Just One Reason

Finale

Mikael’s POV

“Can’t we just stay in one place? It’s boring if I’m alone.”

Dahan dahan ako’ng lumingon kay Irina. Nakanguso sya at halata ang pagka disappointed nya when I told her na hindi ko sya masasamahan sa condo na kinuha ko para sa kanya. It’s our second day in the Philippines and as much as gusto ko na talagang lumayo sa kanya, hindi ko sya pwedeng iwan mag isa.

She thought she rebelled and we got away easily in pure luck, pero hindi nya alam na kinausap ko ang ama nya tungkol dito. I had to. There’s no way na makakalabas kami ng Luxembourg without getting caught, kaya pinaniwala ko sya na naitakas ko sya. It was a stupid thing to do. Ang makipag usap sa Grand Duke ang isa sa mga bagay na gusto ko’ng iwasan sa buong buhay ko, pero alam ko na magiging masaya si Irina sa gagawin nya. Sa gagawin namin.

It wasn’t easy, convincing her father na payagan ako na samahan si Irina sa Pilipinas pero, hayaan sya na isipin na nakatakas lang talaga sila.

Naglakad sya palapit sa akin and she was about to give me a hug pero umatras ako. She looked at me with disbelief. Ilang segundo kaming nagtitigan.

“C’mon, not even a hug? A friendly hug?” Pinilt nyang ngumiti. Alam ko, nahihirapan sya.

Pero hindi lang naman sya ang nahihirapan. Ako rin. We’re both in this mess. Umiling ako at humakbang ulit palayo sa kanya.

“You got everything you need here. Tomorrow we’ll meet Damien and the others, alright?” Gusto ko’ng ngumiti para maipakita sa kanya na okay lang, pero hindi ko kaya.

Hindi pa sya nakakasagot at dumiretso na ako sa pintuan. “Call me if it’s important.” Sabi ko pa bago tuluyang lumabas sa pinto at iwan si Irina.

Nang makalabas na ako sa building ay tumingala ako. Maliwanag. Huminga ako ng malalim bago sumakay sa kotse ko na kakabili ko lang kanina. Unlike before, kahit malaki ang ipinapadala ni Mama sa akin na pera, kailangan ko pa rin mag tipid, ngayon, kayang kaya ko na bilhin ang kahit ano’ng gusto ko. But I wasn’t happy about it. This isn’t just anyone’s money.

It was all from Irina’s father, who happened to be my step father because my mother married the Grand Duke of Luxembourg. How crazy, right? Mataas ang pride ko at ayoko sanang tanggapin pero kung iisipin ko, ano’ng mangyayari sa akin kung patuloy na magiging matigas ang ulo ko?

I was never a fan of their union. Isa na roon ang katotohanan na nahulog ako sa prinsesa. Kay Irina. Sa nag iisang anak ng Grand Duke. At nahulog rin sya sa akin. It all happened before pa magpakasal ang mga magulang naming, although pumunta ako sa Luxembourg dahil sa plano na nga nila.

Nobody warned me about the Princess. Lalo ako’ng nahulog sa kanya nang maging interisado sya sa kung saan ako interisado. I learned she wanted to take a music course pero hindi pumayag ang kanyang ama. I let her learned quite a few tagalog songs and OPM music and she loved it. That’s when I let her met Damien and his friends via skype.

For a few months, itinago namin ang lahat. At first, there’s the thrill, but after sometime, the guilt is killing me. I don’t know about irina, pero bigla ako’ng natauhan. Kasal na ang mga magulang namin. There’s no way for us to be together, kaya kinausap ko sya. But she doesn’t want to let me go.

Ginawa ko ang lahat ng pag iwas pero sa kanya pa rin ako bumabagsak. Irina’s just irresistible.

But I became a man enough to really tell her it’s over between us. Umalis ako ng ilang araw sa palasyo at naglibot sa Luxembourg. It’s funny seeing the people around the places I have been to at wala silang kaalam alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa mismong palasyo.

