Havoc

2 - The place I felt safe

Wynter

The further away we get from the diner, the more I relax. However, I can’t completely relax, and I don’t think I ever will. Maybe I should have asked Havoc for help weeks ago. We may have parted because of my insecurities, but I know Havoc is a good man; he would have helped me without question.

Why didn’t I go to him?

I didn’t think dumping my problems on my ex was fair. I feel so stupid for trying to avoid those people and not asking for help. It’s not easy to admit you were wrong, but I was wrong.

Being this close to Havoc has my emotions running wild. I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t missed him, missed what we had. We weren’t together for long, but those few weeks meant everything to me.

I met Havoc through my best friend, Cassie. Her father is a member of Snakes Henchmen MC. Cassie didn’t grow up with her dad, and he knew nothing about her until last year. However, I helped her find him, and she’s lived with him ever since.

Cassie’s mom was a nightmare, and my best friend’s childhood was not good. All Cassie ever wanted was to know her dad. Cassie means the world to me, and I would have done anything to help her find that man.

I miss her so much right now. Since Havoc and I parted, I’ve stayed away from him, thus meaning I haven’t been able to see Cassie. We keep in touch now and again through texts, but I couldn’t go and see her because I didn’t want to bump into Havoc. Cassie said she understood, but I could sense how hurt she was even through messages.

Cassie loves being with her father, and now she’s fallen in love; she doesn’t have much time to meet up with me. It’s not all her fault; I could have also made more of an effort. Though we may not see each other as often as we’d like, we know that should we need one another, we’ll always be there when it counts.

I met Havoc when he came to a diner in Bardsville to collect Cassie. I had heard all about Snakes Henchmen from Cassie, but I had never met any of them, including her dad, because I was not ready to get involved with bikers. Cassie tried to convince me to go with her, but I kept putting her off, though I said I would meet her new family soon. She smiled because Cassie was never one to push a subject.

Her father had asked Havoc to collect Cassie because he couldn’t get out of something, and he did not want Cassie to walk home. Not that it was far, but I guess two miles was too far for her father to allow.

I felt my heart beat faster the second my eyes locked with Havoc’s. He asked me if I needed a ride home. I told him I lived elsewhere, and he said he’d take me. I was worried because I didn’t know him, nor how to trust a stranger. But Cassie told me I could trust Havoc. He was one of the good ones, she said. So, I did. He dropped Cassie with her father and came right back for me.

I had no idea Havoc would come to mean anything to me. I understood that it was one night, but that one night… I can’t think about what once was; that time is gone.

I’ve thought about our first meeting and where life took us after that too many times. The past is gone, but I can’t deny that I miss him, and that’s why I lay my cheek against his back and close my eyes.

There was a time when I’d lie in Havoc’s arms for hours. I was safe there, and I loved him so much. Havoc didn’t love me in return, as he’d stated. If he had, he would have understood about my past. Instead, it seemed to me that he tarnished me because of what my father did to those women.

We ride for a while before turning into the street Havoc lives on. He stops the motorcycle outside the small house we shared briefly. This was going to be my home. Havoc promised that we’d always be happy here. He told me he’d tell everyone about us and take me to meet his family. He’d even take me to his clubhouse and show everyone what I meant to him. Evidently, that never happened, and I’d begun to doubt it ever would.

Havoc climbs off his motorcycle and then helps me down. He doesn’t say anything as he leads me inside the house. I’m nervous about being here. Though I know he wants to help me, I’m not sure he can.

Havoc closes the front door and then leads me into the den. I used to love sitting by the fire with Havoc. We even made love there once or twice. The memories of being here and the sweet way this man would tell me that he loved me brings tears to my eyes. I always felt so safe and loved in this house.

Is that really gone?

Havoc offers me a seat in the armchair beside the unlit open fire. I take it because my legs are shaking from the vibrations of the bike ride over here. He leaves the room momentarily, then returns with a glass of water. I take it because my mouth is dry. I take a sip and then set the glass on the coffee table.

“Wanna tell me what the was all about?” Havoc asks as he sits on the couch, staring at me.

