Chasing over the Belief (Secondary Series #1)

10

Chapter

Your Happiness

"Amora!"

My mom called from inside the house as I went inside immediately walking out of the backyard.

"What is it mom?" I asked.

She pats the vacant seat next to her on the couch. I sat next to her before she handed me a small familiar card. I took and flipped it only to make my eyes widened.

"Elegance and Amora. Felix." mom says, reading out loud the words written in the letter.

I swear! Felix really is a troublemaker even though he isn't around.

"T-this is nothing mom." I said.

I quickly put the card in my pocket but mom snatched it away from my hand.

"I've already passed this level Felicity." she says. "So that bunch of red and pink roses came from that Felix. Is he courting you?"

She has a knowing smile plastered on her lips. I immediately shook my head with my mother's question as she chuckled. To think that even my mom mistook those roses as Felix's way of courting is not a good thing anymore.

"He's just a friend mom." I defended myself.

"A friend wouldn't send that amount of roses dear and this card..." she raised the card. "says otherwise."

I snatched the card from her hand before hurriedly put it in my pocket.

"Elegance and Amora mom. Amora is my name, remember?"

I tried to shake the idea of giving it a different meaning because it's not good. I don't even like what I feel everytime Felix does something that is beyond my expectation.

"We both know Feli that your name means one thing. A pink rose for elegance and a red rose for love, a youthful love." mom defines. "You think I don't know that you are on the phone talking with a boy almost every night?"

My eyes widened as I looked at my mom who was laughing so hard with my reaction.

"He's handsome actually and I like how he stares at you using his almost languid eyes even though you're ignoring him. You talked to him as well when we are in Ilocos right? He's the one who called you when we went to the Windmills."

She reveals those phone calls and video calls Felix keeps making, making me shocked with how observant she is.

"Shocking right? I told you. I've gone through that phase with your dad already." mom says, making me sigh.

"Fine but there is nothing between me and Felix mom, if that's you are curious about." I said, making him scoffed.

"Maybe now there isn't but we are not sure about the next couple of months dear. He might be the guy your fate has sent already." mom said.

She emphasizes the word 'fate'. My parents are one of the people who always teased me about my belief. I shrug it off most of the time because being teased by my five friends is already enough to make me tolerate things.

"Where did your friends go this break dear?" dad suddenly asks.

He appeared out of nowhere, with Christian beside him, making me shocked.

"H-how long you've been there dad?" I asked.

I felt the cold air from the aircon, feeling nervous because of what mom and I just talked about. Mom was trying to prevent herself from laughing with my reaction and I just really want to whine and curl myself in a ball because of it.

"We just get in from the backyard, why?" dad answered.

I exhale in relief. "Emma went to Korea, Charlotte went to Japan, Nicole went to Thailand, and James went to Cebu. They all left after November 2nd." I answer.

"How about kuya Noah, ate?" Christian asked.

"I-i'm not sure, he wasn't really active these past few weeks." I only said.

"You'll see each other tomorrow anyway, don't forget to give them the things we bought for them okay?" mom says.

I just nodded and gave her a small smile before excusing myself to go to my room. I spent a week break in Ilocos with my family after All Souls Day. We went to Ilocos Sur before driving to Ilocos Norte. I had a great vacation though we have to keep the physical activities limited because of Christian as what the doctor advises our parents.

Felix has still been a great disturbance even though he spent his vacation in Davao. He's been calling not just at night and even in the afternoon which explains why my mom caught me talking with him. I've been in touch with all my friends except Noah. He's gone awol in our group chat which makes Emma mad one time.

James told me to give him time to realize some things which I did for the whole break but I just really miss Noah too. He bothers me most of the time but he makes me laugh and it hurts that the only thing I can give in return for the laughter he puts in my face because of his silly actions is pain.

I tried to not think about Noah and what happened before undas break but it's just hard, knowing that I'm partly the reason why he's gone awol.

Me: James, have you talked to Noah?

James: I told you not to worry right?

James: I did and he just returned from Siargao

Me: I just need to hear where he went this break and I'm good

James: You're too kind

James: Take a rest, I'll see you tomorrow

Hearing a small information about Noah's whereabouts is already enough for me. At least I know he went to a place where he can think and enjoy the beaches also. I just hope we'll have some time to talk with each other.

