The Escort

Chapter Nineteen

MY PERCEPTION OF love has been ruined when I was only ten years old. Usually I took extra classes my parents enrolled me in on a Friday at a different school, more like a tutoring and learning centre, and they always picked me up at five in the afternoon on the dot. That day, ma and pa did not arrive at five pm sharp. I was worried that day because it was the day I was supposed to take a quarterly exam which could hugely affect my grade if I couldn’t take it. The teacher was inconsiderate and strict, and that made students pee in their pants.

            Ma and pa arrived an hour late, with distressed looks on their faces. I wanted to ask them what was wrong. However, my mind was preoccupied about the exam, worried I wouldn’t be able to take it anymore. When they picked me up, they did not seem hurried to drive me to the learning centre. I could hear their anger from their hushed bantering to the point they were already screaming because of the heavy traffic.

            “That’s it,” I remembered pa say, “I don’t want to do this with you anymore.” He was more resigned than frustrated.

            “So you’re just giving up? Just like that? Just because I couldn’t pick up your calls from being so busy with our business?” ma said with equal fervour. The veins in her neck were about to burst.

            “I can’t be with someone who I can’t even trust. I know you and Alejandro are cheating behind my back!” pa screams. He was obviously holding back tears, his voice on the verge of breaking.

            “Nothing is going between us!” ma yelled, running a hand through her hair. “Why do you keep on insisting that I’m sleeping with Alejandro when you’re the only man I’ve ever been with?!” She was heaving deep breaths. No one was paying attention to me. They were so consumed with their own anger, and their grief of their failing marriage. When I was ten, that time when I was in the car with them, I wondered why they were falling apart. I thought when two people love each other, it would be forever.

            Nothing lasts forever. If I can only tell my ten-year-old self that, because as I have grown older, I have been experiencing more heartbreak. It is unfair to my younger self to break a thousand times only to be put back not in the same configuration anymore. My parents’ marriage has shattered my perception of love. If they can’t make their love last, then how can I?

            That’s why I always avoid entangling myself from relationships. I am scared to break myself again from the person I love. Sometimes the one we’d take a bullet for is the one behind the trigger.

            Whenever I feel like I am falling for someone, I naturally avoid them until my feelings for them disappears, but not with John. I don’t think I can avoid him, especially he is persistent in seeing me. He sometimes mentions that Aya misses me and she wants to see me in their apartment. He occasionally drops by the building, as I have removed him from being barred from my company premises, hoping we can eat and hang out. I don’t think the term is hanging out, it’s more like a date, given the fact he may have confessed his feelings for me.

            Today is no exception. As I clock out of the office he is sitting at one of the couches in the lobby, playing a mobile game.

            “Hey,” I greet him, standing behind him.

            He turns his head and shoots me a heart-warming smile. “Hey,” he echoes.

            “So what brings you here?”

            “Can I… Can I take you out on a date?” he says shyly which puts me on the spot. He scratches the back of his head, failing to make eye contact with me. When I don’t respond, he says, changing the subject. “These couches are so pretty.”

            “Why are you asking me out on a date?” I cross my arms in front of my chest.

            “It’s fine, if you don’t want to I’ll just go.”

            “I didn’t say no.”

            He relaxes. “Good.”

            “Why are you asking me out on a date, though? Are you in trouble or something?”

            He blushes, scratching the back of his head. “Theo and Alice asked me to join their double date. I might have told them that you’re my girlfriend.” He is sheepish when he finishes explaining, his words creating a ruckus in my chest. I know he’s only doing this to appease his friend and his ex-girlfriend, but the telling them I’m his girlfriend makes my insides twist and turn.

            “I can help you with that then,” I reply. He looks relieved when I agree to go on a date with him—a double date with people he may feel uncomfortable with. He can ask Janet to pretend to be his girlfriend, but I guess it is alright if it’s me because I have already introduced him to ma and pa as my boyfriend, even to my fiancé.

