Chapter 1

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“I don’t think you should start making a mess of your life just because you don’t have a boyfriend yet at your age,” Julia, my boss, and my friend, told me when she caught me looking into some dating apps on my phone. I rolled my eyes. She probably doesn’t know the feeling because she’s got a hot man who’s willing to walk on water and fire for her. “And don’t roll your eyes on me,” she added. But I did it again. I rolled my eyes and shook my head before locking my phone. “I don’t care what you say, Jules. You’re not the one who is twenty-nine and single.” I hate my age. I hate that whenever I scroll on my i********: and f*******:, I see the women that I know are of the same age as I am getting engaged, married, or already on their second or third child. I hate that I feel like I’m left behind. Or maybe I am. My mother has always told me to make sure that I don’t get pregnant early. She had me when she was seventeen and she had to face all of the consequences of her actions when my father didn’t take responsibility. She had to raise me alone by juggling three jobs. So, she reiterated that I don’t have a boyfriend until I have a stable job and a lot of savings. But I’m already twenty-nine and still lonely. I am still very single. No boyfriend since birth. Damn. My mother is celebrating that I didn’t follow in her footsteps. Julia chuckled. “You’re just saying that because it’s almost the time of the month,” she told me. I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know why you think my menstrual cycle has something to do with my singlehood.” She laughed while swaying her body in the rotatable chair in the cafeteria of her company. This rich ass kid is even richer now that she already has her own fashion line under her. “And you don’t have a problem. You had a kid at twenty-one and a handsome and caring husband who is head over heels for you even after being mean to him,” I started ranting. How could a woman like her who is almost rude to everyone bag a guy who’s so kind and responsible? Well, I’m not saying that she doesn’t deserve that because all women deserve that treatment from their men. All I’m concerned about is why don’t I have a love life? I have been partying since I was old enough to take all the responsibility that went with it but none of those men were good enough to attract me. And now, I’m in my last resort—dating apps. I don’t really believe in love online but it’s better than nothing. And I have nothing. So, anything else is better than staying single before I reach thirty. Julia smirked and shook her head. “Why are you so pressed about someone else’s love life? Don’t be so envious. All of us have our own love story.” I rolled my eyes before sipping on my tea. “Yeah, but I’m single.” She raised her brow. “Never been kissed?” she asked. I pursed my lips. I have been kissed. When I got drunk and a man initiated that we make out by the janitor’s closet—which is gross now that I look back on that night—but when he tried to touch me down there, I couldn’t help it. And that was the reason why I stopped making out with strangers. Julia smirked wider. “So you have been kissed…” she was nodding her head as if taking a mental note of that milestone in my life. “You just never had a boyfriend?” I gave her a look. I don’t think rubbing salt in my wound is what I want right now. I also don’t think it will be good for my ego. It has been trampled on after seeing so many posts about getting married. When will I even ever experience that? I pursed my lips and didn’t respond to Julia. She was about to ask me another question when she stopped and looked at the TV showing a business channel. “We have Mr. Kino Flemming Sloane, owner of KS Construction Company, discussing the innovations in the construction industry for the past decade.” That was what the reporter said while the screen is showing a handsome man, Kino Sloane, in an all-black three-piece suit, hair brushed up and a serious face. His thick brows accentuated his hazel brown eyes, looking so hot while he was talking about whatever that is while cameras are flashing at him. “Hmm…Kino is back, I guess…” Julia said while munching on her third platter of fries. I narrowed my eyes at her. “Are you pregnant?” I asked her, totally ignoring the fact that she knows that hot man over there on the TV screen. Her eyes widened at my question and immediately dropped the three pieces of fries she was holding. Her jaw dropped and immediately looked down at her body. “Did I get fat?” she asked, now in a worried tone. I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes. “No, you didn’t but you will if you keep ordering those sinful carb-filled fries,” I pointed out and even exaggerated a little. I’m sure she’ll get to burn all of her fats because they have a gym at home and well, she has a husband to help her get fit. She sighed in relief and frowned at me. “You know what? I have been delayed,” she said. “I hadn’t told Clifford about it yet.