Rising From the Ashes

Xavier's Army

...Xavier POV...

I wake up during the middle of the night, to screams of terror. I jump out of bed, trying to figure out what's going on. I can hear Lexi screaming. Without thinking, I immediately run from my room, running through the hall, until I reach her room. I look around, trying to figure out what is happening. Only to see her asleep. 

She must be having a nightmare. I hear her call out for her parents. I immediately feel a tang of pain knowing that they're gone.

“Please! Anybody? Help!” She screams. 

I come close to her, and gently try to wake her from her night terror.

“No! It can’t be you!” She screams. 

Tears are beginning to run down her cheeks. I lie down next to her, and try to comfort her. “No! Please! Leave me alone! Why won’t you just leave me alone!” I pull her close to me, running my hand through her hair, and placing gentle kisses along the side of her head.

I can slowly feel her calm down in my embrace. I continue to hold her, until she's no longer shaking. I place kisses on her tears, washing them away. After awhile, I can feel myself drifting off to sleep, with Lexi in my arms.

….THE NEXT MORNING...

I wake up feeling relaxed. I can’t remember the last time I actually slept through the night. I either wake up covered in sweat, or with Gary or Craig watching me in my room. I used to try hard to prevent myself from falling asleep. To prevent Gary from sleeping with me.

As I wake up, I realize I’m not alone. Rather I'm in Xavier’s arms. I begin to gently slide myself out of his embrace, and scurry out of bed towards the bathroom. I climb into the shower, and turn the water on full heat. I want to rinse the memories of Gary and Craig from my skin. I feel dirty from what they have done to me. Ever since I became their foster child, my showers have always been extremely hot. I would try to burn off the feeling of his skin touching me. To cleanse both my spirit and my body from his touch. The shower was the only place I could ever relax.

I step out of the shower, and dry off. Noticing how comfy and plush the towels are. I wrap one around my body feeling comforted by the soft material. I walk back into my room, to see that Xavier is gone. For some reason, I feel disappointed? I’m not sure why. While he wants me to trust him, I find myself scared. I’m not even sure why. He has given me no reason to fear him, and yet I do. I’m not sure if it’s because I fear what he could do to me, or if it’s because I fear what could happen if I let my guard down.

Suppressing the thoughts, I walk into my closet, and pick out an outfit to wear. Just a simple pair of jean shorts with a relaxed black t-shirt. I don’t bother with a bra or underwear. Gary and Craig disliked when I wore them, and would beat me if I did.

I make my way down the hallway trying my best to remember where the kitchen is. I begin to smell bacon and coffee, and follow my nose to where the beautiful smell is coming from. I peer behind a door, to see Xavier in the kitchen. He must have noticed me, as he waves me over to him. I sheepishly oblige. I walk closer to him and ask “what’s for breakfast?” He gestures to the table set for the two of us. My eyes go wide when I see the abundance of food at the table. 

“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I made some of everything.”

I look over at the table to see waffles, pancakes, bacon, sausage, ham, eggs, home fries, and fruit salad. He even has muffins, cereal, danishes, cinnamon rolls, along with milk and orange juice set up. 

"I've never seen this much food in my life." I gasp, not realizing I said that out loud. Xavier scoffs, then looks down at the ground. 

"Is it too much?" He asks sounding as though he's just messed up, and was only trying to impress me. I smile back at him as I reply. 

"No, it's wonderful. But who is going to eat all of this?” 

He runs his hand along the back of his neck, as he says, “I figured I would let you have whatever you wanted, and then my men will have whatever is left over. I don’t normally cook, so this will be a treat for them."

I look at him curiously. “You have men?” I begin to realize that I know nothing about him, aside from the guy he was when I was eight years old. He's showing me more and more that the Xavier from when I was a kid, is definitely not the same guy that is standing in front of me now.

“Oh, ah, yes. I’m also in charge of my family's business, so I've many employees that work under me.”

“Oh? What kind of business?” Xavier suddenly coughs. 

“Oh.. it’s essentially just business management. I own a few businesses around town as well.”

Not meaning to, I drop my fork, as my mouth is stuck wide open from his recent confession.

"How do you find time for all of that?"

"Well, it helps to have a lot of people working for me. They keep me up to date on each of the businesses, and let me know when I need to get involved. Otherwise they manage it themselves, and I just oversee, to make sure everything is running properly."

 “Wow! That’s impressive! Things certainly have changed since we were kids.” I say, impressed by how successful Xavier has become.

“Yes that’s true.” Xavier says in a saddened voice.

