She's an A

Chapter 4 - Struggles Deep Within

    Nicholas is unable to sleep. It is already past midnight and he has arrived home after sending Lenette to her apartment. However, sleep did not visit him tonight. All he can think of is Lenette's face showing right before his eyes. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees her face, smiling at him. He kept on rolling on his bed. He already tried sleeping at various positions but it just doesn't work. His eyes are still open and his mind active. 

    What is happening to me? He thought. This is the first time that he feels this for a woman. Before, he never took a woman seriously, looking at them just like a piece of toy that he can play with anytime, anywhere. Yes, they have been objects to him. Now, he hates the idea of caring for Lenette so much that he does not know how to manage his feelings anymore. This feeling started last year when they went to a place together to finish their project that semester. Hiking on a mountain top with some of their classmates, he could not stop staring at her and following her, afraid that another guy would take the opportunity to get near her. At that time, he was annoyed whenever a guy tried to get near her and offer their help in pulling her up the slopes. 

    That feeling continued until now. Even when they study together every after class, he cannot stop himself from staring at her when she is not aware of it. Tonight, he was unable to review at all. He kept staring at her from the corner of his eye a while back. He kept thinking about their lives, their differences, how they met and became friends and her ideals about love and life. He sighed heavily. How can I change her mind about love? She is so straight about it. She is so unmovable in sticking to her absolutes that it is almost impossible to break them. 

    He took his cellphone on the bedside and unlocked it. The first picture that appeared there is her face. Yes, he made her face the wallpaper of his cellphone without her consent. For him, she is his goal in law school. Getting her attention is already a success to him. Well, that's the reason why he has been doing his best to cope with her accomplishments anyway. Although he was unable to do that, at least his scores passed. His ego was still protected. He touched the picture on his wallpaper.

    "How dare you change my perspective of life," he said while staring at the wallpaper. "How dare you make me feel so insufficient. How dare you make me sleepless like this. How dare you let me lose control over my feelings." 

    Damn it! He cursed in his mind. Why am I losing control over this? It should be easy to shake this off if I make a way to forget her as early as now. It is hopeless to be with her anyway, he thought. Right, I should make a way to make this awkward feeling go away. So a plan formed in his mind. 

    On the other side...

    Lenette can't sleep early tonight. She has to finish her reading assignment or at least finish 75% of it before sleeping. She has less time to read tomorrow. She took the printed cases near to her then started marking the salient points with a marker. Not long before starting, she already finished reading some cases. The cases assigned tonight are long. One case had 90 pages and another had 150 pages. Patiently, she read them all without skipping a page or a decision made on an issue. She already resolved within herself that she won't take shortcuts in her studies. She is willing to go through the painful experience of a law student just to study with quality. That's the reason why she cannot just rely on case digests uploaded on the internet but do her own reading on original decisions of the Supreme Court.

    Difficult as it may be, she still has no plan of giving up. For three years in a row, she has been suffering sleepless nights and fatigue. She got sick many times, perhaps because of lack of sleep and low immune system. She literally had no social life as well. She confined herself in her apartment, school and workplace. She did not attend any reunions with batchmates or gatherings with friends. She just stayed in her room, reading until she finished all her requirements. 

    There were times when she dropped by at parks to catch fresh air though, but she did not stay for a long time there. He just rested for a while then went home to continue reading. That has been her routine for the past few years. 

    There were some guys who tried to pursue her at work. They tried to build relationship and confessed their love, but she dismissed them all, saying that she is not ready yet to enter into a commitment with a boyfriend. That's right, she has a serious view on entering a relationship. She deems that anyone who enters it should be serious to invest time, effort and money on the person he/she loves. This is the reason why she does not want to enter it yet. With the hectic schedule that she has now, how can she invest time to a boyfriend? She literally has no time for love. 

    However, Nicholas is a special case for her. He is just a friend. Yes, he considers him her best friend. He has been with her for quite a long time now and they have hurdled their subjects together. He was always with her, always assisting her get whatever she needs in class. He even goes the extra mile of photocopying some materials for her use if they are released during the day and she is still at work. He always made sure that she has a copy no matter what. Thinking of this, Lenette felt warmth flood her heart. She smiled.