"Here." Felix handed me a paper bag right after I took a seat on my chair next to him.

I look at his new haircut with his side tapered now and his hair is brushed over. He is wearing our regular school uniform, a plain white polo with a school logo patch and light brown pants.

"Thanks."

I opened the paper bag to see different kinds of local products from Davao there. There's a bunch of native foods, accessories that are made of seashells and even a wallet that is made from a straw. My eyes sparkle with how many it is and how beautiful each of the products is inside the paper bag.

"How about us? Where's ours?" James complains.

He stared at the paper bag Felix gave me. Felix laughed before taking out five more small paper bags. He hands it out to my friends leaving one, maybe for Noah. I gave them the things I bought in Ilocos also which they also gave theirs.

The girls souvenirs for me made me hug them so tight. It's the perfect souvenir! Emma got me a traditional handicraft and a flower designed porcelain hanging plate from Korea. She even had to visit a porcelain shop and have the design customized just for me based on her story. Charlotte got me a small porcelain vase that is made in Japan. Nicole got me a blue celadon ceramic plate with elephant herd from Korea. James, on the other hand, got me a handcrafted purse and some local food products from Cebu.

"Why did you buy this for me?" James asked with a forehead creased.

He raised the miniature doll dress in male hanbok that made us laugh. It's a souvenir from Emma.

"It looks like you. Don't you like it?" Emma states.

James glared at her which only made us laugh. They keep bickering after that due to James complaining which is normal but is still really funny. Shortly, Noah arrived and took his seat next to Nicole making me silent. I tried not to look at him but failed when I saw him looking at me as well.

"Aiden Noah Castro! Where have you been? Why aren't you replying to our messages?" Charlotte complains.

She handed Noah the souvenir she got for him while Emma, Nicole and James does the same

"Siargao. I always left my phone in the hotel, you know, just to be safe." Noah answers.

"H-here."

I stuttered while handing him what I bought for him. He gave me a small smile before Felix held his hand out, holding a small paper bag. Noah took it from him and thanked him. He handed me a small paper bag that contained goods from Siargao without any words coming out of his mouth and only giving me a smile. He, unexpectedly, gave one to Felix as well.

The class starts after that with us just proceeding with passing our projects and more. It wasn't a regular class too anyway since some students haven't returned yet so we spent the rest of the class hours switching from eating and listening to the teachers.

This day almost felt like our normal regular days before.  The six of us will laugh all together and even c***k some jokes as if nothing happened before the break starts. As if Noah didn’t confess his feelings for me.

Compared to the past few months, he was much more calmer today. The fact that Felix’s stubbornness strikes earlier and Noah was just calm is shocking for me. I don’t know what he was thinking. He is like a bomb that will explode any minute because of his actions today. With all that, he just looks like the Noah I know before Felix appeared in our life.

I went home with loads of souvenirs placed in the paper bag. I went straight to my room taking out the girls bought for me because those are precious. My phone suddenly vibrated from my pocket and I read the message I was waiting to come.

Noah: Can we talk tomorrow Feli?

He texted. It's the first I received from him for weeks since he was really avoiding me. Regardless, the fact that he wants to talk is already enough to make me calm about my continuous worries with our friendship. I don’t want to lose him.

Me: Of course Noah :)

He didn't reply back anymore so I just assumed that I should just wait until tomorrow. I don’t want to be persistent in pushing myself to someone who doesn’t want me around for a while. I don’t want to be selfish by saying sorry and trying to comfort myself while ignoring what other’s really feel with me saying my sorry’s.

"Feli. Noah and Felix are talking there." Nicole said.

She dragged me out of our classroom and pointed in the quadrangle. I saw Felix and Noah sitting on one of the benches there. They both have a serious face that is visible from here. The atmosphere between them is serious that it gives me goosebumps up here.

If I see them like this before then I would have been happy because whenever they are together, they keep on having each other’s hand on one’s collar. However, with what I know now, those two being together right now makes me nervous. With the history of them having to be almost involved in a fist fight just makes it so impossible that the scenario I am looking at right now is happening. It's very new in my sight to them both calm with each other.

"Noah asked to talk with me today." I told Nicole.