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why won’t you tell him yet? You’re already married.” She pursed her lips. “I have been working nonstop and we have a huge fashion show coming up so I don’t think I can handle another stress from my husband.” I stared at her, confused. “I don’t understand,” I told her in all honesty. “Maybe it’s because I don’t have a husband yet and I hadn’t experienced getting pregnant yet that I don’t understand the hesitation on your part but if you are pregnant, then don’t you think your baby deserves to not be stressed, too?” She rolled her eyes at me. “Clifford won’t allow me to work if he knew I am pregnant and I won’t agree to that,” she replied. “Besides, if I am really pregnant, I will try to lessen my workload and hire another executive assistant.” I smirked. “Or maybe Clifford would volunteer to do everything for you.” I teased her because I know that there is a huge possibility that he would. Clifford is a grown-ass soldier but he’s so soft when it comes to Julia. All those muscles weaken when we’re talking about Julia and their whole family. She rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” she said before picking up three more pieces of fries and resumed eating. I chuckled. “I can’t wait to be a godmother again!” I beamed. “You are already my Champion’s godmother.” I rolled my eyes. “Can’t I be both?” I requested. “Anyway, if you are pregnant, make sure that she’s a girl so we could have our own barbie doll.” I am already looking forward to her having a baby girl. She wrinkled her nose. “Go and make your own baby, Denise,” she told me and I just rolled my eyes. “Well, go and find a man of your own first.” Now the teasing is back at me. I just rolled my eyes and sighed. When will I find that man anyway? *** “Are you doing well there?” It was Mom on Facetime. She’s currently based in Australia because that’s where her new husband is working at. He’s a Lead Supervisor on operations in an IT company. He’s raking dollars while Mom is busy with her online business of lingerie. She has been bugging me to just help her with that because it suddenly blew up with the “LOVE YOURSELF” movement of a certain feminist group. Since then, many women of all sizes have started to embrace themselves without a care of the prejudice that other people have for them. And I think that’s one of the best things that has ever happened in this toxic world. Maybe all we need to do is to stop the stigma against women of all sizes and colors. We are all women and beautiful anyway. No one is left behind. Well, maybe except for me. “I’m fine,” I replied while plopping on my couch. “Why are you not posting anything on your i********: account? How will men see your beautiful face, honey?” I frowned at her. “You’re the one who told me not to have a boyfriend…” I mumbled under my breath while pouting at the TV screen. She sighed on the laptop screen. “Honey, that was ten years ago when you were nineteen,” she reasoned. “You’re already twenty-nine. Don’t you think it’s time for you to settle down?” I rolled my eyes. As if I don’t know that well enough. It has been my number one problem since I turned twenty-five. And that was four years ago! It has been my problem for four straight years now! I can’t believe it! “You’re in the US. I’m sure men would love to be with you if only you show a little bit of your skin on social media…” she trailed but the sound of her voice was a little on the convincing side. I turned to her. “You think I can have a boyfriend if I post bikini photos?” I asked. She nodded and chuckled. “Men loves those,” she told me before looking up from the screen. “Right, love?” she asked her husband and I can’t help but just roll my eyes. “She’s right, Denise. You should go out and have fun in clubs,” Regan, my stepdad who is only a little older than me, agreed with my mother. I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes. “I’ll do it my way. Thank you very much,” I replied before looking at the show on the TV again. I don’t need this pressure from them. I have already pressured myself and to hear it from other people makes it ten times worst. But then, hearing some words of encouragement from Julia also annoys me. So, I don’t know anymore. What do I really want to hear? “Honey, I know you’re smart. You’re a lot smarter than me but not having a boyfriend at your age is practically a sin,” Mom said. “And I’m actually regretting reiterating to you before to not have a boyfriend yet. Maybe it’s really my fault.” I sighed and looked at her again. “It’s not your fault, Mom,” I told her because I don’t want her to think that way. She’s been through a lot when she had me and I totally understand what she means with her words. She didn’t want me to suffer like she did. And if I have someone to blame for this, maybe it’s my father. Not being responsible enough to stand by me is probably the main reason why I always contemplate whenever I am with a man. He’s ruined every man for me and the wounds cut from deep within. After that call from Mom, I changed and went to the place that I needed to be. Club. That’s where I am right now because I don’t think I can handle another night being alone in my apartment, watching some romantic movies on Netflix. The music is blasting loudly. Same old. But I wish I had Miss Thiara and the gays with me so it would be a fun night. But then again, we don’t see each other that much anymore. They had a recession and I was lucky because I got a job offer from Julia. She saved my life back there. I didn’t want to go back to my grandmother in