            “You’re a lifesaver Matilda.” He hugs me without warning me, his arms strong around my frame. He smells like a cheap cologne but he smells good in it, or maybe this is my heightened attraction towards him. I push him softly away from me and he shoots me an apologetic glance. I wave him off and he tells me which restaurant we’re heading.

            When we arrive at Samgyupsalamat, a Korean unlimited barbecue restaurant, Theo and Alice are already there, sitting at the red chairs outside the store, waiting for their names to be called. Theo wears a plain tee with brown knee-length shorts, while Alice wears a short summer dress that befits her pale skin. She looks gorgeous on her outfit, and it makes me look like a hag with my office clothes. I wear a lavender blouse which is underneath my black blazer, and a black pencil skirt that is below the knees.

            “Hello!” Alice greets with such warmth, and I now know why John has fallen in love with her. She smells so good, she’s kind, she’s pretty, and she’s warm around people, just like Janet. Everyone likes that kind of woman.

            “Hi,” I greet back timidly, as she encloses me in a hug. John and his friend group must have really liked hugging.

            “Were you just out from work?” she asks.

            “Yeah. This was spontaneous,” I reply, glancing at John who is casually conversing at Theo. He smiles at Theo; they must have been sharing some inside jokes only they can understand. “I would’ve dressed better if I only knew about this double date thing.”

            “You look gorgeous with your office clothes!” she compliments which leaves me flustered. “I wanted to rock an outfit like yours.”

            “I’ve been wearing this the whole day so I don’t think it’s a good idea to wear on a double date, especially we will be grilling some meat.” She gives me a strained smile, ending our rapport destroyed. I’m no luck at making conversations and maybe that’s why no one wants to talk to me. I’m too uptight, and I take things way too seriously. Maybe Alice is just trying to make me feel better about my outfit.

            The waitress calls Alice’s name and we head inside. John wraps his arm around my waist, catching me off guard at the action. We have to be convincing as a couple, I guess, if we want to make Alice and Theo think that the both of us are dating each other. This sounds like a bad idea, a brewing disaster.

            The waitress ushers us to a rectangular silver table. The table has a circular grill at the centre where we will cook the meat. An exhaust hangs at the top of the ceiling so that we won’t be covered with smoke when we grill the food. The smell of grilled Korean barbecue makes my stomach growl, but the noise from all of the people’s chatters are drowning it. Alice gives the waitress the order without asking us. I guess the menu has only ten choices, five pork and five beef.

            “I’m really glad you guys both came,” Alice warmly says, her eyes lingering at John for a bit longer. I don’t know about their history, but I do know John has been badly hurt by her because he does not even seem to look at her. Only to me and to Theo. Occasionally, he glances at her when she speaks.

            “This sounds nice,” I respond, genuinely. I have never been invited to any spontaneous hangouts, and this is the first time I’ve ever been in one. Although Janet has sometimes asked me to hang out with her, it is different when you have friends who invite you outside of your family circle.

            “So tell me about yourself Matilda,” Alice says, her eyes on me. The waitress serves us four plates of meat, two plates of beef marinated in sauces, and two plates of pork marinated in spices and sauces. John grills the meat, his attention focusing on me. Even Theo’s.

            “I graduated at Ateneo de Manila at the age of twenty-one, taking over my family’s business after. I’ve been trained since seven about how to handle our company when I’m right of age,” I say and they go silent. “I have nothing else interesting to say about myself I guess.”

            I notice Alice’s eyes widens. “You’re a CEO of your parents’ company?” She sounds surprised, and I’m pretty sure she is about to tell me something, probably a backhanded compliment. “That’s really cool. Do you know about this John?” She looks investigative, accusing even. She has already been out of the picture when John and I met, and I wonder why she’s making a big deal out of this.

            “Yeah,” John replies briefly.

            She turns her head to me. “And you’re not bothered at all?”

