Kissed by Fire (Book 5 of Wolves of Milano)

3.Nightmares

Two full days working on the cellar and writing go by before he gets a chance to sleep with Lyana. She came home from the afternoon shift and he surprised her with dinner. He knows she likes little surprises. But he can also see how tired she is. So he puts on a boring movie and stacks the dishes in the dishwasher. She is out like a candle before the opening scenes roll by. She really needs to quit or get reassigned to some other department. The emergency room is slowly taking a toll on her. Even shifter resilience can’t last so long.

‘Yeah. But it gives you the perfect excuse to avoid her.’ His wolf scoffs.

‘It takes a lot of magic to prevent the bond from forming. I would love nothing more than make her mine, but I can’t. Not without her knowing the truth.’ Mateo growls at the wolf. ‘And she really is too tired most of the time.’

‘The bond could fix that. You could share your energy with her and she would feel rested. You are cheating her of that.’ The wolf glares at him.

‘Any bright idea on how to explain everything without her throwing me out?’ He inquires. All his scenarios end badly. But is that just a result of his fear? Is his imagination at fault? He looks over at Lyana to find her still asleep.

He picks her up and carries her over to the bedroom. Maybe he can take a nap next to her? He needs his sleep and she calms the wolf. Mateo slides under the cover with her and holds her tight. They both sleep better when they are together. He knows it’s the bond that he repressed. Lyana is not stupid, so he knows she feels it too. She probably knows they have more than just attraction, but does she know they are mates? He doesn’t dare probe her mind. That would be breaking her trust. It’s a wonder she trusts him with anything, considering that he never shares anything with her. He must find a way to tell her something. He can’t lose her.

There is blood on his paws. He is leaving bloody paw prints all over the kitchen. He can’t mess up the runner in the hall. Mom would know there is something wrong. Damn! Did he just let his wolf hypnotise his mother? How does the wolf know how to do that? Can he do it too? He slips into the hall bathroom and shifts back. There is blood all over him and he spits it out. He needs a fast shower. He needs clothes. He must cover his tracks! He runs upstairs and dresses with shifter speed. At least that is good for something.

Back down and out to the garden. Mom is still standing there. She looks frozen, but he can hear her breathe. He stands in the door and looks at her. Her dress is covered in blood. Her fingers have blood dripping from them. How did the wolf manage that? God! He hopes she can’t remember what he did. Should he call out to her? Can sounds bring her back? The silence is deafening. Not even one bird is in the garden. They seem afraid.

‘Say her name. Call her. Break the hypnosis.’ His wolf instructs. The beast has bloodlust in his red eyes. He revels in the kill, but Mateo feels sick. He can’t look at the blood.

“Mother! Mom! What happened?” Mateo calls out.

“Call your father. He’s at the Fire station. I’ll warn the Alpha.” His mother turns to him slowly. Her dress is smeared with blood, but she takes no notice of it. “We have a rogue problem. I think he’s not the only one.”

She doesn’t know. She thinks she did it. How did the wolf convince her? Does he have powers? Is that why his fur is red? Or is that the blood? What should he do? He can’t tell her now. Mom would lose it and kill him. He pulls his phone out and dials father’s number. What should he say? The guy in the garden looks like he was quartered. What did the wolf do? There is a hand lying not far from the body. The manicured grass is red from all the blood. Why does it look like a pool of blood was spilled? There is only about five l****s of blood in a body. Where did the extra blood come from? He didn’t hurt mom. She seems fine. She doesn’t remember him being there before. She’s calmly explaining things to his grandfather.

What is he supposed to do? She asked him to do something. He’s calling someone. Focus Mateo! He looks at his phone, but he only has two unsuccessful calls. Father must be busy. Should he call the fire station directly? What if he gets one of the humans? He glances over at the body. He shouldn’t have! The blood is bright red in the sunshine. Did the wolf tear the guy’s throat out? It seems to be missing. Oh, God! Mateo runs for the bathroom before he throws up all over the kitchen floor.

Did he really do that? He is one and the same with the wolf. Or not? Damn! He should be paying attention. There was something about it in self-defence classes. He can’t think about it now. He cleans the toilet fast. He has to hide the evidence. Why is he throwing up blood? It tastes like blood! He gags again, but there is nothing left in his stomach. He better brush his teeth again. Mom can smell blood on his breath.

‘Can’t stand the sight of blood? What kind of a wolf are you?’ His beast chuckles. It’s an unnerving sound to hear from a wolf.

‘Indoors kind. A city wolf, in case you missed where we live.’ Mateo answers.

‘Hmp.’ The wolf shakes his fur. ‘Does that mean we can’t go run through a forest?’

