forbidden desires

chapter 25

chase.

I'd woken up again before her and I knew she had to be exhausted. hell this we're her days off as well wasn't any use in her having to wake up. my body just wouldn't let me sleep any longer.

thoughts of yesterday and last night running through my head, I knew I was lucky to have this chance but I always knew she was still trying to work things out in her own head. as much as I wanted her to understand that some things she apologizes for hurts me I think it's just something I need to talk calmly with her about so she doesn't feel like I'm being an ass.

but how do you get a woman to realize just how amazing she truly is? I guess it's something we will have to work on together.

I laid there holding her until she rolled over her eyes still closed as she smiled running her hands through my chest hair.

" good morning doll"

her smile got bigger

" morning handsome"

I held her close to my kissing her head

" ready to talk?"

she shook her head

" not really"

" ash come on talk to me"

she sighed

" I don't know what you want me to say. sometimes it's just a reflex in my brain and I don't know how to stop it. he said things and did small things that just creep up on me sometimes."

she never opened her eyes but I felt her take a deep breath

" when we had s*x it was literally painful and I wanted to do other things. I wanted to touch myself to help but I knew he wouldn't like that. I tried doing things to him and he wasn't into it told me I didn't have to be trashy to have s*x. I felt like I wasn't good enough. but with you I feel so free. God I feel like I can be myself and I can explore things and I can be who I want to be in the bedroom no matter how naughty they seem in my mind. so at moments yes it's still there that I'm turning you off or maybe I'm being to much "

I breathed out fighting back my anger. not at her but at him. him I would one day stand toe to toe with hopefully.

I rolled her so she was on her back

" look at me please "

I begged and she shook her head I gripped her hip tight

" doll"

she sighed opening her eyes and j saw the tears. I kissed her cheeks

" s*x with you is mind blowing. hell just fooling around with you is mind blowing I've known that for over a year. I want you to explore things with me, I want to be naughty with you. I've had s*x yes but never like this never actually enjoying the other person's body. never really having this amazing connection I have when I'm with you. l always tried to please my partners.."

she rolled her eyes at that and I squeezed her hip again bringing her attention to what was important

" I have I won't lie to you. but this crazy craving as always only been you and I don't know why that is maybe we're meant to be I don't know. but I do know I'm not into boring s*x apparently, I always knew something was missing but never really cared to explore it. you met my ex she wasnt exactly open to talking about things either. when you are with me you be whoever and however you want to because alot of this is new to me also and I'm finding I like a lot of things I didn't know I could have. but it isn't just in the bedroom, watching you sleep on my couch that does something to my heart. watching you take over my kitchen last night and doing what you wanted man I loved that. you telling my best friend to stay because you were worried about him makes you even more amazing. then finding you waiting for me the way I did. f**k doll you have no idea how much I enjoyed that, I really figured I was in the dog house. be yourself please I'm begging you, I know your still working on things and I am to but we can work on them together we can talk them out together "

she nodded sighing

" I'm scared of being to much "

she whispered out and I chuckled

" and I'm scared of not being enough so I think we even each other out "

she sighed pulling me in and I held her.

" now how about a shower before we go check on our son "

she giggled

" I swear if he made a mess your cleaning it up "

" deal"

we showered together and I let my hands please her and she pleased by getting on her knees.

that right there is an image I may never get out of my brain and I hope it never leaves.

I noticed a few of her things scattered around my bathroom as she was getting herself ready for the day and it made my heart smile. it'd be hell when she went back home even though she isn't far.

Ashley.

I pulled on leggings and a sweatshirt and he pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt.

we both agreed we needed to run to the store at some point.

I jumped on his back on the way down the stairs making him laugh as he carried me to the kitchen and say my on the counter starting the coffee. I watched him move around and he just looked so confident in everything he did I couldn't understand why he'd ever think he wouldn't be enough.

our talk made me feel so much better, I knew I was in my own head about things and I hated that I had never been that girl before. but the fact that he reassured me on things and actually talked them out with me telling me he'd be just as patient with me if I was with him. I knew in my heart I'd made the right choice, he was the one for me and I couldn't wait to see where life took us.

he handed me my coffee kissing my cheek as he pulled out eggs and toast holding them up. I nodded

" I know it isn't much but it's all I have at the moment"

I smiled

" it's good really. something I eat often when I'm running late which is alot"

he laughed and I glared at him.

he'd turned some music on low and he'd kiss me every now and then as be cooked. not long after a shirtless Dalton walked in rubbing his eyes looking like a small child.

" morning sunshine "

I chirped and he grunted

" I don't know why I drink beer I always feel like s**t the next morning"

I tried to hide my laugh.

" there's coffee man"

chase said and Dalton grunted going for the pot.

we ate breakfast and Dalton woke up a bit more.

after I cleaned up a little I kissed chase letting him know I was going to dry my hair since we had to go out and I ruffled Dalton's hair as I walked by and he swatted my hand making me laugh.

the two of them were honestly like two big kids.

