His Paradox
1432 Words
Title: HIS PARADOX
Genre: LBGT+ Fiction
_____________________
There he was. Sitting behind his desk with tears rolling down his cheeks, eyes unblinking. “I knew this would happen. I knew yet here I am. Crying like a scorn woman with rights to be; but I don’t.”
Evans clenched his jaw, stopping himself from shedding more tears. His phone rang and he looked at his wristwatch, his vision blurry as he tried to make out the time. It was ten minutes past one o'clock in the afternoon. He wiped the tears off his face and reached for his phone.
“Evans here,” he said with a voice that almost faltered.
“Hey, the client is at the lobby. Please go see her. Thanks." It was Samuel Anders, Evan's boss.
The young intern ended the call without saying anything back before he put the phone down with more tears threatening to fall out of those beautiful hazel brown orbs. “I’m okay,” he murmured weakly before he mentally prepared himself to face another person that day.
Evans worked at a small office for a man named Samuel Anders. His boss, a known player, married, proposed him an arrangement the very same day he was hired for the job. “We do our work and the end of the day, we do something fun. You know… Sometimes, you come home and you don’t get that at home. So, you find it somewhere else.”
Sex. He knew what is was, along the not-so-flowery invitation. He understood what he was getting himself into. Why on earth Samuel said those things to him, Evans still wondered. He was gay and Samuel was a handsome man, tall, fair skinned, and charming. It was hard not to be tempted when a man laid that sort of plate at the table. What could go wrong, right?
Evans had been called disgusting. He was kicked out of his home, by his family. He had no one. He couldn’t get hired for jobs he applied for because he didn’t finish college. And after getting out of a nasty relationship, he was simply lost out there. Until someone introduced him to the man who would later be the cause of his heartbreak.
“He’ll get you the connections you needed. You’ll get back to you feet in this new city, love. You will be fine,” his friend told him. “Fair warning though,” she said, “don’t be tempted with him. He's very straightforward and he always gets what he wants. Just... Just be careful. He’s a well known player. Both sexes!” Her eyes were widened to add more convincing aura to her words.
“Got it,” Evans replied, not knowing that he would eventually eat his words.
***
“Hello?” Evans answered his phone one morning. It was past seven. His alarm had gone off but he wanted to sleep a little bit more yet one particular call minutes later, he was up. It was his boss. There was a special ring tone assigned for him.
“Good morning, babe.”
Yeah…How could he not fall when the man himself broke the rules they made the day they agreed to be s*x buddies.
Don’t get attached.
Don’t give each other endearment.
Don’t get jealous or act possessive in any way.
Don’t fall in love.
“Good morning. What’s up?” Evans asked, hand clasping on his chest. He shifted on his bed inside the one room apartment he managed to get. He’s saving most of his earning… just in case.
“Oh, nothing. Just saying hi. How are you?”
Biting his bottom lip, he shook his head but said, “I’m okay. How are you?”
Their conversation would go on and on, both throwing in a question or two but never about Samuel’s other half. He always avoided the subject. How he could compartmentalize his lifestyle, Evans wondered. A lot. However, he had no right, whatsoever. He kept quiet about it. As much as he could. He didn’t know for how long though.
He had access to his boss’ emails as part of his job. He even had access to his f*******: account. It sometimes would make him smile how he was handling his boss’ business and even social media affairs when they had only known each other for such a very short time. It was his job but still…
Then a sad smile would carve in his face remembering what his role exactly was. He was an assistant. Nothing more. Nothing less.
***
“What do you think?” Samuel asked him after showing him the photos of the house he was aiming to buy. It was a bungalow located in a gated community. He knew that his boss and his wife were living in a house that was too big for two people alone. They didn’t have kids even when Samuel wanted to have one.
“Hm…” Evans raised his lower lip, thinking. He did his best to hide that ugly feeling blooming at the pit of his stomach every time his mind wandered to where he really was in his boss’ life. “Not bad. It would save you guys more money.”
“Right?” Samuel beamed. He actually liked the house because of the location. “But she doesn’t want to…” He murmured. There was irritation and sadness in his voice but Evans sensed the latter feeling more.
Of course, he would be sad if his wife didn’t agree to something he wanted to do. Investing into something should be couple’s decision.
“Why ask me then?” Evans muttered bitterly.
***
“Let’s go somewhere,” Samuel called one morning out of nowhere and said those words.
With knitted brows, Evans chuckled and asked where.
“The ski park. Come with me. I need to get away for a day. What do you say?”
Evans felt the flutter in his stomach as he processed the invitation in his head. He cursed himself mentally not long after for feeling like a school girl with a crush. “Y-Yeah. Sure. What time?”
“Now?" The other chuckled back. "I'll pick you up.”
It was a casual conversation between them all the time. As if they’ve been friends for so long and nothing else happens behind the doors of Samuel’s office or the tinted car he drives. They never had s*x in a bedroom much more on a bed before.
Evans slumped his body down on the floor thinking about the trip. Will they finally share an intimate moment in bed, he thought. His chest fluttered. He's desired the man with burning passion but he could never have him. Many times he thought that it could be possible -- Samuel leaving his wife and settling with Evans instead. How foolish he was.
No, he had been a fool from the beginning.
It had to stop somewhere. He had gotten himself deeper into the mess by falling for his boss. He was doing something immoral yet he couldn't stop. Samuel was nothing but caring and kind except for the fact that he would never offer his heart to him. That was just utterly impossible. Evans would be left scraping for tiny pieces of the Samuel's affection, if that was even what they were. In the end, he would be scrambling to take whatever he could until he realized he had reached the bottom of the barrel but there was nothing there.
"I'm done," Evans muttered, chocking on his own voice. Getting up, he looked around his bedroom and mourned the death of his heart. He had not choice.
Evans quietly into the night, slipped away. He packed his bags and decided to leave all behind. Again. He was never coming back.
All the photos he had gathered and printed of him and Samuel, he burned them in an empty can. He thought of it as the resting place of his memories of a romance that never was. Watching the smoke, he wished it was his heartache instead--freely rising above the fire and disappearing into the night, never to be seen again.
"Goodbye, Samuel..."
The end.
- Writer