            “What should I be bothered with?” I ask her with a raised brow. My voice has gone cold. She must be implying about John’s financial and living conditions. Have they broken up because he cannot provide for her? Or is it one of the million reasons why they’ve broken up?

            Before Alice can give me an answer, Theo interrupts which is an absolute relief. Now is not the time to bring up their baggage in the past, especially they’re in a relationship with someone else now. Well, only Alice does.

            Theo and John has casually talked about basketball, which is much better than talking about John, which means Alice may not be over him, which means she must be better for his incapability to provide for all the things she wants. It rakes a part of my chest, John’s ex being quite vindictive towards him when what she’s supposed to do is move forward, and focus on an amazing guy she’s with. I’m pretty sure Theo can fulfil what she wants in life.

            I quietly eat my food, listening to their conversation. It’s fascinating to watch the both of them talk about something they’re passionate with, and at the same time Alice has gone mute. She is eating her food silently but after a few minutes, she interrupts the boys’ conversation, asking one of the waitress to take a photo of the four of us.

            I look dishevelled, but I try my best to smile at the camera. John’s arm is at the back of my chair, which gives me butterflies in my stomach. I wonder how he’s feeling after Alice’s rude question that is asked to me, and is aimed at him. He must be feeling awful. I hope he knows that his financial condition does not matter to me, even if we aren’t dating. I can provide for myself anyway, which will never be a problem for the both of us.

            Alice kisses Theo on the cheek when the waitress takes another picture, and as I turn my head to John, I notice his face falling when she does that. She still has power over him, and it makes me sad, because even if he has implied he likes me more than as a friend, his ghost of the past is still haunting him.

            “Matilda, can you take a pic of me and Theo?” she requests and I nod. I stand up and take a picture of them. At the corner of my eye, John, with a sad expression on his face, looks at the couple doing lovey-dovey poses, which makes me cringe internally.

            After I finish taking a couple of pictures for them, Alice tells John and I to pose for the camera. My heart beats rapidly with John’s close proximity, his warmth emanating from his body. He snakes his strong arm around my waist, leaving me dumbstruck, as Alice captures a photo of us. She shows us the picture and I almost have myself convinced that we look like a couple.

            John smiles genuinely, his eyes smiling too, and my facial expression mirrors his. I want to ask Alice for the photo, but it will feel weird. John has asked for our picture though, which makes my heart skip a beat. I know he’s only doing this to convince Alice he is happy with me, and that they won’t raise any suspicions about our fake relationship.

            “Thanks,” he says to Alice, and I swear I see her face light up ten times brighter than when Theo makes her smile. Is she only asking us out just so she can see John? Maybe I’m only overthinking at the tiniest details of her actions and it means nothing.

            We order a few more rounds of meat and make a cabbage roll with meat, kimchi, r****h and some sauce inside. It is my first time making one, and it tastes so good. After our stomachs cannot handle eating anymore, we pay our own share of the bill, but I tell John I’ll pay for him, which he slightly looks annoyed.

            Alice and Theo walk ahead of us but we pace slowly. They want us to go to sing karaoke with them and have some drinks. I don’t mind since my schedule for tomorrow is light.

            “You didn’t need to pay for my bill, I can handle it,” John says, a bit too harsh. We stand a few inches apart, which is good or else my heart will explode. Whenever Theo and Alice turns their head at us, we immediately lock our fingers like a machine programmed to do so.

            “I don’t want you to spend so much money. I just wanted you to be able to save for yourself and for your family.”

            “I’m not a charity case, Matilda,” he retorts.

            I go silent. Alice must have struck a spot earlier, and he is letting her get to his head. I want to ask him about their breakup, but I don’t want to overstep his boundaries. Besides, I’m only doing this because it is a favour. “Didn’t you ask me to go out with you so that you can save face in front of your so-called ‘friends’?” I say annoyed, using double air quotes with my fingers.

