Chapter 9
2204 Words
Lily
~Five years ago~
“Matt? Can I tell you something?” I asked my childhood friend I really liked.
“What is it?” Matt was my best friend since I was ten years old. He was really lovely with him being four years older than me. He always gave me the best advice literally everything to me.
“I think…I like someone,” I confessed, feeling how hot my cheeks were. Never I thought I would be telling him this. Knowing me, Matt never thought I could be interested in someone. Because…well, look at me. Everything about me screamed dull. Who wanted me? Who would like someone like me?
I didn’t dare to look at Matt’s brown eyes. He knew this was the first I ever said that to him. I never asked about guys to Matt before. We never talked about relationships. Even when Matt had started dating girls, he never asked my opinion. Well, he practically thought asking me was useless. Ten seconds passed and he hadn’t said anything. I looked at him and his beautiful brown eyes were staring at me, his mouth was half-open. See? He didn’t believe what I just said.
“S-Sorry. Can you repeat that?” Seriously, Matt?
“I said I have someone I like,” I repeated. He blinked like he was trying to adjust the words I just told him. This Lily had someone she liked? Yeah, she had.
“Wow… Um, well, that’s… That’s cool.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve known you for eight years, I never heard you say you like a guy,” he commented while slightly chuckling. “Wow, Lily. You’re grown up now.”
“Excuse me?” That was quite offensive. Sheesh.
“So? Who is this lucky guy then?” he asked. I looked down, thinking if Matt would encourage me or stop me and find someone else.
Because… “Zack Miller.”
“Hold on. That Zack Miller? Your senior? The most popular guy in your school?” I gave him a nod. I’d told Matt about Zack but I never told him we’d talked several times before. “He’s your very first crush?” he asked again and I nodded. “What a high standard for your first love. But you know what? You have my support, babe.” What?
“Seriously? You’re not going to tell me to stop it?”
“What should I? It’s your freedom to like someone as long he’s nice and can treat you well,” he said and winked his eye. I honestly thought Matt wouldn’t let me. He would discourage me and tell me to look for someone else. Saying that I was stupid for falling with the prince from my school. Well, we called him the prince because his appearance was like a prince. The golden boy. Athletic body guys would die for. Attractive face girls would drool for. He was very tall too. To be honest, he looked like an Alpha male from my favorite werewolf novels. Maybe because he was big…like, really big. “Have you two had a date before?” Matt asked.
“N-No. He hasn’t asked me out. But he invites me to a prom.”
“Prom? To be his partner?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you should go then. You’ve accepted it, right?”
“I turned it down.”
“What? Why?”
“I… Well, come on, Matt. Look at me. He’s like the star while I’m just… I’m just…nothing. I’m just Lily.”
“And because you are Lily, you should accept his offer. I know you. You will never fall for someone that easily just because he has a handsome face and he’s popular. You see something from him and you’re attracted to him because of that. Tell you what? I dare you to change your mind and call him and let him know that you’re coming to the prom with him. It’s the perfect time to create good memories of your high school life too, isn’t it?” Matt encouraged. He was right. I wanted memorable memories of my high school life. I was just…scared. I was worried people would want to be with him again because he had me in his arms. What if he lost his friends? Oh, please no.
“I just don’t want to embarrass him, Matt. Or maybe he’s planning to—”
“Whoa, whoa, calm down, girl! What makes you say that? Does this Zack person do that to you? How far do you know him anyway? Did he hurt you or something?” I shook my head. Zack never did anything to me. He never hurt me too. He was so gentle and patient with me. Whenever his friends came to be with us, Zack always shooed them away because he wanted more time with him. He even stood up for me when the girls came to bully me.
Zack always protected me. He always did. There was nothing bad about him.
“See? I can see you never thought of him badly. But listen, if he dares to hurt you, let me know and I will f*****g kill him,” Matt swore.
“Words, Matt.”
“Oops, sorry. I forgot you hate foul mouth. Anyway, my suggestion remains the same. You should change your mind. It’s time for you to move forward, Lily. Show him what are you truly made of. Show everyone. Show those people who like to make fun of you that you are different. Show them that you are different,” he encouraged again. That was like a big boost to me.
“Thank you, Matt.”
“Anytime, girl. So, will you contact him and let him know you’re coming to the prom with him?” he asked again. Seriously, he acted like a mom now. I was sure my mom would do this had I told her instead.
“Yes.”
“Good. I’m sure he’s waiting for you.”
“I hope so.” I hugged him tightly. I loved Matt so much. He had done so much for me. My very first best friend I’d ever had. The man I considered like a real brother to me. And I would never break our friendship.
However.
Even though I was always hoping Matt’s words to be true, it didn’t go well in the end.