Bumalik ako sa palasyo na determinado. Kita ko na kapwa kami nahihirapan but I am determined to move on. There’s nothing for me to hold on to. Hindi kami pwede. Kailangan ko’ng makita si Irina bilang kapatid na lang.

Nagpaalam ako sa Mama ko na uuwi ng Pilipinas. Alam nya na ayaw ko sa Luxembourg at napilitan lang ako pumunta dahil sa kanya. Kinailangan ko syang kumbinsihin na kailangan ko na ulit umuwi. Ilang lingo na rin kaming hindi nag iimikan ni Irina noon. A few days after ko umalis, she came to my room and asked me to take her with me. By that time, ayoko.

Kapag sumama sya, alam ko na mas lalo lang kaming magkaka sala. We are gonna be unsupervised in the Philippines. But when she told me about Damien, na sila na, kahit nagdadalawang isip ako ay hindi ko na napigilan ang um-oo sa kanya. She wanted to pursue music in Philippines. And to meet Damien too.

At ngayon, I guess I did what I had to do.

Sa Fairmont ako tumuloy. Ibinigay ko na lang ang card ko doon. Kasama sa usapan naming ng Grand Duke ay kailangan alam nya kung nasaan kami ni Irina. I have been communicating with her father since maka alis kami sa Luxembourg and she’s clueless. Hindi alam ng parents namin ang namamagitan sa amin, so they entrusted Irina to me.

For a few days ay hindi ako lumabas. Hinayaan ko na maging dependent si Irina kay Damien. Nakita ko sila na magkasama nang magkita na sila at alam ko na pwedeng si Damien na ang sagot sa pagka wala ng atensyon sa akin ni Irina. Then I started going out.

When I was studying, I had a lot of friends to be with whenever I feel like partying. I wasn’t a saint. I had my flings and one night stands pero nang bumalik ako mula sa Luxembourg ay hindi ko na sila kinontact, it felt like I became different when I went back to the country and I wanted to be alone.

For a week, I have been frequenting some bars. Kahit ano’ng aya sa akin ni Irina o ni Damien makipag kita ay nagdadahilan ako. I wanted to go to a crowded place but I never want to talk to anyone. But some girls just can’t keep it to their self. May mga lumalapit sa akin at ayoko ng atensyon.

That night became different. I got eye glasses and showed my tattoos more. I just hope it’s either it will frighten, disgust or make me uninteresting for them. And it worked. I have been having my own time when I saw this girl on the dance floor. She was having the time of her life. Kasama nya ang mga kaibigan nya. Hindi ko sya nilubayan ng tingin, I liked the way she was having fun.

She got out of the crowd. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko nang papalapit sya sa bar. She was sweating from dancing. Humingi sya ng inumin sa bartender at parang automatic ko na kinapa ang panyo na nasa bulsa ko at walang sabi na inabot iyon sa kanya.

"Hi. I guess you could use this?" Swabeng inabot ko ang panyo ko sa kanya.

Unti unti syang lumingon sa akin. She looked at me and then at the hanky I was giving her. Nakita ko na gumapang ang tingin nya sa mga tattoo ko. Umaasa na ako na tatanggi sya pero kinuha nya iyon.

"Thanks." Sabi nya at sinimulan na punasan ang leeg nya at mukha nya.

Pasimple ko lang syang tinitingnan sa ginagawa nya, pero umiiwas ako ng tingin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayong nagtagumpay na ako na hindi maka agaw ng atensyon ay ako ang nag approach sa babaeng ito.

"Basa na panyo mo. Sorry." Nakangiwi na sabi nya sa akin. She looked apologetic, gusto ko bigla matawa. She’s cute.

"It's okay, keep it." Umiiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya.

I felt her looked at me from head to foot, and I was wondering what he thought of me now. Kinuha nya na ang order nya at uminom doon.

Bigla syang humarap sa akin and striked a conversation, which surprised me."So.. ngayon lang kita nakita dito." Paninimula ko at hinarap sya.

