The Escort

Chapter Fifteen

“HOW OLD ARE you Aya?” John asks his sister, in a way that I’ll know how old she is. She seems shy towards me, as if I’m a snake that can bite her with my venom. Her behaviour towards me has drastically changed before and after she has known me. She hides behind John, and Joyce chuckles. Aya is adorable, and she reminds me of Janet when we were little, except Janet has never been shy around anyone.

            “Twelve,” she says in a small voice. She was only a few months old when their father left them. That must have been awful. John has lost a father figure and at the same time he has to be a father figure for Aya. That’s why Aya must have been protective of John, the way John has been protective of his little sister. “But I’m turning thirteen in December!” she exclaims. “What about you, how old are you?” Her eyes look inquisitive.

            “Twenty-nine, a few weeks ago.”

            She scrunches her nose. “You’re too old for John! Shouldn’t be boys older than girls when dating?”

            Her perception of relationship standards is quite dorky, and adorable. “It’s normal to be a bit older than boys and besides, your kuya and I are only pretending to be in a relationship.”

            She wrinkles her nose in disgust, as if we have committed the gravest sin ever. “You’re not supposed to do that, right?” She glances at John then at her mom. Her eyes fill with wonder, and perhaps maybe her mind is travelling to her father whom she has no recollections of. Does she feel resentment? What did her mother say about her absent father?

            “Sometimes, the wrong things are done for the right intentions,” John replies. His eyes are nostalgic, too.

            “Does that mean you guys are only pretending to be together? Why?” Children are naturally inquisitive, and I can’t blame them for that. It is important to provide them with answers because complications will arise when growing up.

            “For important reasons,” I answer vaguely. “I don’t want to get married to someone I haven’t met yet,” I continue, supplying information.

            “I guess that’s reasonable.” Aya is a smart and perceptive kid for her age, and maybe it’s because of her father walking away from them. I imagine pa walking away from my family. Will it yield the same pain John has been carrying for years? Or will I be relieved from the burden pa has been inflicting upon me? The latter seems to be the much more reasonable answer. However, if pa has really walked away right from us since the beginning, I know that it will still hurt, but in a different way.

            “Aya, finish your school works,” Joyce commands. Aya immediately does what she is told, and she goes to her room to finish any assignments pending. “Thank you so much for coming, Ms Lim. It is an honour to cook dinner for a reputable lady like you.”

            “Thank you for inviting me, too. Your home is lovely. I’m happy your daughter is growing up in such a loving environment. I hope that her childhood does not have negative effects, after… you know her father walked away.” I stare at the closed door of Aya’s room.

            “It was hard for her to grow up without a father,” she says, her face grief-stricken. “Whenever there are parents’ day at her school she always asks me why she doesn’t have a father, and I can’t even explain it properly to her that her father walked away because he has given up on his family.”

            “I’m so sorry for that Joyce. It’s a good thing that she’s growing up in an environment where she is loved. Even though she may keep wondering why her father left, there are still people like you and John who love her truly. Pretty sure there will be many more people who will love her the same way you do. Someday, she will have to accept that not everyone is meant to stay in our lives.”

            “You’re such a kind person Ms Lim,” she says. Her face is streaming with tears. She wipes it with her handkerchief, and blows the snot dribbling on her nose. “You have been so helpful in our lives. I hope John does not take advantage of that.”

            “Oh no, he doesn’t. You have raised a good son,” I assure her. “And please call me Matilda.”

            “John is one of the best gifts God has given to me.” She has stopped crying, but she looks teary-eyed. “I wouldn’t know what to do without him.” My eyes follow his every movement. He is doing the dishes and he hums a melodious tune. He looks serene when he does it, as if he is not burdened with any problems. Or that his problems do not burden him.

            “He is,” I agree but it is inaudible for her to hear. Even if I have paid him to be my escort, he has made me feel better during one of the lowest points of my life. “I think I’ll head out,” I announce. I scan their apartment and it looks unfurnished for a long time. Their landlord is doing a bad job at providing their tenants a liveable home.

            “So soon?” Joyce asks, her lips pouting.

            “Unfortunately so. I have work early the next morning.”

            “Drive safe Matilda, thank you for coming,” John smiles. He looks handsome sporting that genuine grin on his face. It makes my toes curl, and I shoo away the feelings that are slowly piling in my chest. I need to lock these feelings in a different box. I cannot fall for John, not when I just want to be free from any form of relationship, and that includes my parents.

            “Thanks for inviting me, too.”

I RECEIVE AN invitation from John. It will be his twenty-sixth birthday this Friday, and he wants me to be part of his small celebration. He also tells me to invite Janet along, and I wonder if he’s only inviting me so that he can see my sister. I can’t blame him, since my sister is gorgeous on her own right.

