The Escort

Chapter Sixteen

I HAVEN’T RESPONDED whether I’ll be at John’s twenty-sixth birthday or not. Good thing he hasn’t pestered me for an answer. It’s not that I don’t have time to go—I actually even have my schedule cleared—it’s just that I’m scared of what my feelings will do to me if I appear at his birthday. Every day, my feelings for him grow stronger the more that I see him, or even think about him. I thought that I will get the peace I needed once I acknowledge that I have a small crush on him. Instead, my head is in a chaotic whirl.

            No one knows about this except me. If Janet knows that I like him, she will make sure that John feels the same way. I don’t want John to like me back just because someone else has pushed him to reciprocate my feelings. “Tilda,” Janet calls. She looks fresh with her sundress, her hair wrapped in a towel. “Why aren’t you dressed for John’s birthday?”

            “I feel tired and sick,” I lie. I lie on the couch for an added effect. I hope she doesn’t see through the lie. “I feel like I might get a flu.”

            “Oh no,” she says in a worried tone. “Do you want me to call the doctor?”

            “It’s okay, I’ll just take care of myself,” I say, using a weak voice. It seems that Janet is convinced with my acting. Guilt seeps inside me. I don’t want to do this, but I need to be far away from John as soon as possible. “I’ll just ask Manang Petra to make me some broth soup.”

            “Do you really want me to go without you? I feel like John might be upset if you won’t be there.” My heart stills at Janet’s statement. I wish she stops giving me false hopes. Why do I care so much if John feels the same? Or if he doesn’t? I even want to rid myself of the feelings I have for him.

            “It’s fine. What happened to me is unprecedented.” I look at the clock to check the time. It’s three hours from John’s birthday. Janet may be buying some presents for him before she goes.

            “Janet? Will you buy me a gift for him? Please buy him a Fossil watch,” I say and give her my credit card.

            “What colour do you want me to get?”

            “Black.” I hope he likes my gift, even though I won’t be there for his birthday. I still feel a lot of guilt for lying. I do have my intentions why, but it’s not like it’s convincing me to rid of the guilt I’m strongly feeling.

            When Janet leaves, I go to my room. I check my phone if anyone has messaged me. My heart skips a beat when I see John’s name on my screen. He asks me if I’m going to his birthday. I open his message, and type something but I delete them and type all over again. I don’t know what to say. Lying through text is easy. He won’t see my facial expressions if I lie.

            I finally have the perfect message for him.

Me: Happy birthday. I’m sorry I can’t go. I feel slightly sick and this might get worse if I don’t rest.

            He replies immediately.

            John Chu: i’ll be there. i’m much more worried for your health. my birthday can wait.

            Oh god, this isn’t exactly what I’m expecting. I don’t want him to worry about me. I don’t want him to see me but my plan has absolutely backfired. The worst part is, my heart is slowly turning mushy with the blatant concern he’s displaying.

            Me: You don’t have to worry about me. I can manage on my own.

            He doesn’t reply. I turn my phone off and plunge into a dreamless sleep.

WHEN I WAKE up, John is already beside my bed. I shriek in surprise. “What are you doing here?!” I scream. I hide myself underneath the blankets of my bed.

            “I am worried,” he says, his forehead creasing. “I’d rather cancel my birthday than you become sick and not being able to celebrate it with me.” His lips pout and he looks cute and handsome when he sports that expression. My heart is rapidly beating against its ribcage, and I swear to god I hope he hasn’t heard the loud pounding of my chest.

            “I…” I trail off, speechless. “I don’t want you to worry about me, John.” I look at everywhere but at him. I wonder who has let him in. Probably my house maid. She may know him because John has been in my penthouse once. And now, twice.

            “But I am worried.” I don’t know what his face looks like right now. I can’t look him in the eye or else I may explode. I feel like my blood is bursting against my veins. “I know how much you’ve been working hard and now your body is giving up on you.” He sounds so gentle and mellow that my heart is slowly melting at his words. Why am I feeling this way? When will this feeling even stop?

            “I can take care of myself,” I say weakly. “I have been for most of my life.” I clench my fingers into a fist, the nails digging into my palms.

            “Sometimes you need someone to take care of you, too. Please let me take care of you.” The gentleness of his voice makes me feel like I’m a delicate piece of ornament. Like if he even raises a notch on his voice, I might break. But I’m not easily breakable. I am tough, and I’ve never broken down in front of anyone else. Only maybe to him and I don’t want to be vulnerable around him anymore. Being vulnerable means I am exposing my weakness to him.

