The Escort

Chapter Eighteen

JARED AND I have done a few more rounds. It is wild, exhilarating and it makes me feel good about my body. I have never thought I’d lose my virginity towards a stranger I only met twice, and the fact that I let him load himself inside me. I know the consequences towards that but it makes me feel warm. I have stocked plan B pills once the moment arrives, and I have to deal with the painful repercussions in dealing with the pill.

            “For someone who claims to be a virgin, you already seemed experienced,” he pants, buttoning his shirt.

            I shrug my shoulders. “You were great in guiding me so I just followed your lead.” I ask him to zip the skimpy dress I won’t even dare wear, but only for him, I would. I wonder what John will think if he sees me wear this kind of dress. Will he feel repulsed? Will he stare at me with lust the way Jared does? Why am I even thinking about him?

            Quite honestly, I feel relieved when he said he only sees Janet as a friend, even as a sister. He still hasn’t explicitly stated that he has feelings for me. I don’t want to put assumptions on things that are vaguely worded because it always leads to heartache and disappointment. But for sure, I will be able to sleep better at night. Especially after having s*x, and not just for a quick few minutes, but for two to three hours I suppose. My body needs a good sleep to get through the day tomorrow.

            “It still amazes me, however,” he says, winking at me. Now that my body has worn off any libido I have been experiencing lately, his wink repulses me slightly. “Do you want this to be a regular thing?”

            He is good in bed; I can’t deny that. I reply, “We can, but I don’t want to go to the club just to see you. Maybe we can meet at a hotel.”

            “Do you hate clubs?” he inquires, raising a brow. He does not know about my identity and it should be that way. If he knows me, he may expose me for being a slut. That part scares me a whole lot. I have company to run, and sleeping with some strangers is bad for my reputation. Yet here I am, sleeping with him and not thinking this through. Maybe I should have used my vibrator at home to pleasure myself.

            “Yes.” I fix my hair as well as the spaghetti strap of my dress. “I only went here to see you.” He seems delighted at the statement but there’s no point of beating around the bush. Why is it difficult to do this with John? I guess because my heart is at a hamstrings with him. Logic is thrown out the moment I even think of him. “Don’t worry, this is nothing deep,” I add.

            “Should I drive you home? It’s almost four in the morning and I don’t think it will be safe for you to go home alone.” So the both of us has s*x for four hours. I can’t believe I have that stamina when I don’t work out a lot unlike Janet does.

            “It’s fine. I can take care of myself.” Waving him off, I step out of the car and plant a soft kiss on his roughly shaven cheek. Good thing he does not insist on taking me home because I want to keep things impersonal with him. I head to my car and rev the engine to life, driving away before the morning starts. I wonder if I can even get a good sleep after this, when work starts at nine in the morning. I stare at my phone, Jared’s contact in it.

            I throw my phone at the shotgun seat and drive speedily back to my penthouse.

I SHOULDN’T HAVE gone out last night. My face feels so groggy from the lack of sleep. It’s a relief I do not have any meetings today, but the paperwork is giving me a migraine. I shouldn’t have gone to let Jared undo me, take my virginity, especially when I have work the next day. Why am I so stupid when it comes to spontaneity?

            Lunch sounds much more delightful right now. I’ve booked a reservation at a restaurant across the building. The restaurant has a soothing and calm ambience that can release the knots around my temples because the building is designed like a greenhouse. I want this day to be over with, but first, I want to drink some perfectly cooked soup made by one of my closest friends who is now a world-renowned international chef. She and I don’t talk much a lot, but when the opportunity arises, we can talk for hours without realising we have spent the whole day with each other.

            She has just arrived from France, after opening her first restaurant there. She has been awarded with one Michelin star on the very restaurant across my building, and since then, she has been working tirelessly to earn another one.

            “Tils!” she exclaims her horrible but a nickname I got used to that she has given for me. She is wearing her chef uniform, with her name embroidered on it. She is the head chef of the restaurant she has built and propagated on her own, although her parents are against it. “I’m so happy to see you! It’s been so long since we last talked! How have you been doing?”

            “Tired,” I drawl, tired. Her cooks have already prepared the dishes for me, and the exhaustion I’ve been feeling has vanished. My stomach growls at the pleasant aroma. “What have you prepared for me?” I ask. The first dish is laid on my table.

            “You’ll see,” she winks as she sits across me. She props her elbows on the tables, raising a brow as I take a first bite of what seems like an appetizer.

            “What do you think?” she asks giddily. She is one of the greatest chefs I’ve ever met and she has never disappointed me with her cooking. She has taught me how to cook, aside from amah when I was a kid, so I can usually fend on my own with food. However, my cooking skills are subpar against hers.

            “I love it, Marie,” I say, sending her a thumbs up and a smile. “You never fail to amaze me with your cooking.”

            “Oh, Tils, you don’t know how excited I was in letting you taste my dish,” she giggles. “My boyfriend and I have been experimenting a lot with bold flavours lately. He is an excellent cook, too.”