"F-First time ko dito." Binawi ko ang gulat na expression ko. Get a grip, Mikael! It’s not like first time mo makipag usap sa kung sinong babae, sa bar pa!

"I see. Madalas kasi kami dito." Nakatingin lang sya tapos uminom ulit sa baso na hawak nya.

I needed to be in character, so I played with my glass. Napansin ko na kinagat nya ang pang ibabang labi nya, and right there and then, I knew she wasn’t like any other girls out there. Ramdam ko ang pag dadalawang isip nya, but I was glad nang bigla nyang ilahad ang kamay nya sa harap ko.

"I'm Resha. Ikaw?"

I looked at her hand, then I looked at her, tapos inabot ko iyon.

"Mikael."

We had the chance to talk a bit. Ramdam ko naman sa mga tingin na nya interisado sya. And me? I am very interested too. She seemed like fun to be with, not that I was hoping we can have fun. I am not the guy I used to before. I wanted to live straight. I have goals now. Hindi pwedeng wala pa rin patutunguhan ang buhay ko.

Her dress isn’t revealing, pero bagay na bagay sa kanya. I had a peek at her cleavage at pinagalitan ko ang sarili ko because I started having perverse thoughts. Nakangiti sa akin si Resha. She called my name a few times and I decided I liked it when she calls me.

Naputol ang pag uusap namin when her friend asked her back to the dance floor.

Nanghihinayang ako dahil malaki ang chance na hindi na sya bumalik like what she told me and it’s not like I have a plan or anything. I decided to stay for a few more rounds. Nag iisip na ako kung aalis na ako o hindi when Resha came out of nowhere and begged me to get her out of that bar.

I got confused. Sige, inisip ko na ihahatid ko sya, at uuwi na ako. Wala ng iba pa.

But she started stripping. Napamura ako sa isip ko. It’s probably a date rape drug. Someone spiked her drink with a Fempills or something. I remember a blockmate showed me how he got her then very timid girlfriend to ask him to have s*x with him. Nakakadiri. It was the exact and same reaction I saw. After that, never na ako sumama sa kanya. That bastard then got busted after a few months because of it.

Itinigil ko na lang bigla sa Fairmont ang sasakyan ko. It was never in my plan to be a Good Samaritan, pero ano ang mangyayari kung iwan ko lang sya kung saan? I am not that bad. Naging revealing ang suot nya nang tanggalin nya ang kanyang blazer kaya kinailangan ko syang takpan.

Lihim ako’ng napamura when I felt his skin. Mainit iyon. Alam ko na nagtataka sya nang batiin ako ng isa sa mga receptionist at hindi na naming kinailangan mag check in, but she was silent. Plano ko na pagdating sa suite ay dalhin sya sa ilalim ng shower to cool off, but she got aggressive at hindi ako tanga para isipin na epekto iyon ng drug.

I resisted. If I would have s*x with this woman, I wanted it to be consentual. I wanted him under me, helpless, but with his brain and body wanting me because she wanted me, not because of that damned drug. As cliché as it sounds, lalaki lang ako. I was so damn aroused na parang nawala ako sa sarili ko.

It felt good to be laid after a few months.

Nang makita ko sya na dahan dahan paalis kinabukasan, I don’t know what came into me. For a while, I wanted to get to know her. She was a virgin for Christ’s sake! At nakuha ko iyon sa kanya dahil sa kung sino mang gago ang naglagay ng drug sa inumin nya. Nagi guilty rin ako. Alam ko na kahit mukhang wala lang sa kanya ang nangyari, deep inside, she’s regretting what we had done.

I wanted to apologize pero hindi ko maintindihan nang magsimula syang magsinungaling. Naisip ko na baka wala lang talaga syang interes. Nang sinundan ko sya sa kanila at sabihin nya sa akin na sana huling pagkikita na namin iyon, gusto ko’ng tumutol. I wanted to get to know her. Pero ayaw nya. So I kept my hands off of her.

