Lifeless [Heartthrob Billionaires Series #2]

Chapter Five

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

ALEX

Tahimik ako habang magkatapat kaming nakaupo ni Philip sa sofa sa living room niya. Apparently, siya ang nag uwi saken kagabi ng malasing ako. Hindi ko na matandaan ang nangyari kagabi, basta nagising na lang ako at natagpuang nandoon na ulit ako sa kwartong tinulugan ko noong isang gabi. Tadtad pa ng text ni Derek ang phone ko pagkagising ko.

Call me when as soon as you read this.

Nads, are you okay? Call me.

Nads, are you still sleeping? Why aren't you answering my calls?

Nadine, I'm going there if you don't answer.

I'm serious.

Hindi naman ako makareply dahil pagkagising ko ay sobrang sakit ng ulo ko. Hindi agad ako nakabangon dahil parang umiikot ang paningin ko. Alas dose ng tanghali na nang magising ako kaya gutom na gutom na ko. Kung hindi pa ko nahila ni Philip papuntang kusina ay di pa ko babangon.

Pinakain niya ako at pinainom ng gamot. Tahimik lang naman siyang nanunuod saken. Hinintay niya kong matapos kaya ngayon ay narito kami sa living room. Di ko alam kung bakit. Mag uusap siguro kami. Pero tungkol naman saan?

Hindi siya nagsasalita kaya nauna na kong magsalita. "Pano mo nalamang nasa Club '79 ako?"

"I have my ways." Matipid na sagot niya. Suplado mode na naman!

"I was with my best friend, you didn't have to come and fetch me. I'm safe with him." I pointed out. Best friend ko si Derek at safe ako pag kasama siya. Mula first year college ay matalik na kaming magkaibigan. Sa huling tatlong taon na may silent rebellion ako, siya ang kasa-kasama ko. Hindi naman ako kailanman napahamak.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Safe? He's still a man, Alex. You don't know what alcohol can do to people. Just because you were with him for some time doesn't mean you can fully trust him. You are a woman, Alex."

"He's my best friend. He doesn’t see me as a woman! He's not like what you think. I trust him!" I defended Derek. That's my best friend he's talking about! I won't let him say such things about him. Hindi naman niya kilala ng personal si Derek kaya wala siyang karapatan magsabi ng mga ganoong bagay.

Bumuntong hininga ako bago nagsalita. "Philip, I could see you're a good guy despite that façade of yours. Alam ko rin na ginagawa mo ang mga to dahil tingin mo ay responsibilidad mo ako, pero wag na. Just don’t. I don’t need another protector. Kaya ko ang sarili ko. We will marry for political reasons, you don’t have treat me as your real wife.”

"You are damn selfish Alex."

"What did you say?" I asked incredulously.

Mariin niya akong tinitigan. “You are selfish. Your family only wanted the best for you but you never appreciated them. They’re putting a tight rein on you only because you’re trying to rebel childishly. Your f*****g choice of hobby isn’t a normal one, Alex. It’s not f*****g safe and even illegal. Drag racing? The f**k! If I was your family, I would’ve destroyed your cars and made sure those events get banned forever! Your idea of fun and freedom is racing with men and putting your life in danger? Who in their right mind would risk their life just to have fun? You're happy with what you do so you’re selfish enough to not think about your family’s feelings, more so, your parents!”

I wanted to say something. Gusto kong lumaban. Gusto kong i-defend ang sarili ko pero kahit anong pag-iisip ng maaaring sabihin, walang mabuo sa isip ko. Pakiramdam ko kahit anong dahilan pa ang ibigay ko, mababaw pa rin masyado. I feel like he wouldn’t understand. But in a way, tama rin naman siya. It was all childish rebellion. And hindi nga safe ang ginagawa ko. I’ve been in some accidents dahil sa pagre- race but my life was never really put in much danger kaya hindi tumitigil.

“Put yourself in their shoes, Alex. If it was your own child recklessly putting her life in danger just for a hobby, can you possibly just sit back and relax?”

