Creating A Luna

Fifteen

Shane:

    Aren's scent lingers on my clothes. It's everywhere I go. I closed my eyes and all I see is her. Her tall curvy figure, her dark auburn curls draped over my chest. Every time she leans into me 'to listen your heart beat,' her words not mine. It's driving me insane. I think she's trying to convince herself that I'm real. There are a lot of doubts in her head, that much is clear. 

    I catch her looking at me and she doesn't even notice or maybe she doesn't care that I catch her staring. It worries me. I feel like at any moment she's going to decide this is all some kind of dream or worse a nightmare and she's going to leave. From what I've gathered, she looks like the type who protects themselves at all costs. Having us all here, watching us, there is so much to lose. 

    The weeks go by like days, the days go by like the hours, the hours go by like minutes and my wolf gets harder and harder to control. He wants to mark her so much that his desires have merged into mine. Every time I hold her close, every time she smiles I have to hold back with all my strength. She isn't ready. I know that but my patience gets weary. Her giving into me is her giving up all she has worked for. Would I be able to give up all that is me for her?

    If she were to ask you f*****g better. My wolf said. 

    I laughed. I would give it all up for her but she wouldn't accept that. The way she sees the world is frightening. It's like she's calculating everything all the time. Like everything is perfectly timed out. There is no room for spontaneity in her life. Just the perfect calculations of her schedules.  

    I can't ask her to give anything up for me. She would resent me because not only has she worked for what she has but for what I have. The consequences of our actions right now are heavy. Everything and everyone stands in our way. I see that in her eyes. The interview she gave the press unsettled me. She's ready for the next step in her career she just doesn't know if she's ready for all of this. It's a massive decision. 

    How did we end up like this caught in between what we want and what we have? We have everything we ever wanted except for each other. Is this what she's thinking about when she looks at me the way she does? Am I worth these thoughts? 

    It really doesn't seem fair. I wish I can just take her, leave this place this f*****g planet if we can and just be who we are without the titles, without our careers. Just be happy away from all of the s**t we both brought upon us. All of this is really meaningless without her. I don't need it. It doesn't need me it doesn't need her. She wouldn't agree to leave it all behind because she isn't selfish. Not like I am. 

    The biggest mystery is, why did she choose me to lead all these people? How could she know who I was without ever being in my presence? There are things she sees the rest of us don't. She catches on faster than I do. Sometimes I feel like she just knows s**t before they happen. 

    "You have that expression your mother makes when she's thinking too much, Shane," my dad said sitting across from me. 

    "Dad, what do you think about Aren? Everything that the world see aside. If you were to have met her as an average wolf, what would you think?" he smiled. 

    "Well, first and foremost. Aren is clearly an alpha. Had she been brought up and groomed like you were. We'd all live very different lives. Her father was an extraordinary man. He ran things much like she did. He liked to keep things peaceful but man could he pick a fight. I see a lot of him in her," 

    "I think she's going to run," I admitted. He sat back looking me over like he was thinking if I were serious. 

    "It takes balls to admit that kid," he laughed. "You haven't been watching son. All you're doing is looking. That girl is figuring out what many of us as wolves never even come close to finding. Not many wolves have the courage she does. That girl has seen ugly. You have seen battle sure but you've never seen the people you love most fall apart much less die at your feet. 

    "I hate to tell you this, Shane but you were pampered compared to that girl. I wish I could say you had it hard but you didn't. She is who she is from sheer will. This is exactly who she is. I want you to set your insecurities aside for a bit and really watch her. Not how amazing she looks. Watch and think about the reasoning behind her actions," 

    "You don't think she'll run," he shook his head. 

    "The only way that girl is leaving here without you is in a casket. It's said that only in Darkness did alphas like her live," 

    He stood up and walked out. Only in Darkness? The old man is losing his s**t. Aaron walked in with a smile on his face. It's been that way since Aren arrived. I haven't seen my beta like this before and it makes me happy to know he can be carefree. Well, as carefree as Aaron Glass can be. 

    "You have this look on your face, man," he said. "Your mom does that when she fights with your dad," 

    "Aaron, if your sister were to leave here? Would you follow her?" he was taken back by my question before he took a deep breath briefly thinking it over. 

    "No, Aren has her life to live. I have my own. My life is here and I'm committed to the pack. Look, Shane. I know she seems fickle but she's not going to bail. Odds are, she already has your life with her planned out man," 

And with that, all my insecurities flew out the window.