Rejected but still desired

Pain and hunger

Selena POV:

It hurt to lay on my back so I was curled up in the foetal position in my bed. Embarrassingly enough, I was crying. I'm sorry for disappointing everyone but truly, that was excruciating. I had changed my shirt to a looser more baggy one but it didn't help, each time that the material pressed against the scabbing wounds, it would burn. It was going to take a long while to heal and no, not just because I am a malnourished baby but because his whip has a silver hair. It's one of those fine craftsmanships, where the whip itself is not just made from leather but a soft yet pliable silver. It does more damage than a normal whip would do to us wolves and honestly the person who came up with that, clearly a sadist. I was trying to cheer myself up by narrating a comedy in my head, you know the main character talks a whole load of s**t and the live audience laughs but it was not cheering me up at all. It didn't make me feel better. It didn't take the pain away. I have to admit that no one is listening. I shudder from the cold, tomorrow I would have to go to school and deal with even more abuse. I close my eyes and try to sleep.

The birds are the first thing I hear in the morning and the second thing I notice is that my cotton shirt is stuck to the clotted blood on my back. I sit up slowly and rub my eyes. It was 5 am and I had school today, there was no doubt about that because it was either work or school, no free time, no breaks and no leave. I needed to shower before the others woke up and get to the kitchen for my shift. I crawl out of bed slowly and walk to the servant showers, there was never any hot water for us and usually you had to boil it yourself and make a bath but I didn't have the time today or the patience. I opened the tap and was hit with rocks of ice, atleast that's what it felt like. My skin erupted with goosebumps and I was shivering and gasping under the cold water. My whole body hurt from the pressure of the cold water, I grabbed the soap and scrubbed myself clean before rinsing, I made sure to be gentle with my back before stepping out. Soon, I was headed back to my cold room and was drying off and dressing. My skin was so ashy and dry from the shower but I couldn't afford luxuries like lotion so for now it would just be better to not focus on the things that I don't have. I put on another baggy cotton shirt and some sweatpants before pulling on the third hand tennis shoes that had a mouth in the left foot. I braided my long red hair and dragged myself to the kitchen, where instantly the smells of french toast and fresh croissants hits me, making my stomach grumble loudly. Of course, I was ignored all the time so none of the other wolves would talk to me or befriend me. I put on my apron and head over to stove and start frying the bacon, there's always bacon at the pack house for breakfast every single morning. Would you believe me if I told you that I've never tasted bacon? Nope. Not allowed good food, I was only allowed to eat stale bread and cheese, I liked to comfort myself with the idea that it's a real Vincent van Gogh diet but I remember being eight and choking down the hard bread and cheese to avoid crying. Thinking back to that memory made me want to cry. The bacon snapped and sizzled in the pan and I turned it over, enjoying the smell. The rest of the girls worked in silence as well, except they were friends and I'm pretty sure they weren't saying anything because they heard about what happened with me escaping and being punished yesterday. I placed the ready bacon in the tray and started frying up more. My stomach was bubbling with acid because of it's emptiness and the bacon was always tempting me, I think the Alpha put me on this duty to torture me. I honestly don't know why he hated me so much but he did and ever since I moved here, he has went out of his way to break me. When I was little, I thought maybe it was something I did but now that I'm older, I realized that it had everything to do with him as a person. I sighed as I repeatedly fried bacon and fought my hunger.