“So what happened to you wanting to be an astronaut?” I say, as I place a piece of a pancake in my mouth, awaiting his response. Xavier smiles and lets out a small laugh. 

“I totally forgot about that.” I stop eating, as I look at him. Remembering back from when we were kids, how much he loved the stars. 

“I remember the nights we would share together at my parents place. You would show me all the constellations. My brother always found it boring. But I was always intrigued by your explanations of each constellation. I loved seeing you smile whenever you would tell me their stories.” 

His face lights up as I recall my childhood memories. 

“So? What happened?” I see him contort a bit. Unease taking over what was once a beautiful smile on his lips.

“I guess time changed. After the fire, I no longer had the desire to become an astronaut. Rather I turned to business.”

“Well, do you like it?” He looks away slightly. 

“Yes, I do. Though sometimes I wish I could do something else. Be someone else.” He says the last part as if he is holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

“I understand. For years I wished I could be anywhere other than at my foster parents house. I wished that I could be anyone else. That my life could just come to an end.” 

I catch myself as I say the last part. Realizing that Xavier’s face has fallen, and is now looking towards the floor.

“I’m sorry! I’m so stupid. I don’t know why I said that. Just for some reason I feel like I can be honest with you. I’m sorry, I’ve just ruined everything.”

Xavier rushes over to me. He wraps his arms around me, preventing me from leaving. Tears begin to fall along the sides of my face. I try to swipe my tears, defeated by how easily my body is betraying me. Xavier pulls me closer to him. He gently places my head in the familiar spot of his neck. Almost as though that spot was made uniquely for me. He begins to slowly caress my head. 

“I always want you to be honest with me. Don’t ever apologize for that. I want you to feel safe and protected. That can’t happen unless you can trust me, and be honest with me. But mostly I want you to know, that nothing you ever say to me, could ever hurt me. The only reason I was upset, is because you reminded me that I wasn’t there to protect you, when you needed me the most.”

“Why do you care about me.” I say stepping back, and looking into his eyes. After a long moment Xavier responds. Almost as though he was thinking of how to respond. 

"You've always been special to me. Ever since we were kids, I knew there was something unique between us. I always felt a need to be by your side. I felt an urge to protect you. Though mostly, whenever I was with you, I truly felt happy. I know we were just kids at the time, but the bond we shared, was more than that.”

“I always loved spending time with you as well. That actually reminds me of my dream last night.”

“Is that so?” He asks with a questioning brow.

“Ya. I don’t remember much, but we were lying on the grass in my backyard, like we used to do as kids. You were showing me the constellations, and explaining to me about the lost lovers.” 

“Hmm. What was I telling you?”

“You told me that the lost lovers were once separated, and that they would look up at the stars in hopes that the other was looking back.” He suddenly pulls me closer to him, in a deep, yet passionate embrace. 

“Is that all you dreamed about?” I let out a small sigh.

“No.” I take a breath before recollecting the memories of my nightmare from last night. 

“Before I dreamt about you, I was in a fire. Everything was burning around me. I tried calling for help, but no one came. Suddenly Gary's hand was around my throat. He picked me up by my neck, squeezing my windpipe, preventing me from breathing. He was tormenting me. Telling me that I would never be free of him. That my freedom was just an illusion.”

Xavier hugs me closer. He picks me up, and rests me on his lap, as he sits down on the bench in the breakfast nook. He places gentle kisses on my head. 

“I’m sorry you went through that. But I don’t want you feeling like what he said was true. You will never have to see him again.”

“How do you know for sure? Last time we didn’t expect him to show up when he did, and yet there he was.” Xavier closes his eyes in anguish. He lets out a sigh, before tracing small circles on my back. 

“I know, because I've my men following him. If he is anywhere near you, I will know immediately, and make sure you're taken to safety. What happened yesterday is a one-off. That will never happen again.” Xavier gives me time to think about what he's said, before he continues. After a few moments, I reply with one simple word. 

“Ok.” Xavier raises an eye. Clearly not expecting that to be my response. “That's it? No fighting?”

“Well ya, why would I? He's caused me so much pain and anguish over the years, constantly abusing and torturing me. I just want to feel safe. Something that I've only ever felt, since being with you. I don't understand why, but when you tell me I'm safe, I trust you." Xavier pulls my head into what feels like my spot. The spot along his neck, so that my head rests against his shoulder. I've never felt more protected, then when he holds me like this. To the point that I wish that we could stay like this forever. 

"All the years that I was in foster care, I only ever wanted one thing.” 

“Freedom?” Xavier asks with a quizzical look. I lean back to look Xavier in the eyes. I let out a small laugh before responding. “No. All I ever wanted, was to be loved.”