Matt always told me Zack was a wonderful person and he could be the one for me. I thought the same too. We were wrong at that part. For the first time ever, Matthew Brooks made a mistake.
After the incident, I came to Matt. I didn’t tell him the complete story. I only told him what he had said to his friends and how he compared me to Kylie. At that time, Matt was different than the usual Matt. His face was murderous like he was about to commit his first crime. This was the first I saw Matt was so angry at someone. Moreover, to my crush. Previously.
I’m going to talk to him,” he said.
I immediately held his hand, preventing him to go. “No, Matt. I’m okay.”
“He f*****g hurts you!” he bellowed.
“I know, Matt.”
“Then why? Because you love him? I don’t care! That bastard hurts you and I’m not going to let him!”
“Matt, please.” I wrapped myself around him. I didn’t want him to see Zack. I didn’t want any of them to get into a fight because of me. I just…didn’t want that. “Don’t go, Matt. Stay with me, please,” I begged as I cried on his shirt.
“Lily.” I felt his big arm wrapped around my shoulders as he slowly rubbed them. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—” I shook my head before he finished his sentences. It was not his fault. It never was.
It was mine.
It’d be always my fault.
Matt was just helping me and it was my decision, to begin with.
Right after the incident between me and Zack, Matt always spared his time to be with me. I knew he wanted to cheer me up. He’d graduated from Stanford and currently looking for a job. It should be his busiest moment but he always vacated his time for me.
Until “I was thinking about this lately. If you want to forget about him,” he paused. I looked at him, seeing him…in trouble? This was so not Matt. He’d always known what he wanted to say and never back off. When his brown eyes were on me, I knew he wanted to say something important. But I never expected, “Do you want to go out with me?” that. My eyes widened. I needed five seconds to adjust his question in my mind. Did he just ask me to be his girlfriend?
“Why?” That was the only answer I could give him.
He scoffed. “Why? Of course, because I like you, Lily. I’ve liked you since long ago,” he confessed.
No.
Freaking.
Way.
Matt liked me? I mean, I liked him but I never saw him as boyfriend material. And he wanted to be with me? Matt was popular in school and the university. And he chose me over a thousand girls? I didn’t know whether I should be flattered or scared.
“Lily, I know you’re still thinking about that bast— Zack. But don’t you think the best cure for a broken heart is new love?”
“I…think so. But, I—”
“I know you don’t love me that way, Lily. Not the same way as you love Zack. You only see me as a friend and a big brother. But,” He held my hand. So hard and his hand even trembling. Oh, God. “Can you give me the chance? I can help you to forget about him. I will never make you cry like he did. I can promise you that.” What should I do? I really liked him. That was why I didn’t want to hurt Matt. I didn’t even know if I could love him the same way as Matt did to me. What if I couldn’t? Could Matt accept that? How far had he drawn the line for us?
But remembering every single of Zack’s cruel words, I was so mad. So much I couldn’t take it. I wanted to show him that it didn’t matter he had hurt me, I was still here standing so strong. I wanted to show him even a nerd and plain girl like me wasn’t as weak as he thought I was.
I held Matt’s hand and looked directly into his eyes.
This was my biggest gamble. Maybe I was going to sacrifice the friendship that I’d made with Matt for the past eight years. But I needed his aid too.
“Please help me, Matt.” With my answer, he smiled so widely and hugged me tightly.
“I will, baby. You have my words.” This was my decision. I would try to love him. I didn’t need Zack. I only needed Matt.
At least, that was what I thought. Maybe the world hated me. Or maybe love was not on my side and would never be.
Matt got so busy he didn’t have time for me. This caused me to overthink about Zack and Matt at the same time. I couldn’t get rid of Zack out of my head. I was worried Matt was doing the same and going out with a different girl. Every time I asked Matt why he couldn’t be with me like dates or a simple thing like visiting my house, he always said he couldn’t make it. He canceled every single of our dates.
So, I made up my mind in the end.
“This doesn’t work out at all, does it?” I told him. Matt couldn’t answer. “I can’t take it anymore, Matt. You were never there for me anymore. I expect a lot from you but you can’t even keep your promise,” I spewed. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this. This was not his fault. It was his decision to date me and look for a job.
It was my fault. My stupid expectation. Always mine.
“Lily, I’m sorry. I—” I raised my hand, stopping him before he could finish. I couldn’t do this anymore. Matt deserved better and I didn’t want him to stuck with me.
“I’m sorry, Matt. It’s over,” I said and walked past him before he could say anything. I didn’t want to. I should let him go.
The far I went, the tears finally washed my face. Some part of me was hoping Matt would come for me, beg me for another chance. He never did. This was the part that I was afraid of the most.
Hurting Matt.
Hurting my precious friend. My brother.
That day, our friendship had ended.
I’m so sorry, Matt.
- Writer
