Guardian Of The Betas Heir

4 - I'm so sorry

Michael

I take a deep breath as the door opens. I turn away from the large window and watch as Grandmother Xylia leads Sylva into the room by her hand.

I swallow hard while looking at my little girl. She’s so fuckin.g tiny. That’s not unusual for a child her age, but intellectually, Lycan children age faster than human kids, which is why they can speak so well at such a young age. I’ve never really listened to Sylva’s voice because I blocked her out. I regret that now.

Her eyes are on her feet, too scared to look at me in case I say something to make her cry.

What have I done to my baby?

Audrey would be so ashamed of me. After everything we said to one another about our daughter, the promises we made to always be there for her, and I’ve done anything but. I miss my best friend every day, but I have had a part of her with me all this time, and I pushed her away.

‘Just so you know,’ My great-grandmother’s voice fills my head. ‘Sylva has expressed how frightened she is that you’ll upset her again. According to Sylva’s Nanny, each time she returns from seeing you, Sylva is upset for days. Try not to upset her today, Michael. At least try to have a conversation with the child. Sylva doesn’t understand why you don’t love her.’

That hit me like a punch to the gut. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest! I have no one to blame but myself, but it hurts.

My Dragon and Lycan have both taken a step back from me of late. They speak to me less and less, though I can still transform. My Lycan is as angry as I am for what happened, and my Dragon is pissed that I would treat Sylva the way I do.

Kassius, my Dragon, threatened to leave me if I didn’t get my head out of my ass. Of course, I don’t want to lose him, but it’s been a long, hard road to get here.

My Lycan, Dante, wants to tear the world apart, and I lose control of him sometimes. It’s not deliberate, and I try to pull him back, but I guess, deep down, I don’t always want to control him. Hence, he causes havoc. That doesn’t go down well with the Lycan King, I can tell you.

‘Please, try not to upset her too much.’

I stare at my great-grandmother without replying. I know she’s angry with me, just as much as everyone else in my life is. The thing with Xylia is that she doesn’t even try to hide it.

She crouches in front of Sylva, who looks at Xylia. “I’ll collect you in an hour, little one.”

“Otay.” Sylva mumbles.

I watch them hug before Xylia gets to her feet. She shoots me a look that tells me she’d strangle me if she could get away with it and then leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

I stare at Sylva as she stares at her feet. I hate myself for making my child feel this way. She’s too young to be scared of her father, and she is scared of me; I can feel it.

‘See what you’ve done?!’

‘I know what I’ve done, Kassius. I’m not going to make excuses for my behavior because it was vile. All I can do is try and make it up to Sylva.’

‘You better!’

I cut him off with a sigh before getting to my knees. I don’t want my daughter to be scared of me because that hurts more than anything. I know I have a lot to make up for, and it will take some time. But it starts now.

Since our last meeting, I have thought long and hard about what I’ve done to my child. I can admit that I was wrong in what I did, casting her out. I can only hope that she will give me the chance to make things right. Sylva is not yet three and is young enough to forget what happened. But I don’t know how I can ever make up for all the times I pushed her away.

“Sylva? Can you look at me, please?”

I bite the inside of my cheek when she looks at me with those sad eyes. Until last month, I was too scared to really look at Sylva. I was afraid I would see Audrey in Sylva’s features, but I don’t. All I see is myself, and that hurts more.

People would ask why I didn’t allow Audrey’s family to take Sylva if I didn’t want to raise her myself. Audrey didn’t have any family, that’s why. Audrey was an only child, and her parents died when she was twelve. She spent the following six years in Knight Orphanage. Her mother was an orphan, so no family could be traced on that side. Audrey’s father’s parents were living in Australia, and they’d never met Audrey.

Why would I send Sylva to live with people her mother didn’t even know?

“I have something for you.” I pull the stuffed white rabbit from the inside of my jacket and hold it out to my daughter. I bought it last week and have wanted to give it to her every moment since.

“For me?” She asks in the sweetest voice I have ever heard.

Goddess, what is this feeling inside of me?

“For you.”

Sylva comes closer and takes the toy from me. She smiles sweetly and hugs the rabbit. “Fank you, Daddy.”

I close my eyes when she calls me Daddy. Though she’s said it many times in the past, this is the first time I have truly let the word sink into my heart.

I open my eyes when I sense Sylva standing right in front of me. She’s looking at me closely, regarding me, and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Fuc.k, this hurts!

I reach my hand to her face and cup her cheek. It’s so soft, and I can’t help smiling while stroking my thumb over her cheek. Emotion fills me for what I’ve put my child through. I have been so selfish in pushing her away through my grief when I should have been holding her close.

“My little princess, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you or make you cry.”

I expect a giggle or for Sylva to say something. But what I didn’t expect is, “Why you not love me, Daddy?”

My heart slams against my chest, and I suck back the emotions trying to drown me. My stomach craps with the effort to breathe. This is what Xylia was trying to warn me about. This is what my family has been telling me for months. My daughter thinks I don’t love her.

But how is Sylva meant to believe anything else when I’ve treated her so poorly her whole life?

How could my little girl ever understand why I did what I did?

“Why are you cwying, Daddy?”

I hadn’t realized I had tears falling from my eyes. A new kind of guilt fills me as my baby girl wipes the tears from my cheeks with her little hand. I grab her and pull her into my arms, holding her close and tight for the first time in her life. She snuggles into me as I kiss her head. Love, as I’ve never known, fills me, wrapping itself around my heart as my walls come crumbling down.

“Sylva, Daddy loves you so much.” I swallow back my emotions as Sylva lifts her head, and her eyes light up. I take her little face in my hand while still holding her against me. “I am so sorry for everything I have done to cause you pain. I never meant to do this to you, Sylva. I know you don’t understand most of what I’m saying. But I need you to know that I couldn’t take care of you when you were born.”

“Why?” She whispers.

How do I explain this to a two-year-old?

“Daddy was too sad after your Mommy died. Daddy’s heart hurt very much.”

Sylva suddenly giggles, causing me to furrow my brow.

“Mommy not dead. Mommy is waiting at home for me. We are going to watch movies later.”

What the hell?

Is my child seeing her dead mother?

Why has no one brought this up with me?

‘Is that a trick question?’

‘Shut up, Kassius!’

‘Oh, come on! It’s not like you would have listened had anyone called you with this problem. You haven’t given much of a damn since Sylva was born!’

‘That’s a lie! I thought she’d be better off without me, you know that! But now she’s seeing things. Gods, this is all my fault.’

‘Maybe you should talk to the Nanny. She’d know what’s going on with Sylva.’

Kassius has a point.

‘Grandmother Lia?’ I call through the mind link.

‘Finished already?’ She fires back.

I roll my eyes in annoyance. ‘No. Sylva said she’s been seeing her mother. I wanted to know if this had been brought to your attention.’

‘Oh, that,’ She sighs, telling me all I need to know. My great-grandmother knew what was going on, and she said nothing! ‘It wasn’t like that,’ She says as though she read my thoughts, which she probably did.

‘It wasn’t like that? My child is seeing ghosts, and you didn’t tell me!’

‘Sylva isn’t seeing ghosts, Michael. She calls her Nanny Mummy because she believes the girl is her mother.’

I think I blacked out for a second.

Did I hear her right?

The woman who was entrusted with my daughter’s care has her calling her Mom?

I’ll kill the bitc.h!