The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

Chapter 65

ACT IV. SCENE 1A public place

Enter SECOND MERCHANT, ANGELO, and an OFFICER

SECOND MERCHANT. You know since Pentecost the sum is due,

And since I have not much importun'd you;

Nor now I had not, but that I am bound

To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage.

Therefore make present satisfaction,

Or I'll attach you by this officer.

ANGELO. Even just the sum that I do owe to you

Is growing to me by Antipholus;

And in the instant that I met with you

He had of me a chain; at five o'clock

I shall receive the money for the same.

Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,

I will discharge my bond, and thank you too.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, and DROMIO OF EPHESUS, from the COURTEZAN'S

OFFICER. That labour may you save; see where he comes.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou

And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow

Among my wife and her confederates,

For locking me out of my doors by day.

But, soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;

Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I buy a thousand pound a year; I buy a rope.

<Exit DROMIO

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. A man is well holp up that trusts to you!

I promised your presence and the chain;

But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.

Belike you thought our love would last too long,

If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.

ANGELO. Saving your merry humour, here's the note

How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,

The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,

Which doth amount to three odd ducats more

Than I stand debted to this gentleman.

I pray you see him presently discharg'd,

For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I am not furnish'd with the present money;

Besides, I have some business in the town.

Good signior, take the stranger to my house,

And with you take the chain, and bid my wife

Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.

Perchance I will be there as soon as you.

ANGELO. Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

ANGELO. Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;

Or else you may return without your money.

ANGELO. Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain;

Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,

And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse

Your breach of promise to the Porpentine;

I should have chid you for not bringing it,

But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

SECOND MERCHANT. The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.

ANGELO. You hear how he importunes me-the chain!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.

ANGELO. Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.

Either send the chain or send by me some token.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Fie, now you run this humour out of breath!

Come, where's the chain? I pray you let me see it.

SECOND MERCHANT. My business cannot brook this dalliance.

Good sir, say whe'r you'll answer me or no;

If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I answer you! What should I answer you?

ANGELO. The money that you owe me for the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I owe you none till I receive the chain.

ANGELO. You know I gave it you half an hour since.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.

ANGELO. You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.

Consider how it stands upon my credit.

SECOND MERCHANT. Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

OFFICER. I do; and charge you in the Duke's name to obey me.

ANGELO. This touches me in reputation.

Either consent to pay this sum for me,

Or I attach you by this officer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Consent to pay thee that I never had!

Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st.

ANGELO. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer.

I would not spare my brother in this case,

If he should scorn me so apparently.

OFFICER. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I do obey thee till I give thee bail.

But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear

As all the metal in your shop will answer.

ANGELO. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,

To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, from the bay

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, there's a bark of Epidamnum

That stays but till her owner comes aboard,

And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,

I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought

The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitx.

The ship is in her trim; the merry wind

Blows fair from land; they stay for nought at an

But for their owner, master, and yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. How now! a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,

What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. THOU drunken slave! I sent the for a rope;

And told thee to what purpose and what end.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. YOU sent me for a rope's end as soon-

You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I Will debate this matter at more leisure,

And teach your ears to list me with more heed.

To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight;

Give her this key, and tell her in the desk

That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry

There is a purse of ducats; let her send it.

Tell her I am arrested in the street,

And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone.

On, officer, to prison till it come.

<Exeunt all but DROMIO

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. To Adriana! that is where we din'd,

Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.

She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.

Thither I must, although against my will,

For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.

<Exit

SCENE 2The house of ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA

ADRIANA. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?

Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye

That he did plead in earnest? Yea or no?

Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?

What observation mad'st thou in this case

Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?

LUCIANA. First he denied you had in him no right.

ADRIANA. He meant he did me none-the more my spite.

LUCIANA. Then swore he that he was a stranger here.

ADRIANA. And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

LUCIANA. Then pleaded I for you.

ADRIANA. And what said he?

LUCIANA. That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.

ADRIANA. With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

LUCIANA. With words that in an honest suit might move.

First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

ADRIANA. Didst speak him fair?

LUCIANA. Have patience, I beseech.

ADRIANA. I cannot, nor I will not hold me still;

My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,

Ill-fac'd, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;

Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;

Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

LUCIANA. Who would be jealous then of such a one?

No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.

ADRIANA. Ah, but I think him better than I say,

And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.

Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;

My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Here go-the desk, the purse. Sweet

now, make haste.

LUCIANA. How hast thou lost thy breath?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. By running fast.

ADRIANA. Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.

A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;

One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;

A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;

A wolf, nay worse, a fellow all in buff;

A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands

The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;

A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot well;

One that, before the Judgment, carries poor souls to hell.

ADRIANA. Why, man, what is the matter?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I do not know the matter; he is rested on the case.

ADRIANA. What, is he arrested? Tell me, at whose suit?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;

But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.

Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

ADRIANA. Go fetch it, sister. [Exit LUCIANA] This I wonder at:

Thus he unknown to me should be in debt.

Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. on a band, but on a stronger thing,

A chain, a chain. Do you not hear it ring?

ADRIANA. What, the chain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No, no, the bell; 'tis time that I were gone.

It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.

ADRIANA. The hours come back! That did I never hear.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. O yes. If any hour meet a sergeant,

'a turns back for very fear.

ADRIANA. As if Time were in debt! How fondly dost thou reason!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Time is a very bankrupt, and owes

more than he's worth to season.

Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say

That Time comes stealing on by night and day?

If 'a be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,

Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse

ADRIANA. Go, Dromio, there's the money; bear it straight,

And bring thy master home immediately.

Come, sister; I am press'd down with conceit-

Conceit, my comfort and my injury.

<Exeunt

SCENE 3The mart

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. There's not a man I meet but doth salute me

As if I were their well-acquainted friend;

And every one doth call me by my name.

Some tender money to me, some invite me,

Some other give me thanks for kindnesses,

Some offer me commodities to buy;

Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop,

And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,

And therewithal took measure of my body.

Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,

And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, here's the gold you sent me

for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparell'd?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Not that Adam that kept the Paradise,

but that Adam that keeps the prison; he that goes in the

calf's skin that was kill'd for the Prodigal; he that came behind

you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I understand thee not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No? Why, 'tis a plain case: he that

went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,

that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob, and rest

them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and give

them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more

exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What, thou mean'st an officer?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band;

that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; on

that thinks a man always going to bed, and says 'God give

you good rest!'

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is

there any ship puts forth to-night? May we be gone?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Why, sir, I brought you word an

hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and

then were you hind'red by the sergeant, to tarry for the

boy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. The fellow is distract, and so am I;

And here we wander in illusions.

Some blessed power deliver us from hence!