Lose Me Again

Distance Needed

Chapter Two

Distance Needed

(Esha’s POV)

I stood up, slinging my satchel over my shoulder, my expression firm and determined. Enough of Andy and his games. Whatever odd, unsettling energy there was between us, I wasn’t about to indulge it any further. Not today. Not after everything else.

Andy raised an eyebrow, that signature smirk of his lingering, but he didn’t make a move to stop me. He didn’t need to. The look in his eyes said it all: he was enjoying the fact that he’d gotten under my skin, that I was the one walking away, not him.

“Leaving already?” he asked, his tone casual but laced with that irritating teasing edge.

“Yeah, I have better things to do than waste my time on arrogant pricks,” I shot back, not bothering to glance at him. Satisfaction washed over me as I heard his low chuckle in response.

“See you around, Esha,” he called after me as I turned the corner, his voice echoing softly in the stillness of the library.

I didn’t respond. I kept walking, my heart pounding with a mix of frustration and something else—something I didn’t want to acknowledge. Why did I let him get to me? I wasn’t the type to get flustered easily, especially not by guys like Andy—guys who walked through life like they owned it, convinced the world would bend to their whims.

Outside, the cool evening air hit me like a slap. I paused at the edge of the quad, breathing deeply and letting the tension roll off my shoulders. The campus was quieter now, with only a few students wandering around, their shadows stretching long and thin under the street lamps.

'Focus on the important things', I reminded myself. 'You’re here to study, to make something of yourself, to finally break free of everything that held you back.'

I could see my father’s face in my mind—cold, distant, forever preoccupied with his work. It had been years since we’d had a real conversation, years since I’d tried to get his attention. I’d learned the hard way that nothing I did would ever be enough. Amara had tried for so long, twisting herself into whatever shape he wanted, but even she had eventually given up, resigning herself to the reality of his indifference.

I made a choice early on: I wasn’t going to waste my energy trying to impress him. Instead, I focused on carving out my own path, my own identity. Coming to Edinburgh was part of that—a chance to live life on my own terms, far away from home, from the shadow of my sister and the suffocating weight of our father’s empire.

'Don’t think about him', I told myself firmly, shaking my head. 'Not now.'

I made my way back to my dorm, the towering stone building nestled in a quieter corner of campus. It wasn’t home—not yet—but it was mine for now. A small, personal space that belonged to me and me alone, free from the constant comparisons to Amara and the inevitable judgment from my father. Inside, the room was modest but comfortable—a bed, a desk by the window, and a wardrobe tucked into the corner. I dropped my satchel on the floor and collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

I hadn’t spoken much to Amara since I left. She’d been supportive in her usual, overly cautious way, warning me about the struggles of being on my own but ultimately wishing me well. We’d always been close, despite our differences, but there was an unspoken tension between us—a rivalry that had grown over the years as we each tried to navigate our father’s expectations.

Amara had stayed behind, choosing the path that pleased our father, making sure everything in her life was perfect. It was like she couldn’t let herself be anything but the good Indian daughter. Watching her struggle with her identity all her life had been painful, but even with everything, she couldn’t bring herself to disappoint him. She’d stayed close, obeying his every wish. Me, though? I ran. As far away as I could.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my messages. Nothing from my father except that brief text about settling in, as expected. There was a missed call from Amara. I hesitated for a moment, then tapped to listen to the voicemail.

“Hey, Esha, it’s me. Just wanted to check in, see how your first day’s going. I know you’re probably busy, but… call me when you get a chance. Dad’s been asking about you, too. I’m sure he’s just… well, you know how he is. Anyway, hope everything’s okay. Love you.”

I sighed, dropping the phone onto my bed. Amara meant well, but hearing her mention our father made my chest tighten with the familiar mix of anger and resignation. He wasn’t really “asking” about me. It was probably just some offhand comment at dinner, a half-hearted attempt to seem like he cared.

'But he doesn’t. Not really.'

Shaking my head, I sat up, pushing away the dark thoughts that always followed any mention of my father. I wasn’t going to let him dictate how I felt, not here, not now. Edinburgh was supposed to be my escape, my fresh start, and I wasn’t about to let old wounds reopen.

A sharp knock on my door startled me out of my thoughts.

“Hey, Esha, you in there?”

The voice belonged to Maya, the girl in the room next door. I’d met her briefly during move-in, and she seemed friendly enough, with her bright smile and infectious energy.

“Yeah, come in,” I called, pushing my hair back and forcing myself to look a little more composed.

Maya popped her head in, her dark curls bouncing as she flashed me a grin. “A bunch of us are heading to this pub just off campus—nothing fancy, but it’s supposed to be fun. Thought you might want to come along?”

I hesitated. The last thing I wanted was to be around a bunch of strangers, making small talk and pretending I wasn’t still fuming from my encounter with Andy. But then again, the idea of being alone in my room, stewing in my thoughts, didn’t sound appealing either.

“Sure,” I said, standing up and grabbing my jacket. “Why not?”

The pub was cozy, the kind of place that felt like it had been around for decades, with wooden beams, dim lighting, and a fireplace crackling in the corner. It wasn’t packed, but there was a steady hum of conversation, a mix of students and locals sharing drinks and stories.

Maya introduced me to a couple of other girls from our dorm, and we all settled into a booth near the back. I tried to relax, sipping my drink and nodding along as the conversation flowed around me. Maya and the others were friendly, chatting about classes, professors, and the inevitable adjustment to university life.

But no matter how hard I tried, my mind kept drifting back to earlier that day. I was trying, really trying, to focus on the moment, to let myself enjoy the night, but it was harder than I thought it would be. A strange restlessness lingered, a lingering irritation I couldn’t quite shake.

“So, how was your first day?” Maya asked, pulling me back into the conversation. “Everything go smoothly?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, for the most part. Just… trying to get settled in, you know?”

Maya nodded sympathetically. “I get that. It’s weird being on your own for the first time, huh?”

I smiled faintly. “Yeah. Weird’s a good word for it.”

One of the other girls, Sophie, leaned in, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “I swear, though, I saw the most gorgeous guy on campus today. Tall, black hair, green eyes and so, so hot.”

I froze, my stomach twisting. “Black hair?” I asked, trying to keep my voice casual. “You mean Andy?”

Sophie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh my god, yes! You’ve seen him?”

I took a long sip of my drink before answering. “Unfortunately.”

Sophie let out a laugh. “I know, right? He’s got this cocky thing going on, but damn, he’s easy on the eyes. What happened?”

I sighed, shaking my head. “Let’s just say we didn’t exactly hit it off.”

Maya raised an eyebrow. “That bad, huh?”

“More like infuriating,” I muttered, setting my glass down. “He’s arrogant, rude, and… just a total prick.”

Sophie grinned, clearly amused. “Sounds like you two are going to have an interesting semester.”

“I hope not,” I said firmly, though a part of me knew that things were rarely that simple.

As the night wore on, I did my best to push thoughts of Andy—and my father—out of my mind. I laughed along with Maya and the others, letting myself be swept up in the easy camaraderie. For the first time in what felt like ages, I allowed myself to relax, even if only for a little while.

But even as I smiled and joked with my new friends, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was only the beginning—that my encounter with Andy wasn’t over yet.

And deep down, a part of me wasn’t sure if I wanted it to be.

That was unacceptable.

I needed to keep my distance.