But fate is bullshiting me. Nakita ko sya sa Puerto Galera. Kasama ko pa si Irina. Sinundan nya ako doon asking for just one more night to be with me. Ayoko sana, pero umiyak si Irina. Nagmo move on na ako, but I still care for her. Kaya pinagbigyan ko sya. I was damn happy when I felt Resha opened up to me at may nangyari ulit sa amin. But she saw me with Irina.

I have no excuse for that. I decided na bakit ko hahabulin si Resha kung may baggage pa ako dahil kay Irina? I felt like an ass. Lalo na at si irina at Damien na. I never want to be close to Irina ever again pero hindi ko sya pwedeng pabayaan. May mata ang ama nya sa amin sa Pilipinas. Irina somehow got into my f*******: account and changed my profile picture into an image in her cellphone of us. Nalaman ko pa lang iyon after ilang araw na makabalik na ako sa Manila.

For some nights, I think of Resha and I felt stupid for even considering my attraction with her. I feel my manhood pulse whenever I think of her under me. Pero alam ko na hindi lang iyon. I feel really attracted with her. Pero wala na. She doesn’t want me anymore.

Sumasama ako kapag may gig sila Irina at Damien. Ramdam ko na nagsimula nang maghinala si Damien kaya naiinis na ako kay Irina for always coming to me. Ilang beses ko na syang pinaoagalitan, nauuwi kami sa away. I wanted to just disappear from her life pero hindi ko magawa. I needed to know she’s okay. That’s just it. I have to honor my promise to her father.

For the third time, nakita ko si Resha kasama ang mga kaibigan nya sa bar kung saan may gig sila Irina. Naglalaban ako kung ipupursue ko ba sya o hahayaan na lang.

"I want you, Resha. And I know you feel the same way. I suggest we try.. I mean, you know, be together." Seryosong sabi ko sa kanya. Right there and then, I decided to start a new. This attraction could lead somewhere and I wasn’t the man I was before.

"Are you seriously asking me to be your girlfriend?" She pushed me away.

"Something like that?" Girlfriend. I never knew what it meant now.

"All of this because we had s*x twice?"

"No! Well, we started there. Pero hindi ka naman papayag na may mangyari ulit sa atin sa Puerto Galera if you don't at least like me, right?" I was taking my chances,

"Whatever. It's still not a reason para magka relasyon tayo." Matigas na sabi nya.

"Well, it's really not a romantic relationship since we don't love each other." I really wanted to be honest with her. At least, on this level.

"Then, the more na hindi dapat tayo nag uusap! Jesus!" Lumayo sya sa akin, halatang naiinis na.

I groaned. "C'mon, Resha." Sinuklay ko ang buhok ko gamit ang kamay ko. Well, it’s getting harder and harder to talk to her.

"Ano yon, f**k buddy tayo? No way!" She hissed at me.

"Ah. Of course not. We do like each other so it's kind of more than that." I feel like an ass saying this pero alam ko at sigurado ako. I can’t give her promises and guarantee anything.

"God, Mikael. If you want some constant f**k, wag ako. Mas madaming magkakandarapa at mas willing kung gusto mo. I am not made for that set up. At alam mo naman na ikaw ang naka una sa akin, you should know I am not a whore." She pointed out.

"The more na we should try. I was your first, Resha. Trust me when I say mas magiging mas malala pa ang paghahanap mo sa akin gabi gabi more than you already felt." I made myself look confident.

She gasped. "Excuse me?!" Pinanlakihan nya ako ng mata habang halos di makapaniwala sa kung ano man ang sinabi ko.

"I just know." I smirked. I know, hindi ko na kailangan pa iyon na sabihin but damn, nakainom rin ako and I had a pride too."Resha." I called her.

"f**k off, Mikael." Nangigigil na sabi nya.

"Can i?" Malisyoso na tanong ko. Hearing the F word from her mouth made me feel aroused.

"I can't believe I thought you were nice." She looked at me from head to foot with disgust.

