Into Her Book 1: Clyde Hernandez

11

11

“What reason?”

I curiously asked. No matter how much I have been judging Clyde so badly, a part of me still wanted to hear this. I’m not really sure why but maybe because there is really a reason why he is like he is now. After all, everyone has a reason to act unreasonable unlike they just don’t have any proper thing to do in life.

“Maybe we can start with what happened last year.” Kim revealed. I raised a brow at her in curiosity. “It was actually a hectic year in this school last year. Not technically for the faculty but for the students, especially the ones who like the Hernandez brothers.”

“Clyde has a brother?”

The three of them casually nodded. “I think we already mentioned that but Clyde is not the original captain of the RIS basketball team, didn’t we?” I nodded my head in agreement. “It’s his brother who has been the captain since 9th grade and has been the longest member of the team to hold the position.” Hayde answered.

“So it was like Clyde just filled in the position because it was vacant?” I questioned which they showed some signs of difficulty to answer.

“That is what other students outside this school actually thought. The thing that they are always using against him is the fact that he is just a fake captain and was only chosen not because of his skill but because they have no other choice.” He explained that I suddenly felt pity on Clyde. “The South Hampton belittled him last year during the championship because of it. They called him a replacement and not someone who is actually good to be in that role. It was basically one of the reasons why they also lost the championship last year.”

In this world, it's always the judgement that we often see. We never know how our words can affect one as long as it doesn’t affect and damage us. Their self awareness is nowhere to be seen whenever they insult someone until they reach their lower peak. But when it is them who is being insulted, they will ask if they don’t have self awareness and will even suggest being careful with their own words. It’s funny that even Clyde, who bullies other people, received the same treatment just because of a stupid game.

“What happened to Clyde’s brother? Why was he replaced?” I asked.

“We actually have no idea what really happened, but what we all know is that he was hospitalized back then.” Kaori explained. “It was actually a timing because the championship was just a week away. Everyone was even confident that there will be a back to back championship with kuya Jonas leading the team to victory considering how good he was. But it all changed because of one incident. What kind of incident is it again?”

“I don’t remember but maybe he was shot? Or got knocked down? I’m not sure anymore!” Hayde answered, shrugging his shoulders.

“i***t! Jonas was involved in a car incident with Clyde.” Kim butted in, even pushing Hayde a bit because of his false allegations. “They got involved in a car incident on the way home. We don’t know the whole details but Jonas had a leg fracture and he had to be treated. He was even in a life and death situation because of the incident which is why he was hospitalized.”

Suddenly, my vision became slightly blurry with the mention of the car incident. I know in myself that it was because of my experience but I tried to set it aside, shaking my head to bring back my focus to them. Even though I try to give them my focus, such unfamiliar yet familiar scenarios in my head keep forming.

“Bella?” Kaori suddenly called as I looked at her with arch brows. “Are you okay? You look pale.”

I nodded my head before giving her a faint smile. “I’m okay, no worries.” I let out a deep breath, ignoring the thoughts in my head. I look at Kim who is seated beside me while she has her worried eyes on me. “How did you know about the incident of Clyde’s brother? Did it spread in the school too?”

She shakes her head. “It was only Jonas’ batch, Clyde’s friends, their teammates and the higher ups who knew about what happened. They really did their best to stop the issue about Jonas from spreading because their mother requested so. That is why up until now… no one really knows about what happened except those people.”

“Then how do you know about this?”

“Did I forget to tell you that I repeated 11th grade? I was in the same batch as Jonas originally but I had to stop because of my disease for my treatments.” She answered.

My mouth formed an ‘o’ as I remembered what she told me. A year ago, Kim has been diagnosed with congenital heart disease since she was born. She went under surgery last year because they already found a donor which is why she has to stop for a year. When I asked her if her surgery guaranteed that she is already fine, she told me that it doesn’t work like that. There is no cure for her disease but her parents insisted on a surgery that is why she pushed through it. But up until now, she still needs to be careful or else… unexpected things might happen.

