Make me fall in love

Day 1

Jennifer's P.O.V

My psychologist Dirk Nannes thinks I'm attracted to Richard . it's not just the casual s****l attraction, no, he thinks it's deeper than s****l attraction.

How ridiculous is that? Okay, yes, throughout the course of our sessions I have -sometimes- brought up his  name  but not every single session as he claims... He thinks that I'm terrified of him rejecting me and that this is why I was never nice to him, because even if he did accept me, I won't accept the fact  apparently. According to him, I'm also scared of loving.

What a bunch of crap!

Also, there is Nick. That idiot... We are having a party, a good time to get my mind off  Kevin and his harsh words, sudden hatred towards me for reasons I do not wish to bring up... And we're having a fine conversation until he decided to bring him up. Once again.

(Flashback)

"I can have any girl and boy I want, Nick, if I wanted I would have won this stupid competition long ago, I just don't want to play anymore..." I told him laying on the sofa, looking at girls dancing with some random guys . 6 girls all over them two.

"Whatever you say, you just know you can't win against me, I'm on the lead anyway." He laughed and it made me mad that he thinks I'm stopping the game because I can't win. I'm stopping the game because I'm tired of it and I don't want to play anymore. "Besides, you can't have anyone you want."

"Really? Give me one name of a person I can't have?"

"Jaden." He said with a lot of confidence.

"I rejected him, I don't like him. You know I can reject people, right? I can't just go around having s*x with everyone, Nick.." I said with a frown, this conversation was just annoying.

"Me."

"Yes, well, Nick you're my friend. I'm not gonna have s*x with you." I snapped at him, never have I ever thought about doing the nasty with him, he is the only real friend I have I'm not about to lose that because of s*x.

"Okay well, here's one you ain't got a chance with...." He smiled and I rolled my eyes. I know I shouldn't get angry at him, he's drunk but still annoying. "Richard Wallace! You never had that and you will never."

Richard Wallace. Indeed. He has got me there but that's because Richard is-- hold on a minute. He's in a relationship. No .

"I could you know..." I said, getting a bit cocky.

'Would you like that..You cocky little shit.' I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts.

"Sure thing,." Nick laughed at me. He then said with a serious face. "Tell you what, let's make a deal. If you f**k him, you win. I will never ever ever say anything, I will just you know, let you have the pedestal of the player and the best one. If you get him."

I thought about it, I can't say no to a challenge. It isn't a nice one but is not like I care about Richard anyway, so with a smirk I put my hand out for Nick to shake and we both made a deal.

(Flashback over.)

That stupid bet that I regret now.

I shouldn't have said anything, I should have kept my mouth shut because now I'm in this mess . Me, Jennifer Giamatti in a relationship? I've never been in one of those, I can't be in one, I don't even know how to be in one. How does it even work? I wasn't completely sure about doing it but then little brown pretty eyes, yes I'm a sucker for brown eyes, started to give me hard time with his attitude and his opinion about me and, bang, I just had to do it.

He has a assumption of me that I'm not so sure what it is ,but I don't like it. Mostly of what he said was true, up to a certain point. I know I'm a narcissist, egocentric b***h, I know I am but I do not hide myself away, I am not hard to love... Am I...?

Kayden loved me. Ben loves me. My parents and Kevin love me.

Kevin said he hate me.

No. He doesn't hate me... He is angry at me as he doesn't understand. One day he will.

Back to Richard . He was talking about me like he knew me , saying how I'm scared ,blah blah and more  coming out of her mouth. So ,his words made me angry.

I don't have to show him all wrong but I wanted to. I need to show Dr. Nannes that he is wrong about me having feelings for Richard and being scared of loving. I needed to show Nick that I can, in fact, get with Richard. And I need to show Richard that he doesn't know me at all, that I can open myself up and that I'm not scared of whatever he thinks I am scared of. He wants to break my heart but I'm going to break his.

Yes, it sounds very mean and cruel... But that was our deal and I'm not the one to break deals. Either he breaks me or I'll break him. One of us is going to be hurt and I'm willing to bet on it.., it will not be me.

How do I know this? Easy.., Look at Richard. She's a little taller me, that's good. But then his abs, where are they? Its not that he doesn't have any, its that I like 8 pack abs,  although Lucia is in fact a manly guy, he is a normal one. He's boring and predictable. He has no spice and I want that.

'But is that what you need? Haven't you notice how you surround yourself with guys who only provide you a physical relationship, you're with them for their appearance, maybe you do it on purpose, you don't even try with someone who can touch you in emotional level.' I can practically hear Dr Nannes say to me while he looks at me with his glasses writing something down. He also told me that once that I seek what I want and not what I need, then I get what I want in order to forget what I need to do , to get better. As if better was just going to snap into me the day if I decide to go for the guyvthat I really do want instead for the ones that will stay for one night. I couldn't roll my eyes fast enough.

Besides, Richard is just a game, I'm curious about him and now that I know he is waiting for his girlfriend and old fashioned guy, I want to know what else I might not know about him.

I'm trying to play nice and to be honest, is quite easy. I got him a job at a bar doing music, what he likes. He accepted the deal even though he hasn't said yes yet, I know he will because he wants to, he's interested too even if he tries to deny it. I'm giving him things he can't refuse because my dear friends. It might sound cruel but he does not care about me, he cares about himself, his mysterious girlfriend and breaking my heart in the progress of getting his dreams to come true means nothing to him.

I don't mind though, I like to be honest and that's the way things are, he has to look out for him, he should make decisions based on self interest. he would gladly rip my heart out of my rib cage and stab it right in front of me if it meant he got what he wanted. Let's not fool one another, he doesn't like me much more than I like her. We both 'hated' each other and our well-being means nothing to the other. this is why we're both going to do anything to win this deal which quite interest me.