I swallowed hard and looked away. Hindi ko kayang makipagtitigan sa kanya dahil guilty ako. If I was my mother, hindi ko hahayaan ang anak kong gawin ang ginagawa ko. Pero hindi ko rin naman kukulungin sa makasariling pagmamahal ang anak ko. I will love her but I will set her free. I will let her decide on what she wants basta hindi niya ikapapahamak.

“I get your point, but you don’t know my parents as well I do Philip. And you don’t know me too… Don’t try to change me. I’ll only fight you too.”

I stood up from the sofa and left him. Nagpunta na lang ako sa silid na tinutuluyan ko at humilata roon. I wanted to get away and leave him… leave my family… pero paano? Hindi ko na alam.

Ano nang gagawin ko?

PHILIP

While I was drinking and watching the view from the living room last night, I received a message from Jade. Since everything was prepared in a hurry, all the invites were already sent out too. We’ll have about fifty guests in our private wedding ceremony, all of them just trusted friends and relatives. I guess she already received hers that’s why she texted me.

From: Jade

Hey Phil! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I was surprised to receive the invite. I didn’t know you’re getting married. I’m so happy for you! Your fiancé is very lucky to have you! I’m glad you found each other. Be happy! I will always be here for you as a friend, remember that. Congrats again!

If only you know the truth, Jade…

I am not happy with how my life turned out. I still do the things I used to do but I know that something has changed in me. I’m not doing this for love, Jade… I’m doing this so I can forget… forget how miserable I am without you.

At first sight, I liked her. A few days with her and I fell in love. But when she chose him over me, it f*****g broke me…

I still want her now as much as I wanted her back then. Nothing has changed with my feelings for her. I respect Alex, she’s the woman I am going to marry… but with her trying to shut me off every time, I don’t know if I could ever really feel the same kind of love for her. I might love her but I don’t know if it’ll ever be as strong as these feelings I have for Jade.

I was lost in thought when my phone started ringing then. I answered because it was from the body guard I sent to follow Alex.

“Sir, the madam’s drinking with a man. Should I interfere now?”

I sighed. “No need. I’m coming over now. Keep watch over her, Carlson.”

“Copy, sir.”

I said I will give her time to think. I said I won’t try to interfere. Looks like I’m taking my words back today too.

I f*****g need a breather too.

***

“Phil, I know you haven’t moved on… but doing this won’t help you. You really think a rebound would work? And this is marriage we’re talking about. That’s a lifetime commitment.” Jared and I decided to meet up at a bar somewhere in BGC. We were at the VIP lounge drinking booze and talking about my problem. “If it fails, both of you will only get hurt.”

“I know it won’t change a thing. But I’m done with that f*****g love. I quit it. This marriage is political. We will both benefit from it. It won’t be a loss for her. We’ll try to make it work. She has to cooperate if she wants it to work too…”

“You said the girl doesn’t even want this marriage. You think she’ll want to work it out?”

“She has to. We’re on this for the rest of our lives. She has to give in eventually.”

“But I don’t think she's the usual type, Phil. Based on what you told me, she’s still young and lumaking sheltered. Hindi pa nasusubukan ang buhay. She’ll want to experience things before pumayag yang patali, Phil. Baka kung anong maisip niyan gawin kapag pinilit niyo. Naiipit siya sayo at sa pamilya niya. I don’t feel good about this setup, man.”

I drank my shot of whiskey. “If she doesn’t marry me, she’ll probably marry a different man. Same end for her.”

“If that's so, then why are you still getting yourself involved with her? Don’t do it, man. You can still love again. Why take that chance away from yourself?”

"I don't think I can love again, Jared. At least, not the same way I loved Jade… And I don’t think I can let myself fall into a pit like that again. I’m done, man. I don’t want a repeat of that.” I said while shaking my head at the last part. It’s true. I’m done. Ayoko nang ulitin ang pagkakamaling magmahal. Mapapa-putangina ka na lang sa sakit. Tanga na lang ang susugal muli roon. “Alex is just in denial. She’s young too. Kaya hindi pa niya matatanggap ang sitwasyon sa ngayon. But I will make it work. I’ll make her realize that it’s not a bad thing getting married to me. And I don’t know man… I can’t image that girl getting married to a man other than myself.”