I made up chases bed and picked up a few things I knew he was like me and liked things in there place and we'd been pretty lazy yesterday, which I was happy for I was happy to be able to just hang out and not have to worry about things.

chase.

Dalton looked at me once she was gone raising a brow and I shrugged finishing my coffee

" I'm not in the dog house"

he chuckled

" what'd it cost ya?"

I smirked

" s*x"

his mouth fell open

" well I'm gonna head out soon y'all seem to have plans"

I nodded I enjoy hanging out with him but I did want a day with her.

" just groceries. call me later and maybe we will plan something. I think we're all going to her aunt's for new years or at least that's what mama said"

he nodded

" sounds like fun. I'll probably be there if y'all don't mind"

I patted his back

" come man we will have a good time"

it wasnt long after he left ash came down as I was closing the dish washer. I smiled at her she looked so beautiful, no make up but her hair was down and straight.

she smiled back at me getting her little flush she always does.

we made a list together and she seems to be staying a few days then going home Christmas as she worked a few days before new years. I could work with that and if it came down to it I could always go to her place or visit her at work.

but I'd didnt want to crowd her to much.

we shopped and grabbed lunch. and then we just hung out talking and napping the rest of the day.

I loved it.

Ashley.

we'd made it through Christmas and it was now new years. I was going to my aunt's tonight and chase said he'd be there also. I'd been missing him a lot these past few days that's I'd been back at my place, out nightly calls still happening after I got off and once he came by the bar until my shift was over. but I wanted to be in his arms I wanted to cuddle with him but I didn't want to rush this to much. I wanted things to just flow but right now the flow is making me sad. hopefully he offers me to stay with him after tonight for a night or two.

but we will see. maybe I should just ask, he's always telling me to go after what I want and right now what I want is my time with him not to be over the phone when we only live like 30 minutes from each other.

I was at Ellie's now I was riding over with them, we'd been having a girls day and I fixed her hair and make up. she wanted to feel pretty tonight for Timmy, I asked if she was thinking of sleeping with him and she said not yet but she just wanted to look special tonight apparently tomorrow is his birthday.

I'd just done my hair in simply curls, and had a sweaters and thick leggings on. I'd done my make up a little darker and but on some red lipstick.

on the way over I was worried it'd be awkward but it wasn't everyone seemed to just accept the fact that chase and I were together at Christmas when we announced it and they seemed happy. so that made me feel a lot better, I didn't want to upset his mom nor did I want my aunt to think less of me.

when we pulled up my stomach dropped. I saw his car out front I knew he wasn't here to wish us a happy new year.

" is that Jake's car?"

Ellie asked from the front seat and I just nodded

" have you talked with him?"

I cleared my throat

" uh yeah sort of I told him I definitely didn't want to be with him."

she sighed turning towards me holding my hand

" you've got this sweet girl. and chase and Dalton shine here soon"

I only nodded again. when chase was with me I felt strong and I could stand up to Jake but now alone I didn't know how I'd react.

I finally pulled myself from the car and we walked into my aunt's house, it smells so good knew she'd been cooking all the tradition food and Ms black had brought over some things also. I'd brought some sweets that thankfully Ms black got out of the car because I was in such a daze I wasn't thinking straight. when I walked him I heard his voice

" you aren't understanding I didn't do anything bad to Ashley I simply wanted to see care of her and she fled. scared "

I scoffed and he looked up smiling at me and I could feel everyone watching us

" Ashley babe. you've avoided me so much I had to come here Just to talk with your aunt and hopefully talk with you "

I shook my head taking a breath

" no Jake I did the talking I had to do. I said what I had to say and you don't want to accept that"

he sighed moving closer and I backed away

" that isn't very fair. we had a good thing and you just threw it away for what a little fun?"

" okay now if she said she is done with you then you have to accept that "

my auntie said and he looked at her I could tell he was angry

" so you'll let her throw away her future for what? I highschool football coach and the dream of a bakery?"

God I wanted to punch him right in the face

" no she isn't throwing anything away if anything she's broke free of a very toxic relationship. now I suggest you walk out that front door before I have the pleasure of helping you because oh trust me I've been dying for you to throw a punch "

I felt his arms wrap around my waist and his deep voice behind me brought my strong back. I breathed deep his cologne. as I glared at Jake who looked wide eyed behind me.

" you've got to be kidding me. all I'm asking if to have a conversation"

chase pulled me behind him and stepped forward

" and if she wanted to have one she would but it doesn't sound like she does. so that means you back off "

Jake scoffed standing straight

" you really want to hit me don't you "

chase laughed

" oh yes I really do. but with all these women around id much rather take it outside. that's if you want to find out what it's like to actually fight"

the two stared each other down and my heart was in my throat I didn't want them fighting.