            Janet has finally decided to have an ultrasound on her baby. She asks me to come with her to the doctor’s appointment, as she is frightened. I clear my schedule for today, so that I can focus on Janet and her unborn baby. I hope she is taking care of her body well, and I guess her regular workouts with Mia are helping her keep the baby healthy.

            “I’m so nervous, gaaah,” she sighs exasperatedly. Her hair is in a dishevel, her fingers rummaging through it as if it will give her the answers she has been searching.

            “Relax, everything will be fine.”

            “What if ma and pa know that I’m pregnant? What if our family doctor snitches on us?” I don’t know if it’s the paranoia or her hormones talking. I’ll bet on the latter.

            “The doctor has signed a non-disclosure agreement with us, and besides, it is unethical to send personal information to someone else, even if it’s our parents we’re talking about,” I reply, and that calms her nerves a little. I may have threatened to sue our family doctor if word comes out of Janet’s pregnancy.

            Thankfully, Janet’s shoots for her projects have finished. She has no pending projects to shoot or model, just in time for the baby bump on her belly that is slowly growing.

            “By the way, John has invited us for his birthday.”

            Janet sends me a grin filled with malice. “Are you guys slowly becoming something more?”

            “I’m pretty sure he is only inviting me because he finds you attractive.”

            She huffs. “If you only know how John looks at you.”

            I laugh in incredulity. “And how does John look at me?” I take a small swerve to the clinic’s parking lot. We both get out of the car.

            “Like he wants to be with you.” My heart latches onto my throat. Good thing Janet’s back is facing me. I would rather jump off a cliff than Janet seeing my dumbstruck expression.

            “You’re just seeing things,” I say, once I regain my composure. John does not see me that way. I don’t want to taint our budding friendship over some assumption Janet has about John.

            “I know what I’m seeing,” she huffs in reply again. We head inside the clinic, and we sit in the waiting room since the doctor is still attending other patients. “I have a perfect twenty-twenty vision,” she adds in haughtiness.

            My mother’s gynaecologist is also our gynaecologist since we were little. After waiting for more than half an hour, our family name is called. We enter the room where the gynaecologist, Dr Santos, will conduct an ultrasound on Janet. “I hope you are keeping well on your promises,” I remind her in a dangerously low tone. I can see her quiver a little.

            “Yes, of course. I am discreet with my patients.”

            “You better will be,” I threaten her one last time.

            She starts applying gel on Janet’s belly, and then she uses a device that senses the baby’s movements and heartbeat, if there are any. “Your baby is healthy so far,” she says, a smile simpering on her features. “You have nothing to worry about with this. Have you been exercising regularly?”

            “Yeah, for at least thirty minutes,” Janet answers. She looks pleased herself, and I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt. More importantly, she is going to become a mother.

            “Refrain from eating any junk foods. We don’t want any complications in the development of your baby.”

            She looks at me because she knows I know that she has been eating slightly unhealthy food as of late. “We should hire a dietician or a nutritionist for your baby,” I say. Janet’s about to object but the doctor interrupts her. “That’s a great idea. I have several contacts from the top dieticians here in the city. I’ll e-mail the details to you, Ms Matilda?”

            “Sure.” Janet shoots me some icy glares but I ignore her. It’s quite hilarious to see her in a state of paranoia, especially if things do not go her way. It’s not like I’ll force her to eat vegetables, but it will be good if she takes care of her body for the sake of her baby.

            When we finish, Janet says angrily, “Why did you have to say that to doc?” She tries to match my pace, although she is taller than me. I shrug my shoulders in nonchalance.

            “You have to think about the baby, Jan. The moment it has grown inside you is the moment you will prioritise the baby’s health,” I reply with a detached voice. “You know this isn’t about you anymore.”

            “I know… but is it too late to abort now?”

            “Do you want to relieve yourself of the baby?” We are standing in the parking lot.

            “I don’t know.” She wraps her arms around her body as if the surroundings are cold, when the weather has making my clothes stick on my body like second skin. “I’m just scared of this. I don’t know if I’m really ready to become a mother. And I think childbirth is painful.”

            “You only know the answer to that Jan, whether if you’re ready or not. Just know that I am always here every step of the way.”

            “I don’t know what I would do without you,” she answers, her voice about to break. My mind echoes back to what John’s mom said the last few days. I suppose it feels good someone can lean on me. “I felt so alone when you didn’t know that I was pregnant but I’m glad you did.”

            I let out a chuckle. “When have I ever let you down, Jan? You can always lean on me, especially those days when you are feeling low.”

            “I just feel like I’m useless to you, and that you don’t need me.” We get in the car and the engine roars to life.

            “That’s ridiculous Jan, you don’t know you have helped me in a lot of ways. Without you, I wouldn’t have met John.” Whenever I speak John’s name from my lips, my heart flutters. I should’ve kept these emotions locked inside a box, because I know these will do me no good. John is attracted to Janet, and he has no intention of falling in love with me.

            As if I care if he falls in love with someone else.