When I first heard about it, I actually wanted to pity her but she asked me not to. Behind her talkative, friendly gestures and slightly playful personality, she has a disease that limits her to enjoy her life. At first I thought that it was better that she had surgery as her treatment but then again… it wasn’t really a cure for her. Then I had some reflection, what if my treatments aren't really meant to help me? That it just looks like now that I am fine but it will attack again later on?

“You did… you mentioned it.” I whispered. I tried to sound cheerful but I guess I failed. “What happened to Clyde’s brother now? Is he still attending here?”

She shakes her head in response. “Jonas went abroad for his treatment. But as for his basketball career, I heard he can’t pursue it anymore since the coach already took him out of the team list and the universities who are supposed to get him have already set their eyes on other players, specifically Clyde.”

So at the end, with his brother’s sufferings, all privileges were switched to Clyde. It’s not a bad thing because it was an opportunity and I’m sure his brother will also be happy knowing that it is his brother who is successor. But if I were in his position, I would probably be slightly pissed.

The pressure. The comparison. It will all exist. I’m sure there was never a day when Clyde has to not experience being compared with his brother’s skills especially after they lost the championship last year with his lead. I doubt it will not be a big thing if ever the coaches from the universities suddenly switch their attention into a different player. I’m sure the students will have a lot to say once it happens.

“But what really happened with kuya Jonas? What kind of car incident did he get involved with?” Kaori curiously answered. They must have not known it entirely as well.

“I don’t know, okay? They didn’t disclose the whole issue. They just told us that it was caused by a car incident, not a gunshot or anything else.” Kim answered, focusing back on the video she was watching. “He and Clyde probably hit each other with a truck or some car. I don’t know!”

Suddenly, I felt the weakness of my body because of the sudden flash in my mind. My hands are shaking and I can't even breathe properly. I can feel my pulse and heart beating so much like it is back then. I can see Kaori, Kim and Hayde in front of me while saying something but all I can hear was a loud crash that I keep hearing from back then. Their voices are nowhere and my visions are blurry until it just… becomes black.

It happened again.

The sound of the rain outside the window was so beautiful. It was supposed to be a good day with good weather but I don’t understand why rain suddenly fell down from the sky. I sang along with my favorite song You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift who is my cousin’s favorite artist. With my small voice and high pitch tone, I sang with confidence, letting daddy hear my voice like it was so beautiful.

“Wow! My princess is singing so well. From whom did you learn singing?” Daddy asked me in a soft voice with admiring eyes gazing down at me.

The pouring rain outside was just a background as we make our way to a business trip that daddy needs to attend. He took me with him because I was crying so bad earlier before he left. It was because mommy told me that she doesn’t know when daddy will come back, he might take so many days before he returns. That is why I ended up crying, wanting to come with him. I was lucky because he really took me with him!

“Mommy teached me! Ate Ella also teached me how to sing Taylor Swift songs!” I cheerfully said.

We are both seated at the back with kuya Julio, our family driver, glancing at us at the back. I can see him smiling as well as he listens to my voice. It was like having an exclusive concert for just two!

“Do you know who Taylor Swift is?” Daddy asked me with small chuckles as I nodded excitedly. “Really? What does she look like?”

“She has yellow hair with red lips, daddy! Ate Ella shows me a photo of her and she also has bangs like mine!” I said, pointing to my bangs on my forehead that made him giggle. “Ate Ella also says that she is really tall and also has a very beautiful voice.”

Each word that comes off my lips is like a circus for daddy as he keeps laughing and chuckling with my reaction. I can’t help it! She was really so beautiful and had a really nice voice. I wanna be like her too but I don’t sing well and I don’t know how to write songs like her. No one will listen to me like they listen to Taylor’s songs.

“Daddy, can we go and see Taylor Swift? Pretty please?” I pleaded, batting my eyelashes like I usually do when I asked for something. I pouted as I wiggle daddy’s hand so he will agree.