            “That explains a lot. Your cooking has evolved into something really magnificent, Marie. Although your cooking has always been great, this one is truly revolutionary, I must say.” Her cheeks flood with crimson and before I know it, she traps me into a bear hug.

            “Tils you’re gonna make me cry!” she complains, a tear slipping from her eye. “But it wouldn’t be possible without my boyfriend who is an amazing chef as I am.”

            “I’m happy that you’re in a great and healthy relationship,” I compliment and she giggles. My mind wanders to John, and my heart slightly lurches to my throat, yearning to have the kind of relationship Marie is in. This is a ridiculous thought and I may be in a fever dream.

            “Do you want to meet him?” She sounds so excited, like she’s giving me an early Christmas present. I nod in response. I mean, whether I want to see her boyfriend or not, I know she will show him to me anyway. That has always been when it comes to Marie. She has always flaunted her boyfriends to me, but she also deals a lot of heartache when she gets dump. She has never dumped anyone, always the dumpee. She gestures for her boyfriend to come and when I turn my head around to see who he is, my eyes widen in astonishment.

            Jared walks confidently like he owns the place, his hair covered in a chef hat. He looks good wearing a chef’s uniform, which I cannot deny makes my insides turn. I cannot believe I slept with him, knowing he is in a relationship with someone else. I want to vomit the load he has injected me last night and erase the memories we both shared. My first experience will forever be tainted.

            He does not seem surprised to see me. Instead, he gives an amicable smile, like he isn’t the devil incarnate. He kisses Marie on the lips, fervently I may add like she is the only he loves in his life. “Babe, you might make my friend uncomfy here!” she whispers in a giggly manner. I want to bolt out of this restaurant and disappear forever, because what I did with Jared is a huge mistake. I don’t want to destroy anyone’s relationship. I don’t know if I should admit to Marie I slept with her boyfriend. I don’t want to destroy a lifetime friendship over a stupid boy.

            “Don’t worry babe, she’s the only one here,” he snickers. His eyes glance at me for a millisecond and I know he is playing a game with me. I shouldn’t have gone to the bar last night. This is a mistake. A huge mistake.

            “Babe, let’s not be a cringy couple,” she chastises him, her eyes only laid on him. She clears her throat like she is about to announce a huge news, and I guess she may as well have because this is quite a revelation for me. “This is my boyfriend, Francisco. Francisco, this is my long-time friend, Matilda.” Her eyes glitter in happiness. I want to be happy, too, but I can’t bear the fact that I will be the reason for her impending heartbreak. But, it is also a surprise that Jared isn’t his name. I guess he played the game very well with me.

            He looks at me from head to toe. “So this is the Matilda Lim you’re talking about,” he smirks like he is bragging an obvious secret in front of his girlfriend. “She and I met last night at the club and she even introduced herself as Flora.”

            “Matilda? In the club?” Her eyes widen but she smiles mischievously. “I cannot believe you have finally loosened yourself! And the fact you even introduced yourself with a fake name!” She giggles, as if she finds the whole situation amusing. I wonder if Jared—Francisco, now that I know his true name—will tell her that we slept with each other.

            I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly. “I guess people change at some point for their own merit, personal growth perhaps.”

            “When I realised she gave me a fake name,” Francisco chimes in, “I suppose playing the game with her won’t hurt.” Marie laughs and slaps her boyfriend’s arm playfully.

            “Aren’t you such a naughty boy Frisco.”

            “Not as naughty as your friend here last night,” he says with such lust in his voice. Marie’s eyes widen, mirroring the expression I have of her. This is it. This is the moment when I’ll finally lose my friendship with her.

            I want to explain to her that I have no idea that Francisco is in a relationship with her, and he has not even mentioned he’s taken. If I only have known, I wouldn’t have dared losing my virginity for him. Regret settles at the pit of my stomach. “I—” I part my mouth, but no words come out, like Ursula has stolen my voice.

            The tension finally breaks after a long silence. Marie sports a grin on her face and confusion flits through my features. “W-What is happening here?” I ask, with a huge surprise blotting my face.

            “Your expression is truly priceless Tils,” she cackles. “Relax, Francisco and I are in an open relationship.”

            “What? What does that mean?”

            Marie shakes her head with a smile plastered on her features. She is not filled with envy when she knows the fact I slept with her boyfriend. Not even an ounce of insecurity. This is a Marie I do not even know. “I knew you would think that I wouldn’t want to be friends with you anymore, but Francisco won’t sleep with anyone unless I allow him to… you know meet anyone. He is the most loyal boyfriend I ever had.”

            “What? If he’s loyal he wouldn’t even dare to sleep with me.” I wrinkle my nose in more confusion. Francisco has already gone to the kitchen to further prepare my meals. Marie has also joined eating with me so that we can have a casual conversation. This is all peculiar to me. Being in an open relationship with someone. I don’t even know what that even means, as I have never experienced being with someone.