Jake scoffed backing away with his hands up.

" I don't have to roll on the dirt with you to prove I'm more of a man. when she's tired of slumming it with you she will come back to where she belongs"

it happened so fast I watched as chase pulled his hand back and I heard the hard but then Jake was on my aunt's floor holding his nose

" trust me she won't be coming back to you. I've worked hard on getting her to just be herself again and I'd have to be dead before I let her make that mistake again "

chase spit out angry

he laughed hard

" oh come on. stand up and fight me jakey. you were man enough to break her spirit little by little. you were man enough to make her feel less than she was. oh and let's not forget your man enough to think you can take care of her so come on fight for her instead of running and snitching like a little b***h "

chase was standing over him and i finally snapped out of it grabbing his hand. he looked at me and I shook my head I knew Jake wouldn't fight him.

he settled a little and my aunt threw a napkin at Jake.

he held it to his nose as he got up

" you Ashley will regret this. mark my words."

Jake said as he walked away and out of my aunt's house.

chase turned to me holding my face

" are you okay?"

I smiled

" yes I'm fine. how are you Mr angry guy"

he chuckled

" sorry it's been a long time coming"

I nodded and he pulled me into his arms holding me to his chest

" you can leave me. you can be with whoever I know that but I will never let you go back with him. you'd have to kill me"

I pulled back kissing his lips

" trust me I won't be making that mistake again"

he smiled down at me

" alright well now that that is done with let's have fun"

my aunt said clapping her hands together.

chase.

after that I felt bad for making a scene but I always felt better for finally getting a few things off my chest. everyone had gone about doing whatever they wanted just hanging out and I found ash in the kitchen I watched her as she decorated the last of her cupcakes before I went in and bothered her. I'd been missing her like crazy but always knew how independent she was so I knew I couldn't crowd her to much or she'd feel like I was being pushy.

I walked around behind her boxing her into the counter taking in the sweet smell of honey and vanilla as she rest her body into mine.

" I don't think I got to tell you how amazing you look today"

she turned letting her hands run down my chest

" no I don't think you did"

I smirked at her letting one thumb brush across her painted lips

" well doll you look f*****g amazing today"

she blushed biting her lip

" you don't look so bad yourself"

" stay with me tonight?"

she smiled up at me

" I was hoping you'd ask me that"

I chuckled

" I've been trying not to crowd you doll I know you have a life to live"

she leaned into my ear letting her lips brush across it

" crowd me daddy"

I groaned and caught her waist as she tried to slip away from me bringing her body back into mine

" behave woman or I might spank you"

she grabbed the front of the shirt I was wearing and flicked her eyes up at me looking at me through her dark lashes

" I might need it"

I let my hand slide up her neck squeezing lightly as her eyes closed

" I want your lips painted just like this while your on your knees later chocking on my c**k"

I watched her face as I spoke low I could feel her breathing pick up and her body shiver. that was s good sign I hadn't gone to far. I had a few things I'd also like to try while she was finding things she enjoyed also. hell I'm a man and I definitely had a lot of time to think about things.

I squeezed lightly again as her eyes flew open and she bite her lip i knew she was fighting back a moan I could feel it in her throat.

" understood?"

" understood"

she breathed out. I moved my hand and played a small kiss where it's been then one on her lips, it was sito be short and sweet but she grabbed the back of my head pulling me in and slipping her tongue in. I just enjoyed having her all worked up along with me.

" I need you so bad"

she whined out against my lips and I smirked

I loved that she reacted this way to such little things

" trust me I need you just as bad"

we were brought from our moment when her aunt walked in

" oh goodness I'm sorry. I um uh was just coming to see if she was done with the cupcakes. but I'll leave you two"

I chuckled as ash hid her face in my neck

" it's your home. I'm the one who should be sorry we just got a little carried away. is there anything I can help with?"

she smiled at me shaking her head

" just starting the fire is all once she's done hiding that is "

she sent me a wink and walked out as I chuckled and ash pushed my shoulder

" jerk"

I laughed out pulling her back to me

" I didn't do anything doll"

she glared at me

" you know exactly what you've done. now I have to just wait and I hate waiting "

I smirked kissing her lips lightly.

" I promise to have you squirting in my bed so much later your crawling up it begging me to stop".

she gasped as I walked away to start the fire with a little more pep in my step knew she'd be thinking about it until we got the chance to be alone.

Dalton and I went out and got the fire started and he passed me a beer

" so feel better now that you've got all that off your chest?"

I breathed out

" yeah I do honestly and now hopefully he understands she isn't to be messed with anymore "

he nodded raising his beer to me and I did the same.

not long after everyone came out and they turned some music on. I knew the plan was to just chill and eat then do some fireworks later on. I watched as the girls chatted and then I watched as Timmy held my sister's hand saying something to make her blush. I didn't like that very much. my eyes found ash and she had her cup sipping it as the ladies chatted with her about something.

