As You Like It

Act 5, Scene I

Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

TOUCHSTONE

We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.

AUDREY

Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old

gentleman's saying.

TOUCHSTONE

A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile

Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the

forest lays claim to you.

AUDREY

Ay, I know who 'tis; he hath no interest in me in

the world: here comes the man you mean.

TOUCHSTONE

It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: by my

troth, we that have good wits have much to answer

for; we shall be flouting; we cannot hold.

Enter WILLIAM

WILLIAM

Good even, Audrey.

AUDREY

God ye good even, William.

WILLIAM

And good even to you, sir.

TOUCHSTONE

Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy

head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are you, friend?

WILLIAM

Five and twenty, sir.

TOUCHSTONE

A ripe age. Is thy name William?

WILLIAM

William, sir.

TOUCHSTONE

A fair name. Wast born i' the forest here?

WILLIAM

Ay, sir, I thank God.

TOUCHSTONE

'Thank God;' a good answer. Art rich?

WILLIAM

Faith, sir, so so.

TOUCHSTONE

'So so' is good, very good, very excellent good; and

yet it is not; it is but so so. Art thou wise?

WILLIAM

Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.

TOUCHSTONE

Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember a saying,

'The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man

knows himself to be a fool.' The heathen

philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape,

would open his lips when he put it into his mouth;

meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and

lips to open. You do love this maid?

WILLIAM

I do, sir.

TOUCHSTONE

Give me your hand. Art thou learned?

WILLIAM

No, sir.

TOUCHSTONE

Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it

is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out

of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty

the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse

is he: now, you are not ipse, for I am he.

WILLIAM

Which he, sir?

TOUCHSTONE

He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you

clown, abandon,--which is in the vulgar leave,--the

society,--which in the boorish is company,--of this

female,--which in the common is woman; which

together is, abandon the society of this female, or,

clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better

understanding, diest; or, to wit I kill thee, make

thee away, translate thy life into death, thy

liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with

thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy

with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee with

policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways:

therefore tremble and depart.

AUDREY

Do, good William.

WILLIAM

God rest you merry, sir.

Enter CORIN

CORIN

Our master and mistress seeks you; come, away, away!

TOUCHSTONE

Trip, Audrey! trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.