali para sa'kin ang basta na lang po iwan 'yon."

"Well you have the point, but still your safety matters more."

"Don't worry, Tita, if something went wrong, tatawagan ko naman po kayo agad. I will always update you para hindi po kayo nag-aalala sa 'kin. Saka, pupunta rin po ako dito lagi."

Napilitan na lamang na um-oo sina Tita at Psalm dahil alam nilang hindi na rin nila ako mapipigilan. Hindi ko talaga kasi kayang iwan ang bahay. Iyon na lang ang tanging paraan upang maramdaman ko ang pagyakap sa akin ni Mommy. For all my life, iyon na ang nagsilbing kanlungan ko. Naroon lahat ng masasaya at malulungkot na karanasan naming ni Mommy. At kahit doon pa siya pinatay, hindi madali para sa akin ang isuko ito.

After breakfast, sabay na kami ni Psalm na pumunta sa school, but we used our own cars. He told me that he would just drive for me, but I refused. I didn't want him treating me like a child. Isa pa, sinasanay ko na rin ang sarili kong mag-isa.

The traffic was quite heavy, so it took us almost an hour to arrive at school. Isa pa, may kalayuan talaga sa school ang bahay nina Psalm.

"Did you finish last night the assignment?" Psalm asked me, while we were walking through the campus.

I nodded. "Tapos naman na natin 'yong mga hinahabol nating activities, kaya tinapos ko na rin kagabi 'yong assignment. Ikaw ba?"

"I wasn't able to do it 'cause I was so busy last night. Saka hindi pa naman ngayon ang pasahan, 'di ba?"

"Sa pagkakaalam ko, sa susunod na araw pa," sambit ko. "Pero bakit ka busy kagabi? Ano namang pinagkaabalahan mo?"

"Don't tell Mom about this, please."

"Okay, ano ba 'yon?"

He looked at his watch before he spoke. "It's five minutes before our first class; kapag ikukuwento ko sa 'yo ngayon, baka hindi ko matapos. So, I'll just tell you mamayang lunch."

I just concurred with him para makapasok na rin kami sa loob. During class, hindi ako mapakali kaiisip sa sasabihin niya. Itinuro pa ako ng professor ko na mag-recite sa harap, buti na lamang ay nakasagot ako dahil nag-aral ako noong isang gabi. I was doing advance reading, nang sa gayon ay makabawi naman ako sa studies ko. Ang hirap talaga kasing humabol lalo na't college and graduating student na ako. Hindi naman puwedeng sa last year pa ako bumagsak.

After class, diretso kami ni Psalm sa cafeteria. Dahil sobrang haba ng pila, we had decided to just eat outside the campus since lunch time naman at puwede nang lumabas.

We used Psalm's car to go to the nearest fast-food chain. When we arrived there, there were also lots of people, kaya napilitan kaming maghanap ng ibang mapagkakainan, hanggang sa nakarating kami sa isang restawran na hindi pa masyadong dinadayo.

"What would you like to eat?" Psalm asked when the crew gave us the menu.

"Kung ano sa 'yo, 'yon na rin sa'kin."

And so he told the crew our order. While waiting for it, he started telling stories. "Kagabi..." he started, "I was thinking about Marcus."

"Oh, bakit? Crush mo?"

"Margot, no time for jokes."

"Try lang mag-joke para alam mo rin kung gaano ka nakakainis."

"Okay fine, we're not here to argue with that," he said. "Going back... I was really curious about that man. Basta napapaisip na lang ako sa kaniya."

"Anong naiisip mo sa kaniya?"

"You know, h-he's like a different guy." He let out a sigh. "Last night, I've been reading newspaper dated from last week up to last night, kaya sabog talaga ako. Si Marcus ang laman ng diyaryo sa buong linggo."

"It's no surprise for me anymore. What he has done was very brutal. Nakakasuka siya."

"Yeah, right. But you know, there's something bothering me."

"What?"

"Hindi mo ba naisip o naitanong man lang sa sarili mo kung bakit niya kinain mga kasamahan niya?"

"Well, I thought of that. I'm always thinking about that. I am just shy to open up because you might laugh at my opinion."

"Okay, wait, wait... So we're thinking the same thing, ain't we?"

"So you're thinking he's a vampire?"

"Vampire, what?"

The lower part of my lip moved down a bit. "Oh," I uttered, "I thought we are thinking the same thing. I'm sorry."

"You think he's a vampire?" he chuckled.

I nodded. "Hindi ako nagkakamali, pagtatawanan mo lang ako. I should've not said it."

"Sorry," he said. "Nagulat lang ako sa opinion mo. I never thought you believe in such creatures."

I forced a smile.

"Going back-" he wasn't able to continue when the crew served us the foods. He thanked the crew first before he spoke again. "Okay, going back... I guessed that man has a mental disorder."

"Pero nakakausap ko siya nang matino pa naman? I mean, nakakausap pa siya nang tama."

"Hindi lahat ng nakakausap mo nang tama ay ayos talaga ang pag-iisip. Minsan akala mo lang 'yon."

"Right," I said. "But the thing is, why did he kill Mom? Dahil lang ba sa mental disorder? Paano siya napunta sa bahay? Bakit sa dinami-rami ng puwede niyang mapuntirya, si Mommy pa?"

"BFF, ang may kulang sa pag-iisip, walang pinipiling tao. Maybe naligaw siya sa bahay n'yo noon, na-timing-an si Tita. That's not impossible, right?"

I didn't speak.

"Isa pa, hindi pa naman sinasabi sa media kung may sakit ba talaga siya, but they mentioned they sent him to a psychiatrist. Kahit mga pulis ay pinag-iisipang may problema talaga siya sa pag-iisip."

"Okay so, what are you trying to say?"

"N-nothing, just trying to give my opinion about him. Para naman kahit papaano ay may idea tayo sa pagkamatay ni Tita Liona."

"I thought you're trying to convince me to forgive him kasi it's not his fault, it's his mental illness."

"Hindi ko iniisip 'yan."

"Yeah, sorry," I said. "Anyway, we have the idea, but we need to dig more. Gusto kong kausapin pa rin 'yong lalaki, but I doubt him talking to me properly. Baka masayang lang ulit ang oras ko sa kaniya."

"Hindi ka ba masaya na nakakulong na ang taong pumatay sa mommy mo? Isn't it enough yet?"

"I'm happy of course," I forced a smile, "pero hindi pa rin talaga matahimik ang pag-iisip ko hangga't mayroon akong mga katanungang hindi pa nasasagot. I want to know why did he kill Mom."

"Oh."

"Because I don't believe it's only about mental illness. I'm sure there's more than that. May itinatago talaga 'yang Marcus na 'yan," I held his hand. "Psalm, please... help me unwrap it."