“You know what Phil? You actually sound like you're in love with her.” Napangisi na lang ako. I am not in love with that girl. I just feel bad for her I guess. She seems so lonely and no one seems to be on her side. She seems to think the same way too. I’d like to change that. I want her to know that more than a husband, I can be a friend to her too. We don’t have to be in love to make our marriage work. We don’t have to be in love to support each other.

“Nah! I see her as a friend.” I denied. “After Jade, I don't think I can love someone again.”

“Wag magsalita ng tapos!” He said laughing, ngumisi na lang ako.

“Whatever man.”

***

When I got home at midnight, all the lights were off except for the light in the kitchen. I went there and saw Alex sitting at the breakfast table, eating a slice of cake. I cleared my throat and she looked at me. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her trying to hide the small plate behind her. The smudge on her upper lip gave her away though.

“It's alright. I had the fridge stocked with desserts for you.” I told her as I walked towards the table. I sat on the chair next to her. She looked unsure, as if she didn’t know whether to continue eating or not. “You don’t have to be shy, it’s all yours. I don’t like sweets.”

She removed her gaze on me and shrugged before continuing to eat. She was already wearing a white oversized shirt and a shorts underneath. Patulog na siguro pero nag- crave ng matamis. “Booze night?” She asked all of a sudden.

I couldn’t help but smile again. She’s talking to me now. She’s not mad anymore? I nodded while watching her eat. “Yeah.”

Then there was silence. She ate her cake while I just sat beside her watching her. I felt the need to say something but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I could see that she was thinking too, contemplating. I could feel she wanted to say something too.

“I'm sorry.” She finally said, catching me off guard for a little while. “I thought about what you said today… and I realized that you are indeed right. I was selfish. I’m sorry for always trying to block you. I’m sorry for not appreciating your kindness and leniency towards me. I’ve been so hard on you just because I didn’t want this…”

I nodded. “It's alright. I understand where you’re coming from.”

“And... uh...”

"Hmm?" I urged her to continue. I propped my arms on the table and watched her thoroughly as I waited for her to say more. I wanted to wipe the smudge on her upper lip but decided against it. I don’t want to make it awkward for her now.

“I’ve never been in a relationship before… so I don’t know how to handle one.” She said using a small voice. She stopped eating and her head was hanging low as if she was embarrassed. I fought the urge to smile. “I don’t know what it’s like to be a wife or even a girlfriend… kaya sana mapagtiyagaan mo ako. I- I hope we can make this marriage work kahit bilang friends lang… h- hindi naman kailangang mahalin natin ang isa’t isa diba?”

So she finally learned to accept everything? Why the sudden change of mind? Is it really because of our talk this morning? “Why the sudden change of mind?”

She shrugged her shoulders. Her lips pursed. “I guess I just realized there’s no use fighting this. Like you said, this is inevitable. Hindi man ako makasal sayo, my parents will just find someone else for me… I don’t want to start all over again. So might as well just do this with you…

I nodded. Good thing she's starting to become more open-minded about this. I suddenly remembered my talk with Jared. He was so unsure about this. He thinks it won’t work out…

Looks like it will, Jared.

“But we have to set some terms and conditions, okay?” She asked, hesistantly.

“Okay.” I agreed.

"First, we can share the same room but I want to put a partition in between us. A pillow or something." I raised my eyebrow at her kaya naman agad siyang nagsalita. "It's uncomfortable for me. Hindi ako sanay na may katabing lalaki."