            “Still, I didn’t ask you to pay for my bill.” He runs a frustrating hand on his hair. “Can you just stop trying to help me with money? I can pay for some stuff sometimes you know.”

            I scoff. “You’re only doing this because Alice has hit a nerve. It’s like your pride got bruised when she said something. It’s not worth getting over that girl’s head. You’re in a better place now whether you believe it or not.”

            “I’m over her,” he says weakly.

            “That’s a lie and we both know it.”

            “You don’t understand this. You’ve never been in a relationship with anyone anyway.”

            “Whatever John. I’m going home,” I say. John stops walking when I’ve stopped my tracks, his forehead in a crease.

            “Are you being serious?” he asks when I turn around and walk to back to the parking lot of the building at a fast pace. He matches my strides which is easy for him to do because I am much shorter than him.

            “You’re so frustrating John! I don’t want to talk to you when you just keep lying to me, when you keep pretending that you’re not in love with your ex, but you still are! It’s quite obvious in your face. Whenever Alice and Theo are being romantic, your face crumples! You only want me here because you don’t want to look like a sob story to them!”

            He remains silent, which confirms my theory earlier. I open the car door with such force and slam it shut. He tries to get inside, but I lock my car before he can. I wish I didn’t agree on going with him. I really thought that it will be a nice idea to hang out with people casually, without thinking about work, but being near with John has given me nothing but stress. I don’t want him to invite me to make his ex-girlfriend jealous, or to make him look like he has moved on and he’s with a new girl who isn’t even his in the first place.

            John blows up my phone when I speed through the driveway, but I don’t care, with my tears streaming on my face endlessly. I cannot figure him out, and neither does he. This is a waste of time, getting to know him, when he always keeps me at a distance.

WHEN I ARRIVE home, Janet is talking to John, which makes me wonder how he has gotten first to my house before I do. The raging nerves come back, but I do not have enough energy to deal with him. I only ask him coldly, “What are you doing here?”

            Janet disappears to give us some space. “I wanted to apologise,” he says and he sounds like he actually means it. We’ve had another fight over something small that can be resolved by talking, but we let the worst of ourselves get to us. “I’m sorry for blowing up on you at the restaurant. It was just…” he trails off, looking at the city lights sparkling at the windows of my penthouse. The full moon hangs in the night sky, illuminating shadows and silhouettes of the city. He looks like his breath is taken away.

            “Just what?”

            “Too much.” His voice sounds like he’s about to break down.

            “Am I too much?”

            “No, it’s not you,” he says. “The breakup with Alice has just been too much for me.” I remain silent, waiting for him to explain further. I take a seat on the sofa, while he sits on another plush couch. He looks broken, his face filling with wary. I feel sorry for him, for experiencing a tragic heartbreak that cannot be resolved with any medicine or magic potion immediately.

            “When Alice and I were dating,” he gulps, “we were in college and I was already struggling with keeping my family into one piece. She always wanted expensive things during our monthsary celebrations, like expensive designer bags, clothes and whatnot. Truth is, I cannot afford to give her those. What can I even do?” He looks lost whilst he narrates. “I need to pay rent, need to pay for our food and the bills, and need to support Aya with her education. It’s all been too much for me, our relationship.”

            “And when I give her a gift that looks close to what she wants, she pretends to like it. One time I found out she threw away my gift for our first anniversary after I escorted her home. It broke me, to know that I’ve saved up a lot of money to buy her what she wanted, only to be discarded just like that. Poof, gone.” I haven’t noticed his eyes are already glistening in tears. I move towards him, sitting on his lap with such boldness I cannot even comprehend, but he does not push me away.

            His voice is thick as he continues narrating his story. My heart is slowly breaking into smaller pieces, knowing he has done his best, only to be returned unappreciated by the one he loved the most. I can relate to that, but only towards ma and pa. “Then one day I notice her wearing a very expensive dress in one of our monthly celebrations. She isn’t as rich as you, not even close to being well off, but it has made me wonder where she has gotten her dress. I can smell an object if it’s expensive or not.”

