Chasing over the Belief (Secondary Series #1)

09

Chapter 9

Unrequited

"What's with the shout?"

Manang asks running in the kitchen after Noah's confession that I didn't expect will come. Is that the meaning of the hints Nicole is giving me? Is it what Felix meant when he first called me dense? What more I do not notice?

I was staring at Noah's face who is basically staring at me also as we stay silent with the commotion around us. His face is serious, telling me that his confession was not sort of a joke I should take lightly.

"What's happening here?" Charlotte asks the moment they enter the kitchen.

I was brought back to my senses when Nicole tapped my shoulder. They told the maids and manang that they will handle the things in here. Manang was hesitating to leave us because she knows something is not right.

"What happened to you two?" Emma asks.

I raise my head to look at Noah before I eyed James who is standing beside him eyeing me. His look doesn't express anything that made me confused. Does he know? He and Noah are basically together all the time and the fact that he is the one who befriended Noah before, I doubt he didn't know about Noah's feelings. They're best friends, as what he defines the two of them.

"Nothing..." Noah spoke up, making me turn my attention to him. He glanced at me for a short time before he left the kitchen as I heard the girl's calls asking him to go back in here.

James came running after Noah in panic. "You'll leave already? We just got here!" I heard James shout from the living room.

I want to go there but I don't think Noah will appreciate my presence. The fact that I stayed silent when he said those three words because I was shocked gives him enough reason to not want my presence around him.

"What's wrong with Noah? What did you do?" Charlotte asks me, approaching.

"I... don't know." was my only response. Both her and Emma let out a sigh while Nicole just glances to the direction that Noah used to get out of the kitchen before she looks at me and look away to stare in the space as if she's thinking something deep.

The maid notified us that Noah left already with James following after which completely ruined the day because we're planning to swim today. Emma and Charlotte left after that as well, being picked up by their own drivers, leaving Nicole and me here in my house.

I was still in deep gaze when the two of us entered my room. Nicole, on the other hand, was the one to explain to Manang that she doesn't need to worry about what's happened considering that she really does get worried about the six of us whenever she knows something is wrong.

We stay silent, just sitting in my bed, not knowing if I should talk about it or not. Thoughts are running in my head nonstop that I just want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it somewhere I can't take it back anymore.

"Noah..." Nicole started. "did he tell you already?"

"You knew?" was my direct question to her as she sighs. "He told you?" I asked.

Nicole shook her head and smiled. "He doesn't have too. It's too obvious that I don't even understand why you didn't notice what he really felt."

So her hints really meant something. She isn't just telling me that I am dense. It was something deeper than that.

"Felix must have pushed Noah too much for him to suddenly tell you about it. I thought he would never confess anymore." she continued that made me look at her.

"Felix knew?" she nodded.

'Friend-zone huh?'

Those were Felix's words when he asked me to accompany him in the faculty room before. His words that during that time I just take for granted because I know it's impossible because Noah has never tried to hit on me or even tell me that he likes until now. Or maybe, I just really can't see it.

"Remember when Noah and Felix almost had a fist fight during our P.E class before?" she asks me. I wouldn't forget that day because Noah shocked me with his action that time. "Noah wouldn't have his hands over Felix's collar if he didn't provoke him with the dating rumors that sparks up between you two around the whole campus."

Now that Nicole says it, Noah really acted so differently after our classmate talked to me about that issue. Until the issue died down, Noah has been in a bad mood most of the time everyone asks me about it.

"Just recently, the field trip. When Noah finds out that I left you with Felix, he throws a fist at me and I almost get mad at him but I just calmed myself down because I know he's jealous." she continues.

"And you didn't stop him when he almost got himself involved in another fight with Felix." I said as she nodded.

Nicole is the very observant one among the rest of us. She's that person who always knows something about us before we can even find it out ourselves.

"Noah has always been patient, you know. Maybe Felix's arrival really pushed him to come out of the closet and to finally express his jealousy." Nicole states.

"How long do you know about this?" I asked her as she made some thinking first, probably trying to remember when.

"That moment when he runs after you when you left with Felix for the faculty room. He looks bothered when he leaves and comes back pissed off so I figure that there's something that he doesn't tell us. I observed him for the next few months and confirmed my conclusion on the day of his competition." she explains.

I am left staring in the space as Nicole made me face the facts that I didn't realize before. Noah has always been joking around me or teasing me most of the time and he's protective not just to me but even to Charlotte, Emma and Nicole. He never tried to show any intention of liking me. I thought he is just becoming super over protective these past few months because all of them see Felix as a playboy.