She nodded. Except James, who knows almost everything about Noah’s side, Nicole is the one I talked with about my thoughts in this situation. I don’t even know if Charlotte and Emma noticed that there’s a small tension between me and Noah as of now.

"It's for the better. I'm just glad he finally reached out after two weeks." she said.

Honestly, I still don’t know how to face Noah even though I want to clear things up between the two of us already. I don’t want him to know that I am blaming myself for being blind or much more dense, and how feeling guilty I am for making him feel like what he feels right now. Even though he always teased me about being after rejecting someone, he still hates the idea that I feel guilty for rejecting them. He always tells me that it's not my fault that I can’t reciprocate their feelings. I just really hate the idea that I can’t reciprocate his feelings because of me only seeing him as a friend.

"Feli."

I heard Noah called making me turn my attention to our side. He is standing a few meters away with a serious face. I cannot erase the fact that him standing there does attract everyone's attention.

I must have been in deep thought that I didn't realize that both him and Felix are done talking already. Felix is standing next to him before he pats his shoulder. He didn’t forget to give me a smile before he entered our classroom with Nicole following him. It's just me and Noah here outside now.

I gulp with the silence surrounding the two of us. None of us dared to talk. I can feel like a lump is now visible in my throat. My eyes are avoiding his gaze. We are just standing there, face to face with a meter distance between the two of us. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

“Do you want to go to the gym?” He asked.

“Sure.”

We went to the gym in silence. Luckily our teachers are not around and we don’t have anything to do for now that’s why we can leave for a moment. We both sat on the bleachers with just a small distance in between us.

Noah had both of his hands intertwined while I hand mine placed on my sides. The silence is still visible as if both of us are scared to talk.

“How’s your vacation?” I start.

“It's great. The beaches are beautiful.” he responded. “The six of us should visit Siargao once we’re allowed with just us. How about Ilocos?”

“It was great too. Christian had fun but there’s a limit for physical activities as per his doctor’s advice.” I answered.

“How’s his condition like these days? Did tita and tito say anything?” he asks.

I shook my head in response. “They said that Christian just have to avoid being tired and lessen the physical activities as much as possible. He is doing great and what happened before never happened again as of the moment.”

There’s a moment of silence that built up between us once again. It was as if the silence is our newly added member of our squad.

“I’m sorry Noah.” I said.

My head is down and I was biting my lip to prevent myself from crying because of guilt.

“A friend told me that love is about having two people happy. If one is not happy then that is not love. It cannot be forced nor be pushed just because one doesn’t have the same feeling as the others.” he says.

His eyes are deeply in gaze in front of us while he is talking. His tone is serious and at the same time soft as if all this is to comfort me rather than to make me feel wronged.

“I know from the start that I am just a friend to you Feli. The reason why I didn’t tell you or even push it. Our friendship matters for me more than pushing myself to you even it hurts me that I have to suppress my feelings for you. It was hard to keep it for myself that James had to find it out. but I learned to deal with my feelings as I spent much time with the five of you.” he smiles.

His lips showed a smile but his eyes showed a mixture of happiness and sorrow, ambivalent. I keep silent trying to hear his side. I don’t want to interfere because it's his moment to tell me what he really wants to say to me for a long time now.

“In fact, I don’t want any of you to find out about my feelings for you. I’m afraid that you’ll keep your distance. That the guys will tell me that it shouldn’t be like that. I completely gave up the thought of telling you about it the moment I found out how much you believe in fate. I’m afraid that I will be just one of those guys you will reject.“ he continued.

My belief is completely selfish. I didn’t even realize it until now that I hear Noah’s side. It's just for my own benefit. I really am a heartbreaker. A cruel heartbreaker.

“I tried to forget about my feelings for you even though it's hard since you are always around me. I actually thought that I felt nothing already until Felix arrived. He really pushed me off my limits that made me realize that it was still there.” he scoffed. “He made me realize how coward I really am for not telling you my feelings which explains our continuous arguments.”

Nicole and James were really right when they said that Felix provoked Noah so bad. An agitator who will push you in your limits so you can come out of the closet. That’s what he did to Noah.

“I’m actually grateful for him for pushing me because who knows, it's better that I’m the one who tells you about my feelings than anyone else.” he continued.