"Am i not?" Pang aasar ko pa. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami tutungo pero sana..

"Whatever!" halos pasigaw na sabi nya. Paalis n asana sya pero napigil ko ang kamay nya.

"Let me go." Mariin na sabi nya. Masama ang tingin nya sa akin.

"Resha."

"Tsaka bakit ngayon pa, ha? Mukhang wala naman sa plano mo 'to before. Ano yon, dahil nakita mo ako kanina ng biglaan, naisip mo na lang?"

"Kael?" I was gonna open my mouth when Irina came out from the bar.

"Irina." Ang tanging nasabi ko.

"Hey! Nandito ka lang pala." Her tagalog was getting better. Pero wala na ako’ng ibang gustong gawin nya kundi ang bumalik sa loob kay Damien at iwan kami ni Resha.

When Resha sarcastically introduced herself as my f**k buddy, gusto ko bigla hilahin si Reha to shut her up, pero naka alis na sya. Nainis na rin ako kaya hindi na ako lumapit. That night, Irina acted weirdly. Hindi sya sumabay kay Damien at sinabing nagpapasama raw ako kaya sa akin sya sasabay.

She got emotional pero katulad ng dati ay pinagsabihan ko sya. We are supposed to be moving on from each other. And I am doing very well. Pero sya? Mas mahihirapan sya kung ieentertain nya pa rin kung ano ang nararamdaman nya. Hinatid ko sya sa condo nya na umiiyak pa sya. Ayoko sya nakikita na umiiyak pero kung iyon lang ang paraan para alisin nya na ako sa Sistema nya, so be it.

For a few days, hindi mawala sa isip ko si Resha, so I made another f*******: account using my second name and my adoptive surname. Pathetic, pero gusto ko pa rin mag try. My attraction with Resha grows. Kung si Resha man ang dahilan bakit nagiging maayos ang pagkawala ni Irin asa Sistema ko o hindi, wala ako’ng pake. I want Resha, period.

I got jealous with this Neil guys she was talking to. I was too damn busy on my second account na hindi ko namonitor ang original account ko. Irina changed my profile picture again! I changed my number para kahit ilang araw ay mawala ako sa radar ni Irina. Napadpad ako sa bar and got drunk.

I was drunk but I knew I was with her. Nagising ako na may hangover at walang Resha. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari but I tried to call her hanggang sa sumagot sya. She was mad. Alright, I didn’t know what I did to her last night. Hanggang sa mabasa ko ang status nya. Gusto ko’ng matawa dahil napaka typical ni Resha. Ang mag rant sa social media accounts ang isa sa mga bagay na alam na alam ko’ng gawain ng mga babae.

Desperate times calls for desperate measures. Using my real account na pinalitan ko na ng password at picture, I contacted one of Resha’s friends para itanong kung may gimik sila. Fortunately, Nella was kind enough to tell me na kinagabihan ay meron nga. She was shocked, but she thought I’ll be shocked dahil dumating sya kasama ang pinagseselosan ko na si Neil, na unang galaw pa lang ay alam ko’ng hindi straight.

"You want constant f**k, that's what you want. Not me. At pwede ba? You are obviously in a relationship or something with Irina. Nakakainis na, Mikael. Just.. Just.. Get lost." Tinungga nya ang isang bote ng beer pero inagaw ko iyon sa kanya at hinila sya patayo. Inakay ko sya palabas hanggang sa makarating kami sa parking lot.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Binawi nya sa akin ang kamay nya.

"Seriously, Resha? You could have just ask me kung ano ang meron sa amin ni Irina. We are nothing. We're just close." Galit na sabi ko. It wasn’t the time yet to tell her everything. But I will, soon.

"Close mo mukha mo! Halos magka ngudngud na mga nguso nyo sa mga pictures! Naghaharutan pa kayo sa kama ng naka bikini lang sya! Tapos maka Kael Kael sya sayp! Tapos pucha bagay na bagay kayo." She’s in a bad mood pero nagawa nya pang gayahin ang pagtawag ni Irina sa akin.

