The Girl in the Middle

A small stand off

*Amber/Sarah*

I don't need to look at my own body to be reminded that somebody has hurt me badly. I don't even need the pain to know it. It is the only knowledge I have about myself and it is hard to let that go.

Kattie is very friendly and helpful. She helps me find some of her clothes that is easy to get on my sore body. It isn't a big problem because her clothes is to big for me.

KC makes sure I never run out of painkillers and even though he turned out to only be 17 years old, he has turned out to have as steady a hand as any doctor I have ever met.

Both Kattie and KC shows a great level of responsibility and maturity, way beyond their years. They have clearly been forced to grow up at a young age, which kind of makes me feel sorry for them at first, but then I realise that at least they are free to decide their own life.

Hope, Kattie's 15 year old baby sister, spends most of her time keeping me company. She has long brown hair and the same green eyes as Kattie and she is very talkative. She can keep a conversation going all on her own and hardly register if I answer or not. Several times she has talked me to sleep. But she keeps my mind of my own thoughts and that is what I need the most.

I spend most of my time in bed. Either in my own or sitting next to Michael, Kattie's boyfriend. He is badly hurt and can't leave his bed. He is telling me a lot about the place I have ended up.

I am in the city of Farhill way down south, it is always warm here, but with water on three sides here is sometimes some very chill winds. Farhill is one of the largest cities in a country called Coredia and is one of four cities that has a separate government from the rest of the country.

The town is separated into three parts. In the middle the normal citizens lives, the middle class, that makes the city work. The upper class, they control the middle class and take all the money. Out on the coastline is the tourist area. Here are hotels, amusement parks, water parks and other ways to take the money from the tourist.

And then there is the underworld. A hidden part of the city, behind the woods downhill towards the other coastline, the bad side with no white beaches. Here you will end up if there is no room for you in Farhill. When you got the choice, either to disappear down here among the gangs or die.

And it am in the underworld. Among gangs, weapons and the unwanted citizens. I have ended up with The shadows, the gang Clay is the leader of.

I still have a lot to learn and Michael has promised to tell me about the different gangs next time. But right now I am laying on my bed, staring up at the depressing ceiling above me.

Kattie knocks three times, before she enters the room. Behind her a young man step in. Even if I have only been here a few days I am no longer surprised how mature and grown up everyone seems. So when she presents him as Tom, leader of The Eagles, it seems totally plausible, even though he only seems to be around Kattie's age. He has ginger blonde hair that curls slightly. A friendly and very handsome face and piercing blue eyes. He was taller than both Clay and KC and everything about him speak of strength.

"Nice to see you awake". Tom say and step past Kattie. "The last time I saw you, you were unconscious". He squats down next to the bed. "I helped KC take care of you. And with your permission I would like to check up on your wounds". There is authority in the way he speak. He might be asking me nicely, but I have no doubt that I really don't have a choice.

I look at Kattie for help. I am not really ready to let anyone look at my body. Not even if he has already done so once.

"Tom is okay, you can trust him". Kattie steps up next to Tom and place a hand on his shoulder, in a way that seems just a bit possessive. "And he is much better at these things than I am".

"Don't worry, I promise you it won't hurt". Tom pull the chair over to the bed and sit down. "If you turn the head a bit, then I can start with that". He gently turn my head to allow him access to the bullet wound.

I try ignoring the hands that is touching my sore skin and I have to bite my lip when I feel him remove the stitches, it is a really weird feeling.

"See over and done". Tom's hand stays on my neck as he move to sit on the edge of the bed. Then it moves with the other to examine my head. He has the most gentle hands, especially considering how big they are. "There is no indication you have hit your head and the bullet wound shouldn't mess with your memory". If he had told me he was a doctor I would have believed him. "I see three possibilities. All equally possible. Firstly you can have a bump I can't locate, that has gone inwards and is pressing on some nerves. If that's the case you might get your memory back when the swelling goes down. Another possibility is that you have been through something so traumatic that your brain has cut of to protect your sanity".

"And if that is the case ?" I ask, looking at him. I already know the answer.

"Then I think it is permanent". He say without a hint of feelings on his face. "But no reason to start believing the worst. No one knows for sure how the brain works. Maybe it lets you remember when you are strong enough to handle the things you have been through".