He was silent after that. I know it's my cue to ask.

“When did you start?” I hesitantly asked.

“First year. The moment I first saw you in the orientation.” he answered. “You were wearing a black shirt under your denim jumper shorts with your a little messy hair tied in a high bun. You were laughing with the girls during that time and your smile just made me stare at you unconsciously. It continued until I caught James eyeing me, probably because he already noticed it, that’s why I decided to look away and just look at you whenever you're alone. It was just a simple crush until I moved to your section last year.”

The girls always tell me that a lot of boys have been eyeing me during first year but I never really entertain anyone. I didn’t know that Noah was one of them.

“I started to like you and James noticed it. He helped me to control my feelings that we both can even joke about your continuous rejection to the other boys who want to court you.” he let out a small laugh.

“I didn’t know I was that really clueless until now.” I said.

He chuckled and gave the top of my head a soft pat before giving me a smile.

“You’re dense. That’s one of the things I’m thankful for.” he said.

We stayed silent once again after that small touch he made. I also realize how inattentive I truly am with everything that surrounds me. Like I am just living in my own world without trying to mind others no matter how much other people’s opinion matters to me.

“My friend told me that I should learn to let go if I really like one person especially if that person doesn’t like me back.” he looks at me. “That’s what I’ll do Feli.”

I look at him with wide eyes. His words are processing in my mind as if they don't want to understand each of his words.

“Just like I said, I know I cannot be more than your friend. That’s why I won’t ever force myself to make you like me.” he said.

His smile expressed a sad one which makes me feel really bad.

“How do you know that? You don’t even know what I really feel.” I told him.

He scoffed. “I don’t entirely know... but the only thing I know is that you don’t like me the same as I do.”

I had my head down the moment he let those words go. Am I really that easy to read?

“I choose to keep our friendship rather than to make you reciprocate my feelings. That’s the way I can keep you for a long time Feli. Don’t feel guilty that I choose this because this is what I really decide on my own. Our friendship and your happiness matters to me the most than my own feelings. I know I can’t make you happy as your lover... but I certainly know that I can make you happy as your friend.” he explains.

I felt a tear drop down from my eyes as he let out those words. He has always been understanding and selfless. He always says how grateful he is that we became his friends and that he won’t let anyone make us feel bad about ourselves.

Come to think of it, who wouldn’t like Aiden Noah Castro? He is attractive or much better, a handsome one, an athlete, intelligent, tall, witty like James. He might be a flirt but he surely knows when he is being too much already. Above all that, he is caring, understanding, gives importance to those who’s around him, and he is never selfish. I might not like him back or even tease him that no one likes him, I’m sure that the girl who Noah will love deeply is lucky.

“The five of you are so precious for me that seeing one of you sad makes me want to always make myself silly just so all of you smile. That’s how important our friendship between us and the friendship among the six of us is for me. So don’t worry Feli, I will be okay.” he said.

Noah wiped the tears from my face. He laughed while looking at my face but it made me see that even his laugh is fake sometimes.

“Don’t laugh. It makes me feel even worse.” I said.

“I may have given up already Feli but I will still be your protective friend who wants nothing but your happiness and your safety. Give your heart to someone who will make you feel special. Who will make you feel like you are the best in this world. Who will always choose to believe and stay with you no matter what. That way, I know I will never regret letting you go.” he said.

I immediately hugged him with that. He stiffened for a while before he sigh and encircled his arms on my waist.

“Be happy... as always Feli. That’s my only wish for you.” he said.

My heart feels so warm with his words. My happiness is still what he chose instead of his own. He still chooses to be selfless than to choose his own. I don’t know if I really deserve to have someone like Noah to like me or even become my friend.

We went back to our room after talking a bit more. The two of us are laughing with each other’s silliness that makes me really happy. Noah is one of my sources of strength and happiness. Seeing him and my friends happy makes my heart melt that I can just watch them all the time.

Our class was dismissed two hours after we arrived back in our room. We were in the middle of planning to hang out when Felix suddenly draped his arm on my shoulder.

“What are you doing?!” I asked.

James eyed Noah only to see him smiling before he shook his head. The girls are eyeing me and Felix on the other hand. Felix dragged me out saying only a few words to my friends.

“I’ll steal your friend for now!”