Milwaukee. She’ll just ship me off to Australia to be with my mother and her new husband. And I didn’t want that to happen. I hate all of her husbands. I feel like all of them are just using her because she is a fine and kind woman. I had told her that once and she took it negatively so we ended up fighting. I didn’t want her to feel like I am antagonizing her because I am not. I am just worried about her. She still looks young and she can still bag a hot guy. I sighed at that realization. My mother can do what I can’t. It’s almost unbelievable. And sad. “Can I have one tequila, please?” I asked the bartender when I positioned myself on the high chair. I don’t really plan on dancing tonight. But maybe when I am already tipsy, I can do that. Ray, the bartender, smiled at me as he made my drinks. He’s looking so handsome and I can’t blame the girls who get attracted to him at first glance before finally realizing that he’s straight-out gay. I was one of those girls. “No companion still?” he asked me before finally handing me my drinks. I smiled and shrugged. “I never had one anyway,” I replied before downing the whole shot. I heard him chuckling flirtatiously. “My, my, Denise! I think you need to find your own man tonight. We’re not getting any younger, my dear…” he singsonged while shaking his head before attending to other customers. I sighed and shook my head. I am not expecting that day to be tonight because I know that nothing has been happening to me whenever I go to the club. Maybe it’s because they already know me and that they are used to seeing my face that no one is actually interested in me anymore? I don’t know. Maybe. That’s a probability but I still hope that it isn’t the case. Sometimes, when I lay in bed doing nothing, I think of the men that I rejected. What if one of them was actually the right one for me? And because I am so picky like I have the face and the age to do so, I let the right one slip away from me? I just shiver at the thought and just bury my face hard on my pillow, cursing at myself because of being so stupid. But then again, if he was the one for me, he should have persisted and continued even though I already told him that I don’t like him. I shook my head and just ordered another shot of tequila to free my head of that horrible thought. I watched the people dancing to the beat of an old upbeat song. Everyone is having fun while I am here, alone, drinking tequila like a broken-hearted girl. Well, I haven’t been broken-hearted because I have never given my heart to anyone. Mom’s words to me have held so much impact that I practically lived by them. Don’t get pregnant early. And that entails not having a boyfriend in my teenage years because I don’t want to have any temptation. “You okay?” Ray asked me when he noticed that I was suddenly staring blankly at my empty shot glass. I looked up and smiled weakly. “Yeah,” I replied with a nod. “I think I’m a little dizzy. I’ll just go freshen up.” I didn’t even wait for him to say anything. I just stood up and went out of the back door where it’s dark and no one is around. “f**k it…” I looked to my right where the voice was coming from and there I saw a man who is leaning on the wall while vomiting. I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes. Why do these men drink over the limit? Do they think they can handle everything? Confused, I walked towards the man and heard him vomiting once more. I rummaged through my small bag and grabbed a pack of wet wipes and my alcohol spray. I poked him in the shoulder and he slightly turned to me. My eyes widened as the light from the nearby lamp post illuminated his face. What the hell? He’s the man on TV when Julia and I were eating in the cafeteria! Kino Flemming Sloane! Yes, that was the name on the TV screen a while ago. I cannot probably forget that because his name is not usual or anything. “I don’t need that,” he uttered in a rude tone before looking away again. He mumbled something under his breath before throwing up once again. He’s handsome, yes. His eyes say a million emotions with one look. But damn, he’s rude and stubborn. But that would not stop me from insisting on giving him the wet wipes. “I said I don’t need that!” he yelled at me. “Why do you think I need anything?” I was taken aback by his sudden outburst. Okay? I was only trying to help. “I…I…” I couldn’t even say anything because his anger completely blew all my brain cells away. Kino glared at me and was about to yell at me once more when I opened the wipes and handed him one to wipe his mouth. He doesn’t really reek of vomit. He still smells nice. And it makes me wonder if it’s what expensive perfumes could do to them? He snatched the whole pack from my hands and wiped his whole face. Damn. How could he look so fresh even after vomiting that much? “I’m Denise,” I told him in high hopes he’ll introduce himself as well. But he stood up straight and motioned to walk away. “I’m leaving,” he uttered before dandy walking away from me. I rolled my eyes. “You might need alcohol!” I called out waving my alcohol spray but when I did that, he tripped on the bottles on the ground. I immediately ran to him and helped him get up. I am willing to be a caregiver for him. And that’s what I am going to do!
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