“But doesn’t she live in America? It’s too far from here, Bella.” He answered with a short chuckle.

“But we went to granny in San Francisco last year. Mommy told me that San Francisco is in America too.” I wiggled his hand repeatedly and whined as he just kept on laughing with my persistence. “Daddy, please!! Can we go see her? I wanna see her!”

“Let’s see, okay? If you do well in school then we might go to granny once the school year ends. You can ask ate Ella to bring you to Taylor Swift if we went there.” He gave in, giving me a nod.

“Yehey!” I went to him, giving him a tight hug before kissing him on his cheek. “Thank you daddy! I love you!”

“You’re welcome, princess. Daddy loves you too.”

As soon as those words came out of daddy’s lips, the next thing I knew, I was screaming and crying. There were blinding lights and a loud crash that hit our car. I couldn’t breathe properly. I couldn’t move properly. The car keeps turning and turning. Daddy is not awake and so is kuya Julio. I kept crying and crying but the more I cry, the more my vision becomes blurry. A seconds later, it all became black.

“DADDY!”

I screamed, sitting up straight on the bed while panting so hard. My chest is rising up and down with my lips and whole body trembling in fear. Sobs come out of my lips as unconscious tears escape my eyes without my consent. I look around the room but only to see it all covered in a white curtain.

The room smelled like alcohol and it was silent. It was like no one was around and only me. Being in here suddenly feels like I was in a cage. Sobs escaped my lips as I folded my knees near my chest, repeatedly calling for tatay’s name out of nowhere. I felt scared. Cautious. Agitated. It all keeps hitting me in one.

My sobs became louder as my breathing became even harder to reach. The only thing that comes out of my mouth is sobs as my body keeps on trembling in fear for I wasn’t sure what was the reason for it. Suddenly, the curtain opened revealing an unfamiliar man dressed in a dress shirt tucked in a trousers.

He tried to approach me but I only screamed because… I don’t know why. The fear just rushed in without any notice. He couldn’t approach me, not even a single step. Suddenly, the door flew open revealing Kaori, Kim and Hayde who hurriedly came over to me with worried eyes and confused looks.

“What’s going on?” Kim worriedly asked me. I reached for her hand as I held it tightly, afraid that she would leave me. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“W-who is he? T-take him away,” I whispered in a shaky voice.

“He is the school doctor, Bella. It’s okay. You don’t need to be scared.” She told me in a soft calming voice that able to calm me down a bit.

I tremblingly look at the direction of that man as he shows me his stethoscope that was hanging on his neck. How come I didn’t notice that?

“Don’t be scared, Ms. Santiago. I am here to help you, okay?” He says in the same tone as Kaori talks. “Is it okay if I approach you?”

I slowly nodded my head. A single step, my hand that is holding Kaori’s hand becomes tighter for some unknown reason. The school doctor checked my heart beat using his stethoscope as well as checked my pulse. He helped me with my breathing, exercising the inhale and exhale technique that I forgot to do whenever this happens to me. Slowly, my breathing became normal but it was like all of my energy was drained.

“If you wouldn’t mind me asking… does this happen to you often, Ms. Santiago?” He carefully asked when I already stopped trembling and calmed down.

My hand still holds Kaori’s with the same grip but she doesn’t even complain about it. Kim is on my left side, caressing my back gently, while Hayde is standing next to Kaori as he listens to the doctor carefully. I must have been a burden to them now.

“I… uhm…” I glanced at my friends which they immediately noticed. Am I ready to spill this to them? But… will they be fine knowing it?

“Do you want us to leave? If you feel uncomfortable talking, we can leave and wait outside until you are done.” Hayde says in a comforting tone but I shake my head in return, releasing a heavy sigh.

I looked back to the school doctor as I swallowed hard. “I… uhm… have been getting this since I was 7 years old. It usually attacks when I was triggered over some things that relate to an incident but lately, it reduces because I have been attending my therapy.” Another heavy sigh escapes my lips. “I thought I was doing better now that is why I also stopped taking the pills my doctor advised me to take from time to time.”