"Alex, a partition between us for the rest of our married life isn’t logical. We’re married so sleeping together is natural. We’ll just sleep anyway.” She immediately frowned at what I said. Okay, I didn’t say that just because I was planning on doing something else. I meant as it is. Sleeping with a partition isn’t logical at all. Should we sleep with a pillow between us forever? That’s damn uncomfortable for me. I sighed when her expression did not change. “Okay, here's the deal. We sleep with no partition and I promise you no funny business. We’ll just sleep.”

She looked at me as if she was reading me. “Sure ka?”

“Yes, baby girl, I am sure.” I grinned. “Well, unless of course you want me to.”

She grimaced at me, making me chuckle softly. “Yuck. As if. Asa ka.”

“You don’t have to look so grossed out, Alex.” I chuckled and finally decided to wipe the smudge on her lip. She knotted her forehead at me tried to prevent me from doing it but I already got it off. “What I’m just saying, Alex, is that I value consent most of all. It’s never in my nature to do it with a woman who doesn’t want to.”

Sandali siyang nag isip. "Okay sige. Payag na ko. Oh, second rule. You'll let me go home during the weekends."

“I’ll let you go home on Friday but come back to me on Saturday. I want us to spend the whole day together on Sunday.”

“Huh? Bakit? We’re together na pag weekdays. Bakit kailangan pati Sunday?”

“I’m at work Mondays to Fridays. I get home late. The only time I can spend the day with you is during the weekend. I give you your bonding time with your family on Saturday. Just be with me by Sunday.”

“Ano namang gagawin natin pag Sunday?” She asked with a brow raised.

Anything you want baby girl.

“We can stay home the whole day or we can date. Whatever you want.”

“Mag- jowa ba tayo? Bakit pa tayo magde- date?”

“We skipped the dating part so I want us to at least feel like a normal couple. No more buts Alex, Sunday is date day with me. Take it or leave it.”

“Then I’ll go home sayo ng 10PM Saturday. Gusto kong sulitin ang araw with my baby brother.”

I nodded. “Fine with me. Susunduin kita sa inyo. Just call me if you want to go home.” She nodded, accepting my proposition. This conversation is actually going well. I like it. “What else?”

“Since Sunday is date day with you. That means I can go anywhere any other day. Third rule, you’ll let me go anywhere I want kapag nagpaalam ako.”

I looked at her doubtfully. The anywhere part didn’t go well with me. I don’t think that’s possible. “I’ll let you go depending on the place. No racing. If it’s a bar, you take me with you. I don’t trust your drinking habits, Alex. The last time you drank, you were too gone. So no drinking without me. Hang out with friends, I am okay, just not with men.”

“Ang daya! Kahit once a month race lang!”

“No drag racing. I'll give you the whole Extreme Plus Racing Arena if you want. I’ll even host a real race for you if you want. Just no damn drag racing event for you.” She was about to complain but I spoke again. “What if you die in that once- a- month- race of yours? What does that leave me with? Think before you do crazy things, Alex.”

“Okay! No drag racing, fine.” She surrendered. “But how about that hanging out with friends except for men? Just so you know Philip, Derek is my only friend.”

“No hanging out with friends then.” I said simply, making her eyes widen. “First rule in relationships is to not get involved with other people from the opposite s*x, Alex. Being friends with them can lead to complications. I don’t want that between us. So no girl friends for me too.”

“But Derek is my best friend.” She pouted.

Fuck that guy best friend.

“Fine. Hang out with him but you’re taking me with you.”

“What?! Ano ka, bodyguard?! Para kang sira! Wag na nga.”

“Baby girl, are you okay with me meeting up with other women?” I asked her.

She made a face again. “Oo naman, bakit  hindi? Mag- date pa kayo if you want. Fine with me.”

“I’m not fine with that at all.” I said in a serious tone.

She just rolled her eyes at me.

“Last…” She said. “If we happen to fall in love with someone else… let’s break this up. Let’s free each other.”

“Do you think you’ll find someone else? You think you’ll fall in love with another man while married to me?”

She shrugged. “I dunno… maybe? Or baka ikaw. Baka ikaw pa ang ma- inlove sa iba.”

“I highly doubt that.” I said.