She was being so cute. She’s jealous. I know, I should be happy about it, pero baka mas lalo syang lumayo. Gusto ko’ng ipaliwanag sa kanya ang lahat, pero natatakot ako na mas lumayo sya.

"Tapos sasabihin mo, close lang kayo? Wow. Kulang na lang mag s*x kayo sa harap ko eh!"

Hinayaan ko lang sya. It feels like she needed to say it.

"Paanong close lang yon, ha? Tapos lagi mo pa sya kasama? Ha! Wag ako lokohin mo, Mikael. You might have taken my virginity, but my innocence was long gone." Inis na sabi nya pa.

Tinitigan ko sya. Namumula na sya sa inis. "Are you jealous?" Amused na tanong ko.

"Huh?" Tumaas ang kilay nya.

"You're jealous." I confirmed.

"Of course not! I am just stating the facts. Para.. Para.. Tigilan mo na ako." Gusto ko na talagang tumawa dahil nauutal na sya.

Our arguments ended with her on my bed. I cuddled her to sleep. I wasn’t gonna take advantage of her that night, but I was really turned on I need to taste her and for me to release. She just agreed, reluctantly to be with me and I was so happy.

I was juggling my relationship with Resha and supporting and at least taking care of Irina at the same time. Pero hindi ako tumigil sa pagpapa alala kay Irina na wala na talaga syang aasahan sa akin. Sumasama ako sa mga gig nila. Medyo nagiging awkward na kami sa isa’t isa ni Damien pero wala ako’ng magawa. I can confront him about it.

And when Irina’s birthday came, sinama ko si Resha. Para na rin makita ni Damien na may iba na ako’ng pinag uukulan ng pansin. Irina did not take it well at kinausap nya ako, na nakita naman at narinig ni Resha. Gusto ko’ng magwala nang umalis sya kasama si Damien. Ang sakit sakit isipin na mawawala lang sya sa akin.

Did I deserve that? I did not tell her anything yet because I wanted to protect her. Gusto ko, maayos na ang lahat bago magkagulo ulit. Tanga ba ako for wanting to secure Resha and mine’s future? Nagalit ako sa sarili ko. Pinalipas ko ang ilang araw para puntahan si Resha. Pati na si Mamsi ay kinausap ko. Sinampal nya ako but I deserve that.

Matapos ako’ng mapatawad ni Resha, I had to bring Irina back to Luxembourg. Lumakas ang loob ko to come clean with our parents. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman ni irina sa pagka wala ni Damien but at that time, nalaman ko kung sino ang totoong Irina. Yes, I loved her. But how cruel she is to use Damien all along? Minsan naisip ko na sinagot nya si Damien para makasama sya sa akin sa Pilipinas.

I wasn’t allowed to communicate outside the palace for months. Pakiramdam ko mababaliw ako sa isipin na hindi ko man lang makausap si Resha. Baka isipin nya na wala na kami, na hindi ko sya babalikan. Tiniis ko ang lahat at pinaliwagan ang lahat sa Mama ko.

After a few months of convincing, pinayagan kami ng ama ni Irina na umuwi, kasama ang Mama ko. I wanted her to meet Resha. Gusto ko’ng malaman ni Resha kung gaano ako ka seryoso sa kanya.

I knew I have to work a little bit more in our relationship. Masyado ko’ng nasaktan si Resha. She deserved more, at hindi ko iyon naibigay dati because of the circumstances I was in pero ngayon, desidido ako na bumawi. Resha’s the girl for me, and she will always be.

After One Year, I proposed and Resha gladly said ‘Yes’ and just when I thought na ako ang nag surprise sa kanya when I proposed at her in Tagaytay, mas na surprise ako when she told me na one month pregnant na pala sya, that’s why naging masungit sya those past few days.

And if someone would ask me just one reason what makes me happy? I’ll gladly answer it’s because Resha’s with me.. and our soon to be children.

WAKAS.