            “Okay,” I say, slowly giving up. He’s much stubborn than I am. I don’t know what made me weaken my forces, but he has found a way to my heart and every day he is slowly searing into my veins. I’m scared that one day I will need him too much, and that I cannot function myself without him.

            “Do you want me to make you some soup?” he offers, ever so gently. No one has ever spoken to me this way since I was a kid. My parents, they have never held such a gentle like John’s. They have treated me like I’m malleable. Their strict words have hardened me, but with John, he makes me feel like I’m strong.

            I nod in response. I lie flatly on the bed, my eyes staring at the painted ceiling. This penthouse is owned by a painter before. All of the walls are beautifully painted. Janet’s room is a galaxy-themed room while mine is during the Renaissance period theme.

            John brings a bowl of steaming soup. He also brings a glass of water on the tray. He sets it on the table near the window of my room. “Do you want to sit there?” he asks, pointing to the chair across my table. “Or do you want to lie down and I can give you some spoonfuls of soup?”

            “I prefer lying down.” Deep down, I want him to give me some soup. Maybe I’ve been craving this kind of affection and he’s the only one who is able to give it to me. My parents cannot even spare me this kind of gesture.

            “Okay.” He smiles that happy smile. He takes a spoonful of soup and blows on it so that it won’t be hot for me to drink. The soup is warm and tasty. It isn’t my house maid’s soup, however. I wonder if he has cooked it himself.

            “Did you make this?”

            “Yes,” he says proudly. “I cook this whenever mama gets sick. She usually gets sick during flu season. She works really hard even though I ask her not to.”

            “You’re a good son to her,” I compliment. I spot him blushing but I do not say anything. Does my compliment make him feel the tingles like I do? Is his heart beating more rapidly than the usual like I do? Does he feel the same way like I do? Is Janet probably right about what he feels for me?

            I shake the thoughts away. I don’t want to keep hoping about things that are not important to me in the first place. My family company is what I am and should be focusing on. Nothing else should distract me from that. It’s such an irony that my duty to the company should be my first priority and now that I’m being tasked to marry someone I don’t even know, I do the opposite. I guess my loyalty is to the company I’m baring my soul for and not to ma and pa.

            “I try,” he replies timidly. When he finishes feeding me the soup, he gives me a glass of cold water. The water soothes the nerves I’ve been feeling ever since he’s here.

            “Thanks for coming here and feeding me your delicious soup.” I give him a genuine smile. I have never expected that he will even care about me. “I think I’m feeling better. You need to go back to your birthday celebration. You don’t want your mom and your sister to wait for you. Janet is on the way too, she’s picking up some presents.”

            “I want you to be there,” he says softly but audible for me to hear. I almost let out a gasp.

            “Why?”

            “You’ve been a huge part in my life. You’ve helped me and I want to thank you for that.”

            My heart sinks. I thought he’s going to tell me that my presence matters for no reason at all. It’s my fault for planting such devious ideas in my head. He cares about me because he’s returning the favour to me, because I’ve greatly helped him and not because he has feelings for me. I’m so stupid to think that he reciprocates my feelings for him.

            “Oh,” I say, the disappointment obvious in my voice. “You don’t have to invite me to your birthday just to thank me. You’ve done enough for me. Besides, this is a job I’ve given you. I haven’t done any favours for you.”

            I search for any emotions on his face. Suddenly, he’s unreadable. “Okay,” he says, his tone shifting from mellow to hard. My heart sinks further. I wish I can just tell him I can’t go because I have feelings for him. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better now.” He stands up, and walks towards the door without even saying goodbye. He slams the door shut.

            I’m sorry, John. I wish I can tell him that but he’s already gone. Probably heading to celebrate his twenty-sixth birthday. I have forgotten to even greet him in person.

            I need to make it up to him. Maybe it’s my fault, but I’m so consumed with the rejection I’m feeling from him. I look for a nice and decent dress in my closet. A black dress is surely fitting. I apply some light makeup on my face, and grab a small handbag with all the necessary stuff inside like my phone, wallet, hand sanitiser and wet wipes.

            I ring Janet’s phone. She says she’s still at the store buying a gift for John. I tell her I’m heading towards her and she sounds ecstatic when I say it.

AFTER A TERRIBLE line of customers, we’re finally able to purchase our gifts for John. My heart is nervously beating and I wonder if he’ll slam the door shut when he sees me. I drive to John’s apartment where he’s holding a small celebration with his family and two of his college friends, and of course, us. His employer and his employer’s sister.