            I wrap my arms around him, while I still sit on his lap. He pays no mind with my efforts of soothing him. “I tried connecting the dots.” His voice is low, murderous even, his anger starting to boil. “I found her in her bed with Theo when I wanted to surprise her a very expensive original Louis Vuitton bag. Theo is rich, he always has, and he has never struggled a day in his life. To know that your best friend… and your girlfriend are f*****g each other behind your back…” His eyes keep spilling tears and I wipe them with my hands, oh so tenderly. My heart feels bruised at the vulnerability of his words, but I do know his is more battered for experiencing such a heartbreak like that. “I felt like my world is falling apart.”

            I hug him tight and he sobs like a child, his voice wrecked like a ship sailing in the middle of a sea storm. “Let it out,” I say in a soft tone, rubbing small circles at his back.

            “You’re the only one who knows,” he says quietly after he finishes crying, his eyes rimmed red. I wish I can just wipe away the hurt Alice and Theo have inflicted upon them.

            “But why are you still talking to them?”

            “You must think I’m stupid, I know,” he replies. “But they didn’t know I saw them. I left before they could even see me. The next day I broke up with Alice. I told her I can’t handle her needs anymore, which is true. She cried and asked me to take her back, but I know it’s all crocodile tears.” He laughs sardonically.

            “I just pretended not to know she cheated on me. I still pretend I like Theo but I never do, not anymore. I don’t even respect him for sleeping with a girl who is in a relationship with his best f*****g friend! I suppose Andrew knows that Theo and Alice are f*****g and didn’t even tell me. What a good friend he is. What good friends I have!” he yells, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

            “You’re not stupid,” I assure him. I trace his features, memorising him like a sketch. He closes his eyes, yearning for more and I continue tracing the bridge of his nose, his jawline, his eyes, and then to his lips. “You’re just scared of the brewing chaos you might unleash when you finally confront them.”

            He opens his eyes when I continue caressing his mouth with my finger, staring at my orbs, then his gaze drops to my lips. He inches his face closer to me. I do not back away, my face pulling in to him like magnet. I wonder what his lips will feel like once my lips connect with him.

            His phone suddenly rings which makes me jump from his lap. He fishes his phone from his worn out brown sling bag. “Hello?” he answers. I proceed to go to the kitchen to breathe some fresh air after that almost kiss I have with him. Good thing his phone ring. I won’t know what to do if we finally kiss.

            He goes to the kitchen where I’m standing at the kitchen counter, brewing some tea. “I’m so sorry for making you listen at my sob story,” he apologises but there is a smile lilting on his features.

            I laugh, realising he repeats the word I have yelled at him earlier. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have paid your bill.”

            “I know you’re only trying to help. Sometimes you don’t need to save me. I’m not a knight in distress.”

            “A what?” He laughs and shakes his head. “A knight in distress? Isn’t that supposed to be damsel in distress?”

            “I’m not a damsel, I’m a knight but I’m not the one saving you from distress, you are, which can be a modern feminist story for little girls like Aya,” he explains. I chuckle.

            He stands in front of me, our bodies so close to each other. His eyes gaze at me softly, glistening in tears. “You don’t know how much you mean to me,” he says oh so softly, my heart is about to break.

            “I’m just your employer,” I insist.

            He shakes his head. “No, you’ve been so good to me. I don’t know how to even repay you with your sheer kindness and patience to someone like me.”

            “You don’t have to—”

            He plants a light kiss on my forehead without permission, freezing me at my toes. He disappears before I can even react to what just happened. My heart is bursting at the seams.

            “Bye,” he bids, disappearing from the kitchen, leaving me frozen on my feet.

            I don’t think I will sleep well tonight.