How far is he willing to go? How far am I willing to go?

He is done singing for the night, Carlos wished him and told him that I gave him his number and that he will communicate so they can do things right and quick. He of course, is getting paid and he needs to come back on weekends.

I always know he liked to sing, he told me so himself, also I've heard him humming and singing sometimes at our place, he is a great singer but tonight? he was even better! I don't think she might even need my help, he has a pretty voice, a nice appearance, a boring personality but oh well... he can make a name for himself in the music industry.

It's 1:36 am and they wanted Richard to stay longer but we had to leave, we had college tomorrow. I was ready to go around 12 but he stayed talking to Carlos and Patrick, I was distracted hearing him talk to them. You learn things about people when you hear them talk to others. Besides, it isn't like I'd be doing much of sleeping when I get home. Sometimes I don't even sleep, I just go straight to school. It is not because I'm having fun with someone or because I'm out partying, is simply because sometimes I just can't sleep, sometimes I can't close my eyes without seeing Kayden's b****y face.

The drive back home is calm, he doesn't talk much aside from the basic conversation about if I liked his performance, I said yes and I wasn't lying, I was practically under his spell, I knew he was a good singer but damn.., I asked him if he was going to tell his friends about his new job and he joyfully said of course... Basic things. It was a bit awkward or maybe I was the one making it awkward but I don't know how to talk with him. I don't know how to be a girlfriend. Am I even doing this right? Should I ask her how his day has been? But that's just stupid because I've been with him the whole day, surely it was a well spent day. I just— I don't know how to be someone's anything aside from a casual hook up.

Richard was trying to ask me questions that I didn't want to answer, he wanted me to tell him things that I wasn't ready to talk about. Some, I didn't really mind, some other things I was still a bit sensitive about it but I could manage to speak about it. There are other things I didn't want to touch. I know I said I would open up to him but I didn't think it'd be so quickly, I asked him for a month, not a f*****g hour... However, I do admit that the reason why I told him that I'd be as open as I can be with him is because I know that some part of me, deep down, wants to open up, why did I choose him? I'd like to tell you that is because of that stupid bet, but 80% of reason told me it was because of the bet, the other 20%, I'm not so sure.

I should have thought about this before offering the deal to him. I don't know if I'm ready.

Here's the thing . Yesterday night, I had him in my bed, ready to have s*x. I could have had him if I wanted to but I don't know why I didn't do anything. I could have won the bet with Nick and I could have had s*x with Richard, no matter how bad of a lay I think he would have been, it was a win-win, well kind of, -for me- but I didn't do anything more than just kiss. How stupid was I? I was anxious yesterday, I wasn't feeling okay at all and that's when I needed someone, I needed to feel another body next to mine just to know that I wasn't alone, that no matter how lonely I really felt, at least I had company, I had a body next to mine trying to deceive myself into feeling less lonely, and he walked inside my room. So I kissed him, I don't know why I couldn't go beyond kissing..

It's very annoying all the weird things I am feeling, all that weird and annoying tickling in my body, and that sudden need to throw up. I was nervous, I was so nervous I wanted to throw up! How pathetic is that?

When we get home, it was awkward as hell. he's been yawning for a while so we're just going to go to bed but I don't know if he's coming to my bed or how this is going to play out... Do I have to say something before we go to bed? Do I have to wake her up tomorrow too? I'm confused as in how all this works and I don't know what to do, he still hasn't even accepted this. I was ready to say goodnight when he just walked to his room and closed the door behind him.

"So much for a fun night." I sighed walking to my room. As soon as I'm in my room, I remove my make up, take my clothes off and wear one of Nick's big T-shirts and lay in bed.

I can't sleep so I play music to relax myself, basically any music to help me sleep but right now all that is in my mind is that annoying guy sleeping in a room next to mine. I twist and growl, I can't sleep so I take my phone out, go through i********: and snapchat, nothing or anyone interesting. So I did what I've been trying to fight myself not to do since I took my phone. I texted him.

You up?

You sound like a horny girl in the middle of the night trying to find a f**k buddy

If I wanted a f**k buddy I wouldn't be texting you, now would I?

Haha. What do you want.

What?

Jennifer, what do you want?

I can't sleep, Harold.

I'm not Harold. I'm Richard .What the hell?

I know, just wanted to see how'd you react. calm down

Sure.

Stop with the dot.

Or what.

I'll jump in your bed

You wouldn't.

Wanna bet?

I locked my door.

You wouldn't.

Wanna bet?

Hm, you just want me to get up and check cos secretly you want me in your bed.

Can you at least turn your music down pls... You always have it loud.

So many things you don't know about me, like everybody else you assume I'm certain way, my music taste is the least of your worries. I'm very different from what I think your imagine of me is. Besides, who doesn't like Moonlight Sonata, it's calming.

Can't argue with you there, it is calming. So, tell me something about you nobody knows.

You first. This goes both ways..

Well, there's something, i don't really mind people knowing but I'm sure you don't know about it just like many people don't know... nobody really knows that my brother is a d**g addict. Noy many people know this because my parents like to keep it "inside the family", I've told Ben, Jessica, Julien and now you. He was a bit crazy... He used to get violent sometimes, that played a role on me leaving my house after a massive s**t that happened.

I didn't reply. I don't know what to reply to that so I got up from bed and I do what I've been thinking about doing since I laid in bed and what I've been trying to type but kept deleting every time because of fear he would say no.

I got up and walk to his room.