Seven months later.
My boots crunching on the salt and ice that covered the dark paved driveway was the only noise around. I just got off a long shift at the little nightclub that's saved my ass since I got here. I couldn't help but stop and look into the night sky, wondering what secrets it held. I exhaled a long breath watching the fog rise from my lips. I hated this walk when I first started at Lucid. It's over two miles one way and brutal after a hard snow. But it's growing on me slowly.
The snow is falling again. It's funny, really. I never liked snow. Now it has become my haven where no one can reach me. The night my ex-fiancé put my face through the drywall of our stuffy apartment, I swore that I would cross the ocean if it meant getting away from him. Who knew it would be snow that I crossed instead?
I ended up with an old farm that needed more money and time than I have, but damn it, it's mine.
I stomped the snow off my boots on the rickety front porch of my old home. I can't wait to see what this place looks like once I get the money to restore it. I probably could have by now. But I won't buy a cell phone, all of my utilities are turned on under an alias, a loan seems too risky even though it has almost been a year since I ran, and even though Adelaide Williams, the woman with a plan, the woman with an inheritance, the girl that worked so hard to become a doctor is long gone now, Rowen Sinclair, the bartender, is thriving when she isn't being strangled by the fear that Jacob Augustus Baldwin will walk back into her life and kill her before Adelaide can resurface.
I shook that thought before I created nightmares to plague my tired mind tonight. I locked the doorknob, the deadbolt, and the safety chain before checking every window and the back door before making my way to my bedroom. Daisy's sleepy head reared up from the spot she had chosen on the bed.
"Hi, Daisy girl." I cooed at her in my best mama voice. Everything seems right when her whole body wags because she is happy to see me. She's an old mutt but a magnificent farm dog. She keeps everything running smoothly while I'm at the club.
I grabbed pajamas, which were really just joggers and a tank top. Then I made my way to shower. Sometimes I feel like this is the spot where I am most fearful. Maybe it is because I'm naked. I don't really know. But I hate it. I always feel like if I watch that curtain long enough that two arms will swoop in and choke me out.
Maybe one day, those things that scare me and motivate me to do better and be stronger won't be the same. But today, I am petrified by what motivates me to fight and grow. I dried off and dragged myself back to the bedroom. I loaded my Beretta and placed it carefully under my pillow. It was the first thing I bought with my first check from Lucid. There is something about knowing that it's there that lets me sleep for more than an hour at a time. I crawled under the thick comforter, letting Daisy take up too much of my twin-size bed, and I gave myself over to the darkness that was hell-bent on crippling me most nights.
The old twin-bell alarm clock shook me from a dream I had. I can't remember what it was, but it wasn't good. I rolled from the bed with a groan. Having a collie mix that wants to sleep on your head all night is hard. Especially when I have to get up at four every morning to feed and water the animals that came with this place, but I don't mind doing that either. It's just another thing that helps me keep sane.
I went to the barn to feed and water the critters I never thought I would have. By the end of the walk, I had a smile and was ready to exchange my muck boots for fuzzy socks and crawl back into bed until it was time for my shift tonight.
Daisy knows the drill by now. Lock all the doors. Check the windows and burrito into bed until six o'clock tonight. She gladly took the first shift of looking at the bedroom door. Something she doesn't have to do but knows that I need, and then, just like before, the darkness of my mind swallowed me, only this time it was a peaceful place. I had dreamt of this place my entire life until Jacob and I had gotten together. After that, I stopped dreaming most nights altogether. I guess that happens when you learn to sleep with one eye open.
A lush green forest stood proudly before me, with a moss carpet covering the earth. Even with the thickness of it under my bare feet, I still smelled the healthy, rich soil. I could hear birds chirping, animals playing, and the waterfalls rushing, calling me into the clear waters of the pool just beneath it. I stripped my clothes off and let myself sink into the calm waters. I went under as deeply as possible until my fingers grazed the earthen floor beneath. This is paradise. My paradise and I would never leave this place if I didn't have to.
Daisy's barking shook my soul. I rolled from the bed with my Beretta clenched tightly in my shaking fist. I shooshed her and went through the house, checking every nook and cranny before looking through the windows.
I stepped out onto the front porch to find two massive wolves in the front yard. I used to be scared of the wildlife here, but not anymore. Well, not really. These guys are bigger than full-grown bears, and that messes me up some.
"If you two cause trouble for my herd, I will f**k you both up. Understand?" They both sneezed teasingly like they knew I couldn't do s**t to them unless I shot them, and I didn't have the heart to hurt them. I almost relieved my screaming bladder on the porch when the bigger of the two nodded at me.
"I am going to pretend you didn't just do that, big boy." I turned quickly and headed to the bathroom. I could have slept for another thirty minutes, but something tells me those wolves like women who walk alone at night. I read Little Red Riding Hood, and no part of me wants to be their late-night snack.