"If you know that Noah likes me, then why didn't you tell me about it? Instead you keep teasing me over Felix." I told her as she took the tray that contained snacks and a pitcher of juice from the maid who just knocked on my door before putting it down on the couch.

She sat on the couch and tap the seat next to her as I follow. "It's not my job to tell Feli. If Noah wants you to know about it then he should have told you already. We've been friends with him for a year now and he didn't spoke up about it when he had so many chance to." Nicole explains.

She wasn't wrong about it. Noah had a year to tell me about it but he didn't dare to step in the line. I don't think he ever planned to tell me about it if I didn't push him to his limits today.

"Regarding Felix, I'm not the only one who noticed this Feli but you are different around Felix. You're kind to everyone yes but you especially get annoyed at Felix without you knowing. You watch his actions like a hawk. I wouldn't tease you to him if I didn't notice that difference." she starts.

"The boys you used to only hang out with are Noah and James, you talk to other guys yes but you don't try to spend so much time with others as much as you do with those two. It's a different case with Felix. You two get along so well even you don't notice it and even it looks like he is flirting with you in Charlotte and Emma's eyes, there's a connection with you two that I think Felix doesn't notice too." she continues.

I admit that I have gotten close to Felix because I wouldn't stay with him for the rest of the afternoon during our field trip or even tolerate his stubbornness every single day. That weird feeling I keep having doesn't help also making it obvious more how comfortable I've got with Felix being around. Whether he's just flirting or making everything just a game, it's comfortable being around him.

"What's wrong with you?" Felix asks through the video call while looking at me with forehead creased.

He called once again through voice call at first but since I wasn't responding to his questions properly because I was so distracted, he changed it to a video call but there's no difference since I am still silent while doing an essay draft for this project.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" I asked him back as I heard him sigh when I erased another word in my paper.

I crumpled the paper I just tore off my notebook for the tenth time since Felix called then put down my pen before looking at the window in front of me behind my study table.

"You look extra stressed tonight." Felix says as I let out a deep breath.

"I'm just tired." I said which didn't convince him but I'm glad he didn't push it. "Don't you have anything to do? You've been doing this for a month now."

He was staring at me when I looked at the screen of my phone to see him lying down on his bed, probably, with his chin placed on the top of his hand. "Didn't you like the flowers?" was what he said.

"Why did you send it?" I ask the same question I asked him earlier.

He sighs and smiles. "I told you, I also don't know why..." he answers.

"You're complicated." I only said which made him let out a small laugh.

"Everything and everyone is. We do something but we don't know why we are doing it. We want to say what we really want to but at the same time we also don't want to. We want to say that we are okay but in reality, we are not. That's what you are doing right now." he says that made me look down. "You're avoiding... like a situation that you don't know how to handle?"

My forehead creases with what he said. "How can you say that I am avoiding something?"

"I may not know what happened to you after class but I am not dense to see that you are not okay despite of you not saying it..." he answers. "But I'm not gonna force you if you don't want to tell me what's going on on your mind right now because I am sure it's not about me."

His statement made me chuckle. He really has the ability to know that something is wrong around him even though he wasn't really present.

"I won't bother you too much today already." he said.

"You should have said that an hour ago." I told him and he chuckled.

"Your face is such a big distraction that I keep forgetting my limits." he said that made me look at him over the screen and he smiles.

"Take a rest. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight." he says before I also did the same before I ended the call and decided to just lay down on my bed.

Noah and Felix. Both of them occupied my mind for the rest of the night. Noah because of his sudden unexpected confession that made me realize how clueless and a bad friend I am because I wasn't able to notice his feelings. Felix because he also doesn't know the reason why he sent those flowers. The card that says Elegance & Amora doesn't help also.

I sat on the bleachers inside the gym, staring at the basketball court in front of me, because this place is the only available place that no one will be around. Today is the last day before the sem break but my mind is still stuck from yesterday making it that day feels so long.

"You're not hungry?" I heard James voice on the right side of the gym to see him standing over the end of the court.

I gave him a smile before shaking my head in response. He walks towards me with both of his hands placed inside his pocket before sitting beside me in bleachers.

There was a moment of silence between the two of us until James finally talked. "You and Noah are missing in action today. It feels like it's just me and those three girls are present today." he says.

"You want to talk about Noah right? That's why you came here." I told him which made him sigh.

He nodded before opening his mouth. "You're not stupid to think that I don't know about Noah's feelings." he starts as I remain silent.

"I caught him looking at you from afar during first year many times and I first thought that maybe he was just amazed. You're an achiever, a student council officer, and also a pretty one who attracts so many male students around you but you don't notice them. I let go of the thought that maybe he has a crush on you because, you know,those things are really common during that year." he continues while looking straight in front of him.