During my first visit to a doctor for my treatment, besides advising for a weekly or two times a month treatment, she also gave me medicine to take whenever I had my anxiety attack. It was supposed to help me calm down from time to time. She told me to have it after eating healthy foods but I stopped having it because I felt better the past few weeks. Maybe it’s because I have things in my mind now that I became like this again.

“Well, I suggest you visit your therapist again, Ms. Santiago, and tell her about what happened with you today. It's best if you hear her advice more than mine. But for now, I suggest you take a rest and go home.” He told me as I nodded timidly instead.

He left the four of us to do his business. I was just left staring into the air like someone who is not in the right mind. My mind just keeps flying by even with the presence of the people I trust right now. It was hard… to just suddenly act like I am fine after having a glimpse of it.

That car ride. I was singing. America. I already saw a glimpse of it but… I forgot it again. It was like it just bounced into my head to mess me up then leave again, leaving a thunder in it that ruined everything again. It was just one incident but how come… it left such a deep scar in me? A scar that just keeps on haunting me.

“Do you wanna go home now?” Kim asked me in a soft voice, looking all worried.

I can see it all in their eyes. It was so evident. They wanted to ask but chose not to. They were worried but tried their best not to show it. I always tell them that I am fine and I am strong but the longer we hang out, the more they see how weak I really am. Maybe for them, I can be weak… can I?

“I think I should stay here for a while before going home. Mom will be really worried if I go home looking like this.” I pointed out.

My situation right now is actually horrendous. I feel sticky because of the beaded sweats that formed in my forehead and in my body during that horrible dream. My hair is all over the place and I look really terrible with pale lips and tired eyes. It was like I delivered tons of crafts for my lola’s shop and biked around the city without stopping before coming back. I’m sure if mom saw me like this, she would be so worried.

“Can you guys do me a favor?” I told them as they nodded. “Can you… not tell anyone about this?”

They gave each other a look, thinking whether it is a good idea to listen to me. I’m sure they want to disagree.

“But… why? Shouldn’t tito and tita badly need to know about what happened?” Kim asked.

“They should but… I don’t want them to be so worried. If they find out, I’m sure they will tell lola and tito as well and that will only make me guilty.” I reasoned out.

Lola is still not in a good condition right now. She looks fine but I can tell that her energy is not like how it was before already. Her eyes look very tired and although she gives me a smile, I know she is not fine. I don’t want to be a burden and make her worried about me when she is already going through something harder than I do.

“Okay then, we won’t. But if this happens again, we will speak up already. Are we clear?” Kao said giving up as I nodded.

“About your shift in the coffee shop, I already called ate Jelina and told her what happened. She allowed you to take a break for today.” Hayde reveals.

“But how will she run the coffee shop alone? She needs my help!” I insist.

He lets out a sigh before pointing to himself then to Kim and Kaori. “What are friends for?” He only says.

“Wait! Don’t tell me?” He nodded.

“We will cover for you for today. Ate Jelina is cool with it too since she has three servers today which is a big help.” He says with a smile.

Kim reaches for my hand, gently squeezing it. “That is why you should just go home and rest. We got your back, okay?” She says with a nod.

I really am in the right circle. I have no doubts about that now.

They left me in the infirmary alone to head back to class already. I stayed there for another half an hour to think and fix myself before I called kuya Julio to come and pick me up. He didn’t ask anything though and just told me that he will be here in a while.

After confirming to the school doctor that I feel better, I walk out of the infirmary with a little energy left in my body. Maybe it was because my mind is clouded that I didn’t even notice where I was going now. I just kept on walking and walking until I found myself on the spot of the school where there is no sight of students.

But then… It feels weird.

When I slightly turned to my back, I saw three male students wearing some masks following me. I tried to act like I didn’t notice them and just kept on walking and walking up until my dead end. I have no escape now but most certainly… I have no time for any pranks right now.