I went around to them

" hey ladies mind if I steal her for a moment?"

they waved their hands at us and she looked at me confused as she took my hand. I walked her s little ways away.

" everything okay chase?"

I shook my head

" is my sister having s*x?"

I blurted out and she giggled but I glared at her

" that's sort of sister talk chase"

I glared at her again and she sighed

" no she isn't yet. but it doesn't mean when it finally happens you can flip out."

I groaned rubbing my face

" she's to young "

she shrugged

" and how old were you when you started?"

I rolled my eyes

" that's different why can't she be like you and wait until she's a bit older?"

she giggled taking my hands

" I really don't think you want her to be anything like me when it comes to that."

I shook my head I'd like her to wait yes but all the kinky s**t no I didn't want to even think of my sister like that.

" she's going to grow up and as long as she does things responsible then that's all you can be thankful for"

I nodded hanging my head

" and she's talked to you she knows she can come to you right? because I don't think she will go to mom and I know she won't come to me"

she squeezed my hands

" I'm helping her the best I can. I told her not to do anything until she's absolutely ready and not before. I even told her how painful it is when your body isn't ready so to listen to it "

I looked into her sad eyes

" I wish I could go back and change that for you. damn it if should have been amazing for you baby girl"

she wrapped her arms around me and I held her close

" trust me as soon as I realized I wanted to change things also but what's down is done. and I know you'd never start and finish things before my body was even ready to begin "

I lifted her chin

" never. I enjoy your pleasure way to much".

she blushed nodding.

Ashley.

after our talk he calmed down a little. I did see him hug his sister as they chatted I knew it wasn't about s*x but I was glad he wasn't running away from her even if she was thinking about it.

we'd eaten then came back outside. I had a couple drinks now and I was just sitting enjoying the earth of the fire as Dalton tried to explain to my aunt his crazy idea of her getting a pool.

Ms black sat beside me patting my leg

" I'm proud of my boy. I haven't ever seen him this happy and carefree. I mean I guess when he played football he was happy."

she sighed out and I smiled at her

" I guess what I'm trying to say is I like the person he is with you. he's present in his family. and I can only hope that he's treating you as good as he seems when he's around us. I mean he keeps looking for you whenever y'all are apart and I hope you are just as happy"

I took her hand as my eyes found his across the yard and he was talking with Ellie and Timmy but his eyes were on me I smiled

" we're both really happy. and honestly he does treat me just as good when we're alone. we're both sort of working through things still but we're both happy to just be together "

she nodded wiping her face

" you had me worried there for a bit. I saw you doing the same thing I did when I was with my ex husband. I'm just happy you got out before it got to bad "

I nodded hugging her

" I'm sorry you had to go through that. even the little I was dealing with it took a toll on me. but I'm so happy you are here now and you seem like you've got it figured out"

she laughed

" oh yeah trying to raise those two into decent humans is my only goal at the moment "

I laughed

" well your doing amazing trust me. Ellie had come so far since I first met her and chase he's still stubborn but he's a great man"

she nodded.

and chase came over kissing my head

" what are y'all talking about ladies"

I smiled at him

" oh only embarrassing stories about you"

his eyes went wide

" mama!"

she laughed shrugging

" if she's gonna be around she may as well know you used to suck your thumb until you were 5."

" mama!"

" or how about last year when you came to my house last year literally hiding like a child because Macy was knocking on your front door "

I was laughing as he was turning red

" mama I wasn't hiding I just didn't feel like talking with her. and the thumb thing ash. I don't even know if that's true"

I laughed

" oh I have the dentist papers saying so"

he shook his head

" no more talking with my girlfriend"

I hit his chest

" I enjoy our talks".

he rolled his eyes

" I'm sure you do"

her and I shared a smile

" so Ashley what are your plans for the new year?"

my aunt asked and I shrugged

" well I'm gonna finish this semester then I think I'm gonna go ahead and knock the culinary classes out this summer so they are behind me"

chase kissed my hand

" chase how about you?"

" well hopefully I'm gonna be trying a lot of new recipes. I'll have the summer camp like last year and maybe if things fall right I'll be able to steal this one here away for a small vacation "

I looked at him with wide eyes and I felt everyone smiling at us as he kissed my lips gently.

everyone else said what they hoped to do this year

" so you aren't upset I'm taking classes during the summer?"

I whispered and he smiled down at me wrapping me in his arms

" doll I've told you it's your world and I'm living in it. but I do hope to plan some kind of vacation with you "

I sighed out nodded I hadn't talked to him about it and was worried he'd be upset I wasn't free all summer like most people. vacation could definitely happen the classes id looked at were only as few days a week.