I have my head down a bit while listening to him attentively. "During 2nd year, I befriended him because he really caught my attention. His simple gestures that you can't notice are what push my thoughts that he likes you. I asked him about it after a couple of months and he didn't deny it because I already caught him, there's no use anymore. He asked me to keep it a secret and don't tell me about it. He didn't tell me why but I think it's because he's seen you rejecting guys with that fate belief of yours."

My belief. I never thought of believing in that fate love as a selfish act but hearing this and knowing that there's a possibility that it Noah's choice of not be true to me in regards of his feelings feels like I've been such a selfish person.

"I honestly didn't expect that he'll explode this year because he said that he's satisfied with just seeing you happy already but Felix provoked him so bad that he didn't take it anymore." he says, confirming that Felix is partly at fault.

"Felix might have provoked him but it's my fault for not knowing his feelings. I should have listened and tried to observe my surroundings when Nicole told me that I am dense." I said.

He looks at me in confusion with the mention of Nicole's name. "Nicole knew?"

I nod at him. "She's suspicious of how Noah acted during Felix's first day and confirms his suspicion during Noah's taekwondo competition." I answered which made his mouth open.

"Everyone knew except me. I wish I wasn't that dense and selfish so Noah wouldn't have thought that way." I said as he smiled.

"It's not your fault that those people around you choose to stop their own heart and mouth from saying anything. Don't always blame yourself for someone's mistake in the way of choosing their life and love decision Feli. You have your own mistakes and decisions to think about, be selfish sometimes." James said.

I stare at him for a moment remembering what Felix told me about James. He has problems he chooses not to tell us because he doesn't want to be a burden. I just realize that all of us really have something to keep as a secret despite telling each other not to keep on for themselves.

"Don't worry about Noah for now. Give him some time to think, he didn't think of coming out in the closet this way so he has some realizations to do also. He'll come around." James says before patting my shoulder which made me smile.

We returned back to our classroom when everyone was already fixing their bags. "Where's everyone going?" I ask.

"The teachers cut the class off already since there's nothing to do anyway." Charlotte answers as I nod before taking my bag and putting my things that are placed neatly on the table.

"Noah! Where are you going?!" Emma calls as Noah went out of the room silently.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Charlotte asks us as I avoid her eyes which I know Felix saw because he looks at me, raising a brow.

James bid his goodbye to us before running after Noah. "Let him Char, maybe he just really wants to go home already." Nicole said on behalf of Noah.

Charlotte looks annoyed with what Noah just did which made me guilty because I know the reason why he left like that. Emma and Charlotte decided to just go home also, leaving the room first with Felix behind them. Nicole and I were left before I picked up my bag and waited for Nicole to finish with her things.

"James talked to you?" she asks while making our way out of the room before I gave her a nod.

"I'll go to the studio today." I told Nicole as she nodded before we separated ways when she hopped in their car while I did to mine.

On the way to the studio, I was just staring outside the window watching the vehicles and the trees dancing from the wind. I didn't even realize that we arrived in the museum already until my driver called me for the third time.

I made my way to the studio before taking a seat in front of the wheel machine and just staring at it again. It feels really weird how a day in my life is like this.

"That machine might melt." someone said, making me raise my head to see Felix standing by the door.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him before he enters the room completely, closing the door.

"I heard you say that you'll come here." he answers before taking a seat to the vacant chair in front of Christian's easel facing me.

"It doesn't give you rights that you can just come here anytime you want Felix." I tell him, feeling a little cold over the tone of my voice.

I look away when he stares at me deeply in thought. "I had to know that you were okay," he says.

I stayed silent thinking whether I should say or ask him about Noah because it's a situation between me and Noah but he knows about Noah's feelings even before I do.

"Felix?" I called as he awaits for me to continue. "What will you do if someone close to you confess that she likes you?"

I look at him waiting for his answer but he raises both sides of his lips a bit, making me curious. "It depends on the situation. But if ever the situation goes that I like her then I will  tell her that. If I only see her as a friend, I'll explain that the only thing I can give her is friendship." he answers.

"But that will hurt her feelings..." I said as he nodded and smiled.

"In liking or loving someone, it is already given that you'll get hurt even though you don't want to. It's putting your heart at risk because you don't know whether your feelings can be reciprocated or be rejected. Everyone has their own choice whether to sacrifice their heart or to keep it safe from pain but the latter is much more painful." He said which made my forehead creases.

"Why is the latter much more painful than sacrificing?" I asked him.

"Because watching the person you like being happy with another without you having the opportunity to tell him what you really felt is a different kind of pain Felicity. Its unrequited love."