‘Exactly.’ He nods at his own reflection. The red eyes are weird to see in his boyish face. ‘Unless…’

‘What? What? What?’ The wolf perks up.

‘There is that mansion down at the end of the street. The park is so overgrown it’s almost a forest.’ Mateo smiles.

‘What do we have there to hunt?’ His wolf wants to know.

‘Nothing. Maybe a squirrel. It’s still the city.’ He answers.

‘I don’t like that. Can we go hunt the rogues? Mother said there are more.’ The wolf brushes up to him. It feels like the fur is on the inside of his skin.

‘No! No more killing!’ Mateo slams an imaginary door in the wolf’s face. He can still see the c*****e and all that blood in the garden. He can still taste the blood in his mouth. He feels sick just thinking about it.

He sits up in bed and gasps for air. The nightmare is back! He can’t calm down. No yoga exercise helps with that. The vivid red of blood shoots up every time he closes his eyes. Damn the wolf and his murderous rage. The beast is pretending to be asleep, but he knows that his blood-thirsty wolf revels in nightmares like these. If the animal were capable of smiling, he would be grinning like crazy right now. Mateo glances at Lyana. She sleeps so peacefully. He envies her this ability to just close her eyes and sleep.

He watches her for a while. His sleeping attempt is over as it is. No more sleep for him tonight. It was a miracle that he lasted this long. He has to push harder to get the safe room done. He took a huge risk the other day when he let his wolf run around the park. He can’t trust his wolf. Not when murder is all the beast thinks about.

‘Not true. I think about Lyana a lot.’ The wolf scoffs.

‘Yeah…Not sure I can trust you with her. What if you hurt her?’ Mateo responds.

‘I would never hurt my mate.’ The wolf glares back at him.

‘I’m not willing to risk her life.’ He shakes his head. Talking about it won’t help. They both know it. Mateo doesn’t trust the beast, and the wolf has no way of proving it. It's a stalemate. Maybe, if he gets the safe room functional and he shifts a few times to bring the wolf down. They can try it with Lyana, if the wolf can prove to him that he’s not all about murder, rage and killing.

‘Practising in a safe environment? Where did you pick that one up? Animal behaviour study or psychology?’ The wolf intrudes on his thoughts again.

‘A little bit of both. It can work.’ Mateo answers. He sighs before he gets up. No more sleep for him. He’s got other things to do.

He fires up his computer in the living room. Then he makes coffee and sets the frozen bagels in the oven. He knows Lyana favours those for breakfast. Maybe he should clean the house instead of her? But he was never really good at it. His competence runs out with the dishwasher. He is lucky he can cook, or she would have thrown him out sooner. He has to get his courage together and face her with the truth. He has to own his own mess. But she scares him. What if she leaves him? Not even his book audience came up with anything useful. He seems to be stuck in limbo and it’s all his fault.

“Can’t sleep?” Lyana asks him from the door. She is all sleepy and her hair is a mess, but to him she’s the most beautiful girl in the world.

“No. I had a nightmare.” He shakes his head.

“Maybe you should stop playing those games?” She smiles at him as she sits by his side on the sofa.

“Not playing games anymore.” He tells her.

“Is this about the fire the other day?” She inquires. She is always looking for a reasonable explanation.

“No.” Mateo frowns. He can’t tell her what the dreams are about. That kind of c*****e is not for her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“All right.” She leans on his shoulder. “Are you going to the Fire station?”

“Yes. I made you bagels. They’re still warm.” He kisses her hair, just because he can. She is close enough right now. He’s in no hurry for her to leave his side, but she’s not one to sit still for long.

Neither is he. That’s why he has trouble keeping a job. Apart from his many little jobs. A book here and there. A few games a year, when his mood strikes him. Some graphics designs for easy money. The temp job at the fire station was supposed to be just that: temporary. He got stuck there because of his father. And he failed to tell anyone that he has a company of his own. He works when he wants to, not because he has to. And that brings the full circle back around to his current dilemma. How to tell Lyana about his jobs and the money?

“Tell me if the nightmare comes back. You don’t have to talk about it with me, but maybe you should with someone else. Self-medication is not good in the long run. I feel guilty for knocking you out every time you have a migraine.” Lyana lectures him. It’s their constant every month. Maybe she is right? Maybe he should see a doctor to get something for his migraines? But that means telling the doctor why he has them in the first place. That he doesn’t sleep enough. That he can’t sleep even if he wants to. That it’s not safe.

“I promise.” Mateo smiles at her. He gives her a kiss before he leaves the house. He managed to write a few chapters before she woke up. He’s almost done with the book.