"I am not even strong enough to handle that I have no past. How will I ever get strong enough to handle whatever it is my brain wants to protect me against ?" I shake my head feeling like just giving up. It seems so hopeless. "And the third option ?"

"Well there is drugs that will wipe Your memory. But all you can decide about is now and how you want it to shape your future". Tom takes my hand in his and sent me a flashing smile. "I see two possibilities. You can go to the Farhill police and let them find out who you are and bring you home. Or you can stay and make your own destiny".

"To get a name won't give me back my memories". I say slowly.

"I have seen your body Amber". Tom says softly. "You have marks after years of abuse and I am very much certain that you have been sexually abused too. If you choose to go to the police and let them find out who you are, that is probably the life you will be sent back to".

I am so embarrassed that he has seen my body that I can't look him in the eyes. "And what happens if I choose to stay ?"

"Then you chooses to create yourself a new identity. But you will have to learn to deal with the life we live here and it won't be easy. Our lives are hard. There are no one to serve you and no fancy dinners. No one to bring you to where you need to be. We do what we need to do ourselves, knowing that a gun can point at us at any moment and end it". He say like it is just how it is.

"Why have you chosen this life ?" I also wanted to know why Tom was the one having this talk with me and not Clay, when he was the one I was staying with. But I fear the answer to much.

"Sometimes there isn't a choice". Tom answer. "It might even be a blessing not knowing your past. Many people would wish they could wipe their slate clean". He let go of my hand. "I know you are not happy about me seeing your body, but I have to check up on the rest of your wounds".

I knew this would come.

"Do you need help with your top or can you do it yourself ?" He ask me politely. I am wearing one of Kattie's long tops. I don't answer him, but sit up straight and with some difficulties I pull of the shirt. I keep the blanket close around me. "You can lay down and close your eyes if it makes it easier".

I have only just layed down when Clay step through the door. I haven't seen him for more than a week. For some reason my heart speed up and I blush afraid everyone can hear it pounding.

"Clay !" Tom looks at him with surprise. "I have taken out the stitches from the bullet wound and was about to look over the rest of the wounds".

"I see that.. I can take over from here Tom". He say with a glare that clearly tells Tom to get his hands away from me. "Thank you for your help".

"Are you okay ?" Tom sounds sincerely worried about him. But beside that, nothing in their stances tell about friendship between them, quite the opposite.

"Now I am". Clay sends me a small sweet smile, before looking back to Tom. "Yes I know I have f****d up badly".

"Good !" Tom's voice is hard now. The warmth from when he talked to me is gone. "Let's have a talk about that after you are done attending to her".

Tom leaves the room and I am alone with Clay. I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest when he slowly walks closer, and I don't understand why.

"Sorry I have left you here all by yourself". He says, actually sounding sorry about it, when he reaches the bed.

"Where have you been ?" I don't dare look at him. It is wrong of me to ask, that much I know. It is none of my business.

"I needed some fresh air, to get away for a bit. But now I am here. Have they treated you well ?" I nod. "And the name ?" He seems a bit worried.

"Everyone calls me Amber now". Or well the few people I have had any contact with does anyway. "I actually kind of like it. I feel like it gives me an identity".

"Good". His smile seems a bit forced. "I am sure Tom would have done this just as good as I can. But I feel like it is my duty to do it myself". His hand rests on my arm. "We are going to take it slowly, but you need to let go of the blanket so I can see you".

I reluctantly lifts my arm so he can get to my side and the wounds I have there. His hands isn't as gentle as Tom's, but they leave a warm pleasant feeling. And they make my heart beat faster. I have to close my eyes and focus on breathing, not because it hurt, but because him being close make me dizzy.

How can a man I don't even know affect me like that ?

Bit by bit he goes over my entire body and removes the stitches from the wounds that had needed closing. When he reach one under my breast I almost pass out because I forget to breathe.

"I'm done in a moment". He promise me. Shortly after he pull the blanket over me and remove it from my legs. I don't have any wounds there, but he still feels up both my legs before telling me he is done. "You need to start getting out of bed and get your body moving. Or you will lose the few muscles you got".

I like those eyes that is resting on me. They look like miniature galaxies and they are much better than the darkened ones I saw the first time, when he gave me my name.

"And you need to find out if you want to stay".

I already know my decision. I can't leave, knowing these eyes will never look at me again if I do.