            When we arrive, his two college buddies are already there, though there are three of them. I assume the girl his college friend has brought is his girlfriend.

            “Happy birthday pare!” his friend greets, patting him a bit strong at the back. John grins, and hands him a bottle of beer.

            “Oh, you’re here!” Joyce, John’s mom, exclaims once he sees me. She also hugs Janet who gives her a warm smile. Even though Janet and Joyce are not acquainted, Janet is warm towards his mother. Jealousy stirs inside me once again, and I wish it’s easy for me to be like that with some strangers I want to get to know.

            All eyes are on us when we arrive, including John’s. Aya, John’s little sister, scampers towards me and gives me a bear hug. She says she misses me and I chuckle, saying that I miss her too. John heads towards us. We bring an expensive champagne and an expensive white wine and when he places it on the table, his buddies whistle.

            “Andrew and Theo, meet Janet and Matilda,” John says, introducing us to his college friends. “And this is Alice, Theo’s girlfriend.” I can see the discomfort in John’s eyes when he introduces Theo’s girlfriend to us and I wonder if the two of them have shared a common history. Perhaps, Alice is John’s ex-girlfriend.

            Andrew is shorter than both me and Janet, and he has a chubby build. He has tan skin, round eyes and has a buzzcut hairstyle. Theo, on the other hand, has a slim build. He does not look too muscular, but he is not skinny either. He stands the same height as John, and he wears a pair of round eyeglasses that looks quite dorky on him.

            Alice is pretty, her hair dyed yellowish blonde like that of Alice in Wonderland, and her skin is as pale as snow. She does not have an ivory skin colour like Janet and I. Instead she has a pinkish white skin. Her body is built like a goddess. She has pronounced curves at the right places of her body. She stands as tall as Janet. She must be a model, too, with the purple sequinned dress she’s wearing that falls just above her knees.

            I look like a granny compared to her.

            “Nice to meet you Matilda and Janet,” Alice says. Her voice sounds lovely too. Smooth and silky like velvet.

            I wonder if John is comfortable that Alice is here. I guess he can tolerate her presence because it’s his college buddy’s girlfriend. We go upstairs to the rooftop of the apartment building, where some foods are laid on rectangular tables. There’s lechon—a whole pig roasted—which makes my mouth water just looking at it, chicken cordon bleu, pasta carbonara, macaroni salad, and some fresh vegetables to make your own Caesar or garden salad.

            “This place looks awesome!” Janet exclaims. Good thing I have not worn a sleeveless dress, or else I’ll be freezing in this weather. “Happy birthday John Chu!” she greets and gives John a big hug. Even though Janet is tall and is wearing heels, John is still a bit taller than her.

            “Thanks Janet,” he smiles and hugs her back, his eyes closed. My heart sinks to the floor, and I divert my gaze back to the food. I feel so ugly whenever I’m with Janet and now with John’s maybe ex-girlfriend.

            “Ate Matilda, do you want me to get you some food?” Aya offers, interrupting me from my bout of self-pity.

            “It’s fine, I can do it myself.” I go with her and we grab some heavy ceramic plates. She asks me to crouch to her height and she whispers something in my ear.

            “Did you know that kuya and Alice dated a few years ago? They were almost engaged,” she says in a hushed tone. That confirms my theory earlier. I wonder what happened why they broke up. Did Theo have something to do with their breakup?

            “I did not know that,” I reply in a hushed tone as well and she giggles. I help her put rice on her plate and some chicken cordon bleu as well as her favourite, which is beef steak. They’ve hired a catering service which must have cost a lot on John’s pay check. A few minutes later, a few more have arrived. They’re John’s volleyball buddies and some from his high school.

I wish I have a lot of friends like John, but I guess it’s fine because my parents have already wedded me to the work they’ve passed onto me.

            Aya and I sit down on the table, eating our food quietly. I want to approach John and apologise but he has been swamped by a lot of people since we arrived, and that he’s been beside Janet all night long. I guess he really is attracted to Janet, even if she’s pregnant. Nobody knows she is but she is glowing beautifully. When I stand beside her I look like a wilted flower.

            Besides, if John wants to talk to me, he will approach me and talk to me, too, but it didn’t happen. He still must be pissed. I don’t understand why it has angered him. Maybe my presence has meant a lot to him. If it did, then he won’t be ignoring me. I can’t demand him his attention, either. A lot of people are surrounding him.

            I will just have to let night grow old, until Janet and I can finally go home.