It’s none of Havoc’s business what those men wanted with me. But he just saved me from them, so I owe him an explanation. But I’m not sure I have the energy to get into it right now. Not that I have anything in the way of information because I honestly don’t know what those men want with me. I never waited around long enough to find out.

“I don’t want to get into it, Havoc. It’s a long story, and it’s not really any of your business. However, I owe you some kind of explanation.”

He raises his eyebrow at me, and I try not to swoon. Havoc still has that effect on me.

“Last month, those men entered the bar I was working at. I served them, but they seemed to know me by name. I didn’t think that was anything unusual at the time because everyone knew my name there. I did, however, tell them that they’d made a mistake, but they didn’t believe me. They said I needed to go with them because their boss would like to speak with me. Obviously, I didn’t. I made excuses to use the restroom, then I ran.

“I moved towns because I didn’t want to stay around in case they came back. But they found me again, and I don’t know how.” I shrug.

“There’s more to it than that, Wynter.”

Of course, there is. However, I don’t know what that is. I was too scared to hear those men out, and I don’t know many who would have. They looked and dressed like spies, and they terrified me. They were huge in every way a man can be. Shi.t, they even carried guns! I saw the tallest one’s gun when he opened his jacket to pull something from his pocket.

If I tell Havoc everything I know, he’ll insist on helping me, and I don’t want him invading my life. It’s taken me months to convince myself that we’re done. If I let him back in now, I’ll lose my heart to him all over again. I’m not strong enough to deal with that.

Havoc broke me when he reacted the way he did. I won’t allow him to hurt me again. I know that it was my doing; I was the one who ended things. But he never fought for us.

If Havoc loved me the way he said he did, why didn’t he fight?

“Wynter, those men terrified you. If I’m to keep you safe, then you need to tell me the truth. Tell me everything, and I can help you.”

“No,” I shake my head and get out of my seat. “You’re not going to do anything, Havoc. Thanks for what you did today, but I don’t want your help.” I turn to leave, but Havoc grabs my arm. “Let go of me, Havoc.”

“Don’t pretend you can handle those men alone because you’re angry with me. You left me, Wynter, not the other way around.”

I yank my arm out of his grasp. “You know why I left, Havoc. Don’t stand there and act like you did nothing wrong.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, Wynter. You told me who your father was, and I didn’t answer you immediately. Did it never cross your mind that I was shocked by what you’d told me?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. I hadn’t thought about that.

“You walked away from me without giving me the chance to say anything. Jesus Christ, Wynter, you ran from me without a word. You wouldn’t answer my texts or calls. I had no idea where you were or even if you were okay!”

I fold my arms around my chest and sigh. He’s not saying anything that isn’t true. But at the time, I felt like I had no choice but to walk away. The look on his face, the look of shock and disgust, still haunts me to this day.

Maybe I overreacted, but I’d been down that road before. I confided in someone who couldn’t handle the truth of where I came from. Shi.t, and they didn’t even know the whole story of what my father had done, and they wanted me gone. Havoc knew everything. I told him every detail of what happened in my past because you don’t keep those kinds of things from the person you love.

Deep down, I know that I was a coward. The one person I should have trusted with my life was Havoc, and I didn’t fully. I didn’t give the man the chance to reply to what I said. He was in shock, and I walked away. I hurt both of us without even meaning to. It was easy to blame Havoc, but it wasn’t his fault.

“I’m sorry, Havoc.”

“For what, Wynter? For running from me? Or for not trusting me?”

“Both.” I shrug.

I don’t know what else to say. I’m tired, and I want to go home. Then, it hits me that going home is not an option. Those men may not have found out where I live yet, but it will only be a matter of time. Maybe they’ve known all along and were just biding their time. I don’t know. All I do know is that I’m not safe anywhere, and I don’t have a clue why.

“We have a lot to talk about, Wynter.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Havoc. I just want to leave the past where it is.” I push a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“We can’t do that, Wynter. I looked for you for weeks before finally telling myself it was pointless. Then, for me to find you in the place we first said ‘I love you’? I couldn’t even get my head around that.” He takes my hand in his. “I’m not gonna let you walk out on me again.”

“It’s not your choice, Havoc.”

“You think?” He raises his eyebrow. “You’re my wife, Wynter!”

Ah, that.