            Marie laughs again like I have said something extremely funny, which reminds me of Robert laughing out of nowhere when I say something to him. Suddenly, my mind is occupied with him, and I miss spending time with him. I make a mental note to ask him to hang out with me this weekend.

            “Silly Tils.” I’ve never seen her happy like this. I know her past boyfriends have cheated on her because she used to be fat. They have only dated her because she makes exquisite food, which is terrible of them to do. “An open relationship means we can see other people. At first it was quite difficult but Francisco helped me all the way process things. We didn’t start seeing other people until recently, because I am now finally comfortable with the both of us sleeping with other people. It doesn’t mean we’re cheating on each other. I think it is a healthy way for the both of us to explore other realms in you know… sex.”

            I almost choke on the delicious food I’m eating. “But did you know he took my virginity?” I ask in a low voice. She smiles, one that reaches her eyes. I can’t believe I haven’t lost my friendship with her and with that, I’m glad and relieved, like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

            “Yes, he told me last night. I just didn’t expect it’d be you but this is quite a progress for you.”

            “I’m so sorry still.”

            “Hush, darling.” She waves me off. “Francisco has asked permission before he went out. I just didn’t expect that it’d be you but I think it’s all great. He is very gentle with me and he is super supportive with me. Maybe some time we can have a threesome with him.”

            I spill the contents in my mouth, and it splashes to Marie’s face. “What’s a threesome?”

            “Oh god, you’re literally an innocent person when it comes to the realms of sex.” She wipes her face with a table napkin as if she has expected a reaction like this from me will happen. “It’s when three people have s*x, Tils.”

            “That’s weird…” I trail off.

            “It’s weird because you’re still starting. I won’t mind if you continue sleeping with my boyfriend. He can teach you a lot of things,” she says it like it’s not a big deal. She stands up and she gives me the tightest hug she has ever given me. “Okay I’ll go back to work because my restaurant will be opening soon. Let me know if you want to chat with me.”

            “Actually, I want some advice.”

            She sits on the chair again. “Is it a love advice?”

            I nod, cringing that I’m asking for one. I’ve never been in love with anyone. Maybe I’m in love with my work, but likely I’m not, I’m only doing this out of duty that my parents gave me. I can’t really say what I feel for John is love, but my emotions when it comes to him is like a storm. Heavily complicated and turbulent.

            “Shoot,” she commands.

            “Do you promise not to tell anyone?”

            She raises her hand and she crosses her palm with her other hand’s index finger. “I promise. You know I have never spilled any secret, right?” Marie has been a great confidant. Everything I’ve told her in the past has always remained in the dark and I trust her, a lot.

            “So,” I exhale loudly. “Where do I even start?”

            “Obviously the beginning,” she deadpans and I chuckle at the sarcasm. I tell her about the engagement I have never known that my parents have agreed with my fiancé’s parents before the both of us are even born. Then I narrate to her how Janet has helped me in finding a fake boyfriend in order to keep my parents away from my trail temporarily, and how I’ve introduced John to them on my twenty-ninth birthday, how we start spending a lot of time lately to get to know each other, and how I’m starting to develop feelings for him lately. I also spill the contents about what happened on his twenty-sixth birthday gathering, and how he has admitted he only sees Janet as his sister, and that he is losing sleep over me.

            When I finish the story, she gives me a tsk. “Oh boy, oh boy.” She shakes her head, and clasps her hands together. “Seems like your obliviousness is the only problem here.”

            I raise a brow. “What do you even mean?”

            “It’s totally obvious that this John you’re talking about has feelings for you.” Why am I scared to hear he has feelings for me? Isn’t that what I’ve always wanted from him?

            “He hasn’t explicitly told me that,” I reply which only gets me a whack on the head from her. “Hey! What was that for?”

            “For your idiocy, Tils. This guy has literally confessed he likes you. And do you really want him to embarrass himself in front of you with a direct confession that he likes you? Do you really want him to spell that out?”

            “Yes! I don’t want to assume things unless otherwise stated.”

            “You’re an i***t then. He told you that it’s up to you to figure it out! You are a smart person yet you’re so foolish when it comes to love.”

            “I guess we can’t have it all.”

            “You can have it all Tils. You’re hardworking. You’re caring, smart, driven, passionate. Any guy would fall for those qualities. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. At least acknowledge that you have redeeming qualities, not even redeeming qualities. You have wonderful qualities and any sensible guy can see that. Stop putting yourself down. You won’t find the love you’ve been craving for if you keep criticising yourself harshly.”

            She’s right. But what can I even do when the love I want most is not possible? I want my parents to validate me the way Marie is doing to me. I have been craving for my father’s approval for so long, yet all I ever receive is destructive criticisms, so I always have to be extra difficult on myself, so that it won’t hurt much, because it devastatingly hurts to hear it from the very person you want to hear it from.